


Once Upon a Time

by ElissaHawke69



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Action & Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Rape Aftermath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-28
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-02-10 19:43:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 116,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2037588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElissaHawke69/pseuds/ElissaHawke69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A head injury lands a woman in the middle of the wilds in the care of the Daelish.  She quickly learns where she is and, more importantly, when she is, using her knowledge of Ferelden and the circumstances before the battle of Denerim to help a group of wardens, and those who have come to their aid, to change their destiny.</p><p>Going in my own direction but maintaining many of the plot points from the game (I do not own any characters but my OFC and the Wardens I made up, btw).  Many of you have inspired me, thank you all!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Shit!” I murmured to myself as I hit my head on the low beam going down the stairs once again. “I seriously need to get that damned thing padded or removed.”

“Um, can’t remove it,” my BFF/roommate Elissa replied from behind her black rimmed glasses, not shifting her evergreen eyes from her history book to look at me while shaking her fiery mane. She sat on the couch in our living room, still in her pink flannel pajamas, curled up in the corner of the couch; her slender frame practically being swallowed into the cushion. “It’s a header, darling. Load bearing. Of course if you weren’t up all night playing your little video game you’d have been able to see the thing right in front of your mug, silly pants.”

“Hey, the guys are hotter and definitely easier to talk to,” I said as I stuck out my tongue at her and walked past, feeling my fleece pj pants swish comfortably as I walked. She laughed as I rolled my eyes and rubbed the slowly protruding egg on my forehead, making my way to the kitchen for breakfast. “Besides, can’t catch a disease from a video game. Coffee made?”

“Yep, hurry before Cade gets up,” she smirked, “he has first shift today so his travel mug will be in use.”

“24 oz. of caffeinated fury, how do his coworkers put up with him?” I asked with a grin as I poured myself a healthy cup, adding cream and sugar. I heard a soft sigh in reply and giggled. “You LOOOOOOOOVE him…”

“Shut it,” she grumbled as she followed me into the kitchen, nose still in her book. Suddenly we heard heavy footsteps coming down the stairs and we looked at each other. “And now the fun begins!” she grinned as she slapped her book shut.

Caden stomped into the kitchen with his usual fervor, practically shoving me out of his way to the coffee pot. I shoved him back playfully in the shoulder.

“Love you too brother, good morning!” I grinned excessively and batted my eye lashes in his direction. All I got was a glare and a huffing sound from the blonde haired, blue-eyed ape-man in my kitchen as he filled his travel mug… almost. I smiled and offered him the cream which got me an appreciative glance and a peck on the cheek. As he topped it off and added sugar he threw the top on it and stalked out the door in his jeans, t-shirt and work boots, kissing Elissa deeply as he passed her. She sighed yet again as he let the screen door slam shut behind him.

“How do I put up with him? Oh yeah, he’s gorgeous and amazing in bed, I almost forgot for a second,” she tapped a pen to her head thoughtfully as she opened her book again. I made a horrid gagging noise as I filled a bowl with cereal.

“EATING! Do you MIND?” I asked as I went to the fridge for some milk. The fact that she was discussing my twin brother in a sexual manner aside, calling him gorgeous is kind of creepy coming from my BFF. I knew they’d been together for quite a few months, she moved in about a week prior, but he and I looked a lot alike. In fact when we were little we cut my hair once and ran around seeing if we could convince the adults I was Cade (which worked to my dismay, by the way). As we aged I grew hips and other assets, and he shoulders, but he still brought up the fact that I passed for a boy. Dick.

I meant that with love, of course. My brother gave up a lot to come live with me, his construction company in NYC was booming when the accident happened. But when I woke up at the hospital there he was, hovering over me like a hawk, bossing the hospital staff around and being his over-protective self. When we found out I had lost my memory he insisted on staying with me until it came back, hooking up with a family friend in the business to stay busy. Eventually it became a full time gig and, though he made good money, I often wondered if he wished he’d left me to my own devices.

I always referred to it as an accident because I had no idea what truly happened; my memory up to that point was lost due to what the doctors claimed was PTSD. I always wondered about that, especially when they all said I would eventually get my memory back and yet there I was, a year later, not a glimpse of my life before. No family, no friends, just images of a few people and feelings. Not even my dead husband.

Yep, I was a widow at the ripe old age of 22. Thankfully my husband was apparently very wealthy. Between his life insurance and money we had invested or saved, not only was our house paid off but it was more than enough to sustain me for the rest of my life, maybe a few times over. So I mourned him, mostly because I felt obligated to. Having no memory of a man I vowed in front of God and everyone to love and honor for the rest of my life aside, a person was dead. People were dead…

And the police report stated it was my fault.

Apparently the accident started with the car I was driving swerving into the lane next to it, crashing into another car which started a chain reaction. It was rush hour on a 3 lane highway out in Massachusetts so everyone and their mother were on the road. Men, women… children.

I could still see their bodies, strewn all over the highway among the wrecked vehicles. It haunted my dreams and, for a while, gave me constant nightmares. 

Thankfully those subsided after a few months but every once in a while one would pop up and I would fly out of bed, screaming and sobbing. But Cade would always be there, take me in his big, strong arms and carry me back to bed. Then he would lie next to me, stroking my hair and humming some tune to lull me back to sleep. To say we were close would be an understatement.

However one of my loving brother’s faults was that he would take the last of something, for example - milk, and forget to replace it or even mention it when someone, another example - myself, was going to the store. Finding he had struck again, I growled.

“Seriously, I am ready to beat him to a bloody pulp. CADE!!!” I shouted as I stormed out the back door to the driveway to confront my younger brother (I was born first and I never let him forget it). As I did the welcome mat slipped out from underneath me and I felt the back of my skull crunch as it hit concrete. Everything immediately went dark…

*****

I tried to open my eyes but everything was still spinning so I slammed them shut again. As I reached for the back of my head I heard voices around me but didn’t recognize them nor understand what they were saying. The back of my head felt gooey and as I pulled my hand away to look at my fingers I almost gagged. They were covered in a mass of what appeared to be congealed blood.

“Young one, do you feel pain?” A motherly voice with a Scottish-like accent asked softly as I groaned and turned over onto my side, clutching my turning stomach. I nodded yes. She said a few more words, seeming to give direction to the other voices and I felt myself being lifted off the ground.

I don’t know how long we traveled but once we stopped I heard another voice join the others, the voice of a man. I slowly opened one eye to survey the landscape. 

Once I saw that things didn’t swim around I opened the other. What I saw made me shut them tight, blink a few times, then open them again wide.

All of the people around me had pointy ears. And I’m not talking Vulcan pointy ears, I’m talking Dragon Age – Dalish pointy-ears. Long and slender, some bigger than others but all so much larger than a humans, I was in awe of them. How hard did I hit my head anyway? Then I recognized one of them and my jaw dropped. 

Keeper Marethari?

“Keeper?” I whispered as I reached for her arm. She gave me a confused look, hushed the man speaking to her and came to me.

“Yes child, I am the keeper here. You know of our ways?” she asked. I must have given her a strange look then because she raised her eyebrows as if she got her answer.

“I’m sorry, I can’t explain right now. May I ask where we are? Are we still in Ferelden?” I could hear the fear creep into my voice at the end of that sentence. She could too, giving me a pat on my cheek.

“Yes da’len, we are in Ferelden. You haven’t been asleep that long,” she smiled as she winked at me. Panic rose in my gut.

“The darkspawn,” I whispered as I tried to sit up. Not only did Marethari and another elf stop me but the pain in my head did as well. I hissed as my head hit the cot I was laying on. “You need to get out of Ferelden, the darkspawn are coming. Are we in the wilds?”

“Rest now da’len,” she chided as she covered my eyes, “rest and when you wake things will be better.”

Once again everything got dark...


	2. Chapter 2

I heard the voices first. Some were soft, others loud, but always with that accent and garbled beyond recognition. I thought I had to be dreaming, I lived in Upstate NY for Christ’s sake and no one I knew was Scottish! For the most part I let the dream take me. If I tried to fight it my head would scream loudly in protest and send me back there anyway. This went on for some time, but suddenly I heard screaming and I was cold. Shivering cold. I opened my eyes.

I was inside a small tent made of what appeared to be a canvas on a folding cot with my feet facing the opening to outside. Through the fluttering flaps I could see people running, as if for their lives, their screams piercing my ears as I tried slowly to sit up. Men, women, some carrying children, some packs, whatever they could and just running. My heart began to race as it suddenly brought back the memory from a year ago. All the EMS people running around, checking people for signs of life, all I could do was lie there. Then I saw him, lying not far away, bloody and bruised, not moving. Not breathing. My heart clenched as I struggled to remember who he was, his face was so familiar. Suddenly his body was replaced in my vision by someone else, someone who stopped at the opening of my tent and yelled something to me. I closed my eyes tight then opened them again. The man in front of the tent was Dalish! I finally came back to ‘reality’, this nightmare in Ferelden, and I can almost guarantee what he was running from. 

Darkspawn. 

His warning shouted, the man continued running as I flung my legs over the side of the cot. Knowing I couldn’t stay put I pulled my long blonde hair gingerly away from my face and waited to see if there would be more pain. For the moment my head was cooperating. Maybe it enjoyed being attached to my shoulders after all, I thought, as I stood up and tested my legs. Ok, so far so good. I looked down at my body and saw a simple linen tunic and breeches, just enough to keep me covered, but bare feet. My eyes scanned the tent’s contents and found a small pair of fur lined boots and a hooded coat in the corner. Slipping them on I looked around for anything else I could use and saw a pack that looked pretty full waiting by the door. Snatching it up I peeked out the flaps of the tent and, when I saw and heard no one outside, I made a run for it.

I could hear the darkspawn, smell them even, so I had an idea as to where to run away from. Looking for the sun in the sky I saw I was going north and, if I was correct about the time line, toward Ostagar. I shook my head and just kept moving as fast as my legs would allow, I couldn’t think about anything in that moment except getting to safety. I started huffing and puffing, running out of air and energy, how would that happen in a dream?

I slowed enough to try to concentrate on what was going on around me. Slowing to a fast walk I heard no more screams, just birds, animals, my heavy breathing and water running in the distance. I decided to head towards the water. 

I slowly crept up to the stream and made sure there were no threats then slipped down a small slope to the water’s edge. Rummaging through the pack I found a few pouches that appeared to be made from animal skins and had corks to seal them. Testing them out with water they held it well, so I filled all three to bursting and packed them away. I then took the time to look through the rest of the pack and found what I thought was some kind of jerky, some small dried fruits, even some oats that smelled of brown sugar. Smiling I pushed those to the bottom of the pack and searched the rest. There was a pair of pants and a sweater along with what appeared to be knitted socks. I quickly added the layers to my shivering body, packed everything else away and took off northward. Maybe it wasn’t too late.

Wait, too late for what? Seriously, what the hell is going on? Stopping dead in my tracks I racked my brain, pulling anything I could from my memory to account for all I’ve seen, even going over the most recent memories to ensure I was indeed awake. How the hell is this possible, seriously? It’s not, Kora, just close your eyes, breathe deep, and focus. You can bring yourself back, just meditate, center and focus like the therapist taught you! I sat down, took a long breath in, held it, centered, and then slowly released it. Centering again I opened my eyes. The same stream was bubbling peacefully in front of me. 

Sighing heavily, I felt the confusion and anxiety build up in me. Then I felt a drop hit my hands that were clasped in my lap. Lifting my hands to my face I realized I was crying. And I wasn’t just crying. I felt my shoulder start to rock and my head began to ache. I looked up to the sky and took a deep breath. Upon releasing it I let out this pathetic whimper that I have never heard nor made before. I kept it going until I ran out of air, then took another deep breath and started again until I felt all my anxiety and pent up frustration had poured itself out of my mouth and away from my rattling and emotionally exhausted body. For the first time since waking up in that hospital I was alone, truly and completely alone and my demons were going to try to get the best of me. I refused to allow that so, letting out one last deep sigh and slowly getting up, I picked up the pack and headed north.

Trudging through swamps is not only slow going but disgusting. I can’t say how many times I lost a boot, much less how many times the loss of a boot ended with my sock in the sludge. Bored out of my mind and not wanting to think too much about my situation I was absentmindedly pulling at a piece of cloth that was coming away from the edge of one of my sleeves. As it finally gave way I looked down at it and almost tossed it. Instead I decided to use it to tie my hair back into a loose pony tail at the nape of my neck, making me feel a bit more female and human. Any pleasantry I could get I was going to take at this point. Who knew what was up next for me. As the day came to an end with a rush of pinks and purples in the western sky, I smelled smoke and cooking food. 

Ostagar. 

*****

“Ho there! State yer bus’ness stranger!” A well armored man yelled as I approached a large wooden gate. He raised his sword so I put on my best sad/scared face and hoped he would take pity on me.

“Please ser, I’ve been walking for days! The spawn nearly had me a few miles back, don’t turn me away!” I begged as I fell to my knees in front of him. “I can cook! I can clean! Do wash, run errands, anything! Please don’t send me back into the wilds?” I felt a single tear roll down my right cheek. His sigh told me I had him.

“Fine girl! Go on in, speak to the kennel master. Perhaps he’ll have something for ye,” he said as he opened the gate and hurried me through. As I passed through the gates I looked around in awe.

That game did this place no justice. The camp itself was massive, people everywhere, dogs barking loudly, soldiers shouting and laughing, morale seemed high and there were so many good smells coming from everywhere. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until that moment so I grabbed some jerky from my pack and went to bite into it.

“Hold now, ” I heard a deep soothing voice say as I felt a gentle but firm hand on my shoulder, “no need to deplete your rations.” I turned quickly on the voice and gasped. Duncan!

“Warden Commander!” I gasped as my mouth dropped open. He gave me a welcoming grin as he turned me towards their cooking fire and escorted me to it. His presence was more than impressive, he had magnetism, an aura that just oozed confidence and made you trust him implicitly. “I’m honored, thank you so much!” Good GOD I couldn’t believe how awestruck I was but I couldn’t help it. He was exactly as I had pictured him if he was a real person. A true commander.

“No thanks needed, please sit,” he said as he waved his hand at a log nearby. I put down my pack next to it and sat, grateful to get off my feet in a safe place. A deep sigh came from my lungs and he laughed. “Long journey?”

“Longer than I care to discuss,” I answered honestly as I accepted a bowl of something hot and smelling of rosemary and thyme. I inhaled deeply before attempting to take a small sip.

“Now you have my attention,” he said as he accepted his bowl. “May I ask your name?” Sitting next to me he turned himself towards me and started to eat. 

“My apologies, my name is Kora,” I said as I extended my hand to shake his. He extended his and held my hand a bit longer than normal, as if to gauge my reaction and get a read on me. I knew the game, was a player myself given how I’ve had to live the last year of my life. Everyone a stranger, no one trusted enough to be let in. Why bother? They either leave or die anyway.

Then I sighed, how much to tell and what to keep to myself? I put the bowl down on the log beside me and shoved my hands into my pockets, a nervous thing I have done for as long as I can remember. My fingertips came in contact with something round and warm in the left one. I must have had a shocked look on my face because Duncan then glanced at the pocket over the top of his bowl. “What’s that you have there?” 

I slowly pulled the orb out of my pocket and gasped. If I was right, I was holding a grenade called Mythal’s Favor. It was a fiery red color with white Dalish inscriptions on it. Duncan looked around calmly to see if anyone was looking and, when satisfied no one had seen, put his right hand on top of it and slowly pushed it and my hand back into my pocket. Earnestly he looked me in the eye. I knew there would be no secrets between us after that so I took a deep breath.

“Can we speak somewhere privately?” I asked in a small voice, trying not to attract anyone’s attention, “There is much to tell and most is very sensitive information.” I looked up at him through my eyelashes, hoping to use my feminine wiles to ensure him that I was no threat. He looked down his nose at me, obviously picking up on my little trick, but let me have my small victory. Nodding his head he took his bowl and mine, stood up and walked over to a large tent. I scampered along behind him, grabbing my pack on the way. When did I become such a scaredy cat? I thought to myself as I closed the tent flaps behind me. Oh yeah, almost eaten by darkspawn. That’s pretty damned scary.

“Sit then speak when you are ready,” he said simply as he put the bowls down on a table with two chairs at it and sat. Putting my pack down by the door I sat in the other chair and sighed, staring at my hands clasped in my lap.

“I’ve no idea where to start,” I whispered as I felt the tears threaten to come back. “I suppose the beginning is best but I’m not entirely sure where that even is.” I took a deep sip from the bowl in front of me for courage and took a deep breath.

I started from the very beginning, the first thing I remembered ever. The accident.


	3. Chapter 3

I related as many of the details as I could remember about what had happened, the highway, the bodies, everything. Even seeing who I had realized was my husband laying lifeless a few feet away from me, being unable to help him or even get to him. I shook off the emotions that were creeping up and went into a quick description of my life post accident. 

My neighbor and slowly becoming my BFF Elissa had offered to keep an eye on me but Caden felt that family should take care of family so he had moved in with me. Then one day, out of the blue I asked him where our parents were. I didn’t understand why they hadn’t checked up on me, but then I realized I couldn’t remember them at all. I started to panic so he tried to calm me down and sat me next to him on the couch, going head first into the story of our childhood. 

The short version: our mother passed from an illness when we were young and he had no idea who our father was, nor did our grandmother who had raised us. She had died the previous year so we were basically on our own. 

As one could imagine I was lonely and bored so I bought a book called Dragon Age: The Stolen Throne that I found at a flea market. Leaving out the video game, not wanting to explain the technology, I explained briefly that the book was somehow linked to Thedas, what had happened in the past, what was going on right now and what would happen in the immediate future. It was how I knew a few things about the Wardens. 

I then went into detail with Duncan about the morning of my fall, everything from the bash in the head from the low beam to the moment we walked into the large tent we sat in. He sat back in his chair as he picked at something in his teeth with one of his daggers thoughtfully. He was taking in all I had divulged and probably sizing me up at the same time to see if I was telling the truth. After all of the events I had just gone through in front of him I was left emotionally and physically spent. I sat back in my chair and closed my eyes, trying to steady my breathing and center myself. Feeling calmer and more in control, I opened my eyes and sat upright in the chair. Duncan put his dagger back in its sheath and leaned forward resting his elbows on the table.

“I believe you.” That statement from him meant the world to me. I couldn’t hide my happiness if I wanted to, grinning from ear to ear. He laughed, returning the smile then taking one of my hands in his. He looked at me with kind and appreciative eyes, then said, “So tell me, what are these things you think you know about the Wardens?” I decided only pertinent information was truly necessary so I sat back down in my chair and started with the basics.

I proceeded to go into the Grey Wardens’ secrets first, mainly the secret joining ritual and the necessity of a Warden being the one to strike the killing blow to the Archdemon. Then I went into Alistair’s, his father, his TRUE mother, things that I expressed a wish to divulge to him but I promised Duncan I would not unless he approved. Then I hit a brick wall. Who had he recruited?

“What I have to tell you next greatly depends on the answer to a question I must ask you,” I waited until he nodded for me to continue, “Who did you recently recruit and bring here to Ostagar?” He looked at me thoughtfully, pulling at his beard slightly as he weighed his decision to tell me. He then sat up and rested his fore arms on the table.

“Elissa Cousland.” I nodded my head and broke into her story, her home in Highever, Howe’s betrayal, everything right down to her Father and Mother being left in the larder to die. I spoke with sympathy and respect, hoping he would not take offense to my knowledge of the situation. He didn’t, in fact he seemed pleased that someone beside himself knew of her situation. Perhaps to help her through it, I thought. I sighed and continued.

“There truly is so much more to tell, but I need to know… do you believe everything I am telling you? I know it’s a LOT to ask but so many things can be changed and for the better.” This was the defining moment, the moment I would know whether or not I could change the fate of Ferelden and hopefully save who knows how many lives. He made me wait for it too, the cheeky bastard.

“I do,” he said softly.

I couldn’t help it, I practically tackled him in a bear hug. I had just met this man and already I was attached. Catching my breath, I suddenly realized what came next. The betrayal… 

And Duncan’s death.

My expression must have changed drastically because he gently guided me back to my chair, kneeling beside me with his hand resting on my knee and a concerned expression on his face. Looking me in the eye he waited until I was ready to speak.

“How much time do we have before the battle?” I asked as I felt my throat tighten up. This man who could see through anyone’s lies or deceit and yet said that he trusted me after meeting me only a few hours before, I really and truly cared about his fate. I have to save him, I thought, if he will let me.

“Maybe a few hours, the horde seems to have slowed a bit,” he said as he pulled at his beard again thoughtfully, “Why?” I put on my best puppy-dog eyes and silently prayed he would listen and let me help him. After a deep breath I dove into the betrayal.

“I know I have no proof but I know it will happen. Please let me help you, in any way I can, please?” I begged. Suddenly we heard someone enter the tent behind us and we both turned to greet the visitor.

My jaw hit the deep roads.

“I’m sorry Duncan, am I interrupting?” This sandy blonde haired, well built man in light armor walked into the tent attentively. He must have been 6’2”, close to 200 lbs of solid muscle. Broad shoulders, very well proportioned, I swear I felt myself swoon, but luckily sat up straight before making a complete ass out of myself. Duncan shot me a look that I caught out of the corner of my eye and smiled at the man.

“No Alistair, I assume you have returned with our recruits?” he asked as he rose to meet him and shake his hand firmly. I could tell there was a lot of affection there, from both men.

“All set and ready to go,” Alistair said solemnly as he released Duncan’s hand. He then turned that solemn gaze on me. “Another? I don’t think there will be time…”

“No, not a recruit,” Duncan said as he crossed the room to me, resting his right hand on the back of my chair. “Alistair, meet Lady Kora. Lady Kora, this is Alistair.” I stood up and smiled as he crossed the room to greet me, taking my hand gently as I offered it in a hand shake, a warm smile crossing his face. I swear I blushed for the first time in my life.

“A pleasure my lady,” he said as he bent to kiss my knuckles. Shit, I thought, did I just giggle? And did he call me my lady? Control, deep breaths!

“The pleasure is mine, ser Alistair. Duncan?” I said as I released Alistair’s hand and, barely regaining control of myself, turned to Duncan. “I know you have much to do. Please speak to me when you are finished? Oh!” I exclaimed as I glanced at Alistair, “And I would greatly appreciate your discretion with regard to our conversation. Some may see fit to use some of the information in the wrong way.” I glanced at Alistair again and I think Duncan got my hint. Alistair would lay down his life for Duncan and the Warden Commander knew it. No sense in trying to lay plans if Alistair may go off half cocked. Ok, bad choice of words, but I digress.

“Of course, Lady Kora, please feel free to stay here and finish your meal. I shall return shortly.” And with that he and Alistair walked out of the tent, but not before Alistair shot me another warm smile that seemed to linger and make me feel that all too familiar flutter in my lower stomach. Focus, woman! I chastised myself as I tried to brush away the scorching thoughts that entered my sewer of a mind. Elissa is going to be the one he will need before the end, not you. You don’t factor in, you’re not important, I sighed as I finally gave in to my demons and let them take over. 

You lost one once, you don’t deserve another. You’d just get him killed too.


	4. Chapter 4

I sat and waited patiently for Duncan to return, all the while eavesdropping on everyone and everything going on outside. Some of the men were falling all over themselves about some elven girl wandering the camp; others were having a debate over who could throw a mabari the farthest. That one made me giggle as I pictured them even trying to pick one up without getting their arms bitten clean off. I sat and listened, anything to distract myself from the task that stood before me. This was it, the calm before the storm, and I needed to focus and ready myself to be sure I was prepared. Then I heard Duncan’s voice approaching, conversing with another I knew wasn’t Alistair. Why does it sound so familiar? I wondered as I stood to greet them.

In walked Duncan followed by a blonde haired man that I recognized instantly. 

“Caden!” I screamed as I lunged for my twin, miraculously not knocking him down. He was laughing and roaring as he squeezed me far too tight but I didn’t care. My brother was here! I thought. Everything will be alright. I sighed as I started to loosen my grip to look him in the face. He grinned madly at me.

“In case you were wondering I’m insanely angry at you for being here right now but I missed you terribly so I’ll let it pass for the moment,” he babbled as he swung me off my feet and around in circles. I laughed hysterically as I noticed Alistair walk in slowly, jumping back to avoid being hit with my swinging legs.

“So…” Alistair drawled out slowly, pausing to look everyone in the eye, “what’s this big meeting all about? Wow!” he exclaimed as his eyes settled on my face. “You two really are twins. I didn’t see it til now.” His eyes moved up from my chin to my eyes and stopped dead, locking with mine. The game never gave a lot of detail with regard to his eyes, they were always a bit too small to really take in, but from where I was standing I was floored. They were the color of aged bourbon with gold flecks around the pupil that seemed to almost glow. I felt the warmth of another blush start up as I released my hold on my brother’s neck and turned away, trying to hide it. I truly did not remember ever blushing before in my life, how the HELL does this man make me do it almost on command? I rolled my eyes at myself and brought my cold hands to my face, trying to stay off the color as Duncan apprised the others of the situation. Caden came up behind me, grabbing my arm and turning me around gently.

“What is he talking about, Kora?” Caden asked quietly as he cupped my chin with his hand. I smiled, shrugging my shoulders.

“I’m not sure,” I started to explain as I placed my hands on his arms reassuringly. “All I know is that my memories of my past are not reliable. What I can be sure of is what I know of the current situation going on in Ferelden.” I turned to Duncan for confirmation. “Have you told them everything?” I asked softly. He shook his head and I sighed. “Alright, could you please give me a few moments alone with my brother? I’ll leave it to you to fill Alistair in,” I said as I turned back to Caden. “There is much to tell you.”

*****

As I finished my tale Caden was sitting in the chair Duncan had occupied earlier with his forearms on the table, his chin resting on them in contemplation, watching my face for any sign of everything being one big joke. I shook my head, knowing what my twin was thinking, and he sighed slowly and deeply, looking down at the table. He then sat up and away from the table, pushing the chair out to stand up and took me into a gentle hug. Cradling the back of my head he looked me in the eye, a single tear sliding down his cheek. Instinctively I wiped it away and pulled him close, clinging to one of the only people in the universe I trusted. 

“You don’t remember mother?” he asked in the voice of a small boy. In that moment I could see him as a child; smaller jaw line, blue eyes twinkling with mischief as he ran into a large red barn with a mabari following closely behind. I held on to that memory until it faded and smiled.

“I just had a flash of you as a boy, did you have a mabari?” I asked as I felt a tear fall down my cheek. He laughed and wiped mine away like I did his, grinning at me fondly.

“He was ours, Kora. He chose both of us,” he said as he released me and crossed the room. With his back to me he shook his head. “I wish we had more time.”

“The battle!” I gasped as I came back to reality. “Does Duncan have a plan?” 

“Let’s go find out,” he said as he crossed the tent and held open the flap for me to pass. I went through then followed him to the Warden meeting area. Duncan, Alistair and many others were waiting. Standing next to Alistair was a young woman, red hair and shining green eyes, obviously nobility by the way she stood with perfect posture and composure. Elissa Cousland. My heart sunk as my eyes dropped to the ground, but I had to brush it off. She is not you, you are not her and this is no game, I told myself as I forced myself to look at Duncan.

“As you all know, things don’t always go according to plan,” Duncan said as he looked into every face in the crowd that surrounded him. “and a Warden could die at any moment, any day. For some of you, that day may be today. For others, not. Regardless of the outcome, we are Grey Wardens.”

“In peace, vigilance. In war, victory. In death, sacrifice.” Every single one of those men (and woman) spoke together, calmly, strongly as if their voices were one, with true faith in every syllable of every word, including my brother. I was proud and in awe all at the same time; proud of my brother and proud that I was able to bear witness to this bravery first hand, in awe of the bravery and allegiance that Duncan, their Warden Commander, instilled in them all. I knew how they felt.

As they dispersed I lagged behind and tapped Duncan’s arm to get his attention. He nodded at me and, glancing at Caden, motioned his head towards the kennels. Without a word Caden and I walked over to the gated areas and waited. He must have a plan but what could it be to involve the dogs? After speaking to seemingly every warden he walked over to us slowly, making sure no one was to follow.

“Kora, get your pack,” he said as he looked around to be sure we weren’t being over heard. “We’ll wait for you here.” I almost ran to the tent, however, realizing I didn’t want to attract attention, I slowly sauntered over and casually opened the flap. Waiting inside a few minutes, I grabbed the pack and walked slowly back over to Duncan and Caden who appeared to be chatting casually. Duncan smiled at me as if to welcome me into the conversation. “Do you still have your “favor” in your pocket?” he asked raising an eyebrow. I smiled and nodded, even giggled a bit. He grinned and started to walk away.

“Duncan!” I almost shouted. He turned to look at me curiously. “Maker watch over you.”

“Maker watch over us all, my friend,” he said as he smiled again and walked away. My heart sunk at my next thought… There was a chance I would never see that man again. I pouted slightly and turned to look at Caden. He grinned down at me and winked.

“To answer your previous question, yes,” he said as he looked around to see that everyone had left the area. I raised an eyebrow at him as he grabbed my arm and pulled me into the kennels. He put his finger up to his lips to signal us to whisper and smiled mischievously.

“Duncan has a plan!”


	5. Chapter 5

Hours went by as we sat in the filth of the kennels. The busy noise outside was soon replaced by anxious silence that seemed to stretch on forever. Then suddenly, violence. Roaring, screaming, ungodly sounds that you just knew weren’t made by anything human. It seemed to go on and on when suddenly there was a great cheering from the humans fighting outside. I looked at Caden who looked back at me excitedly.

“The tower!” I whispered as I hoped against hope. Going against all instincts, I wanted desperately to be wrong. We held our breath and waited, listening, straining to hear the slightest sound of the flanking soldiers joining the battle, to no avail. Another few hours passed and I looked at Caden whose ear was pressed to the stone door. Touching his shoulder he looked at me expectantly and I shook my head sadly, looking down to stare at my feet. 

I was right, Loghain quit the field. The bastard cut and ran, leaving countless men and women to their deaths. I felt sick as I started thinking about what was going on outside that door. All we could hope for now was for Duncan to keep the wardens in one small area so I could use the grenade to bring them back. If the damned thing worked at all. I sighed and fell back against the stone wall, not daring to sit on the floor. I may have been screwed but I would not be covered in shit and be screwed.

Many hours later it was silent outside. Caden had drifted off to sleep against the wall standing up so I nudged him gently, covering his mouth as I did so to keep him from making too much noise. He slowly opened his eyes and inhaled sharply as he took in his surroundings. Focusing on my face he got his bearings and I removed my hand. 

“Anything going on out there?” I asked softly as I motioned towards the door. He closed his eyes to concentrate, stretching out his mind to feel if there were any darkspawn. A moment later he opened his eyes and shook his head, slowly opening the wooden door.

Bright sunlight met our dilated eyes as fresh air flooded into the kennel. I practically ran out and heaved deep breaths to try and clear out my lungs. Caden laughed openly as I shot him a dirty look.

“Sh! We don’t know who else is still here!“ I hissed as I looked around. Seeing no one, I motioned for him to follow me down to the battlefield. He grabbed my arm to stop me.

“Do you know where you’re going?” he asked sarcastically as if he knew something I didn’t. I smirked back.

“Well, if there’s any sense to Duncan’s plan he’ll have us use the grenade to bring him and other wardens back to life after this battle,” I took a small breath and continued, “which means we need to go down to the valley. Am I right?” I batted my eye lashes at him innocently. He rolled his eyes and grunted.

“Some things never change, do they sister?” he asked as he waved towards the path to signal me to keep going. I smiled and shook my head.

“Nope, I’m still always one step ahead and always right!” Caden laughed lightly.

“You’ll never let me forget this, will you? Never mind, I know the answer. Let’s just keep moving,” he said as we slowly made our way down to the field of battle. 

My stomach did a flip as the first bodies came into view. How people can become “battle hardened” was beyond me as I looked at the faces of the fallen. Most I didn’t recognize but some I did and my heart mourned their passing. I got down on my knees, almost involuntarily, and closed my eyes as I felt words tumble from my mouth.

“Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter. Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just. Blessed are the righteous, the lights in the shadow. In their blood the Maker’s will is written.” I spoke softly but earnestly as I bowed my head in prayer. Taking a deep breath afterwards, I looked up to see my brother staring at me with a small proud smile on his handsome face. I smiled back, confused but pleased at the same time.

“Some things, indeed, never change,” he said as he motioned for me to follow. I stood and walked behind him, unsure of what he meant but certain of one thing.

He found Duncan. 

We went through the bodies surrounding him and pulled away the darkspawn, no way was I bringing those creatures back to life. Satisfied we removed them from the radius of the grenade I looked around again for others to pull in. Unfortunately I realized many of them had been dismembered or decapitated. Sighing, I continued to search, turning over body after body. That’s when I caught a glimpse of something gold flash from the sunlight. I shook my head and was ready to just keep digging until Caden cleared his throat. Motioning to the body in the golden armor he walked towards it and started dragging it to the radius. I sighed and helped, reluctantly. 

“Cailan’s an ass,” I said under my breath as if to avoid being over heard. Caden laughed.

“Yes, but it’s all part of Duncan’s plan,” he said with feigned delight as we got him fully into the ‘blast radius’. Taking one last look around and looking to Caden for confirmation, I placed the grenade on Duncan’s chest and pulled the pin, running away quickly and crossing my fingers as it went off. Afraid to look, I turned around slowly to see our handy work and smiled.

Caden put out a hand to Duncan who took it gratefully, smiling like a schoolboy on the first day of summer. The others were all slowly getting to their feet as the dust from the grenade settled, some slower than others but all within the radius were rising, 8 wardens including Duncan. Even King Cailan.

“What in the Maker’s name happened?” Cailan asked as he rubbed his head. Duncan went to him and patted him firmly on the back, smiling at me and giving me a wink.

“I think that is best discussed with our savior, your majesty,” he said as he waved his free hand towards me. As Cailan raised his head to look at me I could tell he was confused. I smiled and shook my head.

“We can discuss everything later, your majesty, but for now let’s just be happy to be alive.” I grinned widely at everyone as they all smiled or simply nodded in my direction in acknowledgement. I can’t believe it, I thought, I helped save the Grey Wardens of Ferelden. Nice try Loghain, you bastard! I smiled to myself as I hugged Duncan tightly, giggling mercilessly. Nice try, but guess what… WE WIN!

*****

We had looted the camp and took off northward for Lothering, so by dusk we were exhausted and hungry. While the others set up camp, Duncan put a hand on my shoulder and motioned for me to follow. Caden saw the exchange and offered to set up my tent in my absence. I smiled my thanks and followed Duncan to a stream nearby, spotting Cailan waiting for us. I sighed, knowing this was coming but not looking forward to it, and resolved to be kind. 

“I think you have a few things to discuss,” Duncan said to me as he bowed to the king and left us. I smiled and curtsied. Cailan laughed and sat down at the edge of the stream. I followed suit.

“I’m afraid you have me at a disadvantage, my Lady,” Cailan said as he picked up a pebble and threw it in the water. Then, looking toward me, he said “Please, call me Cailan? I’m tired of all the formality, honestly. Makes me feel separate, different…” he trailed off into his own thoughts, looking out over the water at something I couldn’t see. I smiled, relieved, and touched his armored arm.

“Hello Cailan, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Please call me Kora,” I said and smiled warmly as his blue eyes finally met mine. He returned my smile and looked down, almost bashful. “I think I should start at the beginning,” I said thoughtfully as I crossed my legs and readied myself for a long session of 20 questions. 

I went over who he was, who he was married to, the circumstances around their marriage, then the down and dirty. The letters, the Empress, putting Anora aside, and then Loghain’s betrayal. By the end I know Cailan’s head was spinning as he grasped at questions to ask me. I finally patted his arm and smiled.

“Let it all sink in then tomorrow ask me your questions,” I said as I started to get up. He reached for my hand and I stopped, crouching instead by his side as he looked up at me. I couldn’t help but feel pity for him. The boy was just murdered by someone he looked up to his whole life, a man who was his Father’s best friend and trusted general. Shit, Loghain probably helped raise Cailan, I thought as I watched the tortured emotions wash over his face. What an asshole you are Loghain. 

“I knew,” he started slowly, taking a deep breath then continuing, “I knew he knew about the communication. I knew he was angry and would try to protect Anora but I never thought he would do this.” He sighed deeply then looked at the water again. “So many people, dying because of me. Me and my childish fantasy that my father’s best friend would never betray me. How foolish can one be?” he asked as he threw another larger rock into the water, this time with more aggression. I watched the ripples dissipate then looked at the King. 

“Do you want to be alone, Cailan?” I asked as I grasped his hand. I couldn’t help it. I wanted to dislike this man, this childish idiot that with a few letters got one quarter of Ferelden killed in a single night. I wanted to but I couldn’t. I couldn’t because he was simply a young man who put his faith in the wrong person. He wouldn’t be the first and probably not the last. He smiled up at me and squeezed gently back.

“Please, tell Duncan I’ll be along soon. And, my Lady?” he looked at me with a question and then a decision in his eyes. “Thank you, Kora.” He then kissed my hand gently, held my hand to his lips for a lingering moment, and then released it. Standing, he helped me to my feet and walked me up the small hill towards the camp.

As I was walking towards the fire I swore I felt someone’s eyes on me. Stopping, I listened and waited, then decided to speak.

“If you’re hungry, we have food. If you’re thirsty, there’s a stream back there. There’s no reason to be afraid of me, that I can promise you.” I held my breath and waited, wishing silently that someone from the camp was a bit closer, but I didn’t want to spook whoever it was just in case. Then I heard someone from my left make their way out of the bushes so I turned. When I saw who it was I smiled.

Standing before me was a slight young girl with long dark hair and violet eyes. Shaking from the cold, she was wearing only a mage’s robes and slippers. She made her way toward me slowly and I quickly took off my coat to wrap it around her, leading her toward the fire. She smiled at me gratefully as she sat down on the log closest to the flames. One of the wardens caught sight of her and gently pulled me aside.

“D’ya know what that is?” he asked, wide eyed in fear. I patted his arm and smiled warmly up at him, nodding. He looked dumbfounded from myself to her and back to me. “You sure about this Lady Kora?”

“What’s your name, ser?” I asked.

“Rafe, my Lady,” he said bowing his head slightly. I couldn’t help but smile and brush a lock of his shoulder length brown hair away from his eyes.

“Ser Rafe. I know that over there sits a cold, scared and probably hungry young girl who has been alone out here most likely since the defeat at Ostagar. If she were my child, my sister, YOUR sister, wouldn’t you want someone to help her, take care of her?” I looked up at him and waited. He finally nodded eagerly and walked towards her slowly. Leaning down to grab a bowl he ladled some soup into it and handed it gently to the mage. Turning away, knowing she was safe with Rafe there, I couldn’t help but smile. As I went in search of Duncan to tell him of our new passenger and discuss plans for tomorrow, I realized what tomorrow meant. Tomorrow, we would arrive at Lothering.

Lothering… and Alistair.


	6. Chapter 6

Bleary eyed, I sat up slowly on my bedroll. Realizing my head ached, probably from a lack of sleep, I grunted as I tried to stand up too quickly and mentally slapped myself in the fore head. Seriously, I thought, what the hell is wrong with you? He is one man in a sea of men in Ferelden, 9 of which you are surrounded by right now, minus Caden. Trying to shake off the image in my mind of his eyes I grabbed my socks and boots and slipped them on. No, I told myself, no. You will leave that man alone. Haven’t you done enough damage?

“Kora, you ok in there?” I heard Caden whisper from my tent flap. I grunted and pushed the flap open.

“Yeah, just couldn’t sleep,” I whispered as I squinted at the intrusive sun. He grunted his agreement.

“Neither could I. Sometimes being a warden I have some serious nightmares but being a warden AND a twin is completely mucking up my beauty sleep!” Caden smirked and handed me a bowl of something warm. I took it gratefully and walked over to the fire with everyone else. I had forgotten Caden and I shared dreams some times, feeling a bit embarrassed at that thought. I’m sure they were more nightmares to him, I smirked to myself as I sat down. Catching the tiny mage’s eye that I found yesterday, I smiled and winked. She grinned and kept eating. 

“So, to go over the plans we laid out last night,” Duncan began as we all continued eating, “Kora, Caden, Bran and Rafe will go into Lothering. Kora, you will go in fully armed and armored with no helm posing as the mercenary leader. Everyone else will wear their helm at all times. Loghain’s men are still in the town and we do not want to show our hand too soon, nor turn this into a bloodbath. Alistair should recognize you Kora and, if not, Caden can reveal himself to him briefly as well for back up. Bran and Rafe, you will not reveal yourselves no matter what. Is that clear?” Duncan looked to everyone involved, nodding to them as they replied “yes Commander”, myself included. “Good. You go in, get supplies, get our people and get out. Any questions?”

“What of the people we discussed last night, Commander,” I asked, “the Chantry sister and the Qunari?” Duncan nodded.

“If there is time and you believe you can do so without too much of an incident, I trust your judgment. Anything else? Good, Maker watch over you all.” As Duncan stood we all stood, tossing our bowls in the bucket to be washed and heading in our separate directions. The mage stopped me and pulled me aside.

“Are you sure I will be safe here?” she asked as she appeared to shake a bit. I hugged her tightly then held her at arm’s length, smiling.

“Duncan is a good and honorable man and these men follow him to the letter. I know you will be well taken care of while we’re gone, I swear it.” I squeezed her upper arms for emphasis and smiled warmly. “Wait, what is your name anyway? Can’t call you ‘the mage’ forever.” We both giggled.

“Solana, Solana Amell,” she said with conviction and what seemed to be pride. I let go of her arms and grasped her hand in a firm handshake.

“Nice to meet you Solana Amell, my name is Kora and welcome to the Grey Warden camp.”

*****

When we walked into Lothering I noticed the area where the bandits were stationed was deserted, I took that as a good sign. Searching all the crates we found some money and what appeared to be a family’s belongings. Remembering the elves, I ordered them left behind and made a mental note to approach them if they were still by the bridge. Not sure when I was made the actual commander of this little mission but everyone seemed to look to me for guidance so I went with it.

As we walked through the refugee camp I had to force myself not to scrunch up my nose from the smell, these people had been through enough without some heavily armed merc looking down on them. I walked as quickly as possible and headed for the Chantry with my “company” in tow, motioning for them to meet me at the Board as I stopped to speak to the elves who were still there, oddly enough. The family was very relieved and practically ran back to get their things as I made my way over to the Board, moving in front of Bran to take a look for myself.

“Everything is still here,” I said to myself as I read over the notices. I began to wonder if they had come through yet when I heard a familiar scream.

“She is one of them! Can’t you smell the corruption on her?” the man screamed as we walked through the archway into the Chantry court yard and I spotted them. Alistair and Elissa with Morrigan standing off to the side, looking very amused at the sight in front of her. I rolled my eyes and watched, hoping that this man would be handled properly by Elissa. She sighed and shook her head.

“Really?” she stated more than asked as she put her right hand on her hip, “Is someone going to shut this guy up or do I have to?” I growled loudly as I marched over to the screaming man, grabbing his arms and forcing him to look at me. My face softened.

“You poor man,” I cooed as I tried to bring back the memories I had of the game, “What has happened to you to make you so?” I held onto his arms as he tried weakly to pull away, trying desperately to convey my concern through my face. He finally gave up and sighed deeply, looking at the ground.

He went on to tell everyone about his family, his wife, his clan and what the dark spawn did to them. My heart went out to him and as I released his upper arms, he admitted dishonor and walked away. Sighing deeply I looked at the ground, shaking my head as I contemplated what to do or say next. I knew what I wanted to do, just not what I should do. Caden beat me to it.

“You worthless little bitch!” he seethed as he grabbed Elissa’s arm and swung her around to face him. As small as she was I was afraid he would hurt her, being maybe 5’2” and 100 lbs soaking wet. I shot over to get between them and grabbed Caden’s hand, yanking on it at an angle and pinching to loosen his grip. His fury turned to me. “You’re not seriously going to defend her?” I shook my head.

“Not here, not now,” I whispered as I glanced around at the crowd. He relaxed his shoulders and stepped back.

“Yes Commander,” he stated as he gave me a quick bow and walked over to Bran and Rafe. I sighed, turning to face Elissa who was shooting daggers at me from her eyes. Putting my shock at that fact aside, it dawned on me suddenly that she was the spitting image of my Elissa. I extended my hand for a hand shake, grabbing her reluctant hand and pumping it earnestly.

“We need to talk,” I said in a low, threatening voice as I released her hand and motioned for her and the others to follow me. 

I walked back past the board and toward the small stone bridge, not bothering to turn around to see if anyone followed. As I crossed the bridge and came to a quiet and unoccupied area of town I turned around, expecting to see most of them dawdling to catch up, if they followed me at all. However what I saw was every single one of them had been right on my heels. As they stopped abruptly and stood at attention I held back a victorious grin. Then I looked at Alistair. “You recognize me Ser, correct?”

He looked me over thoughtfully, taking in my uniform then working his way up to my face. As he looked into my eyes his widened in shock and recognition, then he plastered the biggest grin imaginable across his face and walked toward me.

“Kora,” he whispered as he took me into his arms for an embrace I never imagined him capable of. It was gentle and warm, but tight enough that I couldn’t have gotten away if I tried (not that I wanted to). I put one arm around his neck and the other around his waist and squeezed, resting my head on his shoulder and breathing him in. “You’re alive, I can’t believe it,” he breathed into my ear. I smiled but then, getting a hold of myself, I loosened my hold. He took the hint and released, stepping back to smile at me again but with a slight blush to his cheeks. I winked at him.

“You’d be amazed at what you can believe these days,” I smirked. Then I looked at Morrigan, nodding to acknowledge her. When she returned my nod I then looked to Elissa, hardening my face a bit but keeping my scowl that threatened to take over under control. “And what you can’t.” Elissa scoffed at my remark.

“I don’t know who you think…” she spat at me. 

“Don’t you DARE,” I interrupted, stalking towards her slowly as I changed my face into an evil glare, “your parents would be disgusted with your behavior today and you know it! Nobility my ass, what the hell was noble about what you did back there?” I hissed, trying to keep my voice low. She looked down at her feet then back up at me, appearing to be ashamed.

“I know, it was horrible of me to speak to him like that,” she began, “but I’m not exactly here by choice, OK? I didn’t WANT to be a Warden, it was forced on me. If it weren’t for…” she trailed off, looking back down at her feet. I sighed, realizing what must be going through her head I knew that was where I had to show my hand.

“Caden, bring the others to the cage outside the gate to speak to the Qunari,” I said as I stepped toward Elissa, lifting her chin with my knuckle to look her in the eye. “We have a lot to talk about.”

Once Elissa realized I knew her circumstances she relaxed. I tried to assure her that I was there to help and everything would work out, it would just take time. I knew what it was like to be forced into a situation that was not by my own choosing.

“So you’re really from another world?” she asked, astonished. I smiled.

“It’s amazing how quickly people here are to believe that, but yes I am.” I tugged at a loose piece of leather on her armor. “We should get that fixed.” She looked at it and shrugged.

“I doubt there’s an armorer within a hundred miles of here,” she said as she looked around. Her eyes made it back to me. “Did you leave anyone behind?” I nodded and she sighed. “It broke my heart.” I saw a tear make its way from the corner of her eye. As it fell, I wiped it away.

“There are many things about the past that we should cling to,” I said softly as I took her hand, holding it between both of my own. “The regrets are not one of them.” She gave me an appreciative smile as I saw the others walking back toward us from behind her. Looking at Caden’s face I knew he hadn’t been successful.

“The Revered Mother refuses to release him,” he said, obviously frustrated. I smiled.

“I know a way to make her agree.” I smiled as I thought about the little red head waiting at the Inn.

Leliana.

“Elissa, Alistair, Rafe, with me. The rest of you are with Caden.” When Bran stepped protectively toward me I put up my hand and gave him my best sideways mischievous grin, “When you see soldiers running for their lives out the front door of the Inn, you’ll know it’s safe to enter.” I winked at him and turned toward the entrance to the Inn. Maker, I thought as Alistair opened the door, I hope I’m as good with this sword as I think I am.

Smoke, ale, sweat and something I was afraid to identify assaulted my nose and eyes as we walked into the crowded bar room. I waved Elissa and Alistair ahead of me as I made my way to a conveniently placed flanking position and waited. I knew they would recognize them, not me, so I baited the trap. And they took the bait.

When the idiot in charge of Loghain’s soldiers decided threatening Leliana and the wardens was a good idea, I slowly pulled out my sword and put my shield on my arm, waiting for him to finally shut up and walk the walk. Once the soldiers attacked I flanked them and took out two before they even knew I was there. Their fearless leader cried Uncle. Literally cried, mind you.

“Stop, please, enough! We surrender!” he whined as Alistair held his sword to the man’s throat. I put my sword and shield away and placed my hand on Alistair’s arm to signal him to stand down. He lowered it but didn’t sheath it. I gave the man on the floor a menacing look as I moved to stand over him.

“You may leave with your lives, but you will take a message to Loghain,” I stated in my lowest and most menacing voice. Curving the right corner of my lips into a half smile, I purred to the frightened man, “You tell him the Wardens know what really happened at Ostagar.” Then not satisfied with the look on his face, I gave him a good kick to the mid-section and backed away two steps. Then, ignoring whatever he mumbled next, I walked over to the bar and ordered ale.

It was the best tasting ale I’d had in my life.


	7. Chapter 7

Convincing Alistair that Leliana was a good choice took some time but Elissa and I both insisted which made it impossible for him to refuse. Rafe just went along with whatever I said, which was disconcerting in that I wasn’t used to the level of trust he showed me, not from a stranger anyhow. He just nodded and waited for us by the door, keeping an eye out for any more troops. 

I went to the Innkeeper to purchase the supplies we needed and we left, heading over toward the chantry to have Leliana hopefully convince the revered mother to allow us to take Sten. As we were walking through the doors I spotted a knight who looked vaguely familiar. I must have been staring because he looked up from the book he was reading and caught my gaze. I put my hand on Alistair’s arm and when he looked at me I pointed to the knight. He had to be the one from Redcliffe because Alistair seemed to recognize him and started to walk over.

“Wait,” I said as I stopped him. “Did you find the remains of a templar on your way in?” He looked over to Elissa who pulled out the locket. I smiled at Alistair and Elissa and pointed to the knight then motioned for Leliana to follow me.

Leliana and I made our way into the Revered Mother’s study. I approached her and kneeled at her feet. 

“Greetings Revered Mother,” I said with my head bowed. Why the hell am I doing this? I asked myself as I held my position. I felt a cold hand on my head and rose to standing.

“Greeting child, I have to say it’s been a long time since I’ve received a greeting such as that,” The Revered Mother said as she smiled up at me from her chair. Her graying hair was pulled back tightly into a bun and her robes of gold and red were immaculate. I returned her smile. “Would you have a tithe for the chantry today?”

“I apologize, Revered Mother, for I have little enough gold for the quest I am on,” I said sympathetically. The chantry in Lothering needed the coin but I knew what we were up against was far more dire. She sighed.

“Yes, I understand. What is it I can do for you?” I squared my shoulders.

“There is a Qunari caged outside of town, would you consider placing him in my custody?” I asked, trying to keep my voice level. This could go one of two ways, I thought, and if it weren’t for bad luck…

“Revered Mother,” Leliana piped up, “we are on a quest to stop the blight. His skills would prove very useful in the times to come. He has expressed a need to repent and we believe it is genuine.” We both held our breath and waited. The Revered Mother sighed, shaking her head.

“You are sure, Leliana, that this is wise? If he was to kill again his future victims may count us as their murderers as well,” she said as she looked me up and down. I stood straighter and squared my jaw. Her opinion was important to me, not that I knew why. 

“Yes, I am sure. Her cause is just and her methods may not be conventional…” Leliana trailed off as she looked at me, and then smiled back at the Mother. “but I have faith that she and her peers will succeed.” The Mother sighed.

“Alright, here is the key to his cage,” she said as she handed me the key. “Regardless of his horrific crime I was not fond of the idea of leaving him there to meet his fate. Maybe my conscience and his can be cleared knowing he will fight to defend us all.” I smiled my thanks, bowed and left the office. I let out a huge sigh of relief as we rounded the corner out of the Mother’s sight and Leliana laughed.

“She is a kind and decent woman, but I am surprised that she relented so quickly. Perhaps what you did in there made the difference,” she said as we approached Alistair and Elissa. I shrugged and nodded toward the door. 

“Perhaps,” I replied, “but that was not my intention.”

“No, your intention was to show respect, that much was clear,” she said thoughtfully. “But the amount of respect is what intrigues me. I have only seen that behavior from templars, have you received training?” I smiled and shrugged.

“That is an excellent question,” I shrugged as we walked out the chantry doors.

*****

When we got back to camp, Sten and Leliana in tow, I made a point to corner Duncan alone. He seemed to know what I was going to say before I said it.

“I want to tell him,” I said softly after I looked around to be sure we didn’t have company. Duncan sighed heavily and squared his jaw, giving me a long, hard look.

“I would ask why but I don’t think I need to,” he said as he gave me a small smile. I shook my head looking at the ground.

“He deserves the truth,” I said. “He has been pushed down and held back since birth, he deserves to feel some sort of pride in his heritage, know he came not from a letch and a servant but from love. How he has been brought up and what he has been made to believe is far from fair. If not me then can you please do it? He needs to know…” I met Duncan’s eyes as I finished my thought, “he is so much more than what he has been told.” He smiled and nodded.

“Tell him,” he said softly, patted my shoulder and walked away. I took a deep breath and looked around for Alistair, finding him by the fire with a whetstone, working on some weapons. I walked over and sat down on the ground next to him, watching him work for a time. Then, looking up to his eyes, I caught him looking back at me as he ran the stone along the edge of the long sword he held. I blushed and cleared my throat.

“Do you have a moment?” I asked as I tried to keep the color from my cheeks, “I have something I’d like to share with you.” I smiled as he put the sword and stone aside, leaning his forearms on his thighs and clasping his hands between his knees.

“What did I do to deserve this?” he asked as his eyes twinkled mischievously. I realized I was flustered and had to get a grip, so I stood up and smoothed my breeches down my thighs.

“Nothing, I just wanted to share some information I had with you. Walk with me?” Alistair smiled and stood up. Wow he is tall! And wow, shoulders. Stop it! I thought to myself, deep breaths!

I lead him down to the water, picking a secluded spot so we could talk. I didn’t want anyone to interrupt in case he had questions. Not that I minded being alone with him or would have been able to answer them, but I digress. I stood so close to the water’s edge that the little waves lapped at the toes of my boots. Drawing strength from its calming sound I took a deep breath and turned to Alistair.

“OK, now you’re scaring me,” he said as he shifted on his feet nervously. That instantly put me at ease, reminding me of who I was speaking to as I smiled and slapped his arm playfully.

“No, it’s nothing bad. Nothing that I think is bad anyway. It’s about your parents.” I let that statement loose without thinking and he went stiff. I realized then how much the lies had affected him over the years and I instantly became angry. “Alistair, you have nothing to be defensive about or ashamed of. Others should be ashamed for allowing you to believe the lies you’ve been fed your whole life.” He gave an annoyed snort.

“Why bother lying, the truth is so much more believable,” he said as he rubbed the back of his neck. I realized then that he did that to avoid eye contact without being obvious about it. I reached for him, cupping his chin and he immediately met my eyes. I smiled.

“Your mother was no serving girl, Alistair. She was a Warden.”

I let go of his chin and waited. How would I react to news like that in his place? I asked myself as I held his gaze. He stared at me with those mesmerizing eyes and all I could think about was holding him, making his pain go away. I was so caught up in his eyes that I couldn’t see the expression on his face, nor did I realize I was holding my breath until I became light headed. I released it and gave myself a mental slap to snap out of it, examining the rest of his face. It was stoic. I was afraid of what would happen next so I continued, pacing the edge of the water and avoiding his gaze so I could focus on the story.

I told him about Rowan’s death, how hard Maric took it and his self-destructive ways afterward. And then the Warden.

“I don’t know much about her, can’t even remember her name at the moment, but I do know she was a warden mage and…” my voice trailed off as I tried to gauge how he was reacting to all of this. Deciding it didn’t really matter at this point, I dove in head first. ”She was an elf.”

“What?” he whispered as his face immediately changed from stoic to that of a deer in headlights. I straightened my shoulders and faced him. 

“I know it’s a lot to take in so I’ll summarize it for you. You are not the son of a lecherous king and an innocent serving girl. You are the son of a proud and honorable king and a proud and honorable elven Grey Warden. You, Alistair,” I whispered as I took his face in both my hands and looked deeply into those eyes, “have nothing to be ashamed of. You were born of love.” Without thinking I gave him a warm smile and nudged his nose with mine. I released his face and took a step back. He stood where he was, appearing to be shell shocked.

“I don’t understand,” he began as he looked at the ground, “everyone said…”

“As for their reasons, you’ll have to ask them all individually. Duncan made a promise, of that much I am sure. A promise that he allowed me to break, by the way. I asked his permission.” I gave him a small smile as I looked toward the camp. “He may know more of her, I’m not sure, but at least you have him around to ask.” I sighed and turned back to Alistair, “I’ll leave you to your thoughts, but I want to say one more thing,” I said as I gave him my best proud smile, “and this I know for a fact. You were loved by both your parents more than you will ever know. That, in itself, is priceless.” 

I felt a pang of sadness hit me as I walked back to camp, thinking of my father and why he would have just left us. Then I remembered things may have been different here and made a mental note to ask Caden about it later. As I approached camp I overheard Rafe telling tales about our adventures in Lothering. Embellishing, of course, but it gave the men something to pass the time so I let it go. Even went so far as to start listening myself. That was a mistake and a half.

Eventually everyone gathered around the fire for the evening meal, Rafe still deep into his story-telling mode and now making me the focus of it.

“It was priceless, you should have seen the look on that guy’s face when Kora practically hissed at him ‘You may leave with your lives but you will take a message to Loghain!’!” Rafe roared with laughter. With the extremely large group of Wardens along with Cailan, Solana and Leliana all cracking up simultaneously I thought I was going to die. At least Morrigan and Sten weren’t interested or entertained by the story. Neither was anywhere near the fire, both content to eat alone and away from the rambunctious group. If I could have, I would have melted into the log I was sitting on. 

Trying desperately to hide my horrified face with my empty food bowl, I took a deep breath and stood up, attempting to make my way through everyone and away. No place in particular, just away. I dropped my bowl in the bucket and almost ran to the stream.

What the hell was I thinking? I thought as I reached the water’s edge and tried to slow my breathing. I could have been killed or worse, gotten one of them killed. I sighed deeply and dropped my head into my hands, feeling the anxiety that I should have felt before that battle hit me hard. I knew the soldiers were in there, I knew there would be a fight, and yet I STILL just walked in there as if it was all a GAME! I let out a frustrated growl as I kicked a rock into the water. Christ, haven’t I gotten enough people killed for one life time? I thought. As I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration I dropped to my knees. I felt my shoulders start to shake when two heavy hands rested on them gently.

“Hey,” I heard Alistair whisper as he knelt behind me then sat, pulling me to his chest, “don’t do that, no.” That was all it took, I felt the tears start to slide down my cheeks. He held me tightly as I proceeded to bawl my eyes out, turning to whimper into his chest and grasp his shirt in my fists. He just sat there holding me, stroking my hair gently and rocking me like a frightened child. When I finally started to get a hold of myself I pulled back a bit to look up at him. He softly brushed my tear-damp hair away from my face and cupped my cheek.

“You don’t know,” was all I could manage to croak out and then I turned my face toward to the ground. I felt him cup my chin and turn my face back up to his.

“You’d be surprised what I know,” he said softly. I shook my head.

“Not this, no one knows…” I trailed off and panicked.

As I scrambled to get my footing, I rushed back to camp. I can’t, I reprimanded myself, I can’t and I won’t. All I ever do is hurt people. Hurt them or get them killed. I will not hurt anyone ever again, I insisted. I then crawled into my tent, curled up into my bed roll fully clothed and cried quietly for a few minutes. As I fisted my tears away I heard rustling outside my tent flap so I looked up.

“Kora.” Caden always knew what tone to take with me to invoke any emotion. This one was the guilt command. I shook my head and laughed.

“What did I do wrong now?” I asked, smirking at him. I grabbed a scrap of linen and tied my hair back as Caden made his way into my tent and sat on my bed roll next to me. Resting his weight on one arm he sighed and looked me in the eye.

“What did you say to the man, Kora?” He asked, his eyes full of concern. “He thinks you’re keeping some deep dark secret from everyone!” Shocked I stared at Caden.

“Caden, I am!” I hissed. “And you know it! I understand that these people don’t need to know my life’s story, they just need the information in my head to get through the next few months. Knowing what happened in the other realm or whatever you call it won’t change anything. I don’t REMEMBER!” I dropped my face into my hands and growled. I felt him move closer to me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

“Stop it,” he whispered, “like you said you don’t remember. It probably wasn’t your fault at all, if it was even real. Kora!” He said forcefully. I finally raised my head to meet his eyes. He smiled and sighed. “Sister, I love you more than anyone else in this REALM or any other. Don’t do this, don’t blame yourself for things that are not in your control. It’s the past, it’s over and there is no going back. Look at where you are now, where you are going, what you are doing...” He smiled at me, then I noticed a small tear form in the corner of his eye. “Mother would be so proud.” My eyebrows lifted.

“What do you mean?” I asked. He’d never volunteered information before so I was eager to hear anything he had to say.

“Mother was… amazing.” He looked past me as if deep in thought. “She lead Ferelden’s Navy, such as it is. She was the one who took out the Orlesian Navy. She commanded every ship in our fleet to abandon Ferelden then, a week later, once the Orlesians had made port and docked she ordered all vessels back and boxed them in, completely annihilated them where they sat.” He sat back a bit and looked upward. “You were one clever commander, Mother.” I smiled.

“Someone to be proud of,” I said quietly. “How did she die?” Caden sighed sadly.

“I’m not sure, one day she just didn’t get out of bed. Father said she wasn’t feeling well and a few weeks later…” The tear that was threatening managed to escape, falling down his cheek. I wiped it away, cupping his cheek and feeling tears of my own sting the back of my eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. He shook his head.

“It was your loss too, Kora.” He looked at me sympathetically. 

“Kind of hard to feel it when I can’t remember.” I felt my shoulders slump and saw his hand reach for my nose, giving it a twitch.

“Your memories will return,” he said with a smile. “Give it time. You always were the impatient one.” I sighed, shaking my head.

“And you were the stubborn one.” I smiled at him. “So, what to do about Alistair. Does he think I’m a desire demon?” I grinned mischievously. Caden laughed.

“Perhaps, you should probably clear that up with him.” I shook my head profusely.

“What good would it do to tell him about the accident?” Caden grabbed my chin with his free hand.

“You don’t think it would go a long way to making him TRUST you?” He pulled my face to his and looked dead into my eyes. I sighed.

“FINE! Fine, I’ll tell him. But you are going to have the birds and bees talk with him, that is where I draw the line.” I smirked as I got up and walked out of my tent, leaving Caden to drop onto his back on my bedroll sighing dramatically.

In the moonlight I could barely make out the shadow of someone sitting by the water, right where I knew I left Alistair. I’m such an ass, I thought as I carefully and quietly sat down beside him. I slowly let my eyes make their way up from his strong hands that had just brushed away my tears to his extremely sculpted arms that held me so tight not long ago. Then my eyes found their way to his chest that I just cried into and finally let them rest on his face with those eyes. OMG was that a HUGE mistake! I screamed inwardly as I took a deep breath to steady myself.

“You don’t have to,” Alistair stated simply and quietly as he stood. Not once looking directly at me he continued, “I know you have your reasons and that is fine. Don’t worry about me, I’m used to it,” he said the last bit with a bit more frustration as he started back for the camp. It took me a second but I realized what happened and panicked. Fix it! I screamed at myself. Not caring who was in ear shot or what anyone thought of me I yelled after him.

“Alistair, you do not know what my reasons are and don’t pretend you do,” I demanded. I heard my voice quake slightly but I had to see this through, so I stood up and ran after him, “but in case you were interested and didn’t figure it out on your own, I am a complete and utter moron. So if you want to feel sorry for anyone,” I lowered my voice as I reached him, grabbing his arm and turning him around to face me, “feel sorry for me. I’m pathetic, a total idiot who can’t do anything right. 

“Example A,” I said theatrically as I swung my arms outwardly toward the stream where we were sitting previously, “I managed to turn a completely innocent and potentially beautiful moment into complete chaos. I am such an ass.” The last part I said more to myself as I looked down at our feet. “I want to tell you about what happened, where I came from.” I looked up into his eyes. “Will you hear me out?” He shrugged and smiled.

“I’ve got some free time, as long as it doesn’t cut into my beauty sleep,” he said with a smirk. I laughed and shook my head.

“Maker forbid,” I mumbled as I made my way back down to the water and sat. Feeling him sit next to me I began my tale.

By the time I had finished he was looking out at the water thoughtfully. I was holding my breath, mentally preparing myself for defense mode, worried that he may blame me just like all the others. That was one of my greatest fears, I realized just then. I didn’t want Alistair to look at me differently, as a woman who made a stupid mistake and got a lot of people killed because of it. The same way I looked at Cailan, I thought angrily. Not letting that one go. When he didn’t respond right away I touched his arm gently.

“Are you… angry?” I asked timidly. He turned to face me with a look of confusion.

“Angry? Why would I be angry?” he asked. “I don’t know that I would trust anyone, myself included, with that information. And yet here you are, pouring your heart out to me. How COULD I be angry?” He put his hand over mine and squeezed. I smiled, feeling a tear slide down my cheek. I rested my forehead on our hands, letting out one choked sob.

“I was so afraid you would hate me,” I whispered as I raised my head to look at him. “You wouldn’t have been the first to judge me on that alone, you know.” He smiled and cupped my cheek with his free hand.

“Their loss,” he whispered. 

I stared into his eyes, not wanting to let this feeling of relief subside. Relief and… 

“DARKSPAWN!!!” someone yelled from the camp and my eyes flew open. I felt Alistair tighten his grip on my hand and drag me across the clearing to his tent. He then grabbed his sword and shield.

“Stay back!” he hissed at me as he looked around anxiously for our attackers. Looking around the camp I saw people pouring out of their tents grasping swords, daggers and staffs, fully armored and readying themselves for the fight. I ran to my tent on the other side of Caden’s and grabbed my sword and shield. No way am I going to stand here and do nothing, I thought as my eyes scanned the area for the invaders. Seeing nothing I moved to stand back to back with Alistair. After a few seconds I slowed my breathing and whispered over my shoulder.

“Feel anything?” I asked as my eyes darted here and there, looking for any movement at all in the shadows beyond. I felt Alistair shift, still tensed behind me.

“You shouldn’t be out here,” he said through gritted teeth, “you’re not immune, Kora.”

“HA! I grew up with Caden, dearest,” I laughed as I watched Roman climb out of his tent fully armored and ready. “I’m immune to anything he is!” I heard him huff a small laugh and smiled to myself. 

“Here!” I heard Jaden shout from my left. As Alistair charged toward the Hurlocks and Alpha in that direction I spotted a few Genlocks trying to flank him. Charging straight at them I gave out a war cry that startled them enough so when I got to them my sword went clean across their necks. Looking around I spotted more pouring from some bushes off behind the fire. I ran and jumped over the fire, landing on one and shield bashing another, then swinging my sword around to slice the third in two.

The battle raged on, I could hear the crunching of bone, blood curdling screams and then shouts of victory. As I turned toward their calls I saw a lone Alpha pulling himself off the ground. Seeing the rest of the group too far away to be of any help I readied myself.

“Hey ugly!” I shouted, getting the Alpha’s attention. I smiled. “Yeah you, come get me you blighted bastard!” He growled then screamed, a sound I would never forget to my dying day, and charged at me. Securing my footing, I waited for my opening.

As he got near I saw his armor at the waist had been badly damaged, it appeared from a great sword. Way to go Roman, I thought as I spun around and swung my sword as hard as I could horizontally across his mid section. Unfortunately most of the chain mail was still intact so the creature was thrown back but still came at me. I kicked it in the gut to give me some room then ran my blade right through its chest. Grunting and spewing a dark liquid at me, it fell to its knees and gurgled, keeling over dead. 

I took a deep breath and wiped my mouth with the back of my left hand. Pulling it away I saw the dark liquid smeared across my gauntlet. Shit, I thought as I looked around, what am I supposed to do now?

“All clear!” I heard Marcus shout as he, Brock and Sten made their way back through the woods to the fire, sheathing their swords. Everyone else slowly gathered around as we did a head count. No losses on our side. Yet.

Backing away from the group slowly, I snuck away to the water. Stripping off my armor as fast as I could down to my breast band and underwear, I waded into the water up to my chest and sat, submerging my head completely. Scrubbing my face violently with my palms under the water, I was in a panic. I can’t get sick, I just can’t! I thought as I came up for air then went back under. I scrubbed my face, my ears, my neck and my hair until I couldn’t hold my breath anymore. Then, moving to stand in waist deep water I started scrubbing my shoulders, my arms, my chest, my stomach; every inch of skin I could reach. When I was out of breath and my skin was rubbed raw I sighed, still standing in the waist deep water. I heard someone clear their throat from behind me so I spun around, covering my already covered breasts instinctively with both arms.

“Please, we had our diapers changed together,” Caden smirked as he sat down on the grass. I sighed with relief and lowered my arms, shaking my head.

“I have breasts now, dear brother,” I replied smartly as I made my way out of the water and to my clothes. “Things are a bit different.” I scooped up my shirt and held it up by the shoulders in front of me, checking it over for any signs of the dark liquid I was so afraid of. Spotting some around the collar, I took it to the water and started scrubbing it out. I heard Caden sigh.

“You took a big chance fighting those things, Kora.” He said that with one measure of warning and one measure of pride. My back still to him, I shook my head and smiled.

“No way in hell was I going to stand there and let you dip shits take all the glory,” I stated very matter-of-factly as I lifted the shirt up, admiring my handiwork. “Besides, isn’t that potion that Morrigan cooked up supposed to help protect us?” I asked. Flemeth had given her the recipe before they left her hut so Morrigan wouldn’t get sick. He grunted agreement and I turned to him. “Hey, any way you can tell if this shirt is still tainted?” I stood, walking toward him with the garment in my hand, still just in my small clothes. 

Then I heard some brush move nearby and our heads snapped to its direction. 

“Um… hi!” I waved as Jaden came into view. He casually leaned up against a nearby tree and smirked. I crossed my arms and glared at him. “If you don’t mind, I’m kinda not dressed. Beat it!” I snapped and he walked back toward camp, but not before he gave me a good once over with his invasive eyes. He made me feel uneasy and Caden growled in his direction.

“I have never liked that man,” he grumbled as he stood to take my shirt from me, watching to be sure Jaden left. Looking it over he nodded approval and helped me slip it over my head. “If he comes anywhere near you, Kora…”

“Oh dear brother,” I smiled as I patted his chest reassuringly. I grabbed my breeches then, deeming them clean, slipped them on, “you are not the only one in this camp who is protective of me. Fear not.” I winked and sat cross legged on the ground. Using a stick to toss my dirty gauntlet towards the water I grabbed the other, going over every bit inch by inch. He laughed and grabbed my chest plate, taking it to the water to clean it off. 

“I know,” he smiled as he glanced at me, “and that I don’t mind.” 

“So glad you approve,” I smirked. 

After we finished cleaning my armor I strapped it on and we walked back to camp. Walking next to Caden I realized how much of a difference there was in height between us. I was 5’6”, average for a woman, but he was 6’2”, a bit tall for a man. I grinned up at him and he must have caught my look out of the corner of his eye, quirking his eyebrow in question. 

“I was just thinking that you’ll know it’s raining well before I will,” I smiled as I directed my eyes forward. I felt a gentle shove in my shoulder and we both laughed softly. 

When we got back to camp Caden gave me a quick kiss on the top of my head and made a b-line for his tent. Everyone else was asleep except Bran and Morrigan who were on watch, and Alistair and Duncan who were sitting by the fire. I smiled as I watched them, trying to gauge what their conversation was about. Deciding it seemed a bit intense, probably about Alistair’s mother, I went inside my tent to try and get some sleep. Yes, in my armor, I was feeling a bit paranoid. Besides, it will be an early morning, anything to save time.

The next day we were to march to Redcliffe.


	8. Chapter 8

It was slow going at first, no one in a real rush to face an army of undead but knowing we had to get there to save those people all the same. As I looked around I noticed Morrigan had lulled her steps and was toward the back of the group. I slowed, allowing the others to get ahead of me and her to catch up.

“Hello Morrigan,” I said with a smile. She nodded, continuing to look ahead. “We haven’t been properly introduced, my name is Kora.” I waited, still no reaction from her. “I don’t know if you’re aware but I am privy to quite a bit of information on the group we are traveling with, as well as you.” Nothing. I sighed, realizing there was only one way to get her attention. Spill the beans. “I know about the ritual your mother intends for you to perform with one of the wardens,” I said quietly. She stopped dead and gave me an evil glare that made my blood run cold. 

“And how would you know anything about my mother?” she asked, pure venom seeping from every word. 

“I know more than you do at the moment,” I whispered as I looked ahead to be sure no one was close enough to listen in. “But that is something that will be remedied when we go to the circle. Your mother’s grimoire is still there, intact. You will get the answers you seek.” Her face went from hatred to confusion then curiosity. 

“Indeed you do know a great deal,” she said as she eyed me carefully. “Speak.”

“I know your intentions with Alistair but, as you can see, he is not your only possible choice now.” I motioned to the group now about 50 feet ahead of us. “And I am not going to hinder or stop you. I see no reason to.” She still just stared at me with those yellow eyes, attempting to burrow into my mind. I cleared my thoughts, centered and focused on her, keeping her out of my head. She smiled.

“You have training,” she said. I raised an eyebrow at her. “I sense you have certain abilities that… wait, you don’t know?” 

“Know what, Morrigan?” She paused then crossed her arms.

“And why should I tell you anything…” she grinned, “Templar?” 

My eyes narrowed, looking for the deception in hers. But there was none, just her gleaming yellow eyes staring back at me with arrogance. I schooled my face and cleared my mind again. “I have no memory of templar training. I have no memory of anything before a tragedy that occurred in another realm, another place.” Then a thought occurred to me. “You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you Morrigan?” She laughed.

“Even if I did, why would I reveal it to you?” she asked, keeping her arms crossed. I smiled.

“I would rather that you help me willingly, considering what our success will do for you and the secrets I am keeping,” I said slowly, “but if you do know something of my ‘travels’ and are withholding it…” I let her draw her own conclusions, raising my eyebrows and heading back down the path. 

“I’ll let you consider your options,” I said, not looking back. “I look forward to your decision.”

*****

I continued trudging down the winding road, eventually catching up with the others. As I carried my increasingly heavy pack and tent toward our destination a thought occurred to me making my heart jump up into my throat.

Bodahn and Sandal!

They had been under attack in the game, darkspawn were all over them on the bridge that led to the highway. Trying to think back to what the bridge looked like when we came to it, if there was any sign of a struggle or remnants of their wagon, I stopped paying attention to where I was walking and bumped head first into Cailan’s shield that was strapped to his back.

“Ah, shit!” I hissed as I stopped and rubbed my forehead. He swung around and grabbed my arms to steady me, glancing at my latest head injury.

“I’m sorry, did my shield jump out at you?” He joked as he pushed my hair aside to inspect the mark. I dropped my pack and tent to the ground and grumbled up at him.

“Great, another funny one, must have gotten your sense of humor from your father,” I mumbled as I grabbed his hands to stop him. He smiled apologetically and I sighed. “Sorry, I’m a bit grumpy right now, not your fault.” I smiled weakly and rubbed my head again. Roman walked up to us and grabbed the top of my head in one of his hands roughly, eyeing the injury.

Roman is anything but subtle. A full-fledged great sword warrior, he is rough and tumble and sweet as pie when no one is looking. Taller than Caden, his long gray hair is always tied back at the nape of his neck, hanging down his back to just above his belt. The tanned lines on his face tell a tale of a long, difficult life, and his gray eyes gleam with the possibility of the calling. Broad shoulders and large, scarred hands aside, he’s a teddy bear. I smirked up at him as he held my head.

“She’ll be fine,” he grumbled as he released my head with an affectionate shake. Slapping his arm as he walked away I picked up my pack and tent. Cailan grabbed the latter away from me and swung it over his back, covering his shield.

“Don’t need anyone else hurting themselves, now do we?” he smiled with a wink and continued down the path, leaving me standing there wondering what possessed him to be so… chivalrous. 

Cailan had been quiet up to that point, speaking to Duncan occasionally but mostly keeping to himself. The brief interaction we had just shared was the first since my unveiling of knowledge at the edge of the stream. I wasn’t sure what to expect after that conversation; whether he would retract further into his arrogance as a way of protecting himself or if he would face the circumstances head on and become a better man for it. The result was yet to be seen, but one thing was for sure. Between his long blonde hair, deep blue eyes and that killer smile, no woman stood a chance against him. 

I blinked the heated thoughts away, shook my head and continued walking as Leliana grabbed my free arm and dragged me along with her.

“Sooooooo…” she started as I rolled my eyes. I knew what was coming next and I was not looking forward to it. “Which one have you laid claim to? I do not want to step on anyone’s toes now, do I?” she grinned mischievously. I smiled and looked forward.

“I own no one,” I said simply. “That being said, I can give you the low down on anyone you may want to know about. Ask away.” I winked at her conspiratorially. 

“Ooooh…” she whispered, pulling me closer, “how about the tall one with the blonde hair?”

“You’ll have to be more specific, there are a few blondes here.” I smirked as she turned back to me and I pointed at my own head. She quirked an eyebrow.

“I did say tall, no?” she asked. I jabbed at her side and we both laughed. She pointed to Caden and I cocked my head.

“That is my twin brother,” I said slowly, letting the meaning of that statement sink in, “he is strong, fast and fiercely protective. He’s like a mabari in that aspect, once he decides on something that is that,” I whispered with a grin. “Part of his charm.”

“Good to know,” she said, putting her finger up to her lips thoughtfully. She then pointed at Cailan. “I know who he is, but what are your thoughts on him?” I raised my eyebrows, wondering the same thing myself.

“Cailan is… different,” I said slowly. “I know how he was, arrogant, selfish… but now?” I shook my head and stared at him as he chatted with Alistair, both of the men laughing at something that was said. “I’ll have to get back to you on that.”

And her gaze slowly moved to Alistair. “What about him?”

My heart skipped a beat. What about him, Kora? I asked myself. Don’t sound like a love-sick teenager, I said inwardly as I took a deep breath.

“Everyone stop, quiet!” Bran came barreling back through the line, whispering hoarsely, “there are soldiers ahead.” Leliana and I glanced at each other and dropped our packs, following Alistair and Cailan to the front.

Duncan and Jaden were talking quietly but animatedly as Marcus and Caden slowly made their way back toward them through the wooded area that apparently separated us from the soldiers’ camp. I glanced at Leliana and, remembering her “talents”, I walked over to Duncan and Jaden.

“About 20 men in all, well stocked and armed,” Caden reported to Duncan. Duncan nodded and turned back to Jaden.

“We cannot take the chance,” he insisted quietly as he shook his head. Jaden appeared extremely frustrated as he crossed his arms and huffed.

“YOU talk to him, Kora, he’s not listening to me right now,” he growled as he uncrossed his arms and stalked away toward the back of the group. I looked at Duncan and watched him sigh, shaking his head.

“Patience is not something that can be taught,” is all he said as he looked back toward where the soldiers were camped. 

“I may have an alternative,“ I whispered as I glanced back at Leliana. “She’s a shadow rogue, she can get close enough to find out what they’re doing here and report back.” He turned to Leliana and pondered the idea for a moment as Leliana stepped up.

“I assure you, commander, I am quite capable,” she whispered confidently. Squaring his shoulders, Duncan nodded his head toward the camp.

“Be careful, take no unnecessary risks and get back here quickly.” He walked away. When he was out of ear shot I winked at Leliana and motioned for her to follow. 

“I’ll come along as far as I dare,” I whispered as we approached the ridge, “I want to get a look too, just in case there’s a clue I can spot.” Leliana nodded and motioned for me to crouch down.

We made our way over the small ridge and, on our stomachs, moved closer to the camp. We were still quite a few feet above their heads so it was easy for us to remain concealed. As Leliana disappeared in a puff of smoke I began scanning the camp over the ledge.

“You little bastard!” one of the soldiers yelled as he back-handed a much shorter person, the size of a child. The only reason I knew he was not a child was I recognized that white-blonde hair…

Sandal!

My stomach clenched when I heard the blow hit and saw him fall to the ground. It took every muscle in my body not to jump up and run at the man, decapitating him. A few minutes later Leliana reappeared and motioned for us to go back. I had all I needed. We had to get the dwarves out of there.

Enraged I walked over to Duncan and attempted to get control over my facial expression and emotions to no avail. He looked at me questioningly. Turning away from Cailan, who he was speaking to a moment before, he faced me and nodded for me to speak.

“We have to take out that group,” I whispered breathlessly and with a conviction I had not felt since the Inn. I wanted to kill the man that hit Sandal as much as I wanted to kill Loghain. Loghain, Howe, and all their men had to die. I suddenly realized how angry I was and became a bit frightened, where was all this rage coming from?

“Apparently they are part of the infantry that we scared away in Lothering,” Leliana explained. “They are aware there are wardens that are alive and they have orders to hunt them down. Also, they have hostages, Commander,” Leliana gave Duncan a pained look, “innocents that they are physically assaulting as we speak. We must help them.” I looked at her and smiled gratefully; glad I wasn’t the only one who was not going to stand for it. Duncan looked at Cailan who nodded.

“I cannot stand by and allow this,” he said softly as he dropped his bags and my tent to the ground. Brandishing his sword and shield he nodded toward the camp. “What’s the plan?” Duncan nodded his agreement, dropping his pack and pulling out his sword and dagger.

“Cailan,” he whispered as he eyed his sword. “You will take Leliana, Alistair, Kora, Jaden and Solana over to the right, I will bring everyone else to the left and forward. Brock, you will be our distraction, get their attention and, once their backs are turned, everyone else move in. Quickly and quietly, let’s get this done.” I nodded and secured my shield to my arm.

Following Cailan to the place Duncan instructed, I cased the area looking for cover and weak points. I saw a large rock obscured by some trees to one side and a series of bushes to the other. I motioned to Cailan and he nodded, tapping Solana’s arm and pointing to the rock. She nodded, moving around behind us. I then pointed to Leliana and the larger of the bushes. Grinning as she took out her bow, she winked and disappeared into her signature purple smoke. Motioning to the rest of the group, Cailan had us hunkered down as we waited for the signal.

I almost jumped when Brock screamed out his war cry. When I noticed that the soldiers had moved away from Bodahn and Sandal’s cart I saw Cailan nod to Leliana to start her bombardment, then to Solana for healing only. A finger to his pulse point was all the hint the mage needed and she stayed hidden, watching and waiting. Then he nodded to the rest of us and we all jumped up and ran into the fray.

Shield bashing one in the back, when he fell to the ground I simply stuck my sword in between his shoulder blades all the way through then yanked it out. I then moved to the next one with his back turned and swung low, taking his right leg almost clean off. Marveling at how sharp my sword was I made a mental note to ask Alistair if he was messing with my stuff when I wasn’t looking. 

Making my way through the fray I came back to back with Alistair, blocking a sword that threatened to flank him and punched the attacker in the face. The pain from the punch made me hiss, shaking my hand to try and relive it. Seeing his back was clear, I rolled away and toward Sandal.

“It’s alright, Sandal, we’re here to help,” I yelled over the fighting as I holstered my shield and sword to untie his hands. “Where is Bodahn?” He pointed weakly toward a small wagon that I recognized as theirs, spotting a small foot protruding from a blanket. I swore to myself and after getting him untied I lead him to the wagon. “Stay with him and stay down,” I commanded as I boosted him up into the cart.

Then, when I looked around for another target, I felt a crack in the back of my skull.

Everything instantly went black…


	9. Chapter 9

The dreams were cloudy but at least I knew they were dreams this time. Images of places and faces of people I was sure I knew but couldn’t remember were floating around me. Then the conversations started. I spoke to a young man with blonde hair that I knew was my brother but not Caden, another brother maybe? I called him Vaughan and begged him not to go somewhere, sobbing, but I didn’t know where it was that he wanted to go. Then there was a man I called Father, a short, stocky, balding man with white tufts of hair just above his ears. Sternly he ordered me to drink something. Family honor, secrecy, whatever it was I felt ashamed, alone... dirty. 

Then I started to wake, actually feeling tears sliding down my cheeks and into my ears.

I could hear voices around me but I didn’t understand what they were saying. I recognized Caden’s voice then Leliana’s. I thought they were arguing so I tried to open my eyes to see what was going on but the light sent a blinding bolt of electricity through to the back of my head and I hissed in pain. Then I felt someone’s hand on my forehead, small and cool to the touch.

“Don’t push yourself,” a small voice said quietly, “keep your eyes closed and just relax a moment. Let me see if I can take care of that pain for you.” I finally realized the voice was Solana’s. She barely spoke around the camp, no wonder I didn’t recognize it at first. I smiled.

“Thanks,” I whispered and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. I felt a cool breeze flow through me and let it calm my body. Feeling myself drifting off I snapped my eyes open, not knowing how long I had been out and not wanting to sleep anymore. Then I realized there was no pain. “Thank the Maker!” I sighed and reached for my forehead, looking around. We were in a large room with stone walls and I could smell candles burning. Making eye contact with Solana I smiled, “How long was I out?”

“4 days,” Caden replied sternly as he sat on my cot next to me and took my hand from my forehead, planting a kiss on my fingers. I gave him an apologetic look and he cupped my cheek with his free hand. “Crazy woman, do I have to tie you down from now on to keep you safe?”

“I’ll get the rope,” Alistair said half-joking as he entered the room. I arched my neck to look up at him and he shook his head. “Can’t sit still for a moment, can you?”

“Nope, don’t bother trying to make me either,” I said defiantly. I heard Leliana giggle.

“This is why I love you,” she said as she kissed my forehead and left the room. I smiled.

“See, somebody loves me for who I am!” I stuck my tongue out at Caden. Alistair rolled his eyes.

“We’ve known you longer,” Alistair quipped as he made a face at me, sitting in a chair at the opposite side of my cot from Caden. Taking my other hand, he kissed my fingers as well. I giggled.

“You two had best be careful,” I warned, “I may get used to this treatment and expect it for the tiniest scratch.” Caden grinned.

“You always were a bit dramatic.” I sighed, losing my grin and looking away. Caden tone turned serious, “What’s wrong?” I shook my head.

“Later, what’s our status?” I asked. Caden sighed and launched into the gory details. 

“We got here just in time,” he said as he sat back in his chair. “We managed to kill off all the undead that left the castle the first night and only lost a few villagers.”

“What about the Orlesian, did she come out of the castle? Did you all get in? What about Connor?” The questions just kept flying out of my mouth until finally Caden put his hand on it to silence me. I laughed, “Sorry, continue please.”

“She did, we did and they are at the circle now to get help from the mages to get the demon out of Connor. They should be back any time.” I shook my head.

“Who went and how long have they been gone?” I asked as I looked away, afraid to hear the rest. Alistair squeezed my hand.

“Brock, Elissa, Morrigan and Jaden left the day before yesterday,” he answered. “From what you told Duncan he filled them in so they were prepared. It will be fine, don’t worry about them.” He fondled my ear lobe gently, “Worry about you and getting on your feet.”

“Speaking of which,” Solana interrupted, “she needs to rest. Off with you.” I pouted.

“I need a few moments with my brother, then can Alistair come back in? Just for a little while mum?” I asked with my lower lip sticking out and my puppy-dog eyes. As Alistair stood to leave he gave me a sweet smile and squeezed my hand. Solana giggled, rolling her eyes.

“Fine, but only for a bit. Rest today and I’ll let you go outside in the morning.” She followed Alistair out of the room and shut the door. I turned my gaze to Caden and he gave me a worried look.

“You gave us a scare, sister,” he said with a frown. “Let’s not do that again, alright?” I sighed.

“That’s not why I wanted to speak to you,” I whispered, afraid of where this conversation was going to lead. He gave me a puzzled look. I took a deep breath. “I had dreams while I was unconscious and I need to know what they mean. Please don’t stop me and do NOT hold anything back. I need the truth from you, are we clear?” He looked at the floor and sighed heavily, then turned his eyes to meet my gaze, giving me a nod. I continued.

I told him about Vaughan, about the man I thought to be our father, he confirmed everyone I knew and clarified those I didn’t. Mother, servants, cousins, everyone I described he could put a name to them. Conversations, precious moments, it had all come back in a rush but what had come back I remembered with startling clarity. We started talking about Vaughan and I decided to bring up the question that had me the most concerned.

“What happened that I was begging Vaughan not to go?” I asked. He tried to move his gaze from mine but I grabbed his hand and squeezed as hard as I could. “The truth, Caden. The whole truth.” He took a deep breath.

“It was a few months before you left Denerim to take your vows,” he started, shaking a bit as he spoke, “you and your betrothed were out late, apparently down by the docks at one of the pubs that you loved to frequent to annoy father,” he said a bit jokingly but couldn’t hold the tone, “and you decided to cut through the Alienage to get home. There were some elves waiting for an easy mark. Garrett was drunk and showing off in front of you, trying to fight them off…” he trailed off. I squeezed his hand again. He nodded and took another breath, “He was knocked out. They turned on you but apparently there was another elf around that stopped them from hurting you further. But not before…” this time when he trailed off he let a tear slide down his cheek. I sat upright and cupped his cheek gently.

“Caden, it’s alright,” I said as I ran my thumb across his face, wiping away the tear. “You can tell me.” His face became angry.

“It never should have happened!” he growled as he stood to pace the room. “That bastard Garrett Wulff should have just handed over the money and walked away but NO!” Caden shouted as he punched the wooden window shutter, smashing it to bits, “he had to put MY SISTER in DANGER!” His chest was heaving as he stared into space. I stood up and slowly made my way over to him, one hand on his arm and the other cupping his cheek.

“Caden, brother, come back to me, please,” I pleaded quietly as I waited for him to meet my gaze. “Come back, Caden. I am here and I am alright. Please?” I asked as I planted a kiss on his cheek. I rested my head on his shoulder and felt him relax. Then his muscled arms came around my back and he squeezed.

“It never should have happened,” he whimpered into my hair and I felt the dampness of his tears on my cheek. I was powerless to stop it so I held my brother tight and let him cry. He sobbed quietly into my shoulder, shaking a few times when the tears came too fast. Then he took a deep breath and, giving me one last squeeze, he raised his head to face me. As I started to wipe away his tears he stopped me, taking both my hands in his. “There’s more.”

That simple statement made my heart stop and my knees buckle. When I went limp Caden caught me before I hit the ground and called for help but I was already slipping into unconsciousness. I knew what the more was, and as the memory of what transpired next came back to me all I could think of was one thing. 

I am unclean.

*****

When I awoke I felt someone holding my hand. I turned to see Alistair sitting on a crate next to my cot, facing the floor and whispering something that appeared to be part of the chant. I squeezed his hand and when our eyes met we smiled at each other warmly.

“I missed you,” he started, losing his smile to a worried frown, “and you scared the hell out of me. Out of all of us. What were you thinking? No more fighting. You have been relieved of your sword my Lady.” I couldn’t roll my eyes or make a silly comment to try and make him laugh, I didn’t have the heart to. I saw the worry and I couldn’t dismiss it. I just nodded and brought his hand to my lips, kissing his palm gently.

“I know. I’m sorry I worried you. I shouldn’t have turned my back and I should have been wearing a helm. I’ll be more careful, I promise,“ I said as I pleaded with my eyes, “but please Alistair, do not ask me to stand by and let you defend me while I sit in a chair with a cup of tea and watch. I won’t. I won’t let you all risk your lives and not do what I can to help. I care far too much for all of you to let you do that. Give me that much.” I held my breath. I knew the last part was kind of a low blow but it needed to be said. I put all my faith and trust into every one of them, I needed a little back. He sighed, looking down at his feet as he squeezed my hand again.

“Fine,” he mumbled as he loosened his grip and splayed out my fingers to his, palm to palm. The tips of my fingers came about half way up his and I smiled. “But I can’t promise you that I won’t be over-protective of you when we fight. I will not leave your side and don’t even think about leaving mine,” he ordered as he looked me straight in the eye. I nodded and smiled.

“If it were up to me,” I slowly blinked then held his eyes with mine, “I would never leave your side.” His eyes widened slightly in surprise. “But you may change your mind…” Alistair quickly schooled his face and I stopped short as the door opened.

“You’re awake!” In walked Cailan who was grinning as he sat in Caden’s vacated seat on my cot. Roman entered shortly after. “How are you feeling?” I smiled.

“After your shield head butted me I thought I’d seen the worst of my day,” I huffed jokingly, “but I do feel better, thank you,” I said as I patted his hand. He looked over at my other hand, noticing Alistair was still holding it and smiled. 

“Glad to hear it. Solana said you were awake and threatened us with bodily harm if we came in here, so, here we are!” Cailan winked and stood up, planting a quick kiss on my forehead, “but I fear we should go before she turns us into toads,” he smirked as he walked out the door. Roman ran a finger down my cheek.

“You rest, little one,” he whispered as he turned and followed, stepping around Duncan who was standing in the door way. Duncan cleared his throat and Alistair stood, releasing my hand. I was more than a bit relieved considering the conversation that was about to happen, but Duncan wanting to speak to me alone was just as disconcerting.

“I’ll be back later, I want to check on Connor,” Alistair said as he brushed my hair away from my forehead and pressed his lips to it softly, letting them linger a few moments, then walked out. Duncan sighed as I sat up slowly. I shook my head at him.

“Don’t bother telling me not to get up, I am far too hard headed,” I said as I gave him a wicked grin and swung my legs around to hang off the side of the cot. He shook his head and smiled.

“I wouldn’t dream of it my lady,“ he said as he closed the door behind him and sat down on a crate near me. “I assume you’ve been brought up to speed?”

“Yes,” I said. “How are Bodahn and Sandal?” 

“They are fine, Bodahn was injured but Solana is taking good care of him. The dwarven resistance to magic is holding things up but he is doing as he is told so he will heal. They’ve asked to see you, apparently someone told them you were the reason we stormed the camp and saved them,” Duncan said with a twinkle in his eye. I smiled. 

“Can’t imagine who would have divulged that information. I’ll go to them once Solana unlocks my door.” I winked at Duncan and he gave a small laugh. “Is everyone else alright?”

“Yes Kora,” he sighed, “Caden was right, you worry about everyone else but yourself. You were seriously injured!” he asserted as he took my hand. “Take care of yourself. Then, when you are healed, you can take care of the others.” He released my hand and stood. “I will let Sandal and Bodahn know you are awake and that you will be by to see them tomorrow. Rest.” He stood, crossed his arm over his chest, bowed and left. I sighed then decided he was right, lying down and closing my eyes.

Sleep came quickly but a disturbance woke me. It was a presence I wasn’t use to and it was in the room with me, probably why it disturbed me. I looked around the room but it was dark so I closed my eyes and listened. I heard a humming sound coming from the corner near the door.

“Hello?” I asked the air. 

“Hello.” I heard a child-like voice respond. I smiled.

“Hello Sandal, what are you doing up so late?” I asked him as I sat up slowly, turning toward his voice.

“I wanted to see you,” he said. That piqued my curiosity.

“Why is that? Didn’t Duncan tell you I would come to see you tomorrow?” 

“Yes, but I wanted to see you. He said you saved us from the bad men and I wanted to watch over you. Make sure the old lady didn’t come to take you again.” My heart jumped up into my throat as I realized what his statement meant. I had to be sure, though, so I phrased the question in my mind before I spoke.

“Sandal, is Flemeth the one who sent me to the other place?” My eyes adjusted to the darkness and I could make out his silhouette. He was hesitant to answer so I sat up and held out my hand to him. He slowly came closer and took it, his bright smile almost glowing in the dark. “You can tell me, I promise I won’t tell her.”

“Yes.” He said it so definitely that there wasn’t a doubt in my mind. The gears in my head started turning as I tried to figure out what her plan would be when it hit me. 

“She sent me over there and brought me back to be sure the wardens succeeded,” I whispered to myself, shaking my head. I laughed softly as I realized what a pawn I was on this large game board. Self preservation is apparently her forte, I thought, no wonder she’s as old as she is. I turned my thoughts back to Sandal and looked at him. “Thank you Sandal, thank you for your help. How is Bodahn?”

“The nice mage says he will be all better soon.” He was grinning so widely I had to smile. His happiness was infectious. I nodded.

“Good, why don’t you go get some sleep and I will see you in the morning?” I nodded toward the door and he dropped my hand and walked out, stopping in the doorway.

“Night night!” He smiled and left.


	10. Chapter 10

The next day Solana allowed me to go outside, simply telling me to take it easy as she walked back toward her other patients in the chantry. By then she had realized how hard headed I was so I took her lack of resistance as acceptance of that fact. I decided to stop by to see the dwarves before I left.

Sandal was sitting on a crate, staring at Bodahn as he slept. That’s creepy, I thought as I moved to stand beside him. He noticed me and looked up, smiled then looked back to Bodahn.

“He just went to sleep,” he whispered. Looking Bodahn over I saw his injuries were healing nicely, the lacerations I could see on his arms were scarred pink but no swelling was apparent. I smiled, happy he was resting comfortably.

“When he wakes up please tell him I stopped to say hello,” I whispered and touched Sandals shoulder. As he looked up at me I gave him a wink and headed for the door.

Grinning, I slowly opened the doors to the chantry and stepped outside. The sun felt glorious on my face so I rolled up my sleeves to expose my arms and held them out to soak it all in. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath in through my nose and I exhaled slowly out through my mouth, releasing all of the tension from the last 24 hours through that breath. I dropped my arms to my sides and proceeded down the steps to the courtyard where everyone was sparring and target shooting. 

Trying to stay out of everyone’s way I skirted the group and headed down to the docks. My first time being out I wanted to sit by the water and think. With Denerim being a sea port the ocean had been the one constant in my life. Whenever I had doubts, questions or worries, the ocean was always there to calm and center me. Lake Calenhad isn’t the ocean, I thought to myself as I sat down on the dock, taking off my shoes and socks to dip my bare feet into the water. But it will have to do. Stretching my neck and facing the sun, I closed my eyes and let my mind clear.

First I need to deal with my memories, I thought. Pushing everything from NY aside, I focused on Ferelden. The distant memories are ok, nothing too traumatic. I had brothers and they were asses at various points in our lives but they were still brothers. Nothing unusual there. Some memories of mother, she died when Caden and I were young but what I remembered most fondly was her hair. It was long, blonde and smelled of lilacs. Father did his best to raise us (got the best nannies) and, all things considered, we turned out ok. Then the memory of when Caden left came up. 

He and Father had been fighting for weeks. I asked them both what was going on and neither would speak of it, so I went to Vaughan. He would just brush it off, as if it was just another argument between them that would blow over. I knew better. Knowing Caden as well as I knew myself, I saw the anger in him that would ultimately drive him away. That was why the morning we all came down to breakfast and Caden was nowhere to be found I was not surprised. I knew the night before, without him telling me, that he was gone.

I never did get too many of the specifics but I knew Caden was interested in becoming a Warden. Being the third child (Vaughan was the oldest (the heir) and I was born first (the spare)) his life had not been decided for him. Not content to float away into oblivion, Caden decided he wanted a life of service as far away from Denerim (and the name Kendalls) as possible. The Wardens fit that profile perfectly. He could station anywhere in Thedas and kill all the darkspawn he could find. The kind of life he always dreamed of. 

So the night he left he ran away to become a Warden. He went through the joining with Alistair, Jaden and one other who didn’t make it then was stationed with Duncan in Denerim. A few months later, the darkspawn started creeping to the surface. 

And I was attacked.

I remembered Garrett Wulff, he was a handsome one with brown eyes and darker brown hair. Big and muscled like his father, he was just the perfect amount of girth to make me swoon. I was thrilled when we were promised, as was he, so we took every opportunity to spend time together. He was normally the one to come to visit, being the suitor, so he had a room of his own in the guest wing of our estate. The same room he was staying in that night.

After dinner we had feigned exhaustion, mostly from the sparring we had claimed to have done in the yard that day, and excused ourselves early. Vaughan knew better but said nothing. Being the diligent older brother he simply gave Garrett a threatening look and let him pass. Then after I made my way to my doorway I doubled back, peeked to make sure no one was looking, and ran out to the courtyard to meet Garrett.

We walked around, laughed, held hands, even shared kisses under the moonlight. Finally we decided we wanted to hit the taverns down on the docks. I loved going down there, it made me forget who I was and it was the best way to find out all the gossip in Denerim. Then there were the stories! Some of the sailors had been on the sea for decades and had the best stories. I used to sit there for hours listening to one or another, dreaming of what it would be like to have an adventure of my own.

Then the evening wound down and Garrett got belligerent so we left. I decided to cut through the Alienage to get him home faster; he was fading fast and there was no way I was going to carry him. As we were sneaking through Garrett was getting louder. I clamped my hand over his mouth and looked ahead of us. My jaw dropped, along with my hand. 

Six elves were standing in our path, a few holding wooden mallets for weapons, staring us down. I stopped dead in my tracks.

“What do we do now?” I whispered as Garrett pushed me behind him.

“Beat it knife ears!” he yelled as he put up his fists. He teetered, then, regaining his balance, he puffed out his chest. “Out of our way, do you know who I am?”

“Yep,” the one in the middle said as they stalked toward us, “you’re a shem.” My heart started pounding as I backed away from the scene. I didn’t want to run and leave Garrett alone but I wasn’t sure he could take them all on. Where would that leave me? I looked around for anything I could use as a weapon. Finding nothing, I felt a whimper escape my throat. 

It only took three of them a moment to take Garrett to the ground, knocking him unconscious. As those three were picking through his pockets, the other three glared at me. I dug into my dress folds and yanked out my coin purse, extending it toward them.

“Take it, please,” I pleaded, “just take it. I won’t say anything to anyone, I promise!” I started to scream as they surrounded me. Grabbing at my clothes, they started ripping them off me, laughing, as they pushed me to the ground… 

And so it began, I thought, as I picked up a pebble then dropped it in the water. First there were the ripples, then came the waves. The waves became stronger to usher in the arrival of the hurricane… 

Vaughan. 

*****

As I sat on the dock, still deep in thought, I felt someone sit down next to me. I looked over to see Alistair with some dried ham in one hand and cheese in the other. I smirked, elbowing him in the side.

“I take it the ham is for me?” I asked, quirking my eyebrow. 

“Ha ha, you really are funny, aren’t you?” he asked as he handed me a bit of both on a piece of cloth. “I know how to share.” I accepted the food and unconsciously rested my head on his shoulder, as if out of habit. He then rested his cheek on my head briefly then turned to his food, which made my stomach do a little flip as I sat up. 

“I was just remembering parts of my past,” I said as I tried to distract myself from what just happened, “I had no idea there would be so much, I can’t believe I thought I wasn’t from here.” I smiled as I lifted my head to look at him. He had a mouth full of something and smiled softly making me grin. “I would miss you if you decided you didn’t want me around, you know,” I said sadly as I took an edge off the cheese in front of me. I felt his elbow nudge me as he fought to swallow.

“What are you talking about? Of course I want you around, you silly woman,” he joked, then looked at me with a concerned expression. “What’s wrong?” I sighed.

“I think there’s a lot to tell you,” I said as I stared down at the food in my hands, suddenly losing my appetite. I heard him huff and I looked at him to see his expression go serious.

“You realize that Caden and I went through the Joining together,” he asked slowly and I nodded, “then you should understand that we are very close. I confide in him things that I wouldn’t tell another soul, and he confides in me.” He let that sink in as he took another bite. I looked down at my food and grabbed another edge of cheese, nibbling on it.

“So if something were to bother him,” I asked softly, almost afraid of the answer, “he would share it with you? Even if it was about me?” I couldn’t look him in the eye as the panic rose in my chest. I felt him shift the position he was sitting in and heard him clear his throat. Sighing, I turned to look at him.

The man sitting next to me was not the man I met at Ostagar. The man I met there was quiet, reserved, shy to a fault and couldn’t assert himself on a fly unless it had the taint. This man, the man sitting next to me right now was reserved but not from a lack of confidence. Facing me, he was cross legged and had his elbow resting on his knee, cupping his chin in his hand. The look on his face was calm, serene even, his templar training coming through. He was confident and even seemed content. As I continued to look at him my heart started beating faster. I noticed he had a tan line from his armor that disappeared under his shirt at the shoulder. I wanted to trace it with my finger to find out where it led…

“Like I told you the first night after Lothering,” he whispered as he leaned in closer to me, “you’d be surprised what I know.” He smiled this smile I had never seen on another man before. It was like something that belonged on a magazine cover. I wanted to just put my hands on his face, pull him in and kiss him until our lips turned purple. I held back and took a breath.

“So you know about what happened,” I said hesitantly. He nodded. “And…”

“And yes,” he whispered as he pushed a lock of hair away from my face. I whimpered, looking down at the food in my hands again.

“What have I done?” I whispered as I felt the guilt tear at my insides. “I let my brother terrorize elves, PEOPLE, for something that was not anyone’s fault but my own. We shouldn’t have gone through there; it was so late at night. And Vaughan was so angry when he found out, I tried to stop him,” I said as I looked up at Alistair, “but he was just so angry. I didn’t know HOW to stop him.” I put my food down on the dock and held my head in my hands. “Maker I am so WEAK!” I felt Alistair’s large hand grab my head and bring it to his chest, scooping me up and into his lap with his other arm, holding me tight.

“Don’t do that,” he said, “It is not your fault.” I felt the tears start as I leaned into his chest. Then I thought about what I was doing. I’m sitting in a man’s lap that I just met days ago crying like a child. Why is he comforting me, why should he care? I asked myself. Then it dawned on me. He’s not doing this for me. He’s doing this for Caden, because I’m his sister and he feels obligated. 

“Alistair, this isn’t fair,” I said as I pulled away, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t push my problems on to you. I’m a lost cause; you’re better off staying away from me.” I stood up, as did he.

“The last time I checked,” he said thoughtfully, “I was able to make decisions for myself. So if I DECIDE I want you in my life…” he paused as he took my chin in his hand gently then sighed, shaking his head. “Kora, you have to realize that Caden is the closest thing to a brother that I have. And you are important to him. That makes you important to me. That and…” I waited, but all I got was a blush from him. I raised an eyebrow.

“And?” I asked. He laughed, grabbing for the back of his neck and blushing.

“No, nothing, sorry. I mis-spoke. Oh, you didn’t finish your lunch, are you going to eat that?” He looked away but I moved into his view.

“No, no, you were going to say something.” I smiled sweetly and batted my eyelashes just enough that I hoped he wouldn’t realize it was intentional. He smiled, clearly embarrassed, then let out a deep sigh and squared his shoulders.

“That and you’re beautiful.” He said it as if it were a fact, something that the world knew to be true. My heart skipped a beat. I did NOT expect THAT to come out of his mouth so I was shocked into silence for a moment. 

All of my doubts, all of my worries about myself and my past just disappeared with that one phrase. It was as if a cloud lifted from my very soul, letting the light back in. He took every bad memory and pounded it to dust with those words. I wonder if he realizes the amount of power he has over me, I thought to myself. I almost shed a tear.

“You think I’m beautiful?” I asked, practically whispering. He smirked.

“Of course, and you know it!” he said as he looked me up and down. “You’re beautiful, intelligent, resourceful, and all those other things you’d probably hit me for not saying.” He looked away for a moment as a thought hit him. “Wait, CADEN may actually hit me for saying them. Don’t tell him, please? I bruise easily!” he joked as he pretended to cower and I laughed. 

“I… “ I was at a loss for words. I could feel my heart in my throat and had to swallow it down. “I don’t know what to say, Alistair.” He took a step back and put up his hands.

“Don’t worry,” he said sheepishly, “Not a big deal. I’ll just be going.” He started to turn to walk away when I grabbed his arm.

“Wait, Alistair…” I could feel my hands shaking as I held onto his arm. He looked at them then took them into his.

“Kora, what’s wrong?” he asked, obviously concerned. “You’re trembling! I should get you back to the chantry, you’re obviously not well enough to be up.” 

I started laughing, I couldn’t help it. He truly had no idea the effect he had on me. Here I was, after his declaration nervous as hell just being near him, and he thought my reaction was because I was still weak from my injury. 

“Alistair,” I said as I calmed myself, “it’s not that.” I smiled up at him, watching his face turn from concern to confusion.

“Why would you be shaking like that? Come on, I’m taking you back to Solana.” He scooped me up gently into his arms and started carrying me back to the chantry. I felt my whole body heat up from being handled so intimately by him. I took a breath to steady myself. 

“Alistair STOP!” I demanded. He stopped in his tracks. “Put me down.” He gently put my feet to the ground then steadied me before releasing me. I looked up into his beautiful brown eyes.

I had no idea how to tell him what was going through my head. What words could properly convey my feelings without sounding like an over eager teenager? I asked myself as I stood there, staring into those eyes. I realized there were no words, nothing I could say that would make him understand. So I had to resort to the next best thing.

I took his cheek in my hand and pulled his face to mine. Then I closed my eyes and placed my lips on his for a gentle kiss. I pulled back and looked up at him, trying to gauge his reaction. His eyes were closed, slowly opening, then a blush overtook his face. I smiled softly, waiting for it to register. 

“There you are!” Cailan called out from behind Alistair. We both jumped away from the other like we’d been caught doing something awful. In his excitement Cailan failed to notice. “Everyone from the circle is back, they’re upstairs right now. Are you coming?” He looked from Alistair to me, then back to Alistair. I looked at Alistair who was still in shock apparently, then smiled at Cailan and nodded as I started up the hill toward the castle.

We entered the castle and went upstairs toward Arl Eamon’s bedroom where the mages were all gathered, as well as Duncan, Elissa, Morrigan, Brock and Jaden.

When we entered the room we turned to face the scene as it unfolded in front of us. There were four mages standing in formation around another who appeared to be in some sort of a trance lying on the floor. As they were humming and chanting I glanced at Alistair who was standing next to me. That was utterly stupid, I said to myself. What if he just said that to make me feel good? Way to go idiot. I turned my attention back to the mages.

About 15 minutes later the mage on the floor seemed to rouse. As the eldest of the mages knelt to check him he smiled happily.

“The demon is dead, the boy will survive,“ he said as everyone breathed a sigh of relief, some even hooting and hollering their happiness and praise. I smiled up at Cailan who smiled warmly back at me, putting an arm around my shoulders briefly to give me a gentle squeeze. Then I turned to Alistair. He must have noticed I was looking at him so he gave me a small smile but turned back to the watch rest of the group. I felt my heart ache; kissing him was obviously a mistake.

“Thank you, thank you all!” Isolde carried on as she cried her eyes out. She was every bit the Orlesian too, blonde hair tied back into a tight bun with sculpted curls framing her face and a fancy red dress with beads and crystals sewn into it. I’m sure her thanks were sincere; it was her only child after all, but the outfit? Mourning my ass, I thought as I looked away. Cailan caught my look and smirked.

“She has that effect on everyone,” he whispered to me as I smirked back at him.

“I believe it,” I said and I walked from the room to give the family time together. 

I stopped in the main hall and took a breath. All I could think about was Alistair and what I had just done, knots forming in my stomach. 

“Idiot,” I said aloud to myself as I shook my head. “What the hell were you thinking?” I slapped myself in the forehead and went outside. 

I needed some air.


	11. Chapter 11

“You don’t think we should all stay together?” I heard Alistair ask pointedly as I walked up to the war room. The Wardens had taken over one of the rooms off the back of the Chantry for planning and private meetings so we all dubbed it the war room. I was going to ask Duncan when we were leaving for Haven when I happened upon their conversation so I planted myself outside the door way out of sight. “I don’t know that, even with the demon gone, it’s entirely safe here.”

“Bann Teagan has sent word to the knights to come home and as far as the villagers are concerned we are their charges,” I heard Duncan reply. “They will take care of those left behind. Beside the fact that there’s no need for everyone to go, we can have people here to keep an ear to the ground. We need to know what’s going on in Denerim.” I heard Alistair sigh, a relenting sigh. 

“Alright, I’ll let everyone know who is going,” he said as I heard him start to walk out of the room. I scurried behind the door before he saw me, waited for him to pass, and walked into the room. Duncan smiled.

“I heard you, little one,” he smiled as I flopped into a chair in the corner. I sighed. 

“You too? I’m going to kill Roman,” I pinched the bridge of my nose and dropped my hand to playfully glare at Duncan. By the look in his eyes I realized what he and Alistair were arguing about and my temper flared a bit. “You’re going to try to leave me behind?” He sighed.

“It’s not a reflection on your abilities,” he started the typical good – bad – good speech. Start with the good, give the bad news, and end on a good note. I’d used it myself and it is very effective on just about anyone… but not me.

“Duncan, stop right there, “ I said as I raised my palm to him. “I am going. For no other reason than you need me to solve the puzzles. You can clear out Haven, the chantry, hell, have fun with the dragonlings and the drakes, but I am going into that temple.” I stood up and walked over to the map table, leaning on it with my palms, staring at the expanses of Ferelden. “I’ve come too far,” I whispered to myself as I ran a finger along Lake Calenhad, across to Denerim in the East then south west to Ostagar. Duncan moved to stand beside me, hands clasped behind his back.

“Homesick?” he asked. I glanced at him and nodded, feeling a knot develop in my stomach. Everything that was going to transpire in the near future was creeping into my mind. The ashes, Orzammar, The Brecilian Forest, the civil war, the Landsmeet, the blight; everything in Ferelden was about to be turned upside down and all I wanted to do was go home and hide under my bed as I did when I was a child. I don’t think I was the right choice for this Flemeth, I thought as I steadied myself against the table. I’m no leader.

“Ahem,” I heard a female voice from the doorway. I turned to see Morrigan and smiled, happy for the distraction. “May I speak with you, Kora?” I nodded, looking to Duncan for approval, and walked out into the chantry with her. 

“I assume this is about the grimoire?” I asked. She nodded and motioned to the door so I followed her outside. 

We walked around the chantry and over to the docks. Making sure no one was around Morrigan finally looked at me and sighed.

“You know what lies in that book.” I nodded, waiting for her to continue. She started to pace the water line. “Then you know what I will ask of you.” I shook my head.

“Why ask me? You have nothing to offer in return…” I paused, “or do you?” I waited for her to get to the point, knowing she was not one to worry over the niceties.

“I will tell you all I know of your journey,” she said as she stared at me with those yellow eyes, “but you must kill Flemeth.”

I remembered the necklace and how she would come back to life anyway but I hadn’t decided if I was going to share that with her. I needed answers and short of threatening Flemeth within an inch of her life (that I wasn’t sure I could do anyway) Morrigan was my only shot. There was also the ritual she needed to perform, I could use that as leverage, but the bottom line was I needed answers. 

“No,” I responded. “You will talk. I’ll not murder someone just because she means to do you harm. You haven’t exactly been a friend to me in case you’ve forgotten.” I crossed my arms. “There’s also the secret of the ritual that I am keeping for you, as well as… the ritual with the necklace. More specifically, the locket.” I smiled smugly. Her eyes grew a bit larger then she threw her hands up and huffed.

“FINE! Fine, you want the truth,” she sat down cross legged on the dock, “the truth you shall have. Sit, tis a long story.” I sat in front of her and nodded for her to begin. “I am unsure as to how much you know of Flemeth so I shall start with that.

“Flemeth has survived for ages with the assistance of spirits. Spirits she has tricked into her service. These spirits do a great many things for her, one of which is to warn her of dangers in the future, so about a year ago they warned her of Ostagar and the blight. At first she asked the spirits what she needed to do to avoid perishing. They advised her of a ritual involving a necklace, the locket you speak of, which she did not see fit to share with me. I can only assume you will advise me of the specifics when I finish my tale.” She gave me an expectant glare and continued. “One of the spirits also told her of the ritual to trap the Archdemon’s soul in an unborn child, giving her the spell for it. But that would not work if the Wardens did not succeed in killing the Archdemon.”

“I assume this is where I came in,” I said as I leaned back on my hands. She nodded.

“Not satisfied with allowing events to occur naturally, Flemeth decided someone needed to know the way things would transpire and put them in a position to aid the Wardens. Not just anyone mind you, it would have to be someone close to one of them, someone who could influence events through that relationship and have a real effect on the outcome. And then she found you.”

“Wait,” I said as I shook my head, not sure what to believe, “what do you mean she ‘found’ me?”

“I mean just that. You were unconscious and dying in the wilds just south of Ostagar. You had been out with a group of Templars, probably looking for apostates, such as myself.” She grinned, a wolf’s grin that almost made me cringe. “Mother had been told by the spirits who you were, your connection to the Wardens and where to find you. She then plucked you from death’s door and sent you through the fade.”

“I AM a Templar,” I whispered, dumbfounded. Pushing that thought aside I looked back to Morrigan. “I went through the fade to get to that other place? How did she even know about it? What of Caden? If he wasn’t sent through how was he there?” Morrigan put her hand up to stop me.

“ I told you I would tell you what I know so let me continue.” She scolded as she straightened her shoulders. “You were a Templar, yes, but I assume they think you are dead along with the rest of your group so I doubt they are hunting you as a deserter. I do not know how she knew about the other world, most likely the spirits told her. 

“I do know that the woman whose life you took over was actually you, another version of you, hence the reason you could exist in her body. An alternate reality if you will. That is how, I assume, your brother was still your brother as he had another version as well. I also know that if you had not taken over her body when you did, she would have died. I do not know how but that was another reason it was easier for mother to complete the spell. So it goes without saying that when you left her body this time…” I sighed.

“She died permanently.” I shook my head then dropped it into my hands. “Oh, poor Caden. And Elissa.” I looked up. “But wait, how DID I leave her body?” 

“Mother brought you back,” she said as if it were obvious. “It was all about timing, making sure you had gathered all the information you would need as well as putting you in the wilds at the right time to be able to reach Ostagar. It was all quite brilliant actually.” She smiled as she smoothed her feathers on her shoulder. I felt myself getting angry.

“I’m so thrilled that you think interfering with the natural order of things is entertaining,” I spat as I stood up. Morrigan stood to face me.

“If we had NOT interfered, both you and your ‘alternate’ would have died, as would have all of the people in your charge now, so ask yourself, TEMPLAR,” she growled, “Where would you all be if we had not?” I sighed and shook my head, looking down at the dock beneath my feet.

I had to admit, she had a point. As selfish as her Mother’s intentions were there were many lives to thank her for saving, mine included. As much as Morrigan was an arrogant bitch I had to agree with her point of view on this which, oddly enough, made me almost respect her. I looked up at her and decided to tell her everything I knew as well.

“The necklace that Flemeth was told about, the locket? She put a small piece of herself into it and sent it to Kirkwall with some refugees. Once there, the Dalish will perform a rite for the departed over it and bring her back to life. Therefore, even if you were successful in getting someone to kill her she would still live. My suggestion, don’t waste your time or energy.” Morrigan looked down at the ground, defeated.

Then I remembered the other grimoire Flemeth has. If you tell her in the game you’re going to tell Morrigan she is dead and actually let her live she gives it to you and you give it to Morrigan, I thought. I wonder if that would work in reality. A little payback as it were for messing with me. Both of me. 

“What is going through your mind, Templar?” Morrigan asked. I smiled.

“I just had a thought. The information I have tells me of a scenario where a group goes to kill Flemeth but instead she gives up her grimoire and she is allowed to live.” My gears were grinding. “Can she read minds?” Morrigan smiled eagerly.

“Not the mind of a Templar.” I grinned.

“Let me think about it,” I said as I turned and walked back to the chantry.

*****

“Good afternoon,” a voice rang out as I reached the steps. I turned to see Cailan walking toward me. “Do you have a moment, My Lady?” he asked with a smile and a wink as he extended his arm to me. Just his smile made all the tension drain from my body. I couldn’t help but grin back at him and take his arm. 

Cailan had changed so much. No longer was he the boy who liked to play at war, as Loghain liked to refer to him. He was calmer, more at ease with himself and his surroundings, not so eager to prove himself. He had an air about him that made you relaxed around him, confident in him, trust him enough to step back and let him make the tough calls. He was a king, and it was starting to show. I was proud. That and he was so damned charming when he wanted to be.

We slowly strolled through the village, taking in the sights and sounds. As we reached the tavern Cailan released my arm to open the door for me and I walked through, bowing my head in thanks as I made my way into the darkened room. When my eyes adjusted a young woman approached us. Cailan pointed to a table in the back corner and she walked us over, taking our drink orders then leaving. I smiled at Cailan, resting my fore arms on the table and lacing my fingers together.

“I know you didn’t want to just take a walk and get me drunk, Cailan,” I said teasingly. He smiled back and rested his fore arms on the table as well.

“It is quite the pleasure to have you on my arm, no denying that, but no. That was not my only intent.” He paused, examining my face. I raised an eyebrow at him which made him laugh lightly. “Caden was right, you are a tough read.” I held my smile.

“Yes I am and what are you up to?” I asked firmly. He shrugged his shoulders as the waitress delivered our drinks and left.

“Ok, no point in dancing round it,” he sighed as he took a deep drink from his mug of ale. “I have given a lot of thought to the things that will have to change in Ferelden once I take back my throne and one of them involves you.” I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

“What are you referring to?” I asked, taking a sip from my mug. He took a deep breath.

“As you know Vaughan has become… erratic in his behavior over the last few years. His rage is clouding his judgment, making him incapable of ruling properly. That’s why I’ve decided…” his pause made my breath catch in my throat. No, he’s not seriously… “after imprisoning him for his crimes against his people I am going to appoint you the Arlessa of Denerim.” My heart jumped up into my throat.

“Cailan, you’re not serious?” I asked, completely shocked at what he was saying. “You can’t possibly mean to put me in charge of Denerim. I NEVER wanted it, I am no leader, which was why…” I stopped and looked down at my hands in my lap as the memory came back to me. “That was why I became a templar,” I whispered. With his knuckle Cailan took my chin up to face him.

“I am completely serious,” he whispered as he smiled. “Kora, you are strong, brave, loyal and fiercely protective. You will make an amazing Arlessa. Just like your mother.” He released my chin and took my hand. “Besides, I owe you my life, My Lady.” He winked as he kissed my knuckles. I took his hand in both of mine. 

“You owe me nothing,” I stated firmly, “In fact you owe me a punch in the face.” I thought back to that day sadly, shaking my head at my ignorance. To think I almost didn’t save this man just because of my personal opinion of him, I thought. I have to tell him the truth. I looked back up at him and took a breath.

“Caden told me of your reservations before bringing me back,” he said as he put a finger up to my lips to quiet me and then put his hand back on mine. “You think I blame you? I was an idiot, arrogant and deluded into thinking I was immortal, invincible. I was a child and I did not deserve my station.” He then looked deep into my eyes, searching. “And yet here I am because of you. All I can do is hope that you do not regret your decision. I want to be respected in those beautiful blue eyes.” I smiled and raised my eyebrows, feeling my breath hitch.

“Cailan, I can’t convey to you how much I respect you,” I said as I cupped his cheek. “You have grown so much as a person in the short time since Ostagar; I don’t see the boy I knew. Your father is living on within you, I see that now,” I said as I gazed into his eyes. My heart started to beat louder so I dropped my hand from his face and released his. Sitting back in my chair I took a breath. He laughed and sat back in his.

“Now that that’s settled…” he trailed off and raised his eyebrow at me like Alistair does when he’s waiting for me to come around to his side of things. I felt a small pang at the memory. “As for my solution, I truly hope that you will agree. Now, I know how you feel about Vaughan but I can assure you that since your departure he has been relentless in his disrespect for the elven community.” Cailan sat up and put his hand out on the table, reaching toward me with compassion in his eyes. I sat up and placed my hand in his. “I know you love him, but I cannot turn a blind eye to it any longer. Justice must be served.” 

As I took in what he said I realized he was right, things had gone far too wrong for far too long and Vaughan needed to be made an example of. Other nobles were doing similar things and it had to stop. The only way that would happen is if there were consequences to their actions and those consequences would have to be severe. I sighed.

“Will he be put to death?” I asked in a small voice. I felt weak, thankful that we were seated so I didn’t have to worry about falling to my knees. As I felt a tear escape Cailan reached out and wiped it away.

“No. He will spend the rest of his days in prison but he will not be put to death or tortured.” I let out a small sigh of relief.

“At least that’s something.” I reached up to pinch the bridge of my nose then dropped my hand to my lap. “So you’re giving me my family’s seat in the Landsmeet?” I asked, trying to digest everything he said. He smiled and nodded then started to rub the back of his neck, looking away. Another mannerism that Alistair has, I thought. He must be uncomfortable with what he’s about to say. 

“There is also the issue of my wife.” He glanced at me then looked away again. I nodded.

“You think Anora’s involved in this plot with Loghain,” I stated more than asked. He shook his head and dropped it into his hands.

“I don’t know what to believe anymore,” he said with a deep sigh, looking up at me, “but I know I can’t trust her. I’ll have to put her aside. Not looking forward to that.” He gave me a half smile that broke my heart. I took his hand and squeezed it firmly.

“You will have my full support, no matter what you decide,” I promised resolutely. He smiled.

“I knew I could count on you,” he said quietly. 

We sat there holding hands over the table, looking into one another’s eyes. It was a comfortable silence that I had not experienced with anyone other than Caden before, mostly because we could talk without speaking. I felt as if Cailan was picking up on my thoughts so I decided to test it. I can’t believe you want to make me an Arlessa, I thought. He smirked and grabbed his mug, holding it up to toast. 

“To the new Arlessa of Denerim. May she have as much faith in her King as he does in her.” I raised my mug and smiled.

“To my King. The man I put all my faith in.” I said as we tapped mugs and drank. I put down my mug and smiled at him. “And Cailan?”

“Yes, Arlessa Kora?” he asked in an overly formal way. I sneered then smiled softly.

“Thank you for not taking more extreme action on my brother.” Cailan smiled back softly and took my hand, kissing my knuckles. 

He let his lips linger and his eyes never left mine.

 

*****

 

We sat there until dinner time, reminiscing and telling stories about our childhood. Cailan told his with so much enthusiasm it made me laugh, at one point I was teary eyed.

“Why are you laughing?” he asked feigning shock. I laughed harder.

“You were holding her hand? It never occurred to you to let GO?” I roared. He started laughing then, holding his stomach.

“I thought women enjoyed mud masks!” He tried desperately to keep a straight face but failed, resting his arms on the table in front of him and dropping his forehead on them, laughing hysterically. I shook my head as I laughed.

“You are a terrible, terrible man,” I said as I took another swig from my third mug, polishing it off. He lifted his head and smirked at me. 

“I’m sure you can sympathize with being paraded around like a prize cow,” he said as he got his composure. Sitting up, he rested his chin in his hand and sighed. “I was far too self-centered to think about how they felt. Is it the same for you?”

“It’s frustrating, to say the least,” I answered as I thought back. “More nerve-racking than anything. We worry far too much about how we are perceived rather than whether or not it would be a good match.” I gave him a wink. “You’d have been in big trouble if we were considered.” His eyebrows went up in surprise.

“Oh really?” he asked. “And why would you say that, My Lady?” I smirked.

“Try giving me a mud mask and you’ll find out,” I said in a threatening voice. “Other than that I doubt you could have handled me, I was very flirtatious back then.” I giggled. I almost covered my mouth in shock that I said that, realizing I had a buzz. “And I’m going to shut up now. I think the ale has gotten to me.” Cailan laughed.

“I enjoy seeing you like this, it lets me see you as you are,” He said as he smiled at me in a way that made my heart jump. Maybe it was the ale. “We’ve got a long road ahead and I want us to be comfortable with each other. We’ll be working together a lot after all is said and done, right?” he asked. I smiled and nodded, feeling some undertones in what he was saying. He must have picked up on that and laughed, shaking his head. “I think we should eat, let’s go up to the castle for the evening meal.” He stood and walked over to me, extending his arm. “My Lady?” I smiled and took it. 

Making our way up the hill, we ran into Alistair. I noticed the ache in my chest when I saw him had dulled so I managed a smile.

“Brother,” Cailan said as he released my arm to give Alistair a firm pat on the shoulder. “Join us? We’re heading to the castle for the evening meal.” Alistair looked between the two of us with a strange look on his face. 

“Yes please, Alistair,” I said quietly as I started walking up the hill again ahead of them. Cailan caught up with me and put my hand in his arm, causing me to look up at him. The corners of his lips were ever so slightly turned up, his smile sincere and alluring. It made my body suddenly go warm so I returned it, blushing as I looked back to the ground. 

Maybe it was wishful thinking but I was sure I could feel Alistair’s eyes on my back.

*****

After we ate we all congregated in the Arl’s study for a night cap and strategy meeting. It was decided that we would leave for Haven in the morning, make camp outside the town, then enter it the following day. Duncan didn’t think it was a good idea to try and camp inside the town or temple but my concern was whether or not we could get through to the ashes in one day. 

“Do you truly think it’s wise that you accompany them, Kora?” Cailan asked seriously. I looked around and noticed everyone was looking at me. I sighed, stood up and, walking over to the door, I gestured toward it. Cailan stood, putting out his arm to escort so I took it and we left the room.

“I have discussed this with Duncan,” I said as we slowly made our way through the castle. “Brock, Alistair, Solana and Leliana will clear the way and I will follow with Marcus and Caden.” I smirked as a thought hit me. “You’re just mad because you’re being left behind with Morrigan.” He groaned dramatically.

“That’s definitely part of it,” he said as we reached the main hall, “but I’m more concerned about you.” I gave him a curious look then raised my eyebrow at him playfully. He reached out and placed his hands on my upper arms. “I’m concerned that the Arlessa of Denerim is putting herself in unnecessary danger.” He pushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear and smiled. “I can’t rule this country without you.” I laughed at that.

“You put too much faith in me my KING!” I smiled as I pushed him in the chest. He grinned at me mercilessly. I put my hand on my hip and shook my head. “I know you mean well but please don’t try to talk me out of this, I can’t explain why but this is important to me.” Still grinning he nodded his head.

“I know why,” he said playfully as he bumped his shoulder into mine. I laughed.

“Uh huh, sure you do.”

“Did it occur to you it may be because of your training? You probably don’t remember asking my father’s permission.” He paused, waiting to see if my memory returned but I shook my head. “It was right after Caden left, you asked for an audience with him and he granted it. I was there, you were adamant about joining the order, to help the mages and bring the circle back to its protective and nurturing ways. Then Father asked if your father was aware of your request.” I shook my head again.

“Of course he wasn’t,” I replied, glancing at the ground, then back to Cailan. “I take it I was denied.” Cailan laughed softly.

“No, but your father must have gotten wind of it because he burst into the room, red faced and ready to drag you out of there kicking and screaming.” He smiled at the memory, the cheeky bastard. “I thought you were going to explode.” He grinned.

“I’m so glad I could amuse you, your MAJESTY,” I said sarcastically as I smacked him in the arm and smiled. “Wow, I couldn’t do anything right in my father’s eyes, could I?” I said more to myself but Cailan heard, cupping my chin in his hand.

“Don’t you dare,” he said firmly. “Not that I condone speaking ill of the dead but your father was foolish. He should never have tried to hold you back.” He released my chin and gave me a serious look. “Seeing you then, yes, it amused me to think that a noble woman wanted to be a templar. But seeing you now,” he glanced up and down my body, unexpectedly making me flush, “I know if you put your mind to it you could change the world.” I took a deep breath, trying to regain control over my skin. 

“I wish I had your confidence… but you’re still not changing my mind,” I stated firmly. “If anything you are assuring me that I am doing the right thing. Your plan back fired, you’re stuck with Morrigan.” I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed.

“You are a wicked woman,” he said in a low voice as he brushed my cheek with the back of his fingers and walked away. I could feel my body respond to his absence. Completely confused, I stood in the main hall, trying desperately to center myself.

What the hell is going on with me?


	12. Chapter 12

“Oh dear,” Leliana shook her head. She, Elissa and I were sitting at the fire in the room Isolde had offered us inside the castle, chatting like teenage girls. There were two wing back chairs, both crushed red velvet, that Leliana and I had perched in as well as a matching chaise lounge that Elissa had stretched out on as soon as we walked in. We were giggling and gossiping after our baths, relaxing in our borrowed nightgowns, and drinking our glasses of red wine (open bottle plus one on the coffee table in front of us). I had just told them about my blunder with Alistair earlier that day so of course Leliana was all over that.

“Oh no, wait! It gets better,” I said a little louder than I wanted to. I cleared my throat and lowered my voice. “Then along comes Cailan.” Elissa started laughing hysterically. 

“Oh yes, our overly sexy and enticing King of Ferelden,” she said as she waved her arms wide. “Maker, he is almost beautiful but he was such a tit when we were growing up.” I nearly spit out my wine.

“I’ll tell him you said so!” I teased as I reached for the bottle to refill my glass. She and Leliana laughed harder.

“So wait,” Leliana giggled as she tried to get back on subject, “what about Cailan?” I rolled my eyes.

“Well, apparently I’m going to be the Arlessa of Denerim.” I said slowly as the realization of what that meant hit me again. I shook my head. “He really must be desperate to put me in that position.” I felt Elissa slap my arm.

“You will be a wonderful Arlessa!” she practically shouted. “Shit, a darkspawn would be better than Vaughan.” I slapped her back, smiling.

“Thanks for the support! Remind me to make you the Hero of the Market Place when we slay the Archdemon,” I joked as she shook her head.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” she slurred a bit as she sat up. “I’m just saying that no matter how bad you think you may be just remember who you are picking up after. My father always said that those who do not want power are the ones who deserve it.” She grew sad, looking back to the fire. I got up out of my chair and sat next to her on the lounge, putting an arm around her shoulders.

“Thank you Elissa,” I said quietly as I planted a kiss on her forehead and rested my cheek against the top of her head. I felt her sigh heavily and gave her a big squeeze as I saw Leliana get up from her chair to sit on the other side of her, wrapping her arm around her waist.

“It will be alright,” Leliana said as she kissed her cheek and snuggled her nose into Elissa’s ear making her laugh. I smiled.

“So anyway,” I said theatrically as I released Elissa and stood before the two of them, “as he’s telling me all this we start drinking and then the stories start up…” I paused as I thought about our conversation. 

“Drinking, huh?” Elissa smirked. I shook my head.

“Nothing happened, you dirty little girl,” I wagged my finger at her, “but if I didn’t know any better I would say he was flirting with me. I don’t know, maybe it was the ale, maybe I was just imagining it.” I shook my head and pinched the bridge of my nose. “After what happened this morning, maybe I needed a little ego-boost.” I dropped my hand and looked at my captive audience smiling up at me.

“He is quite handsome.” Leliana raised her eyebrows at me expectantly. I shook my head again.

“Are you kidding? Look what happened this morning with ONE brother.” I ran a hand through my hair as I walked to the fire then to my wing back chair. “I’m useless with men.” I flopped back down into it.

That whole afternoon was truly eye-opening. Every story, every laugh we shared brought a smile to my face, something I never expected to happen when in his company. I looked down at the fire and wondered if he had as good a time as I did. Maker knew my morning was a complete loss. I sighed, thinking about that kiss. How it felt, what it meant to me… and what it didn’t seem to mean to him. My chest tightened up as I felt tears stinging my eyes. Suddenly there was a knock at the door that made me jump and shake my head, willing the tears away. 

“Kora,” I heard Cailan say through the door, “Leliana, Elissa? Are you still awake?” We all stood and I opened it. He looked me up and down, taking in the sleeping gown I wore (it was navy satin with thin straps that went to the floor) and blushed. I smiled, glad to know I could still invoke some feeling in a man, but when he said nothing I put my hand on his chest.

“Cailan, what’s wrong?” I asked with concern. He shook his head as if to clear it and grew serious. 

“Duncan has called a meeting in the war room. I think something has happened.” The girls and I grabbed our robes and shoes and we all made our way down to the village.

When we walked in everyone was already there, even Teagan, so I moved into the corner out of the doorway. Cailan followed, staying by my side. Alistair glanced over at us as we entered and took a double take, making me blush as I remembered what I wearing so I wrapped the robe tighter around me, looking away. Duncan was deep in thought, leaning on the map table and staring at it but not seeing it. Shaking his head he looked up at all of us.

“Good, everyone is here. Teagan?” Duncan extended an arm out to the man and motioned for him to stand next to him. “Can you please share with everyone what you told me?”

“Unfortunately it’s not good news,” Teagan said as he moved to Duncan’s side, looking down at the table for a moment then looking up. “I placed scouts around Redcliffe to keep an eye out and one has reported back that a group of Loghain’s men are headed this way.” I heard several gasps from around me as I shook my head.

“This is unanticipated,” I mumbled. “When will they be here and how many?” 

“They will be here in two days and there are approximately 50 men total,” Teagan replied. 

“Any idea what their mission parameters are?” I asked. Teagan looked around the room and sighed, letting his eyes rest on Alistair who was standing a few feet from me. 

“Hunt down and execute all Grey Wardens,” he said simply. I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to stay off the head ache that I had suddenly acquired.

“Most of us are leaving tomorrow,” Marcus piped up. “We will just have to take everyone.”

“That’s a large party on the highway.” Brock shook his head. “Not a good idea.”

“And what about Cailan?” Elissa asked. “We can’t risk his safety.”

“Then let him stay here,” Jaden said, “Once Loghain’s men see he is alive maybe that will work to our advantage.”

“And give him away before the final act?” Rafe laughed, “I think we need to hold onto that card until the end.”

“What about Kora?” Alistair pointed out. My heart jumped a little at the way he said my name, making me turn to look at him. His face was full of concern. “Cailan isn’t the only noble that we have to protect.” I sighed inwardly, of course it wasn’t personal. I swallowed my emotions knowing now was not the time. 

“Perhaps if we changed our plans,” Roman offered, “What if everyone splits up and goes in different directions?”

All of the Wardens were talking at once and my head ache kicked in hard. I looked for a chair but all were occupied so I moved into the chantry, looking for something to sit on. Focus, I thought to myself, get it together. Do we run or do we stay? Running would just leave these villagers defenseless. But staying would involve them in a battle that is not theirs. I shook my head, frustrated. Then, giving up on sitting, I walked back into the war room and approached the map table.

“We cannot leave these people alone with 50 armed men bearing down on them,” I shouted over everyone. Everyone’s eyes were suddenly on me and I sighed, lowering my voice. “Once we are gone the people of Redcliffe will be defenseless. However we can’t make our stand here either, it will bring them into the fray and this is not their fight. Those troops know where we are, they have no other reason to come here.” I looked to Duncan and he nodded.

“We will have to deal with this group before we can go forward with our plans.” He squared his jaw and looked at Cailan. “Thoughts?” Cailan walked over and looked at the map.

“I agree that running is not an option and letting them come to us is just as risky,” Cailan said thoughtfully as he ran a hand over the map where Redcliffe was printed. I moved to stand next to him.

“I have a thought,” I said. “Teagan, can you point out to us where they were seen?” Teagan nodded and moved to stand next to me.

“They were seen here,” he pointed to a path off the highway just northwest of Lothering. “That was this afternoon.” I stared at the area.

“So they will travel through here,” I thought out loud as my finger traced their most likely route, “and arrive here in two days.” I inspected the route carefully and saw it was heavily wooded and rocky terrain. I smiled and pointed to a spot just beyond the halfway point between their position and Redcliffe. “We send a group to intercept them here and just take them out, bandit style. I’m sure there is some generic armor lying around and some low caliber weapons we can borrow, that way there won’t be anything to implicate the Wardens. And the attack should be far enough away that they won’t make a connection to Redcliffe.” I stepped away from the table and looked at Cailan, who was contemplating the plan. I heard Teagan laugh next to me.

“You are definitely your mother’s daughter,” he said as he smiled at me. “A strategist to the end. I like the ambush idea, Cailan?” Cailan slowly nodded.

“If we could make it seem as if they were attacked by bandits,” he said as he stared at the map, “it could throw them off the trail. Plus the loss of the manpower would put a damper on Loghain’s plans to get the Bannorns in line. It might be just the distraction we need.” He stepped away from the table. “Duncan, what are your thoughts?” Duncan smiled and nodded.

“Teagan, please wake the armorer. Inform him we will need plain armor and weapons. Everyone, gather what you will need but be sure nothing can be traced back to the Wardens or Redcliffe. We need to get on the road as soon as possible,” Duncan said. “The further away from Redcliffe they are when they are attacked the better. We head out in one hour.” 

As everyone made to leave Duncan cleared his throat. I looked at him and his facial expression stopped me. I could tell he had something to say and I wasn’t going to like it. He nodded to Cailan as well so I reached over and touched his arm, nodding towards Duncan. He understood so we stayed behind. Alistair noticed we weren’t following and gave us a questioning look, then looked to Duncan. “We’ll be along,” Duncan said. Alistair nodded and closed the door behind him. 

“I think I know where this is going,” I said with a sigh. Cailan put a hand on my shoulder as I looked up at him.

“It’s best,” he said as he gave me a small smile. “Putting aside the fact that we are nobility there’s also the fact that these people are hardened soldiers. That and I think we are a bit out of practice,” he joked as he squeezed my shoulder. “We have to trust them to do what they know so that we can do what we know.” I sighed and nodded.

“Fine, Duncan, what do you want us to do in the mean time?” I looked over at Duncan, defeated. He crossed his arms over his chest.

“Get some rest, day after tomorrow you should receive word from us either way. I will give Morrigan instruction that if the battle goes badly she is to shape shift and report back to you.” Duncan looked back to the map. “If the worst happens, the two of you will have to figure out a way to get to Denerim and undermine Loghain’s plans. Once that is done call to the Orlesian Wardens and hope they can respond in time.” He became thoughtful for a moment. “13 versus 50, the element of surprise is a big advantage, but...”

“Perhaps speak to Murdock,” I said, “I’m sure he will have men that will want to defend their home.” Duncan nodded. 

“An excellent idea.” He sighed, placing a hand on my arm. “Do not worry, My Lady.” I smiled at Duncan as Cailan extended his arm and I took it.

“Maker watch over you, Duncan,” I said firmly. He nodded.

“Maker watch over us all.”

*****

Everyone was gathering at the castle gates, going through their things to be sure they had everything they needed and discussing ideas on how to approach the situation. Murdock had gathered a small group of men as well as a few of the knights from the castle which made me breathe a small sigh of relief. I wanted to see Duncan before they left to see if there was anything else he needed while they were gone so I was scanning the crowd. I spotted Duncan talking to Alistair and made my way over to them.

“I’m just glad she listened,” Alistair said as I approached from behind him. I stopped, waiting to see who he was talking about. Duncan played it off as if I wasn't there. “Maker knows she won’t listen to anyone else when it comes to her safety.” He shook his head and Duncan clapped him on the shoulder.

“I see you care for her,” he said with a wink, “but I don’t see why you wouldn’t think she cares for you as well.” I could see the back of his neck blush slightly as he reached back to rub it. My heart dropped, who were they talking about?

“Yes, well, I’m pretty sure I mucked that one up badly,” he said as he sighed, grabbing his bag from the ground. “She is a beautiful woman and she scares me to death. I can’t even look at her after what happened.” Alistair shook his head and Duncan smiled. 

“She kissed you Alistair, I don’t see how that is bad.” Duncan winked at me when apparently Alistair wasn’t looking. I thought my heart was going to pound its way out of my chest.

“I handled it badly. Maker, I thought I was past all this awkwardness,” he huffed as he ran a hand through his hair, grabbing the back of his neck. I felt tears stinging the backs of my eyes as I fought the urge to jump on him where he stood. I closed my eyes and focused, regained control of myself, then opened them.

“Tell her Alistair,” Duncan chided as he patted Alistair on the arm and walked away. I stood there for a moment, staring at Alistair’s back. I wanted to go to him, tell him I heard everything he said and I was just as afraid of him as he was of me. But I couldn’t be the aggressor, not with him. I had no idea why I was so intimidated by him, why he made me tremble every time he got within a few feet of me. I backed away slowly and started to make my way over to Leliana. 

“Gotcha,” Caden said as he wrapped his arms around me from behind. I jumped out of my skin then smiled as I turned around in his arms.

“You be careful,” I said as I took his face in my hands, “you hear me? No doing anything stupid.” He rolled his eyes.

“That would be YOU doing the stupid things, dear sister.” He smiled at me knowingly. Then it was my turn to roll my eyes.

“Now what have I done?” I asked. He winked.

“I know where your lips have been,” Caden sang quietly as he shook his head, “not that I wanted to know, mind you, but I did enjoy the story. Especially the part where you had Alistair all tangled.” I sighed, dropping my eyes.

“I hate what I did to him, I feel terrible. Putting him on the spot like that, Maker, what was I thinking?” I felt the anxiety start back up in my gut. Caden gave me a gentle squeeze causing me to look up at him.

“Do you regret it?” he asked with a worried expression. “If you do, then why the hell did you do it in the first place?” I shook my head, tears forming in my eyes.

“I thought something was there, I felt it. I thought he did too but…” I didn’t really know what to think. I heard what he said to Duncan but his actions were what stuck in my mind. I shook my head, deciding not to think about it anymore. “I want YOU to be safe, is that clear?” I kissed both his cheeks and smiled as best I could with tears in my eyes. He took my face in his hands and kissed my eyes.

“Stop denying yourself, Kora,” Caden whispered, “you deserve happiness more than anyone else I know.” I laughed.

“You are a bit biased, brother.” Caden nodded.

“With good reason.” We hugged again tightly and I turned toward where Leliana had been standing.

Alistair was in her place, looking at me with sadness and a little fear in his eyes.

I froze, my heart jumped into my throat and I felt my hands start to shake. What was it about him that made me like this? I thought as I tried to pull myself together. I have never had someone do this to me, never had this kind of control or effect on me. And it’s not like he is dark or scary, I thought, he’s beautiful and sweet, thoughtful and just… perfect. Then I realized what it was that I was so afraid of. It wasn’t him, it wasn’t anything to do with him at all. It was me. 

I was afraid of being rejected. 

After what happened in the Alienage my father insisted on ending my engagement to Garrett, claiming he was unsuitable and threatening Gallagher Wulff if there was any backlash that he would retaliate. But what he told me was he was saving me from losing face. He was afraid Garrett may have been aware of what had happened and was determined to keep it quiet, thinking that no man would want me after I was ‘defiled and spoiled’. Though the memory had just resurfaced, it was obvious that the effects had lingered.

“Hi,” I said quietly and waved, too nervous to smile. Alistair waved back.

“Hi.” He looked to the ground then back up at me. “How are you?” I shrugged.

“I’m worried about you, all of you.” I felt a tear escape down my cheek. He stepped toward me and reached out, wiping it away gently. I smiled. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to,” he whispered as he stepped closer. “Kora, I am so sorry, I was horrible to you after…” he paused, seemingly unsure of what to say. I put up a hand to stop him.

“Alistair, you don’t have to apologize.” I took a deep breath and decided to put all the cards on the table. “I kissed you and I guess by your reaction it was… unexpected,” I thought back to his conversation with Duncan, trying to decide what to say without being manipulative. “I’m sorry if I made you upset or uncomfortable, it was not my intention.” I looked down at my shaking hands and laughed, shaking my head. I am pathetic, I thought as I looked back up at him. I half expected him to laugh at me. Instead he surprised me.

He growled softly to himself and dropped his bag, holding out his arms as if to pull me in but far enough away that he made it my decision. I hesitated only for a second then bolted to him, wrapping my arms around his waist. He secured his hold on me, squeezing me tightly. I pushed my face into his neck and took a deep breath, taking him in. It felt like he was never going to let go, he held me so tight for so long, and I didn’t want him to. 

“You startled me,” he finally said. I smiled into his neck.

“I startled myself.” We laughed and pulled away enough to look at each other. We were both grinning.

“I just never expected you to… think that way of me. You being, well, you.” He stammered a bit at the end but it just made me grin wider. 

“I thought for sure you were only being nice to me for Caden’s sake. I was so embarrassed.” I laughed as he released me and cupped my cheek.

“I’m an idiot,” he said as he shook his head, “and I sometimes do stupid things. But only around you and it drives me mad.” 

“I feel your pain.” I blinked back a few tears and dropped my arms from his waist. 

I had no idea what to say or do so I just silently stared into his eyes. Time seemed to stand still, his hand still cupping my cheek, his thumb stroking the skin below my eye. Finally I smiled an uncomfortable smile and reached up to take his hand from my face.

“Be safe, please, and come back,” I whispered as I stood up on my toes and planted a kiss on his cheek, letting it linger for a moment then rocking back onto my heels.

Before I knew it he had a hold of my hips and pulled me in, catching my lips in his. I felt his arms move around my waist, pulling me closer. Unable to hold back I moaned into his mouth and reached one arm up his chest and the other around his torso, leaning further into him. I could feel his hand make its way up my back, his fingers combing into my hair. Then, cradling the back of my head, he pulled me in deeper. I let him take me as we made our way to the edge…

“Ahem,” I heard an exaggerated clearing of the throat next to me. We broke the kiss abruptly and both turned our heads to see Leliana standing there smirking at us, hand on her hip. I know I turned purple so I’m sure Alistair was as well but, as he tried to pull away, I tightened my grip on him and smiled at her. She grinned and winked back.

“Hello Leliana,” Alistair said quickly in a high pitched voice. Clearing his throat, he deepened it. “Is there something you needed?” She giggled.

“I just wanted to be sure the two of you didn’t tear each other’s clothing off,” she said with a smile. “And to let you know we are ready to leave.” Alistair sighed and nodded so Leliana walked away to inform the rest of the group. I pulled his face to mine, kissing him softly.

“I will see you soon,” I said firmly. He brushed my hair from my face and cupped my cheek, stroking it with his thumb.

“Yes My Lady,” he whispered as he kissed the tip of my nose and released me, picking up his things. I held back the tears that were stinging my eyes and forced a smile. He returned it, giving me a wink and turning away toward the group.

“Alistair!” I squeaked out. He turned back to me, concern all over his face. I held the forced smile. “Maker watch over you.” 

I could see the tension build up in his expression as he struggled to maintain control. We both knew there was a chance we wouldn’t see each other again, but neither would verbalize it. With all of my knowledge things had changed so much that only some of it was accurate and this scenario was totally unexpected, throwing me for yet another loop which was killing me. 

I had no way of knowing what would happen next as I stared at the man in front of me. The man I had kissed this morning, seemingly making a fool of myself and was sure only an hour ago had no interest in me. And then a few moments ago he set my blood aflame, making my insides burn hotter than any torch in Thedas. My stomach was in knots as I contemplated the irony of him walking away from me, maybe for the last time. 

“Maker watch over us all.”

His chest heaved as he took in a deep breath and walked away.


	13. Chapter 13

Cailan, Teagan and I went to Eamon’s office after the group with the Wardens left, deciding to have a drink before bed. I sat in a chair across from Teagan, a small glass of bourbon in my hand, and Cailan sat next to me with the same. Teagan had a glass of sherry, his second since we had sat down.

“So you saw nothing of the troops coming here?” Teagan asked for the second time. I could tell the drink was getting to him. I shook my head as Cailan put his hand on mine that I was resting on the arm of my chair. 

“Uncle, please. We’re all worried. It does us no good to sit here and wallow in it.” Cailan flashed me a smile that I returned gratefully. Teagan sighed.

“I apologize, My Lady. I’m not one to sit and wait.” He took a long sip of his sherry and smiled at me. “Neither are you, I’d expect.” I laughed.

“You could say that,” I said as I took a sip of bourbon. “I think that can be said for everyone in this room.” 

We all laughed and started to discuss lighter topics. Teagan spoke of the weather for the next day, hoping for some sunshine so things outside could get accomplished. Cailan brought up the repairs on the chantry which he and Teagan talked about for some time. The man power, the logging that would have to be done and how long it would all take. I just sat back and stared at the book case, the tone of their voices relaxing me. When I felt Cailan squeeze my hand it pulled me back to reality and I smiled at him.

“Teagan is heading to bed,” he said, knowing I wasn’t quite paying attention. I stood up and gave Teagan my hand.

“Pleasant dreams, Bann Teagan,” I said as I curtsied. He smiled, kissing my fingers.

“Thank you, My Lady,” he said hoarsely, then cleared his throat. “Pleasant dreams to you as well.” He released my hand, gave Cailan a swift hug and left the room. Cailan smiled, shaking his head after his uncle. He then motioned to the chair I was sitting in and I sat back down, sipping from my glass. 

“He is taken with you,” he said as he took a swig from his drink and leaned on the desk. I shook my head and smiled.

“My heart lies elsewhere,” I whispered, swirling the brown liquid in my glass. Alistair entered my mind and warmth spread throughout my chest, bringing a smile to my lips. 

“Kora,” Cailan said seriously, “you will be an Arlessa.” At first the words seemed a reminder, a change in subject, but then there was a hint of a warning at the end. I looked up at him, confused.

“And…” I said as I waited for his response. He stared at me, sadness in his eyes. 

“I saw your kiss with Alistair before they left,” he looked down into his glass, avoiding my eyes, “but surely you are aware…” 

Then it dawned on me and my jaw dropped, eyes falling to the floor. “Maker, no.” My heart jumped up into my throat then fell down to my feet. 

“Kora,” he whispered, leaning forward to reach for my hand. I snatched it away and stood.

“This is Caden’s fault,” I seethed, “he told me to stop denying myself, that I deserved to be happy.” I looked at the door, anger bubbling up. “What a fool am I.” I finished my drink, slammed the glass down on the desk and stormed out, Cailan calling after me as I left him and my heart behind. 

I just started walking, no destination in mind, just walking to try to get away from the pain that was following me ever so closely. I shook my head as I tried to clear my head but the jumble of thoughts refused to vacate or quiet down. Before I knew it I was at the docks so I sat down and dropped my legs over the side, realizing I had walked down there barefoot.

The cold water shocked me back into reality, helping my concentration immensely. I closed my eyes and deepened my breathing, slowing it down along with my heart rate. Eventually I was able to feel my chest loosen enough to where I could focus on a single thought. As I tried to prioritize, the one that I had to deal with first came to the front of my mind; the fact that taking the Arling meant I would have to marry nobility. Bottom line – I couldn’t be with Alistair.

“Fuck,” I whispered as I kicked my feet, splashing myself a bit. “I give up. DONE! No more Kora, everything will be for everyone ELSE from now on. Fuck being happy, fuck marrying for love, fuck EVERYTHING.” I sighed, letting my shoulders sag. “Fuck me.” After I sat there a few minutes I felt a presence move toward me. I closed my eyes and reached out with my mind, feeling a man standing behind me and to the right. He felt warm, strong, and concerned. I sighed. “Cailan, I know you’re there.”

“How?” he asked as he walked across the dock, sitting cross legged next to me. “I was 20 feet away from you and walking on grass. You couldn’t have heard me.” I smiled and raised an eyebrow at him.

“I’m a templar, remember? I am aware of my surroundings.” I reached up and tugged at a loose strand of hair hanging in his face. He laughed and blew at it to move it aside. “What are you doing down here?”

“Checking on you,” he said as he ran a finger along my jaw, “my Arlessa who stormed out on me.” He sat back on his hands and stretched his legs out behind me. “I’m sorry Kora.” I shook my head.

“Not your fault,” I whispered as I looked back out over the water. “You are making me Arlessa for your own reasons, probably the lack of a better candidate, but whatever. I’m sure you aren’t doing it to make me miserable. Don’t take my walking out as a reflection of how I feel about you.” I looked back at him and pushed that stubborn strand behind his ear. “I’m just moody, ya know, being a girl and all.” I tried to joke but it fell flat. 

He smiled that smile, the soft one that made its way all the way up into his eyes and made every girls heart flutter. I swore he knew it too. He pulled my hand up and kissed my fingers, his lips holding for a moment as he closed his eyes. When he put my hand down he put a comforting hand on my shoulder and looked at me with concern. His hand felt unusually warm compared to my skin.

“Wow, you’re warm blooded,” I said with a smile. He smiled back, blushing a bit in the moon light. That just made me smile wider.

“Beautiful women have that effect on me,” he whispered, capturing my gaze. His eyes looked bluer than the deepest ocean in that light, dark and endless. I couldn’t help but stare, they were positively stunning. Feeling his breath on my face broke me out of my daze. I laughed and cleared my throat. 

“You always were a sucker for a pretty face.” I looked away, trying to get my composure. He laughed, clearing his throat as well.

“Yours is more than pretty, My Lady,” he said as he stood up, offering me a hand. I took it and he pulled me to my feet, our bodies flush, our faces inches from each other. I looked up at him and smiled, backing away from him a few steps.

“I already agreed to be Arlessa, Cailan,” I laughed, “no need to keep trying to butter me up.” I turned and started walking toward the castle. I felt him come up behind me and scoop me up off the ground so I screeched. “What the hell?” I was laughing. He smiled at me, again with that heart fluttering smile.

“You realize you have no shoes, My Lady,” he said politely. “As a gentleman I feel obligated to ensure your feet are not injured. I could carry you this way instead…” He threw me over his shoulder as I screeched again.

“Cailan, we’ll wake up the whole village!” I hissed as he laughed.

“You are the only one making noise, My Lady,” he whispered as he flung me around to cradle me in his arms again. He looked down at me and sighed, his eyes turning serious. “You have no idea, do you?” he whispered. I gave him a confused look and he shook his head.

“What Cailan?” I asked, genuinely concerned. He smiled.

“Nothing. May I take you up to the castle now?” he asked in a mockingly formal tone and I giggled, nodding. “My Lady.” And he carried me up the hill, giggling at his jokes the entire way.

*****

Cailan left me at the door to my room and bid me good night, bowing deeply. Then he kissed my fingers once more before walking away. I had to admit he had lifted my mood quite a bit from where it was at the dock, definitely from Eamon’s office. I sighed and shook my head, laughing at myself for believing anything in my life would be easy. 

Alistair was everything I wanted in a man, even a few things I didn’t know I wanted until I met him. He was kind, gentle, warm, but in battle he was ferocious. He was so thoughtful, like the day he brought me lunch on the dock, and yet could tear a darkspawn limb from limb without blinking. Maker that man turned me on something fierce. 

But then there were the cold hard facts. As nobility I was expected to marry nobility to maintain my Arling. And because I was technically the last of my line (Caden forfeits his rights being a Warden) I had the responsibility heaped on me. I considered abdicating but thought of Cailan and decided against it. I couldn’t disappoint him; it would hurt me almost as badly as hurting Alistair. And then there were my people, I couldn’t leave them behind. Not when I knew what was to come.

I entered my room and shut the door behind me, stripping off my robe and dropping it to the ground. I walked over to the wingback chair I had inhabited earlier, found my half full glass of wine, and sat down. I filled the glass up to the rim, put down the empty bottle and took a long drink. Then I sat back and closed my eyes, letting down the guard that I had built up so intricately and allowing all of the thoughts I had been keeping at bay tumble back in.

All the stress of the last few weeks was rolling over me in waves. The fighting, the decisions I made, it all came crashing down and started to slowly beat on my soul. I could literally feel my heart shriveling up inside my chest, unable to hold back the images that plagued me. The people who relied on me, the circumstances that awaited them, all of the things that could go wrong were running through my mind as I sat in that comfortable chair by a roaring fire sipping red wine. The guilt and frustration were threatening to overwhelm me as one thought came to the forefront; this could all be for nothing, I could have saved all those men just to watch them die. 

I felt my shoulders start to shake as I put down my glass and curled my legs beneath me, clutching my arms tight. Then my hands were shaking, tears falling down my face. They are all going to die out there and it will be all your fault, everything you touch gets destroyed; over and over the thought repeated in my head. The panic that rose in my chest took over as I started to wail, rocking back and forth in the chair slowly. 

I continued to bawl when I felt strong arms scoop me up.

Cailan sat down in the chair, cradling me in his lap as he held me close to him. He didn’t try to silence me or even speak. He just kept his arms wrapped around me, giving me a gentle squeeze when the sobs got louder, and let me cry. 

I could feel my frustration bubbling up, with the situation, with myself, and then the anger came. Gritting my teeth, I growled low in my throat. Then, letting it out, I started punching at Cailan’s chest furiously. He held me tighter, not trying to stop me but probably to keep me from falling to the floor. Finally, exhausted, I slowed my assault and nuzzled my face into his neck. The smell of his hair was soothing, like cedar on a summer’s breeze. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” I whimpered into his neck as I let the tears flow. “I can’t, I’m not strong enough.” Cailan pulled away enough to look me in the eye, frowning.

“We all have these moments, Kora,” he said softly as he pushed my hair out of my face. I shook my head, trying to regain my composure. 

“Apparently you missed the part where I just pummeled you,” I said simply as I looked down at his chest. “I’m sure this is a stupid question but I didn’t hurt you, did I?” I looked back up into his eyes and he smiled that smile.

“Nothing serious,” he said as he put a knuckle under my chin. “I’m more worried about you. Are you alright?” I shook my head and sighed, leaning my forehead against his cheek.

“I’m not cut out for this shit,” I said. Cailan gave a small laugh and kissed my forehead.

“If you only knew, My Lady.” He sighed deeply and looked into the fire. “You have a presence. For example, when we were all in the war room and everyone started talking at once about what to do you took control of the conversation and got everyone on track. And Duncan let you. Duncan!” He asserted the name as he shook his head. “I wish he had that kind of respect for me.” I sat back, giving him a scornful look.

“He most certainly does, Cailan,” I insisted firmly, “You are our King and Duncan respects you immensely. Do not ever doubt that.” Cailan smiled and shook his head.

“There you go again,” he said softly, “I came in here to make sure you were alright and you’re worried about me. Kora, seriously, let someone take care of you for once. Please.” He looked into my eyes and I watched his soften, even turning a lighter color blue. I shook my head, getting myself back to reality. 

I suddenly became aware of what I was wearing and what he probably heard through the stone wall to make him come into my room. I know I turned three shades of red as I tried to pull the nightgown down to cover my legs. He laughed and closed his eyes, covering them with a hand. I slapped him playfully and stood up, walking over to grab my robe from the floor and wrap it around me.

“Ok, you can look,” I said sarcastically as I walked back over to the fire, planting myself in the other chair. He took his hand away and looked over at me, smiling. 

“Are you better now?” he asked as he took my hand from the arm of my chair and brought it to his lips. Planting a light kiss on my knuckles he waited for my response. I nodded.

“A bit,” I said, “but I will be much better when they all get back here safely.” I shook my head and sighed. “I need them home and in my line of sight.” I laughed, covering my forehead with my free hand. “I’m an over-protective mother hen.” 

“Yes you are,” Cailan agreed, “but it’s what makes you a good leader. You care about the people you send into harm’s way. It makes them care about you, makes them want to fight for you. Even die for you.” I smiled and looked at the fire. Then a thought occurred to me.

“What Teagan said today,” I began, “about me being my mother’s daughter. Do you think he meant that?” Cailan nodded.

“Your mother was the power in Denerim,” he said, “She was the one you went to in order to get things done.” He paused, looking into the fire then back at me. “She was an advisor to my father during the rebellion, a fearless leader. You remind me a great deal of her, what I remember anyway.” To think that I could live up to the reputation of my departed mother made me hopeful for the future.

In the fire light everything looked warm and inviting, especially Cailan. A part of me wanted to curl back up into his lap and pretend the world outside didn’t exist. The other part of me, a much larger part of me, begged for Alistair. I knew which one I wanted, but I also knew I couldn’t have either one. 

Alistair was a Warden, not nobility. Cailan was nobility, but he was the king. If I was to maintain my Arling I would have to marry a noble but it couldn’t be Cailan because that would make me queen, unable to hold my lands. That would leave Denerim for the other nobles to fight over and I wasn’t going to put my people through that kind of a fight after what I knew Denerim was already in store for. So, as always, I was forced to choose to be alone.

Glancing out the window I saw pink on the horizon and realized we had been up all night. “Cailan, get back to your room, it’s almost dawn!” He looked out the window and laughed. 

“What’s wrong, afraid the staff will talk?” he smirked and raised an eyebrow at me. I gave him a fake sneer.

“Good night your MAJESTY,” I said emphatically as I stood. He sighed and stood up as well.

“Good night, Arlessa Kora” he said as he bowed deeply. Then, taking my hand, he placed his lips on my knuckles, holding them there a few moments then looking up at me. I rolled my eyes.

“Get out Cailan,” I sighed, “I don’t want to sleep the day away.” He laughed. 

“Not a good enough reason, eh?” he winked at me as he went to the door. “Maybe someday, My Lady.” He opened up the door and walked out, shutting it behind him as what he said settled into my gut.

Cheeky bastard.

*****

When I finally woke it was near mid day, the sun threatening to burst forth through the creases in the drapes covering my window. I opened my eyes slowly, wiping away the sleep, and sat up. Flinging my legs over the side of the bed I ran my hands through my hair and sighed. 

Another day, I thought, another day to wait. Inaction is the most infuriating thing in the universe. Shaking my head I put my feet to the floor and stood up to get dressed.

I chose a gown of a rust color out of the many Isolde had left in my armoire for me to borrow and went to Eamon’s study, hoping to find Teagan for any updates from the scouts. Instead I found Cailan, head down, asleep on a book at the desk. I looked to see what book he had been reading and grinned. He was reading about family lines in the nobility, mainly my own. I stroked his hair gently and he groaned.

“Wake up sleeping beauty,” I whispered into his ear. “That can’t be comfortable.” I saw an eye squint open and I smiled, pushing his hair away and tucking it behind his ear. Cailan smiled and sat up slowly, stretching his neck and arms. I couldn’t help but notice the muscles in his arms move and flex with the motion.

“Well,” he croaked as he looked around the room, “not the worst place I’ve been found asleep.” He winked at me and yawned. I smiled and shook my head.

“Did you sleep in your bed at all?” I asked. He laughed.

“I couldn’t so I came here.” He looked at the book on the desk in front of him. “Thought I would do some research. I should know more about the nobility under my rule, should I not?” He looked up at me and smiled. I sat on the desk to his right.

“I suppose,” I said as I leaned over and pulled the book closed, holding the page with my thumb, to read the title. “The History of Ferelden Nobility would put me to sleep as well.” I smiled and returned the book to the page he left off on. Cailan rubbed his eyes.

“Something we have in common,” he said as he stood to stretch his back. “Have you eaten?” I shook my head and he grabbed my hand, dragging me toward the door. “Let’s go raid the larder.” He winked and I laughed.

When we made it to the kitchen the cook was cleaning up from lunch so she made us plates of leftovers and sent us out to the dining room. As we sat, servants brought out mugs of ale and water. I ate like it was my first meal in days, as did Cailan. A few hours later we were finishing off our ales and heard shouting from the main hall so we bolted toward the commotion.

“I saw the remnants of the battle, Bann Teagan,” the exhausted looking man in Redcliffe uniform panted out. “It appeared to be a victory for the Wardens but it was unclear due to their change in armor before they left. I’m not sure who was who but most of the dead wore Gwaren sigils.” I grinned and walked over to Teagan. 

“How far out are they?” I asked, desperate to see Alistair and Caden again. The man smiled at me and bowed.

“My Lady, I didn’t see them on the road but they may be trying to stay hidden, leaving false trails even.” 

“Thank you Ren, that will be all,” Teagan said and waved the man away. He bowed to Teagan and left. I started to wring my hands with worry as I turned to Cailan. He smiled, taking me into his arms

“They’ll be back soon. Tomorrow Duncan said, remember?” He looked into my eyes and I felt his calmness filter into me. I smiled and nodded. He released me and looked to Teagan.

“Well, let’s give them a proper welcome Uncle, shall we?” Cailan asked as he approached the man, slapping him on the arm. Teagan laughed.

“Let’s.” He started shouting orders to the staff and everyone was on the move. 

*****

A few hours later I was outside the castle with Cailan sparring, trying to keep ourselves busy. He came at me with a pommel strike and I deflected it with my shield, sweeping the flat side of my sword across his thigh.

“Ouch!” he cried out with a laugh. “That’ll leave a bruise. Didn’t you beat me up enough last night?” I smirked, stabbing my sword into the ground and taking my shield off my arm. I looked out over the lake and saw the sun was setting.

“It’s probably time for the evening meal, we should call it a day,” I said as I waved for one of the servants to gather our equipment. “Maker knows I need a bath. You gave me a run for my sovereigns your Majesty.” I winked at him as I bumped him with my shoulder. He laughed.

“I swear sometimes you were toying with me, being trained as a Templar and all,” he said softly, giving me that smile. I shook my head and looked away.

“I wouldn’t dare,” I whispered back as I gave him a shove and ran into the castle laughing.

We raced each other to our rooms to bathe and dress for dinner. Cailan won, only after cheating by grabbing me from behind and flinging me around so I was facing the wrong way. After my bath I sat on the bed and stared at the dresses and shoes in my armoire. Being alone, my chest started to ache with every breath, fear rising to the surface and threatening to engulf me. I shook my head and growled.

“Get a hold of yourself, woman,” I said as I stood up, “you need to think positive. Send good energy to them.” I took a deep breath in through my nose, closed my eyes and held it. Feeling the anxiety subside I blew the breath out my mouth and looked at the dresses, resolving not to let the fear take me again. Then there was a gentle knock at my door. “Yes?”

“Are you almost ready?” I heard Cailan ask. I nodded my head.

“Just a few minutes, trying to collect myself,” I said as I decided on a simple navy dress with gold trim and shoes to match. “It’s been ages since I’ve had to wear dresses like these so often, you know.” I heard him laugh.

“Yes, and it’s been ages since I’ve had a beautiful woman dressed like that on my arm. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” I heard his footsteps echo away from my door. I sighed and proceeded to get dressed. Fussing with my hair, I realized the process of readying myself for dinner was calming, something I could do with little thought. I remembered my ‘other life’ when I would do laundry. The sheer simplicity of the action was soothing. I smiled at my reflection and stood up, walking out the door and closing it behind me. Then I saw I caught part of the dress in the closed door and laughed.

“Wow, it’s been TOO long apparently,” I said as I tried to open the door and free myself but the thickness of the hem was just enough to make it difficult. I heard footsteps and looked up to see Cailan grinning at me. I sneered and stuck out my tongue at him.

“Here, let me help you,” he said as he moved to open the door. Grabbing the handle he put himself between me and the door, his body almost flush with mine. I could feel the heat coming off of him through the thin material of the bodice of my dress. Suddenly he yanked open the door and bumped into me, throwing me backward. He released the door and grabbed me quickly around the waist, pulling me to him to keep me from falling. I grabbed his shoulders to steady myself.

We stood there for a moment, holding each other and staring into the other’s eyes. I noticed that every time I looked into his they were different. At that moment they were the color of the sky at mid day, with little gold flecks around the pupils. Suddenly I felt dizzy and realized I was holding my breath. Smiling nervously, I released it and stepped away from him, patting his chest.

“Thank you,” I whispered as I tried to regain my composure. “As always, I need a knight in shining armor to rescue me,” I said as I smoothed out my dress, checking for damage and finding none. He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“That’s me,” he said and extended his arm. “Shall we go down to dinner?” I smiled and took it.

Teagan was at the head of the table with Isolde and Connor on one side leaving two chairs on the other side for Cailan and myself. Teagan and Connor stood when we entered.

“My Lady,” Teagan said softly, then shook his head a bit, “you look lovely.” I smiled.

“Thank you Teagan, that’s very kind of you,” I said as Cailan smiled at me then pulled out one of the chairs, taking my elbow and guiding me into it. Once everyone was seated dinner was served.

We went through the normal pleasantries, the men talking about the weather and economics while the women discussed fashion and other frivolous things. Connor was the only one not speaking so I tried to pull him into the conversation.

“Connor, did Cailan tell you about the battle at Ostagar?” I smiled as I asked the boy. His face lit up.

“No, could you your Majesty?” he asked, practically begging Cailan. I giggled and Cailan gave me a little elbow in the side.

“Arlessa Kora tells the story so much better than I do,” Cailan said with a wink at me as he took another bite of his dinner. I shook my head.

“You give yourself far too little credit, your Majesty,” I smiled and batted my eyelashes at him. “I would actually love to hear your version of events as they unfolded.” Connor practically jumped in his seat.

“Please?” He pleaded to Cailan. Relenting, Cailan put down his fork and rested his hands in his lap. They appeared to be in his lap anyway, one made its way over to my leg giving me a playful pinch. I jumped a bit and giggled as he turned his attention to Connor to begin his tale.

Cailan turned out to be a very good story teller. He had Connor enraptured throughout the meal, dessert; even when we moved into the sitting room for wine he trailed after him, asking question after question. To his credit, Cailan never showed any signs of impatience or wanting to be rid of his tag along. Instead he seemed to revel in the simplicity of a relaxing evening among family, something we all needed desperately. 

Teagan and Isolde had wandered off to bed long before the story ended so it was just Connor, Cailan and I in the sitting room. As I finished my second glass of wine my thoughts turned to Alistair and what he might be doing. Cailan, sitting next to me with a sleeping Connor on his lap, put his hand on mine that I had resting on the arm of my chair. 

“What’s wrong?” he whispered so as not to wake Connor. I smiled.

“I thought I was a hard person to read,” I whispered as I gazed into the fire. He squeezed my hand and I turned to look at him. “I’m worried.” He nodded.

“As am I,” he said softly, looking into the fire himself. He removed his hand from mine but rested it on the arm of my chair, absent mindedly brushing his fingers along the back of my hand. I looked away, bringing my hands down into my lap. 

“I think Connor needs to go to bed,” I whispered. Cailan nodded and shifted the boy to pick him up and stood to carry him to his room. He stopped in the door way.

“Will you be here when I get back?” He asked. I shook my head.

“Two glasses is my limit, I’ll have a hell of a hangover if I have more.” I smiled and stood up. “I’ll walk with you though.” He smiled and moved aside, motioning for me to go first.

As we got Connor to his room I took down the sheets, removed his shoes and socks while Cailan held him and motioned for him to lay him down. After he did I removed his vest and let him sleep in his shirt and breeches, covering him up to his chin and tucking him in. I planted a kiss on the boy’s forehead and whispered a wish for sweet dreams. When I stood up to walk away I bumped into Cailan who had been right behind me. He grabbed my arms to steady me and we locked eyes.

I couldn’t tell if my heart stopped or went into over drive as I stood there. Being this close to him was almost intoxicating and I couldn’t understand why. I can’t do this, I told myself, I need to put an end to it and be realistic. I swallowed hard and smiled, nodding towards the door. He blinked a few times then, realizing what I was signaling, he motioned for me to go first. As we walked out of the room I continued down the hall to the guest rooms and stopped outside my door, turning to face him.

“He is such a good boy,” I said softly as I glanced up the hall toward Connor’s room. “He’s been through so much; it was wonderful what you did for him tonight.” Cailan looked to the floor.

“I enjoyed myself as well,” he said thoughtfully as he turned his gaze back up to mine. “I know we’re in the middle of something huge at the moment but it was nice to have an evening with no talk of war or strategies, or mentioning some people’s names that I still will not mention.” He smiled and I gave a small laugh. “Thank you, Kora. You’ve done so much for me and I know you have no idea, but thank you.” He took my hand and kissed my knuckles, his lips lingering for a moment, and then he lowered my hand but still held it. I gave his hand a squeeze.

“Things will work out, you’ll see,” I said as I released his hand and grasped my door handle. “Good night, Cailan.” I smiled warmly. He smiled back at me.

“Good night, Kora,” he said as I walked through the door and shut it slowly behind me. 

I waited until I heard his footsteps echo toward his room and the door shut. I then smacked my forehead on my door, the exhaustion from all my worries seeping into my bones as I made my way over to the bed.

Tomorrow, I will deal with everything tomorrow.


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning after breakfast I was standing just outside the gates of the castle with Connor, both of us staring down the highway, waiting with bated breath. Cailan walked up beside me.

“Any sign of them?” he asked as he looked in the same direction, shielding his eyes from the sun with his hand. I shook my head.

“No, but it should be any time now,” I said. “Dammit, where are they?” Connor turned to us and put his arms around our waists pulling the three of us closer together.

“They’ll be here soon,” he said as he squeezed, forcing Cailan and I to hold onto each other so as not to fall. Laughing, Cailan put his arm around my waist and I grabbed the front of his shirt as we held Connor with our free arms. 

“Well, isn’t that a sight?” A voice boomed out from afar. “A royal welcome!”

Roman, Alistair and Elissa made their way up the path followed by Caden, Duncan and the others. I grinned as I made eye contact with Alistair. He stopped in his tracks and dropped everything he was carrying. Before I could stop myself I wiggled free of Connor’s grip and ran to him, jumping into his arms.

“Kora,” he whispered into my ear. I buried my face into his neck.

“Alistair,” I whispered back, kissing his neck repeatedly then working my way up to his ear. “I missed you.” I pulled back and looked at his face. He looked exhausted but was smiling at me regardless. 

“You should rethink touching him,” Elissa laughed. “If you only knew where he’s been.” I laughed and stepped back, hands in the air. He pretended to pout so I moved to him and took his face in my hands.

“I’m glad you’re safe,” I whispered as I kissed him lightly on the nose, “but you need a bath.” He smiled. 

“Yes I do,” he said as he picked up his things and winked, heading toward the castle. Roman stepped in front of me.

“What about me?” he asked, feigning hurt. I smiled and took his face in my hands, kissing his nose. “Thank you little one,” he smiled as he continued up the hill. I swatted him on the back and turned to face the rest of the group returning. Suddenly I felt a hand cup my face. Looking up, I stared into my own eyes.

“Caden!” I whispered and threw my arms around his neck. He dropped everything and grabbed my waist, twirling me around in circles as I squealed. When he put me down I put my hands on either side of his face and pulled it down so I could kiss his forehead. “You’re safe. Is everyone alright?”

“Yes, we lost no one,” he said as he looked back, “but the same cannot be said for Loghain’s men.” I smiled.

“You are quite the charmer!” I laughed as I turned to escort him into the castle. “Does anyone need anything?” He laughed.

“A meal, a bath and a bed,” he said. I nodded as we passed through the gates, grinning from ear to ear.

All of my men were home.

*****

After dinner, I greeted everyone in turn, hugging them and asking about their experience. When I hugged Jaden he whispered in my ear that Solana was the big hero, staying back and keeping everyone’s health and stamina up, keeping the fight going. I gave her a huge hug and kissed her cheeks.

“That’s my girl!” I said, beaming with pride. Solana was blushing profusely as everyone hooted and hollered.

“I didn’t kill anyone,” she whispered as Leliana came up behind her.

“You were the reason for our success, Solana!” Leliana insisted as she hugged her around her waist and pulled her out of the room toward the front entrance. Confused I looked at Elissa who gave me a wink and mouthed the word ‘camp’. That answered that question as I raised my eyebrows and nodded. If the girls were happy, so was I.

Everyone else had filtered out, either going back to the camp for the night or into the study for a drink. I looked across the room and saw Alistair leaning against the door frame, gazing at me. I closed the distance between us, guilt bubbling over in my gut.

“I’m glad you’re alright,” I said. He smiled, wrapping his arms around my waist and slowly pulling me in to his body.

“Me too,” he purred, “Because now I can do this.” He nudged my nose aside and closed his mouth over mine, snaking one arm up my back as he pulled my waist closer. I reached for the back of his head and pulled him to me, taking him in deeper with every breath. The kiss made my chest burn and my lower belly ache. When he broke it I was panting, staring up at him with hooded eyes.

“Wow,” I whispered. He smirked.

“Now that is the response I was looking for.” I laughed, loosening my grip on him as I shuffled my feet slowly away from him.

“We need to talk,” I said shyly, “somewhere private. Ideas?” He raised an eyebrow at me and I shook my head. “Nothing inappropriate, I just need to talk to you.” He smiled and nodded behind him, walking into the small bedroom next to Eamon’s office. I followed and shut the door behind me. Taking a deep breath I turned to face him. 

“You are really scary with these talks, you know that?” he asked as he sat on the bed. I sighed and sat next to him, taking his hand in mine. 

“I’m sorry, I really don’t want to say this out loud,” I said sadly, “makes it real.” I looked into his eyes and felt tears stinging the back of mine. “Alistair, Cailan is making me the Arlessa of Denerim.” I held my breath and waited, watching his face for any reaction. At first he was thoughtful, then realization set in and finally disappointment. I shook my head and looked down at our hands.

“Wow, alright,” he whispered as he let go of my hand and stood up, pacing the room. “So… congratulations?” I felt my chest clench up as I stood to face him.

“NO! I didn’t want it, I still don’t,” I pleaded, hoping he would believe me. I sighed deeply and shook my head. “But I have no choice. Vaughan will be imprisoned when Cailan takes back his throne and I am the last heir. Why is it always me who has to sacrifice?” I threw my hands up in frustration and buried my face in them, shaking my head. I felt Alistair’s arms around me so I leaned into his chest, grabbing his shirt in my fists. I felt him dropping kisses in my hair as he tried to soothe me. 

“Kora, stop, it’s alright,” he whispered, “I understand.” I laughed.

“I’m glad YOU do,” I said as I looked up into his eyes. “You have no idea…” I stopped myself. What good would it do to tell him that almost the entire year I was in someone else’s body, someone else’s life that I pined over him? A man I thought didn’t even EXIST. Or that when I first laid eyes on him in reality I thought my heart was going to leap from my chest. I couldn’t tell him what I felt, what I knew deep in my heart was true. We’d known each other in his eyes for a few weeks, not exactly enough time to spring the ‘L’ word on him. 

“No idea of what?” he asked softly. I shook my head.

“This isn’t easy for me,” I whispered as I looked down, unable to look him in the eye. He brushed my hair away from my face and took it in his hands, lifting it up to meet his.

“Nor for me either,” he whispered. I swore I saw a tear start to form in his eye until he cleared his throat and kissed my forehead firmly. I fought back a few tears of my own.

“So what do we do now?” I asked. He shrugged. 

“I’ve never been in… this situation before,” he stumbled over the last few words. I swallowed my heart back down again. 

“I never meant to hurt you,” I said as I cupped his cheek. “And it may sound selfish but I don’t want to be without you. I hate this.” We stared at each other for a few moments, waiting for the other to say what we both knew needed to be said. I finally shook my head and sighed. “We should end this now, before it’s too difficult to walk away.” Not that it isn’t already, I thought as I closed my eyes to hold back the tears.

“Alright,” he whispered as he stepped back away from me. “You’re right.” He looked toward the door and cleared his throat. “I’m going to stay in camp tonight.”

And then he was gone.

I waited a few minutes, half-listening to the conversations going on in Eamon’s office, trying to digest what had just happened and swallow my heart back down. Then I decided I needed to take a walk so I left the main hall and made my way outside, past the main gates and down into the village. As if by instinct, I found my favorite spot on the docks and sat down, pulling off my shoes and dipping my feet into the water. No longer able to keep it in, I bent over and, face in my hands, I cried.

I cried for my childhood, for Alistair, for my brothers, my people. I cried for the elves my brother tormented, I cried for the men and women who lost their lives at Ostagar. I cried for Elissa’s family and for Elissa. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore, until all my tears dried up and my shoulders stopped shaking. Finally, as I sat there spent, I lifted my head to look at the stars.

They were beautiful. With no city to drown out the light there were millions of them and they lit up the sky like fireworks. In spite of myself, in spite of our circumstances, I smiled. For the first time in a long time I found something to smile about that had nothing to do with me or this insane game we were playing. The beautiful night sky. 

“I swear Ferelden, you are lucky I love you,” I whispered.

“Ferelden loves you too,” I heard Cailan say from behind me. I turned to face him and smiled. “I hope you know that.”

“I hope you’re right,” I said as I looked back over the water. Cailan sat next to me cross legged. Taking my hand he placed it on his knee, holding it.

“Kora, I’m sorry about Alistair.” I turned to him. His eyes were sad, remorseful. 

“It’s over,” I choked out as I let my head drop, forcing a deep breath to hold back more tears. “It’s one of those things that I have no control over and I will have to try and get past.” I looked up at him with a weak smile. He smiled back and tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. 

“If you need me, I will always be here for you.” He looked at me with compassion. It almost broke my heart all over again.

“Thank you Cailan,” I said. Thinking of what that would mean about the future, a thought occurred to me. “Not to get off subject but once we get to Denerim I don’t want you sticking your neck out for me. I may not be popular with the nobility in the days to come, usurping my brother and all.” I looked down at my free hand then started to pick at my dress. He lifted my chin with a knuckle then cupped my cheek.

“Neither will I, especially when I tell Ferelden its famed general killed its King. That will NOT go over well, then his daughter being put aside?” He dropped his hand from my face and looked up at the sky, laughing at the thought. “Oh Maker save me, I’m a dead man.” He looked at me and I smiled. “I need you, you know. You’re the only one I can count on.” He lifted my hand to kiss my knuckles, his lips lingering as they always did. 

“You know you will always have my full support,” I said as I squeezed his hand. “We’ll be a sight, won’t we?” I laughed and grazed his cheek with the back of my hand. He laughed.

“The day we march back into the capital will be a day for the history books.” He smiled and winked. “At least I know you’ll have my back.” I smiled back.

“And thankfully you’ll have mine.” 

*****

I didn’t sleep at all that night and the next day my heart still ached horribly. I avoided the practice yard as well as the chantry, hoping not to run into Alistair. The last thing I needed to do was lose it in front of everyone. It was bad enough Cailan and Caden treated me like broken glass. I needed to pull myself together to help toss Loghain and end the blight. 

By the evening meal I was emotionally exhausted so I asked one of the servants to bring my meal to my room. I was wrapping up my wet hair after my bath when there was a knock on my door.

“Who is it?” I asked as I dashed across the room to throw my robe on.

“Your brother,” Caden practically barked through the door. I raised an eyebrow, knowing that tone in his voice. He was drunk and seemingly in a foul mood. I sighed, opening the door to allow him entry. He pushed past me, yanking Alistair into the room by the back of his shirt and throwing him into a chair by the fire. “And someone who needs to start talking.” Caden stood over Alistair, glaring at him. I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to think of what to say without angering him further.

“Caden please, stay out of this,” I said as I closed the door and crossed the room to the other chair, sitting down and crossing my legs slowly. “Why have you dragged poor Alistair into my room?”

“Because he is an idiot that needs to tell you everything,” Caden demanded, his eyes never leaving Alistair. “Tell her.” Alistair sat up and sighed, leaning his elbow on the arm of the chair and cradling his chin. 

“In case you couldn’t tell,” Alistair began, pretending to whisper, “somebody’s been drinking.” Caden lifted his hand as if to back hand him and he cowered a bit. “OK! OK! I think Caden wants me to tell you some things that I didn’t divulge last night…” Alistair trailed off, looking at the fire. Taking a deep breath, he continued. “Mainly that… I love you.” He scrubbed his face with his palms and sighed. My heart jumped into my throat so I swallowed and took a breath.

“Caden,” I said in a low voice, “I asked you to stay out of this and that means to stay out of it. Leave us.” I stated firmly. Shocked, he headed for the door but stopped and turned toward me as if to say something. “NOW Caden Urien Kendalls!” I said with authority. He shut his mouth, turned and walked out, shutting the door quietly behind him. I shook my head, looking at Alistair. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” Alistair breathed as he rubbed the back of his neck. I stood, moving closer to him to be sure. He stood as well, meeting me half way and raising a hand for me to listen. I stopped and nodded so he took a breath to begin.

“Meeting you, face to face, was the best thing that ever could have happened to me,” he said quietly. “I know myself and my past better than I ever have and am more confident for it, more content with who I am and my place in the world.” He stared at me, the firelight behind him dancing as he smiled. “But I should probably explain my little confession.” 

“Alright,” I said, motioning to the chair he had vacated, “please.” He sat back down and I poured each of us a glass of wine, handing him one and sitting in the other chair. He took a sip and sighed.

“I’m not sure where to begin,” he said as he looked at the fire. “I suppose it all started when I met Caden. I don’t know if he told you but we bonded immediately.” He smiled at the memory and looked at me. “It was as if we were long lost brothers. We would make sure to have guard duty together, we roomed together and, as I told you before, we told each other everything.” He took another sip of wine. “His favorite topic was you. I had no idea two siblings could be so close but the two of you seemed to be inseparable. The stories he would tell about how you would get into trouble were my favorites.” He laughed, looking at me. I laughed too, shaking my head.

“We were not exactly model children, that’s for sure.” I sipped my wine and pulled my legs up under me.

“That’s what got me, the stories. I remember one that involved a horse being painted, what was that about again?” I laughed, covering my mouth so I didn’t spit out my wine then nodded.

“It was my father’s horse, apparently he was old and the stablemen were instructed to put him down.” I shook my head, smiling. “Caden and I got the bright idea to paint him different colors so that we could sneak him out of the stables and bring him outside the city gates to set him free. Hey, it worked!” Alistair and I laughed for a moment. Then our eyes met and my heart fluttered. Those bourbon eyes would be the death of me some day, I just knew it.

He looked back to the fire then down at his glass. “This may sound a bit creepy, ok really creepy, but…” he paused then looked back at me. “That girl, in that story, in all those stories… I fell in love with her.” He reached over and took my hand. “That was what I didn’t tell you, couldn’t tell you last night. I fell in love with you before I’d even met you. Your vulnerability, your intensity, your passion, it was almost too good to be true. And then I met you, looked into your eyes, and realized it WAS true. You were real and it scared the hell out of me. It scared me but at the same time I needed you, needed to be close to you. Rrrrr…” he growled as he shook his head in frustration. “I didn’t know what to do.”

I had no idea someone could feel joy and agony at the same time, but there it was. I couldn’t speak as I put my glass down on the table and tried desperately to breathe. The very thing I wanted to spare him was the same thing that he was holding back the night before, the reason he quickly left the room. He didn’t want to hurt me either, but now the truth was out there and it was time to lay all of my cards on the table. I swallowed then cleared my throat, hoping my voice wouldn’t fail me.

“It’s not creepy, Alistair,” I whispered. “I need to tell you something as well.” I closed my eyes, focused, then opened them, looking directly at him. “The year I was gone I studied Ferelden, was obsessed with it. I had no idea of my link considering the stories were fiction there, but I couldn’t put the books down, every character coming to life in my imagination. And then came you,” I said as I slowly looked him over, that gorgeous body sitting in the chair next to mine. I almost jumped out of my chair and took him right there but instead I swallowed hard and continued. “Your part in the story, I would read it over and over. Picturing what you would look like, what you would be like. I was amazed by your sense of right and wrong, loved your sarcastic sense of humor, your ferocity on the battlefield and then your innocence. You were enthralling and endearing all at the same time. You WERE too good to be true. And then I was looking at you, standing in Duncan’s tent.” I smiled and shook my head. “I thought my heart was going to explode. You were everything I had imagined and more. I…” I choked up as the tears started to flow. I leaned my elbow on the arm of the chair, wiping them away. Alistair got up, moved our glasses to the hearth and sat on the table in front of me. Then he pulled my chair to him as close as he could, facing me.

“There has to be a way,” he whispered as he took my hands in his. “It’s just not possible that we both came to be in each other’s lives like this for no reason. There MUST be a way.” I placed my hand on his face, brushing my thumb across his stubble.

“I wish I knew of one,” I said as I felt another tear slide down my cheek. I returned my hand to his. “Alistair, I would spend every waking moment I could with you, every night of my life in your arms until someone ripped me away from you. But that would be selfish and unfair to you. You should be free, free to find someone who can give you everything that I cannot, what you deserve.” 

I was emotionally wiped, everything else I wanted to say I couldn’t because I wasn’t strong enough. As right as I knew it was I couldn’t hold him at arm’s length as long as he pushed the issue. I shook my head and released his hands. I could see the frustration growing on his face.

“And what about what is fair to you?” he asked. “What if I decided I wanted to spend every waking moment with YOU, every night with you in my arms until someone ripped you away from me? Would you deny me that?” He took my hands back, squeezing them. My shoulders drooped in defeat.

“I can’t,” I whispered, “I can’t push you away. I can’t tell you no. Please Alistair,” I begged as I stared deeply into his eyes through my tears, “be absolutely sure that what you say next is what you truly want. I am not strong enough to refuse you anything, not now, not ever.” 

Time ticked by as we sat there, looking for answers in the other’s eyes. But there were no answers, no loop holes, no way out of what we knew our destinies would entail. Eventually we would be torn apart; I would be honor bound to rule Denerim and he would be honor bound to be a Warden. Those paths would not join, only cross one another from time to time, and I knew it would never be enough for either of us. He deserved so much more.

He seemed to come to the same conclusion as he sighed and looked down, shaking his head in defeat. I removed my hands from his and brought his face gently to mine. I looked into his eyes, my face serious. 

“I need you to know something,” I whispered, holding his gaze. “I will never love another the way that I love you.” I brought his lips to mine, softly, then deeper. He reached up to the back of my neck, lacing his fingers into my hair as I opened my mouth to take him all in. For what seemed like an eternity we slowly devoured each other, memorizing every part of each other’s lips, our mouths, the way it felt when we kissed… 

Then, pulling myself away, I forced my wobbly legs to stand. As my heart cracked I moved to the door and opened it slowly. Understanding what it meant Alistair stood and walked to the doorway. Then he turned to look at me, brushing his fingers along my jaw.

“I will always be there for you, if you ever need me. Anything, you need only ask. I swear to you,” he said as he crossed his arm over his chest, giving me a small bow and slowly walked down the hall toward the sitting room. I could hear revelry coming from inside when he opened the door, Caden shouting his name. The moment the door closed behind him my heart finally shattered, lying in pieces at my feet, and all I could think of was I hoped my brother could forgive him.

Maker knew I already had.

*****

Tossing and turning, I finally just gave up on sleep and got out of bed, trying not to wake Elissa who had curled up next to me. I didn’t mind, as children Caden and I shared a bed. Then we had the mabari who actually took up more room than both of us put together so I was more than comfortable with her there. But no matter how comfortable I was, every time I closed my eyes all I saw was Alistair’s face, full of sadness and disappointment. 

So many things were racing through my mind I felt the urge to just pack up and run. Then a thought occurred to me; why not? With everything I wrote down and discussed with Duncan they are more than prepared, I could take off to Denerim and get things set up there for their arrival. It’s been ages since I was last there so I wouldn’t run the risk of being recognized (especially being dead) and I could do some snooping to be sure things were in hand for them when they came for the Landsmeet. 

I have to think this through, I thought as I sat down on the edge of the bed. It was still dark so I quietly slipped off my nightgown and put on my linen shirt, pants and shoes. As they always did when I had a decision to make the docks seemed to be calling to me so I headed down the hill. On my way I saw the light on in the war room so I decided to stop in.

I looked inside to see Duncan reading some of my notes for the Brecilian Forest. I smiled and walked in, dropping into a chair across the map table from him. He put the papers down and smiled back.

“I see I’m not the only one who is having trouble sleeping,” he said. I nodded.

“We should be use to it by now,” I sighed, “but it doesn’t help that I’m struggling with a decision. Do you have a moment?” He nodded and motioned for me to continue. “I’m debating leaving for Denerim now, alone. Before you try to talk me out of it please hear me out.” He pulled on his beard thoughtfully.

“I’m listening.” I straightened my shoulders and took a breath.

“I think that having someone established on the ground will be very helpful and the more time I have to dig in the better. Technically I have been dead for at least a year and it’s been more than eight years since I’ve even set foot in Denerim so there’s a good chance I won’t be recognized. 

“I’m sure Howe has kept some of the servants my father had so I’m bound to find someone who would be willing to help and even if I can’t get into the estate I can always get a job in one of the pubs on the docks or elsewhere. Denerim is crawling with work and servants have the most accurate gossip. 

“As you can tell I have thought this through, so what do you think?” I laced my fingers together, waiting for his input. He seemed to be pondering the idea as he stood up and circled the table to stand in front of me.

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with your relationship with Alistair?” He could always see through me so I knew there was no point in lying.

“I can’t say it’s not part of it but it’s not the main reason,” I shook my head, “Look, being so close to each other is going to be more than distracting, the further away I am the better off he’ll be.” I sighed, “Maybe he’ll be able to get over me.” My gut clenched at the thought so I pushed the pain down, getting back on subject. “And who else could you send to Denerim that has the knowledge I have and the ability to blend in? Who would question a young woman seeking refuge from the blight?” I smiled and batted my eyelashes. Duncan laughed.

“I see your point, but sending you off alone doesn’t set well with me.” He crossed his arms and tilted his head to the side, seemingly in thought. I ran through the list of people at our disposal in my head and could only think of one that would be right for the job. 

“What about sending Leliana with me?” I asked. “She’s a rogue, familiar with Denerim and we complement each other well in battle. Not that I want to take her away from Solana, but a man may draw too much attention, like he was a guard. I need to seem vulnerable to stay invisible around the city guard. No one looks for a mouse when the cat is around.” Duncan thought for a moment then nodded.

“Alright, if you can get her to agree I think your logic is sound. It may take us a few weeks to get to you. Will you be able to hold out until then?” I could tell Duncan wasn’t asking because he didn’t have confidence in our abilities, he was genuinely concerned because he knew what we would be up against. I nodded. 

“We will manage,” I said as I stood to leave. “We will leave tonight if I can drag her away. I don’t want anyone trying to tie me to a chair.” I winked and walked toward the door.

“My Lady,” Duncan stopped me in my tracks. I turned to face him. “Maker watch over you.” I nodded.

“Maker watch over us all, Duncan.”

*****

I finished the last letter and left it with the others on my bed as I threw the cloak over my shoulders and crept out of the castle. 

One letter was for Caden, asking him to take over my plan to get the grimoire from Flemeth for Morrigan and that I appreciated all his help and support. One was for Duncan, wrapping up everything I could think of except the Archdemon attack. That I feared would be the wild card so no sense in trying to predict it. Another was for Cailan, assuring him that I would see him in Denerim and that I would keep an eye on things there. I debated writing Alistair a letter but thought better of it, hoping that he would take it as a sign to move on. I knew it would hurt, Maker knew it was killing me, but hopefully the pain would make leaving me behind easier.

The last was for Elissa.

I told her to be strong, that I loved her and thought of her as a sister. I told her of how her parents would be proud and that she would see Fergus again, not to worry. I also told her that I wanted her to take care of Alistair for me, to let him lean on her and for her to lean on him. That he would be good for her and that I loved them both. I knew she would see my true intention but all I could hope was that she would listen to me. I knew that she would be able to give him everything he needed and he would do the same for her.

As I made my way to the camp I let the tears fall, knowing full well this may be the last time I would be able to tell all of these people exactly what their friendship has meant to me, and yet here I was sneaking off like a thief in the night. I knew they wouldn’t let me go, they would argue and Caden would yell, but I knew they would fight me on it only because they cared. I loved all of them too much to put them through it.

“Lel,” I whispered, trying to not wake Solana, “Leliana, wake up.” I crouched down in the tiny tent as I heard a small groan from her and smiled. “Do you want to sneak into Denerim with me and collect information until the Wardens get there?” Her eyes flew open.

“What are you dragging my love away for, Kora?” I heard Solana whine as Leliana rolled over and kissed her soundly.

“Oh my darling, it’s an adventure that I just can’t resist!” Leliana said with a huge grin as Solana continued to pout. “I will see you soon, do not trouble yourself.” Leliana got up and started to dress so I exited the tent and waited, grabbing the bag I had already packed up off the ground. I had on my armor and weapons but covered myself with a ratty old hooded cloak so as not to attract attention. Leliana emerged from the tent shortly after, pack in tow, dressed similarly. 

“Solana!” I whispered. She peeked her head out. “Please say nothing about where we went, if anyone asks tell them to speak to Duncan.” She nodded and stood up to hug me tight. It brought a tear to my eye that I quickly blinked away as she turned to Leliana. They gave each other one last kiss and we started toward the highway.

As we reached the gates I looked back at the castle, then the camp. In the castle was Cailan, my strength, my rock, my best friend who would probably forgive me anything. In the camp were my brother and Alistair. I knew Caden would forgive me for not saying good bye but a part of me hoped that Alistair wouldn’t. I wanted him to be angry with me. I wanted him to move on. 

I wanted him to be happy.


	15. Chapter 15

We walked and walked well into the next day. Leliana was singing as we went; some slow songs and some upbeat. I would hum along if I knew them but I loved her voice so I would never try to sing. When I was young my mother would sing to me and make me sing with her. A few times she had me sing in front of guests and they all claimed I was quite good. Probably just to suck up to my parents but it gave me a little confidence none the less. I smiled at the memory. 

“What are you thinking about?” Leliana asked as we trudged along. I glanced at her and looked ahead, trying to keep an eye out for bandits.

“When I was young my mother tried to teach me to sing,” I said, “I was just remembering.” 

“Ooh! What songs do you know?” She was so cute when she got excited I had to smile.

“I remember a few older ones, but there are some from that other land that I loved.” I thought back to Adele, Florence and the Machine, Billy Joel... some of my favorite artists. I shook my head, realizing I would never hear them again.

“Can you sing me one?” She grabbed my arm as we walked, smiling at me. I laughed.

“I’m no professional, Lel,” I said as we continued down the path. Up ahead I saw some brush move and stopped, nodding in that direction. Leliana nodded and we started walking again.

“You don’t have to be a professional, silly, just sing!” she exclaimed. “How about something up beat? To keep us moving.” We smiled at each other as we approached the area.

“Alright,” I said as I pulled down my shield slowly, buckling it to my arm, “Florence it is!” I cleared my throat and reached underneath my cloak to put a hand on my sword, waiting for the first one to make an appearance.

As I glanced to my right I saw one diving toward me, so I went back to back with Leliana. Her daggers drawn, she let out a war cry and went at the group appearing on her side. Drawing my sword, I shield bashed the first two and pommeled the third on the head then I swung my sword around and took another one out at the knees. The first two were coming around so I speared one through the neck and yanked out my sword, spinning to gain momentum and taking the other’s head off. The pommel victim was still out cold but I wasn’t taking any chances so I jabbed him through the chest before turning on the last one. He was bleeding out due to the wound I gave him across his knees so I dropped my shield and grabbed his armor with that hand, yanking him up to face me.

“Who sent you?” I asked. He looked down so I got a better grip on the chest piece and shook him good. “WHO SENT YOU?”

“I don’t know!” he screeched out, the color draining from his face as he continued to lose blood. “We were just told who to look for and where we could pick up our money! I swear!” 

“Who were you looking for and where were you to get your money?” Leliana asked from behind me, obviously done dispatching her foes.

“A red head,” he whispered as he began losing consciousness, “and a hovel in Denerim, near the chantry.” And then he was gone. As I released him he slumped over and hit the ground with a thud. I sighed and looked at Leliana.

“I know you didn’t see this coming,” I said as I stood up, “but I did. Marjolaine.” Leliana sighed angrily and shook her head. 

“Why couldn’t she just leave me alone?” she growled as I put a hand on her shoulder. 

“That bitch is no reflection on you now, Lel, who you have become. I truly hope you know that,” I said. “I swear to you I will help in any way I can, whatever you need.” I released her, wiping my gauntlet across the dead man’s face. “Maybe we should have brought more men.” Leliana took my shoulder.

“No, you made the right call with this one.” She stared at the man, pale and lifeless. “We will be better off on our own, faster and harder to track.” She turned to me and smiled. “I trust you, at my back and with my life, Kora. We will be fine.” I looked around at the carnage and smiled, nodding my head.

“Still want to hear that song?” I asked as we started dragging the bodies off the highway. 

“Oh yes, please!” I giggled.

“I’ll sing the beginning, but it takes a lot of air that I won’t have while walking.” I grabbed a rather ornate dagger from one of the dead soldiers and kicked him over the ledge. “It’s a bit violent, but I do love a good tale of carnage,” I shouted as she pushed a few of the bodies off the cliff on the other side of the road. She turned and grinned.

“As do I, let’s hear it!” She said as we made our way back down the road. I handed her the dagger and she looked it over, nodding approval.

“If you could only see, the beast you made of me  
I held it in but now it seems you set it running free” 

As I sung we walked arm in arm and I realized that I felt just as close to Leliana as I did Cailan, felt just as comfortable. I rested my head on her shoulder. 

“Screaming in the dark, I howl when we’re apart   
Drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart   
My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in   
You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to howl   
My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in   
You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to…” 

I took a deep breath and suddenly I felt something strange in my spine that made me stop dead. Leliana leaned her head on mine.

“What is it?” she whispered. I lifted my head and closed my eyes, centering myself.

“Not sure yet,” I whispered as I released her arm, “but I intend to find out.” I reached out with my mind, envisioning our surroundings. I could feel some small animals, the trees and the terrain. Reaching out further I felt something odd, like a prickling at the base of my neck that made all my hair stand up. “No, it can’t be.” 

“What’s wrong?” she asked quietly as she scanned the area around us, pulling out her daggers. I shook my head.

“Get out your bow,” I whispered, “I’ll keep them back and away from you.” My whole body tensed as I pulled out my sword and shield, opening my eyes and nodding in front of us.

“Keep who back?” she asked. I almost didn’t want to answer, truly hoping I was wrong. The way I had heard some of the Wardens describe darkspawn and how it feels when they sense them was so similar… too similar.

“I think there are darkspawn ahead,” I whispered as I took my closed-face helm from my pack and put it on. I slowly made my way forward, holding up my shield to keep Leliana behind me. “If I rush them just keep an eye out and stay back. Your bow will be more effective than your daggers, trust me.” She pulled out a bottle of some red liquid and pulled her quiver off her back, dumping it over the tips quickly then throwing it back over her shoulder.

“Morrigan gave me some poison that is supposed to do well against them,” she whispered, “I guess we may find out.” She readied her bow and knocked an arrow.

We made our way slowly, trying not to make noise or draw attention to ourselves. I could feel the creatures off the road to the right, far enough away that if we were quiet they may not even have known we were there. I started to wonder how it was that I was even picking up on them but decided to put that thought aside and concentrate on them not picking up on US. 

As we started to pass their group I felt one stray and start toward us. I put a hand up to stop Leliana and lowered my helm visor, raising my sword. His approach wasn’t stealthy by any means which meant he probably didn’t know we were there but once he reached the road I swear his jaw dropped as an arrow sprung from his chest. I recognized the white and blue fletching as Leliana’s and smiled but the smile quickly faded as I felt the group become aware of the commotion and all move toward our position. I waved Leliana back.

“Find cover and stay there!” I shouted. She disappeared into her purple smoke and I turned to face the group closing in on me. “Maker guide my sword,” I whispered as I moved into my fighting stance.

The first six were all genlocks so they were dispatched quickly with a few spinning sweeps. Three Hurlock bolters stayed back by the tree line but soon found arrows bursting from their torsos. Pushing their dead bodies aside, a Hurlock alpha let out a battle cry as he raised his sword over his head and charged at me. I crouched down, ready to propel him behind me when an arrow flew over my head and into his left eye. He stopped in his tracks, falling to his knees. I smiled and raised my visor when he suddenly spewed that black liquid right at my face, then fell over dead.

“FUCK!” I hissed as I ripped the helmet off, spitting repeatedly and squeezing my eyes shut. “Lel, do you have water?” I felt her place something on my shoulder. Dropping my sword and shield, I ripped my gauntlet off and reached over to find the water skin. As I took the other gauntlet off I poured some into my hand and proceeded to rinse out my mouth and wash my face.

“Here,” Leliana whispered, “Let me.” She took the skin and I felt her wiping around my eyes and nose. “There, that should be alright.” I slowly opened my eyes to see her smiling face. I smiled as much as I could and sighed. 

“Note to self,” I said, “keep the visor down until they lay dead on the ground dummy.” I spit again for good measure and gathered up my things. “I swear I tempt fate every time I step outside.” I stood, starting down the road. Leliana giggled.

“Don’t we all.”

*****

About an hour later I took a deep breath and started to relax, putting my sword and shield on my back.

“I think we’re safe,” I whispered as I started to breathe regularly again. Leliana took a deep breath of relief, putting her arrow back in the quiver and her bow across her back.

“Maker’s breath,” she breathed out, “I am so glad you are with me.” She laughed as she slung an arm around me, giving me a squeeze. I laughed and put both my arms around her, hugging her tight.

“I’m glad you are with me too, holy HELL my heart is in my throat!” I released her and kept walking, trying to slow my pulse and get focused again. “My stamina is shot, I can’t sense a damned thing right now.” I rubbed my temples trying to focus but I was spent.

“Maybe we should camp up ahead. We’ve been walking since before the sun came up and it’s getting late,” Leliana suggested and I nodded, looking around for a spot off the road as we walked. A few more miles ahead I was confident any darkspawn were far enough away and we spotted a cluster of boulders that were hanging over a ledge. I looked behind them and right underneath was a perfect spot for a fire and some cover. It had obviously been used before, a fire pit had been dug and there were some remnants of bones and food scraps around. I dropped my pack and weapons, pulling out my bedroll and shaking it out by the pit. 

“I’ll go grab some fire wood,” I said as I stalked off into the woods. 

“I think I hear a stream nearby, I will get some water!” Leliana shouted after me. 

After our meal of jerky and some berries Leliana found along her way I pulled out a bottle of bourbon I had snagged from the sitting room at Redcliffe. Smiling, I took a long pull and handed it to Leliana. She took it gratefully.

“How do you think you sensed those darkspawn?” she asked. I shook my head.

“Maybe it’s just my awareness,” I said as she handed me back the bottle, “maybe I picked up something from Caden. We share dreams so I guess it’s possible we could share abilities. In other words, no clue.” I smiled and took another swig, handing it back to her. She held it in her hand, looking at it thoughtfully. I could see her body language change so I reached out to her, putting a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at me and smiled.

“I miss her,” she whispered as she turned her eyes to the fire, her face going stoic. My heart clenched as I took my hand away, staring into the fire as well.

“I miss him too,” I said. I felt tears stinging the back of my eyes but had not the strength nor the will to hold them back. I felt them sliding down my cheeks as the regret started to sink in.

I should have left him a letter, I should have said good bye, I shouldn’t have left it like that, I shouldn’t have LEFT; so many regrets and no where to put them, I thought to myself as I rubbed the tears away. I have to be reasonable, logical. My logical mind told me that leaving was the right thing to do, not leaving a letter and not saying good bye was the most selfless thing I could have done and I needed to focus on my task. All I could do was move forward and stop looking back but how do I do that when I don’t know where I’m going? I sighed.

“You know,” Leliana began, “I have to say that I do enjoy you and Alistair as a couple. You are so beautiful together! I bet you would have such beautiful BABIES!” She giggled incessantly as I reached over to slap her on the back.

“There are certain “activities” that must be enjoyed first, Lel,” I smiled and winked, “but sadly I did not enjoy them with him.” I shrugged as her expression went to shock.

“Wait,” she thought for a moment then gasped, “NO! You did NOT!” I laughed.

“NO! No, no activities with anyone.” I thought back to the incident in the alienage and grew sad. “Not intentionally anyway. Hey!” I snapped trying to change the subject, “Give that back missy!” I reached for the bottle in her hands as she yanked it away.

“Uh uh!” she wagged her finger at me. “You need to elaborate on that one my dear.” I shook my head.

“That is a conversation for another night,” I said as I stretched and yawned. “Don’t lose that bottle.” I winked as I stood up and walked over to my tent. I felt a small pebble hit me in the back so I turned around and smiled. “You’re really going to make me tell you NOW?” Leliana smiled and winked, stretching out her arm toward me with the bottle in her hand. “Well, I guess I’m not as tired as I thought,” I said as I made my way back over to the fire.

“Story time!” Leliana exclaimed as she relinquished the bottle and sat cross legged on the ground in front of me. I shook my head at her and took a long pull from the bottle.

“This is not a happy-ending kind of story, fair warning,” I said as I thought back to that night. I looked into the fire, feeling the tension build up in my chest. I took a deep breath and released it, pushing out the tension along with the air in my lungs. “It was horrific and terrifying but I will say one thing… it played a large part in my life choices and making me who I am today.” Leliana’s hand found its way to my knee, pulling me out of my memory. I looked at her face and she smiled.

“Sometimes it’s the horrors and tragedies in our lives that have the most positive impacts on us as a person,” she said with sadness in her eyes. “I firmly believe that.” I nodded.

“As do I.” 

*****

The next day as we walked Leliana brought up our conversation from the previous night. I realized I was more comfortable talking to her about it so I told her about how my father had reacted.

“Oh my dear,” Leliana whispered as she took my hand. “That must have been awful! And then you took on all that guilt from Vaughan’s actions as well? You do know that his decisions are his own, correct?” She gave me a concerned look, the kind that reminded me of my mother. I smiled at the memory.

“I do now,” I said as I bumped her shoulder with mine. “It took me a long time to come to terms with that but I did. Recently in fact.” She gave me a questioning look and I smiled wider. “Cailan.”

“Cailan,” she said suspiciously, “If I may make an observation?” I nodded and she continued. “I noticed the expression on your face when you say his name, much different from the expression you have when you say Alistair’s.” She thought for a moment. “There is a lot there, isn’t there? Things that you are unsure of?” 

I looked away, unsure of how to answer or what answer my eyes would betray. Leliana took my arm, stopping me, and took my chin to look me straight in the eye. 

“Anything and everything we say to each other is kept in the strictest of confidence, you know this.” She released my chin and I nodded.

“I was…confused,” I said as I looked down at my hands. “I came back into this world fighting the reality of it, then trying to deal with my feelings... the complete certainty of where my heart was. Alistair’s devotion to the woman in the stories was heart wrenching but to see it with my own eyes and feel it with my own body,” I felt my heart swell as tears threatened my eyes, “it was as if I had been waiting for him my entire life. I love him for his compassion, his innocence; his sense of humor, his steadfastness to what he believes is right, his aggression on the battle field...” I paused, not wanting to say the next thought out loud. A soft smile from Leliana told me she knew what followed. How he made my heart pound out of my chest and blood rush to certain parts… the way he made me FEEL. I felt my body respond to the memory of his touch and blushed. Leliana dragged me a bit to continue down the path.

“And Cailan,” she said, “the confusion?” I sighed deeply and nodded.

“Cailan.” I said his name in a whisper. “That man could have me all sorts of tied up in knots if I didn’t pay attention. Did you know Caden and I saved his life even though I didn’t want to?” I laughed. “He was such an ass before this all happened. I thought for sure reviving him was a mistake and now…” I stared ahead, imagining his face, those eyes. “I know now that I couldn’t have made it this far without him. He is my best friend.” I felt my heart leap up into my throat. “And yet…”

“There feels like there is more, no?” Leliana asked. 

“More that there COULD be more, but I have no idea where it came from and it makes me feel guilty as hell. I can’t believe I am going to say this out loud but…” I sighed and shook my head. “They are both strong, physically and emotionally, but Cailan’s strength is a quiet strength, refined where Alistair is younger, more rugged. They are both intelligent and witty but their sense of humor is drastically different from the other. Their sense of justice is equal but Alistair can be quick to anger where Cailan is more methodical. Maker, they so alike and yet so different…” Frustration built up in my chest so I shook my head, trying to clear it. “It doesn’t matter, I don’t know why I am so wound up over it.”

“What makes you say that? I have seen these two look at you when you are not aware,” she said with a grin. “They both have feelings for you Kora. I am sure of it.” I shook my head again.

“It doesn’t matter, I can’t be with either one of them,” I said. “Can we change the subject? Hey look, a darkspawn!” I pointed off into the distance and Leliana laughed. 

“If you do not want to talk, I understand, but that does not mean I cannot speak.” She smiled. “Kora, I think of you as a dear friend. I trust you and you seem to trust me so I will say my piece then be done with it. You are a woman, a woman who has had a difficult life and has overcome many obstacles to get where she is now. A woman who deserves love, to BE loved, in the same way that you are capable of loving another. And yet you find any reason NOT to be happy. Just once I wish you would stop thinking and just DO. Take action, live in the moment. Only then can you truly say what can and cannot be possible. THERE! I am done,” she said as she looked around curiously. “So where was that darkspawn again?” We giggled and continued down the path toward Denerim.

Toward home.


	16. Chapter 16

When Leliana and I approached the gate to Denerim I was shocked to see how many guards there were. I glanced at Leliana and even she visibly tensed at the sight. I continued walking toward them, not missing a beat as a pair of them cut into our path.

“Halt. State your business,” the larger and seemingly older of the two men growled out. Noticing they both wore the armor of the crown I looked from one to the other and settled my gaze on the younger one, smiling warmly.

“We are simply travelers seeking shelter and food,” I purred as I gave him my best bedroom eyes. “Would you be so kind as to point us in the direction of the closest Inn?” The older one huffed a laugh so I turned my eyes to him.

“We have strict instructions from the Regent not to allow strangers into the city,” he said, jutting out his chin. “Be off with you.” I felt my stomach clench but pushed down the temper that threatened to erupt. Leliana shifted her stance at my side, putting her hand on her hip casually.

“Gentlemen, no need to be gruff,” she smiled, her blue eyes twinkling up at the older man, “we promise not to cause any trouble.” She stepped toward him and placed her hand on his chest gently. “Please ser, we have come a long way. All the way from Bann Loren’s lands. Surely the Regent is aware that Bann Loren is a friend to the crown, no?” Her eyebrows rose slightly to give her an innocent façade. I was thoroughly impressed with the performance but schooled my face and turned to the older man.

“Come on Grant,” the younger one finally piped up. “What harm could it do? They’re not exactly Grey Warden material, if you get my meaning.” He looked up at his elder who finally shook his head, relenting.

“Fine! Fine, enter the city ladies but make no mistake,” he glared directly at me, “I will be watching.” His bushy eyebrows furrowed as his face came closer to mine, stopping only inches from my nose. “Watch your back, love,” he said with a sardonic grin as he stood to his full height and stomped away. The younger one hung back, watching him to be sure he was gone then turned to me.

“My lady,” he whispered as he moved closer to me, “do you remember me?” He looked at me expectantly as I scanned his face. 

His hair was a dark brown and just past shoulder length, pulled back into a half pony tail with a few rebellious strands falling into his chocolate brown eyes. He had a strong jaw line covered in stubble and thin lips. His nose was just a hair off center, probably from being broken at one point, but it gave him a roughish quality that was attractive. Then he smiled and it hit me.

“Garrett!” I breathed out and smiled broadly. Getting a hold of myself I managed to relax my face and stepped closer to him. “What are you doing in the Regent’s guard?” He smirked.

“It’s a long story that we don’t really have time for,” he whispered as he extended his arm to show us the path to the gate. “Go to the Pearl and find Isabela, she will take care of you. I will find you later.” He smiled that mischievous grin I fell in love with all those years ago and gave a small wave. “Until we meet again, My Lady.”

*****

Leliana and I arrived at the Pearl to find Isabela engrossed in a game of cards so we found two seats at the bar and ordered food and drinks. As I dug into my bowl of whatever the stew of the day was I couldn’t help but think about Garrett. He was thinner than I remembered, slender and sleek like a cat and his hair was long. As a young man he was adamant it would never be past his ears, I thought with a small smile. I also didn’t see a shield on his back, he must have taken on his father’s style of fighting. Remembering sparring with him in the yard, swords crashing against shields, I wondered why that was and decided to ask him about it later.

About half way through my stew I heard a fight break out behind me and I giggled, knowing Isabela had cheated in her game and the men she was playing against were none too thrilled. I put down my spoon and stood, making my way over to the small crowd watching the ruckus. 

“You cheating whore!” one of the men growled, nursing a flesh wound on his shoulder from one of Isabela’s blades. “You’ll pay for this!” Isabela laughed heartily.

“And when that day comes it’ll be two coppers, now BEAT IT!” she yelled as she kicked him to the ground and glared at the other two. “Do I have to beat you bloody again?” I stifled a giggle as the two standing scrambled over each other to get out the door, the third crawling the whole way.

“Thanks for the laugh,” I said as I walked over to her. She smiled.

“That’s me, I’m a helper,” she said as she secured her daggers and crossed her arms, giving me a good once over. “Who might you be?” I curtsied in my armor, getting a smirk.

“A friend of Garrett’s,” I said softly. “He said you could help me.” I closed my eyes for a moment to see if anyone approached then, sensing no one, I motioned for her to sit at her table in the far corner. She nodded and we both grabbed a chair.

“I might at that,” she smirked, “do you have coin?” I nodded. “Good, helping the poor doesn’t fill my cup. What kind of ‘help’ are we talking about?” 

“It’s complicated,” I said, “but suffice it to say no one associated with the crown needs to know my friend and I are here.” Her eyes lit up and I could practically see the dollar signs flashing in them. I sighed. “How much is this going to cost me?” She grinned wickedly.

“Don’t worry love,” she purred, “I owe Garrett a big one and THIS may just make us square.” She looked around and leaned closer to me. “Go finish your meal but be ready when I return, we may have to leave quickly. You never know if you have someone on your tail in this damned city.” She got out of the chair and stood next to me so I stood up, looking her in the eye.

“Thank you,” I said quietly as I moved to go back to my seat at the bar. She grabbed my arm and swung me around, catching my lips in hers roughly. I was surprised to say the least but before I could respond she pulled back and smiled, licking her lips.

“Not your cup of tea, I see…” she whispered then sauntered off. I stood there dumbfounded for a few moments then started laughing at myself.

“I should have seen that one coming,” I said as I shook my head and walked back to the bar.

“Everything alright?” Leliana asked as I sat down. Her smile made me laugh and I nodded.

“Finish up, we need to be ready,” I said as I dove into my bowl. 

After we had finished our meals and polished off our ales I had to remind myself to not stare at the door, waiting rather impatiently for Isabela’s return. Leliana and I tried making small talk but it was tough when we were so on edge. Finally I saw Isabela’s dark hair peek in and nod in our direction so I tapped Leliana’s arm and left a tip for the bar maid before walking out the door.

We followed her in silence for a few blocks then I noticed we were doubling back through some back alleys. I smiled, knowing she was covering her tracks to be sure we weren’t followed. I knew every alley, every crack in the walk way on this section of the docks. Once she was sure we were safe she made her way over to a small inn I was very familiar with. The owner’s daughter, when I was still living home, was a servant in our kitchens. I smiled at the memory of sneaking down here, coercing her into joining me then going to the nearest pub for an ale. She was a good friend and hopefully still was.

We walked into the deserted bar area as if we were walking back in time. Not a stitch had changed; same stools, same tables, even the order of the liquor bottles on the wall behind the bar had not been altered. I laughed and shook my head.

“I can’t believe it,” I said as I looked at Leliana, “everything in this place is the same as the day I left Denerim. Everything!” I reached out and ran my hand along the bar. “Memories.”

“Well then,” I heard an all too familiar voice exclaim, “who do we have here? A ghost is it?” I looked up into a set of familiar blue eyes.

“Hey Trudy,” I smiled as I watched the slender woman make her way around the bar and launch herself at me. Her curly black hair fell out of the baker’s hat she was wearing. We giggled like little girls as we squeezed each other tight. I felt tears sting the back of my eyes as she released me. 

“You are supposed to be dead!” She exclaimed. I shrugged.

“Eh, I got bored,” I said as I slapped her on the arm. She giggled and gave me another quick squeeze before getting back behind the bar, her long-sleeved and revealing blue dress swishing along behind her. I looked around. “Where’s your mother?”

“Mum’s been passed on about 8 months now,” she sighed, her face showing an aging that was beyond her years, “I took over, been running it ever since.” She perked up, her face changing back into that pretty young girl I remembered. “Now then, what can I do fer ya?” Trudy asked, looking from myself to Isabela. I motioned to Isabela, letting her take control. She pouted playfully.

“How am I supposed to help if you already KNOW the help?” she whined. I walked over to her and put an arm around her, giving her a squeeze.

“Don’t worry Isabela,” I said, “Garrett sent me to you so he knows the drill.” She smiled seductively.

“I’ll give him something he can drill,” she said as she looked back at Trudy. “We’re good here then? I have some whiskey calling my name.” Trudy laughed and grabbed a bottle from behind her, dropping it on the bar top. Isabela smiled and slid onto a stool.

“I think I’ll join you,” Leliana said as she sat next to her. I shrugged and sat next to Leliana, tossing a few silvers on the bar.

“Come on Trudy,” I smirked, “just like old times, huh?” Trudy laughed and poured four shots, taking one for herself.

“One for the girls, HERE HERE!” she said as she slung the shot back.

“Salude,” I said, downing my shot. As I put my glass back onto the bar Trudy moved to fill them all again. This is gonna be a long night, I thought as I eyed the brownish liquid in front of me.

Garrett had better get here soon.

*****

The next day I awoke in my room, dry mouthed and severely hung over. I groaned and pulled myself from the bed, grabbing a robe to cover up. I scanned the room and found a pitcher of water with a cup on the stand near the window. Eagerly I poured the water into the cup and guzzled it, filling it again and again until the pitcher was empty. Feeling a bit better I rummaged through my bag and pulled out some brown leather breeches and an off-white linen shirt to wear. I got dressed, ran my fingers through my hair and headed out into the hall encountering wonderful smells coming from the kitchen. My stomach grumbled as I made my way down to the bar.

I sat with Leliana and Trudy at a table as we ate breakfast, chatting about the night before.

“I haven’t seen you that drunk since the night we tried to steal that pirate’s ship!” Trudy burst out laughing. I nearly spit out my food, trying desperately to swallow it.

“Oh Maker!” I cried, “THAT was a night for the history books. I never did tell Cailan about that one.” My heart stopped as I realized what I said, pausing with my cup in mid air for a moment. I shook my head and took a drink, putting the cup back down and looking at Trudy to see if what I said had registered. Her jaw on the table top was a clue that it had.

“Cailan?” she gasped. “As in KING Cailan?” I sighed, looking down at my cup then back up at Trudy. 

“I don’t suppose you could just forget I said that…” I raised my eyebrows hopefully. When her expression changed to a sneer I got my answer. I took a deep breath. “Ok, Trudy I need you to swear to me that you will not utter a word to another soul as long as you live, can you do that?” She cocked her head and smirked.

“I managed to keep you out of Fort Drakon your entire adolescence,” she replied, “I think I can manage to keep a few more secrets.” I shook my head and reached across the table, taking her hand.

“Trudy, this is more than keeping secrets. If ANYONE at the palace knew you had this information your life would be in danger. You could be tortured.” I squeezed her hand, trying to pour all the care and concern I had into my eyes. “I do not want you in that position. I am not worth you risking your life.” She smiled, squeezing my hand back.

“Kora,” she said, “you are my trusted friend who has appeared out of thin air after being dead for over a year, not to mention as far as I’m concerned you are my Arlessa.” She gave me a wink. “I have faith in you, that whatever the reason for your arrival you will succeed and that your cause is just. Let me help.” Her gaze fixed on mine, I reached out to feel if she was being truthful. Her heart beat was steady, telling me she was being completely honest. I smiled and shook my head.

“You always were the crazy one,” I said. She laughed.

“Only after I met you,” she said, taking her hand back, returning to her breakfast. “Crazy, like the pot calling the kettle black.”

“So,” I said, trying to change the subject, “someone please tell me Garrett did not come last night. I was annihilated.” I laughed, finishing off my juice. Trudy wagged a finger at me.

“Oh no you don’t, what’s this business with the King?” she asked. Thinking of Cailan made me smile.

“Lock the door and I will tell you the whole story.”

***** 

A few hours later, after I had divulged every last detail and answered all of Trudy’s questions, I tore myself away from the bar and went back to my room to take a nap. My head wasn’t as achy but it still pained me so I had grabbed another pitcher of water from behind the bar and took it to my room. I poured some into the cup and took a drink, feeling my eyes get heavy. Putting them both down on the table, I laid down and closed my eyes, feeling sleep take over rather quickly.

My dreams were fraught with battle; thousands and thousands of darkspawn slaughtering people as they made their way through Denerim. The blood and gore were everywhere, people slipping and falling in it as they ran for their lives and looming over the whole scene was the Archdemon. 

It sat atop Fort Drakon like it was its throne, staring down at the carnage. I was watching it from the palace gates, my armor dented and covered in blood, hacking away at any darkspawn that got close enough. But as the dream progressed I realized I was helpless to stop the horde from destroying the city and killing my people. I glared up at the dragon, letting out a frustrated growl.

“I hate you, you maniacal BEAST!” I screamed as I saw it’s gaze turn on me. “Yeah, you heard me, come get me you foul creature! COME GET ME!” I raised my sword and felt strong hands on my shoulders, shaking me.

“Kora, KORA! Wake UP Kora!” I heard a voice pulling me back from the fade. My eyes snapped open and I bolted upright. The hands on my shoulders pulled me into an embrace that was familiar so I relaxed, trying to regain my composure and slow my breathing. I inhaled the scent of leather and pine, realizing who it was that held me.

“Garrett,” I whispered, grabbing his shirt into my fists to pull him closer. I felt him drop kisses on the top of my head.

“It’s alright, my love,” he whispered into my hair, “Just a dream. You are safe.” I started to relax, deepening my breaths to take him in. 

“It was so real,” I whispered, burying my face in his chest. I realized I was shaking and my face was wet so I backed away from him in embarrassment. “Maker, I am a mess.” I started wiping my eyes when he took my chin up to face him.

“You, my dear, are a beautiful mess,” he smiled as he pushed my tear-damp hair away from my face and cupped my cheeks. “There, better?” I nodded and he kissed my nose. 

His lips lingered as I looked up at him. He looked down as he pulled away, coming nose to nose with me. I’d forgotten how deep his brown eyes were until that moment, how I would get lost in them; lost like I was right then. I could feel his breath on my face as we moved closer, my heart beating faster every second until he reached down and took my lips with his.

It was gentle at first, soft and innocent. Then I heard a groan from his throat as he pushed past my lips and began exploring my mouth with his tongue. I felt my body responding to him, the familiarity of him allowing my arms to climb up and around his neck to steady myself so I could straddle him on the bed. Pulling him in close, I felt his hands make their way to my behind, digging his finger tips into my flesh through my leather breeches, pulling me ever closer.

I was incensed with him, his smell, his taste, his body so close to mine; it was driving me to insanity. And he seemed to be just as aroused, his kisses deepening, crushing my lips, and his hands pulling me in, holding me tight. We clung to each other as if starving, not wanting but needing the other to satiate a hunger that we didn’t know we had.

A knock on the door slapped me back into reality as I broke the kiss and snapped my head around to look at it. Panting and flushed, I looked back to Garrett who looked panicked, not even a hint of the arousal he felt just a moment ago. I looked away, pushing off of him to get off his lap and the bed, making my way over to the door. He stood, smoothing his shirt and pants before I opened the door.

“The evening meal is ready,” Leliana sang with a smile, “and it smells divine. Trudy is a wonderful cook.” She stood in the doorway, looking from Garrett to myself, and gave me a questioning look. I shook my head and cleared my throat.

“Be down in a minute,” I croaked out and smiled. She nodded then, giving Garrett one last glance, headed down the hall to the stairs. I closed the door and turned to Garrett. His eyes looked everywhere but at mine.

“Well, I’ll be off then,” he said as he tried to get past me to the door. I blocked his path, resting my back against it.

“Garrett Wulff,” I stated, my voice an octave lower than normal. “You honestly think you can kiss me like that and walk out of here like nothing happened?” He sighed, looking from the floor to me.

“Kora,” he whispered, “I’m sorry, really I am. I don’t know what came over me.” He looked at the door behind me again then gave me a pleading look. I was in shock, not just over what happened but that he would want to just apologize and leave.

“Well,” I finally said, moving away from the door and opening it, “if you want to run away without talking about it, don’t let me stop you.” He looked back at the floor, ashamed, as he made his way toward the opening. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

As soon as I said it I wanted to take it back. He shot me a glare that was heated with anger and yet full of hurt. I knew I deserved it but my pride wouldn’t allow me to back down so I stuck out my chin in defiance and looked away from him, waving my hand as if to dismiss him. I heard him sigh, then silence. I turned back to the doorway.

He was gone.

*****

After dinner I excused myself to my room, not wanting to answer the questions in Leliana’s eyes just yet. I was embarrassed, ashamed and felt extremely guilty all at once. What are you, a teenage girl for Andraste’s sake, I thought as I went to the window.

I stared out for a time, watching as the sunset disappeared into the night. What the hell happened? I asked myself. Why would you not only let another man kiss you but RESPOND? I shook my head as I felt the guilt settle in my gut. Wow, you just jump from one guy to another. Is it because you need someone, anyone in your life?

Ripping out the tie holding my hair back, I pulled a brush from my bag and raked it through my mop. Satisfied that I had gotten all of the knots out, I put the brush back and grabbed my hooded cloak. I needed some fresh air so I decided to go for a walk. I swung the cloak around and over my shoulders but when I went to open the door there was a knock on it. I froze and closed my eyes, searching… it was Leliana and she was alone. I smiled in relief and opened it, stepping aside so she could enter but she shook her head.

“Garrett is back,” she said, “but he is not alone.” I nodded, moving to walk with her toward the bar.

“Keep an eye out but keep your distance,” I whispered, “I need to speak to him privately so I will have to leave with him.” Leliana put her hand on my arm, prompting me to turn to her.

“Be careful,” she whispered then disappeared into her purple smoke. 

I spotted Garrett sitting at a table with two other men, all drinking and laughing at something that was said. I pulled up my hood and stood in the corner by the stairs, watching him. I had to keep my distance to remain obscured so I moved toward a group of men, standing close enough that I could have been in the conversation. I glanced sideways at his table and his friends were still there, but he was gone.

“Shit,” I whispered as I closed my eyes, feeling someone sneaking up on me from my left. I smirked and spun around, grabbing him by the armor and dragging him into the corner. Slamming him into the wall, he grimaced then laughed.

“Well now,” he whispered, “I guess the fun was only beginning earlier.” I glared at him.

“Do not test me Wulff,” I growled. He gave me a surprised look and I shook my head, releasing him. “There are too many people here and we need to talk." He relented, nodding to the door and starting toward it. 

I stood still, trying to decide if I should go. I had such a hard time trusting anyone lately it was grating on me. 

There was the fact that Garrett helped us get into the city, which was in his favor. That and sending us to Isabela, but that kiss… Stop, I told myself. That meant nothing to him and nothing to you. It was a fleeting memory of what you two shared in the distant past and it won’t happen again. 

The guilt crept in. Shaking my head, I tried to get the image of Alistair’s face out of my mind and push aside that familiar ache. Finding no reason NOT to trust Garrett as of yet I shrugged my shoulders and decided to follow him. 

We walked the darkened street side by side for a while in silence. I would glance over at him occasionally, his face stoic, and I would pull my hood down to obscure mine as people walked by. Suddenly he grabbed me by my upper arms and dragged me into an alley. Pushing me up against a brick wall he pinned my body with his, grabbing my wrists for good measure. I stiffened, unsure of what to expect sensing the anger in him so I didn’t resist. Nose to nose, I could feel his breath on my face and the tension pouring off of him as his eyes bored into mine.

“Tell me the truth,” he growled, “are you working with anyone?” I relaxed, realizing his motivation. 

“Yes.” 

“Who?”

“I can’t tell you that,” I said, “but I can tell you it’s no one in this city.” Silence followed as I continued to look him in the eye. 

“Orlais then?” His eyes were still probing, looking for any sign of deception in mine. I shook my head slowly.

“No Garrett,” I sighed, “no one from Orlais.” I looked away, trying to come up with something to tell him that would be true without giving away the whole plan. Then, deciding, I looked deeply into his eyes. “I am working with those who would see Loghain off the throne and unite Ferelden. Then we can stop the blight, under one banner.” I paused, trying to feel his reaction. His heart rate had slowed and his face seemed less tense so I took that as a good thing. “I can’t tell you much else without ruining their plans. 

“Please, I know you have no real reason to, but you must trust that what I am doing is for the greater good.” I smiled, nudging his nose with mine. “You know I am a shitty liar, Wulff. Even on a good day you can see right through me. So what do you think?” He finally relaxed, knowing I was telling the truth, and loosened his grip on me.

“I had to be sure,” he whispered, staying close enough that I still felt his breath on my skin.

“Garrett,” I whispered, “was I really that horrible of a person that you would think I was working with Loghain?” I knew my eyes were conveying the sadness that question brought me. His opinion always meant so much, for him to look at me the way he just had was devastating. His face went from shock to dismay.

“Kora, no, no…” he said as he took me into his arms, nuzzling my neck. I rested my forehead against his shoulder as he held me, wrapping an arm around his waist. “I am so sorry. I had to ask, there is so much at stake…”

“I know,” I breathed into his chest, patting it with my free hand, “all too well. I know.”

We stood there in that alley clinging to each other. I felt his chest rise and fall with every breath, felt his heart beat under my hand and I finally felt like I was home. I closed my eyes, breathing him in, letting the familiarity of his embrace soothe me. It soothed me so much so that I felt myself drifting off. I snapped my eyes open and lifted my head, looking up at him with a smile. He smiled down at me, brushing a few stray strands of hair away from my face.

“You are even more beautiful now than you were when we were betrothed,” he said as he brushed his fingers along my cheek bone. 

“Garrett,” I began, unsure how to say what I was thinking. I took a deep breath. “What we did, the kissing, it was…” 

“Inappropriate,” he said, “and I promise you, My Lady, it will not happen again.” He smiled, taking my hand and kissing it, then smirking at me. “Unless you ask for it.” I rolled my eyes in frustration. 

“I swear you men will be the death of me.” He cupped my cheek, looking me in the eye.

“I swear to you, My Lady, you shall not meet your death while in my company,” he whispered in his low, gravelly voice. He looked around then back to me. “Kora seriously, let’s get off the street so we can talk. It seems we have much to discuss and I’d rather not get a sword through the gut in the process.” The tension between us seemingly gone, he put out an arm to escort me. 

I took it and he led me out of the alley, down the street.

 

*****

 

I recognized where we were as an older part of the docks, one that we hadn’t frequented as it had no pubs, and felt out of my element. Garrett had my hand, pulling me gently through the narrow back alleys and eventually into the back door of one of the buildings.

He lit a lantern at the entrance that was connected to others that lit up as well, probably enchanted. The room brightened as I looked around, trying to familiarize myself. The walls were made of wooden planks, just like the ceiling and the floor, and there were two large tables with six to eight chairs around each. He turned to face me, trying to read my expression and then smiling.

“What?” I asked, smiling back at him. He paused as if to say something then, changing his mind, he shook his head and led me to one of the tables. He disappeared into another room so I removed my cloak, threw it over the back of a chair and sat down. The room was bare save the tables and chairs, a few windows that were painted black and the lanterns. I sighed when he had still not returned. “Did you get lost?” I said loudly.

“No sweet thing,” I heard a woman’s voice say, “he’ll be right back.” I realized it was Isabela as she entered the room. I smiled and stood, walking over to greet her.

“Isabela, hello,” I said as I stretched out my hand to shake hers. She responded in kind and I looked behind her. “I assume this is a safe house of sorts?” She nodded.

“We have a few friends holed up here,” she said as she pointed behind her with her thumb, “but they prefer anonymity. Hence Garrett’s disappearance, he’s smoothing feathers, as they say. Drink?” she asked and I nodded gratefully. “Be right back.” She winked and disappeared reappearing a minute later with three glasses and a bottle. “I hear you like bourbon, hopefully this will do.”

She poured the drinks and we sat down as Garrett entered the room. I smiled and lifted my glass to him then noticed someone was with him, standing just behind him in the shadows. I looked at Garrett curiously and he smiled.

“Lady Kora,” Garrett drawled, “I’d like you to meet someone.” He turned to his companion and he stepped out of the shadows. I gasped.

“Riordan?” I asked, standing and almost dropping my glass. The man remained silent but took a step back as if to stay on his guard. I put up my hands to show I held no weapon. “Duncan is a dear friend, please do not fear me.” He stared at me, disbelieving, so I realized it was story time once again.

“Please,” I said as I sat back down and motioned to the seat next to me, “we have a great deal to share with each other. Garret, could you grab another glass? I think Riordan will need it.” 

Once I had finished the telling of my part in things I shared what I knew about Riordan’s, looking to get some explanation as to why he was not in the dungeons of my family's estate. 

“Perhaps it would be best to start at the beginning,” Garrett interjected. Riordan nodded and sat back, sipping his bourbon. “When word of Ostagar got to us I immediately thought of Caden,” Garrett explained. “I took a band of troops to try and secure the area, to look for him, but as we made our way toward the ruins one of my trackers caught on to the trail of a group of about 10 or so leaving the battle. 

“We followed it to Lothering only to find out that a beautiful young blonde woman had recently chased all Loghain’s troops away.” He grinned wickedly and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“What can I say, the story tellers always exaggerate,” I shrugged. He shook his head, took another drink then continued.

“Anyway, I realized along the way that the stories of Loghain’s betrayal had to be true, no way would Caden take part in Regicide, so I sent most of my men back to West Hills. I kept a few select people I trusted explicitly with me and led them here to infiltrate, find out what was going on.” He looked over my shoulder as a thought must have crossed his mind, darkening his features. “I told the men who went back to tell father I was dead.” 

“Hey,” I said with concern in my eyes. “We will stop this civil war. What you did was dangerous, still is, but thank you for doing it.” He winked at me, his expression softening.

“Anything for you,” he whispered. I blinked my eyes slowly as he looked away, a small blush on his cheeks. I raised my eyebrows in thought then, still having no reason not to trust him, schooled my face.

“Getting back on subject,” I said as I straightened my shoulders, “two questions. One, how did you make the connection between myself and some random blonde woman sighted in Lothering? I’m pretty sure everyone had heard I was dead.” He laughed and shook his head.

“Your message got through loud and clear, Kora,” he said. “The wardens know what really happened? You REALLY didn’t think anyone who knew you would figure it out? You didn't even wear a helm!” He shook his head in frustration. “You are FIERCELY protective of Caden, anyone who knows you is aware of that. And considering he joined the wardens you were the first blonde woman I thought of that would rush to their defense. 

“That and…” He lowered his head and shrugged his shoulders, “maybe it was just wishful thinking but… I wanted it to be you.” He looked into my eyes, the sadness and regret in his spilling over. My expression softened.

“Garrett,” I said, “The past is just that, the past. It is over and I have left it where it lies. You should too.” I wanted to reach out to him but this was not the time. We weren’t alone and I doubted very much Isabela was going to appreciate the attention I would have shown him. 

I could tell there was a tension there. They must have been in some kind of a relationship but it had seemingly ended. Or maybe I hoped it had, selfish as that sounded. Or maybe it hadn’t and that was why he was so quick to push me away. Moving those thoughts aside I remembered what else I wanted to ask.

“The second question was what were you thinking going after Caden?” I raised my eyebrow at him. “You know he doesn’t share the sentiment I do, why push it?” I asked as I downed my drink in one pull. There was the ghost of a shocked expression followed by a smile on his face as he slammed the rest of his.

“Caden was your brother,” he said simply, as if that should have answered the question. Deciding to grill him on that at another time, I gave him a sideways glance then looked at Riordan.

“And how is it you found yourself with the likes of this one?” I asked, motioning to Garrett. He smiled and sipped at his glass.

“Honestly, I cannot tell you,” he said as he looked at Garrett. “Perhaps our friend can elaborate.” Garrett sat back in his chair, putting his hands behind his head.

“Well, I am the miracle man and all,” he sighed, apparently pleased with himself. Isabela and I rolled our eyes at the same time, catching each others look then laughing. Garrett sat upright. “What?”

“Nothing sweet thing,” Isabela said as she patted his hand. “Go ahead, tell Kora your story of heroism.” I laughed, getting a glance of annoyance from Garrett.

“ANYWAY,” he began, “when I first arrived here it wasn’t difficult to get into the guard. No one wanted to work for Howe so they were practically begging for recruits. The night Howe invited Riordan to the estate for the evening meal, I and three of my men were stationed in the dungeons. He was brought down, unconscious and naked, and thrown in a cell. All we had to do was replace him and get him out. One of Howe’s henchmen, drunk as a skunk, filled in nicely until the next day. By then we had covered our tracks and Riordan was here and safe.” He smiled that confident smile I remembered from sparring with him. Every good hit he got, every win he would flash me that smile and I couldn’t help but return it, just as I did then. 

“Ok, then why?” I asked. 

“Any enemy of Howe’s in a friend of mine,” he said with a wink. I shook my head.

“Well,” I laughed, “it seems things are going well here anyway. I have yet to check on the Alienage, have any of you heard anything about a sickness there?” Everyone shook their heads, looking at each other for confirmation. “I guess they haven’t tried that yet.”

“Tried what?” Isabela asked. I sighed, rubbing my face with my hands.

“Loghain will be making a deal with a Tevinter magister at some point,” I said, “basically they will set up a ‘clinic’ of sorts for an elusive illness spreading through the Alienage. It’s all false, of course. They will be taking some, claiming to quarantine them but in reality they are loading them to vessels and taking them to Tevinter.” I reached for the bottle, filling my cup as I let that statement settle in. I took a long drink then sighed. “Things are going to get worse before they get better.” I heard Garrett laugh sarcastically.

“I see that,” he said. Shaking his head he looked down at his hands on the table then up at me. “I assume you will want to thwart these mages?” I smiled the wolf’s grin I had learned from Morrigan.

“You know me all too well, Garrett Wulff.”


	17. Chapter 17

Our conversation lasted well into the night. Eventually Leliana knocked on the door to check on me and joined us. We all agreed that the Magister should not get away with a single elf and came up with a plan for when they arrived. 

Riordan would join Garrett, Leliana and I in the ‘clean up’ as I called it while Isabela would sneak around to the dock side and be sure there were no elves on the vessel before we forced them out. Then all the elves go free and lock themselves in their homes while the rest of us lay low either at Trudy’s or the safe house and wait for the Wardens to arrive with Arl Eamon. 

A little while later, Leliana decided to return to the inn and both Isabela and Riordan excused themselves, leaving Garrett and I alone. The bottle long empty, we had switched to water and were trying to figure out a safe place for all of us to spar. I knew I was getting rusty and needed some exercise which Garrett was all too quick to agree with.

“Nice,” I said sarcastically, “You’re a charmer.” He laughed.

“Not the first time I’ve been accused of that,” he said. “Speaking of being charming, what’s with you and that warden, Al is his name?” He looked at me curiously as I shook my head.

“Alistair,” I corrected him, “and nothing. He’s a warden and I am nobility. End of story.” I looked down at my hands, realizing the pain had dulled ever so slightly when I thought of him. I hoped he was getting past it more effectively than I was. Garrett stood from his chair and sat next to me.

“Remember that thing you said about being a shitty liar?” he asked as he bumped his shoulder into mine. “I see through you Kendalls. Talk to me.” I sighed and looked up at him.

“I love him,” I blurted out, “but there isn’t a damned thing either one of us can do about it. It used to make me crazy, pained me terribly some days but my hands are tied so... he and I are no more.” I paused, thinking about what I just said then laughing. “I cannot believe I just dumped that on you.” Garrett laughed nervously, taking the tie out of his hair, letting the dark strands hang loose into his face. 

“Honestly neither can I,” he said. “However I have to admit I asked the question so it is kind of my fault.” He looked at me, trying to get a read so I just shook my head. “No? Not going to admit it, huh?”

He ran his fingers through his hair to slick it back somewhat but I noticed one rebellious lock falling toward his eye. I tucked it behind his ear, partly out of the habit of doing it to Cailan but mostly because of my affection for him. We weren’t betrothed anymore but it didn’t change the fact that I still cared for him, even if he did make me feel like an ass after kissing me to distraction… and then some.

Not wanting to dwell on that thought I slapped him arm.

“Seriously Garrett? Maker you are a nosey pain in the ass,” I said. He smiled and remained silent. 

He always could see right through me, especially if I was reluctant to tell him anything. He zeroed right in on it, not letting up until the ‘secret’ was revealed. Rolling my eyes, I could tell he was not going to give up until I spilled. 

“Just for the record I hate you.” I said as I grabbed my glass and finished off the water, pouring myself another glass then sitting back in my chair. “And then there was Cailan.”

“Yeeeees…” he drawled out, waving his hand for me to continue. I rolled my eyes again and shook my head.

“You’ve met the man, you know all about him and how charming he can be!” I sighed, thinking about the day he and I spent in the tavern in Redcliffe, just laughing and talking. “We bonded, more so than I thought I would with him and I miss him terribly.”

“Out with it Kendalls.”

“Ok, so there was a temptation there for a moment but it passed, who wouldn’t be tempted?” I looked at him pleadingly, hoping he would agree with me.

“Kora, I have never known you to be boy crazy,” he was laughing as he said it but the shock on his face was obvious, “but what you’re telling me is you fell for two men. And not just two random men but BROTHERS!” He laughed out loud at that, dropping his head to the table. I was tempted to grab him by his hair and bash his forehead into the table but I resisted.

“Don’t make me kick your ass Wulff,” I threatened. His laughing subsided and he sat up again to look at me. 

“You are too much. So are we marrying the King or what?” He was laughing at me but I swore I saw something else in his eyes. Something that wasn’t jovial or mocking. I shook my head and started laughing myself.

“Um no, not happening either. First off as I said previously, I’m over it. Second, kind of difficult to be Arlessa AND Queen, don’t you think?” I said. 

“Seriously?” he asked, apparently surprised by my answer. “Why the hell not Kora? If you care for the man, and if he has half a brain he would marry you in a heartbeat, what is the problem?” I glared at him.

“Let’s see. One, there is the fact that I will not leave Denerim to be fought over by the wolves that make up the nobility in Ferelden,” I said, raising one finger. I raised a second finger. “Two, after the civil war and the blight are over this place will be decimated. Denerim will need someone who is dedicated to its reconstruction, not just its buildings but its people, their very lives. 

“I’m not even sure my feelings were real. It was probably just a crush, it was over so quickly.” I shook my head, sighing. “Bottom line, Denerim needs me far more than Cailan does. Besides, he’s an attractive man. He will find someone else quickly if he hasn’t already.” I rolled my eyes.

“So let me get this straight,” Garrett gave me a sideways glance, “you would give up the crown, as well as possible happiness for Denerim?” 

“The key word is ‘possible’ and yes, is that so hard to believe?” I asked taken aback by the insinuation in his question. “That I would be selfless in my service to Denerim or that I would be selfless at all?” I felt the hurt bubbling up and heard it in my voice. Garrett shook his head.

“Damn it, woman,” he growled, “why are you always so quick to believe I think less of you? Get it through your head,” he said as he pointed to my forehead. “I respect you, I trust you, even admire you. Look at all you’ve accomplished in the last few weeks, things that others would cringe at and run away from. And yet here you are, seeing it through and accusing me of thinking you’re a selfish noble twit.” He shook his head. “For someone so intelligent you can be so daft.” I smirked and looked toward one of the windows, seeing the rays of dawn peeking through the cracks in the black paint.

“Yep, a charmer to the last,” I said as I stood to leave. Garrett stood as well.

“Leaving already?” He asked. I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Disappointed you won’t have anyone to pick on?” I asked. He smiled meekly.

“I was just thinking we didn’t discuss the, um, thing that happened earlier.” I saw a slight blush hit his cheek bones and smiled.

“Why bother? I just assumed it didn’t mean anything, you not knowing what came over you and all.” I sat back in my chair and smirked, raising both eyebrows. He laughed nervously and sat down.

“Ok, I deserve that,” he said as he ran a hand through his hair. “Look, I wasn’t expecting that to happen. What I mean to say is that I didn’t plan it when I entered your room. I just wanted to wake you; I could hear you thrashing in your sleep through the door.” His face showed concern so I softened, relaxing my features and listening. “You were crying and yelling something about a maniacal beast. 

“I couldn’t let it go on so I tried to wake you and you were so…” he paused and shook his head. “You were vulnerable and there I was, swooping in and taking advantage of your weakened state. I apologize, it was not how I would have had our first…” he stopped, panic ghosting his face as he looked down at his hands. 

“What are you two still doing here?” Isabela asked from the alleyway door. Nearly jumping out of my skin, our heads snapped up to her simultaneously.

“We were just… talking,” I said, feeling the blush creep up my neck. I grabbed my glass of water and downed it, then stood to leave. Garrett stood also.

“I’ll walk you back to Trudy’s,” he said to me, taking my cloak off the back of my chair and putting it around my shoulders. I smiled gratefully as he tied it at my neck, lifting the hood over my head. 

“Might not be a good idea considering what I heard just now.” I looked at Isabela.

“What have you heard?” I asked. She smiled, raising her eyebrows.

“Apparently your presence here is known,” she said as she sat in my recently vacated chair. She threw her feet up on top of the table. “Queen Anora herself is putting out word that you are to go to her at the palace. She claims you will be given safe passage.” Her grin told me she knew better.

“Safe passage my ass,” I said, “Loghain will have me drawn and quartered if what you said is true Garrett.” I looked at him thoughtfully. “The only way they would know I am here, unless someone recognized me and reported it, is if they drew the same conclusions you did from Lothering. That also means…”

“They could know there are survivors from Ostagar,” he said, rubbing his chin in thought. I shrugged.

“Ok, so maybe not drawn and quartered right away,” I said, “interrogated first. Then the drawing and quartering will commence. Wow,” I shook my head in disbelief, “she really must think me a fool.” Garrett slapped me on the back.

“See? I’m not the only one,” he said with a wink and a grin. I jabbed him in the gut hard enough to invoke a response and made my way over to the door. “Whoa! Hold it. You are not going anywhere.” I turned and looked at him. 

“Garrett, I’m tired and it’s a short walk. I need to sleep. We’ve been up all night!” Isabela dropped her feet to the floor and stood up.

“Come with me kitten,” she said, smiling at Garrett. “I’ll lend you my bed.” She winked at me and walked toward the other room. I looked at Garrett.

“I’d ask what that look was about but I doubt I’d get a straight answer,” I said as I lowered my hood and untied my cloak, following Isabela. 

She led me up some stairs and down a long hallway, opening the door of a small bedroom at the end. It had a bed big enough for two and a small dresser in it with two small windows that let in the sun. She walked over to one and closed the drapes.

“It’s not much,” she said, “but it’s clean and cozy. Get some rest, kitten, and I’ll let your friends know you are safe.” She closed the drapes on the other window and walked over to the doorway, grabbing the handle and smiling. “If you get company shortly don’t worry, he doesn’t bite… hard.” She winked and walked out into the hall, shutting the door behind her. I laughed, stripping down to my breast band and small clothes and throwing the items over the bottom of the bed. I climbed into the covers and sighed.

It was definitely cozy, just as she said, and I felt myself drift off to sleep almost immediately. The sleep was a deep one, so much so that I didn’t hear anyone enter the room but I felt the bed move when they were getting into it. I rolled over, facing away from the intruder and moaned.

“Occupado!” I demanded sleepily as I pulled the blankets back over me. 

“Shit! Kora, what are you doing in here?” I heard Garrett spit out. I giggled sleepily.

“Bela put me in here. So that was why she was giving you the eye.” I turned toward Garrett, opening my eyes to see him pulling his breeches up over his hips and tying them… and he was shirtless. 

I held my breath for a moment as I stared at him. His lean, muscled shoulders and arms had scars, most likely from sparring and dealing with the occasional bandit given they didn’t look deep. His chest was just as toned but with one scar that made me wince right above his heart. It was about three inches long and its pink color gave away how recent the wound was. I sat up, pulling the blanket up to cover my chest and reached out to point at it.

“Maker, Garrett, what is that from?” I asked. He looked down at it and shrugged.

“Just a scratch,” he said as he stood there. I smirked.

“Scratch my ass,” I said as I pulled the blanket around me and got up on my knees, touching it with my finger tips. “And it’s so close…”

“To my heart, yes,” he said smiling. He covered my hand with his, holding it to his body. “As are you.” I looked up at him, completely dumbfounded by what he said.

He always knew what to say when we were younger, how to make me forget when I was angry with him or change the subject without repercussions. He would even use this one particular smile that made my heart melt, but only as a last ditch effort to stay in my good graces. As much as I hated to admit it, it always worked. He knew how to work me, and it seemed he was trying to see if he still did.

“Garrett,” I croaked, then cleared my throat, “tell me.” He sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed but not releasing my hand. I leaned toward him, resting on my hip.

“We were leaving Lothering,” He said, “and the soldiers you had run off were coming back with reinforcements, I can only assume to look for you. One of them recognized my sigil and started barking orders at me like I was some commoner. I drew my blades but it was too late, another had already sunk theirs into my chest. I went down but my men fought the blighters off and got me to the chantry. The revered mother herself couldn’t believe my luck, just missed.” He smiled as he looked down at me. “The Maker must have a plan for me.” I smiled up at him.

“He must at that,” I said as I slowly took my hand away from him. He released it, putting his in his lap. “I take it this is your room?” I asked, looking around.

“Yes, when I can get away from the barracks.” He looked away from me. “It’s difficult sometimes. On occasion I’m sent to guard your parents’ estate and having all the memories…” He shook his head.

“I can imagine,” I said as I pulled the blanket closer. “I should probably put something on if you’re going to inhabit the same…” I looked away, feeling the warmth creep up my neck. I heard him laugh.

“My Lady!” Garrett exclaimed, feigning shock, “you would sleep next to me un-chaperoned? The horror! What would the other selfish noble twits think?” He smiled, pulling on the blanket slightly as if he would take it. I yanked it back with an evil glare.

“Do not test me, Wulff,” I growled, “now turn your back so I can get my shirt on at least.” He stood and turned away to face the wall so I grabbed the shirt and threw it on. “Ok, get your clothes on and… you know.” He shook his head, smirking.

“Sorry, sweet thing,” he said, “but I sleep bare.” I shook my head violently.

“Not today.” He stuck out his lower lip to pout but I continued to shake my head. 

“Ok, how about just the breeches,” he asked. “I hate having a shirt on, I feel like I’m choking.” I sighed and nodded.

“Fine. Breeches then.” I laid back down and covered up as he slid into the bed next to me. With both of us in it I realized the bed was big enough for two but only just. There was no way we weren’t going to come in contact with each other. “Ok, this is not very comfortable.” He faced me, propping his head up on his hand and smiling innocently.

“Do you want to cuddle?” He asked in a high pitched voice. I couldn’t help but laugh and blush all at the same time. He rested his head back down and pulled me into his arms, facing him. Then, after he had securely wrapped his arms around me, we entwined our legs and he kissed my forehead. I pulled my arms up to rest my hands on his chest next to my head. “Good night, love.” I took a deep breath and sighed, completely relaxing for the first time in what seemed like forever.

“Good night Garrett.”

*****

The room was pitch black when my eyes started to open. I smiled. Snuggly warm and curled up with Garrett I had slept like a rock. Though I was content to stay put my stomach was not so I tried to stretch. Garrett’s arms, already holding me to his chest, locked around me tightly. I lifted my head to look up at him only to have his arms tense more, strengthening his hold. His grip border-lined on pain and made me gasp.

“Garrett!” I squeaked. “Garrett, you’re hurting me, seriously.” He didn’t budge as a groan came from his throat. I tried to free a hand but my arms were pinned by his and my hands were trapped underneath his body. Sometime during the night he had rolled over onto his back and I was sprawled out across his chest. No way was I going to be able to break his hold so I decided to try something.

I relaxed my body and breathed out. As I took the next breath in, I tried to pull all the tension I felt in him into myself, kind of like a mana drain, hoping it would calm his dreams enough for him to loosen his hold. My gut clenched as the anxiety in him moved into my chest. I kept pulling, drawing in anything negative I could feel. His arms began to relax so I flexed my fingers as best I could underneath him to try and rouse him.

“Garrett?” I whispered. His emotions I had taken were overpowering me, a mix of anxiety and grief, and they were intense. “Garrett, wake up, please.”

His head moved back and forth as he came around, his arms relaxing and his hands moving slowly up and down my back. He mumbled something and opened his eyes. I breathed out and pulled away from him, pushing myself upright on the bed. I wasn’t going to take the chance that he wasn’t completely awake and tried latching on to me again. Holding myself up with one arm I wiped my hair from my face with the other as I tried to get control over whatever it was that I took from him. I felt tears stinging the backs of my eyes.

“Hey,” he groaned, sitting up and cupping my cheek, “what’s wrong?” I was gasping for air, the emotional pain in my chest almost unbearable.

“What were you dreaming about?” I asked between breaths, completely astonished with the intensity of what he was feeling. He schooled his face and shrugged.

“I don’t remember, why?” he asked. Catching my breath, I shook my head and gave him a stern look.

“Just as you can see through me, Wulff,” I said in a low voice, “I can see through you. Talk to me.” He held my gaze for a few moments then relented, the pain I was feeling revealing itself on his face.

“Can we not talk about it?” he asked quietly. I moved my legs to sit cross legged and took his hands in mine.

“Garrett.” He looked down at our hands as I caressed the back of his with my thumbs. I waited, knowing he would tell me on his time.

“I remember the day I found out,” he began. “I was in the yard, sword and shield in hand, practicing on a dummy when one of the guards walked up to me. I could just tell he had bad news so I continued and asked him what he wanted. He didn’t speak at first so I stopped and snapped at him. He handed me a letter and practically ran off.” Garrett got up off the bed and went to the dresser, lighting the lantern and opening the top drawer. He pulled out a piece of paper. Closing the drawer, he sat back down on the bed and handed it to me. I opened it carefully, being brittle with age and handling I was afraid it would tear.

The letter was from Knight Commander Greagoir at Kinloch Hold and it was addressed to my father, notifying him of my assumed death. It went on to say how wonderful a templar I was, how he was honored to have served with me and the loss would be felt, blah blah blah. I stared at it, noting the frayed corners and looked at the date. It was almost a year old, a year he had hung onto this letter. My vision blurred as tears welled up in my eyes. I handed it back to him, unable to look him in the eye.

“I am so sorry,” I whispered. He took my chin and raised it up to face him. I felt the tears roll down my cheeks.

“What in Thedas do you have to apologize for?” he asked. “Did you send this? Did you intentionally deceive us into thinking you were dead when you weren’t? No, Kora, you should not be apologizing.” He folded the letter back up and tossed it aside. “It no longer matters. You are here and alive and safe.” He ran his fingers along my jaw, his chocolate brown eyes seemingly caressing mine. I sniffed, wiping my face dry and slapping him, trying to get back on subject.

“That does not answer my question,” I playfully demanded. He smiled.

“Stubborn,” he whispered. His face darkened. “In my dream I was there. I was in the wilds with you when you were attacked. You…” he paused, shaking his head. “You died in my arms.” I reached for the part of my arm he had pinned before, realizing it was tender and would probably bruise. I decided against sharing that and shook my head.

“Well,” I said, “that explains why you had the death grip on me. But why would you have that dream? You said it yourself; I’m here and alive and safe.” I poked him in the chest then tapped him on the nose. “Get it through your head.” He smiled a small smile but a smile none the less. I considered it a victory and smiled back.

“You, My Lady, are a brat,” he said as he slapped my bare leg, making a loud smacking sound and jumped off the bed. I screeched, seeing a red mark appear in that very spot and glared at him playfully.

“You are a dead man, Wulff,” I said as I stood up on the bed and jumped on him. He caught me in mid air, legs around his waist and his hands cupping my ass, holding me up. I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed, nuzzling into his neck. I hummed against his skin, making him giggle and squirm.

“Kora! You know I’m ticklish!” he almost screeched. I laughed and put my feet to the floor, still holding his shoulders.

“I’m sorry!” I insisted. He smirked down at me, his arms still around me.

“Prove it.”

The statement had all the characteristics of a challenge, the kind we used to propose when we were kids. And the ‘I dare you’ look he had in his eye was so tempting. However, I reminded myself that we were scantily clad and the chances of something torrid happening were too good for me to dismiss. I decided now was not the time to get lost in such things and came up with an alternative.

“Alright, I’ll buy you dinner then!” I said as I released him and turned to retrieve my clothes. His arms locked around me from behind as he pulled me into him.

“Really?” he whispered into my ear. I bit my lip, fighting off the heat that threatened to take over my entire body. Taking a deep breath I laughed.

“Quit screwing around, Wulff,” I said as I pulled his hands apart to free myself. “I am starving and you are interfering with me getting fed. After all this time one would think you would know better.” I grabbed my breeches, sitting on the bed and sliding both legs in, then standing to pull them up. “Aren’t you hungry?” He smiled, a look of embarrassment flashing across his face as he walked to the other side of the room.

“I could eat,” he said as he threw his shirt on and went over to the dresser, grabbing some socks. Phew, I thought, that was a close one.

Too close.

*****

 

We made our way along the docks in the dark, my stomach betraying me every once in a while. He would laugh every time it grumbled and I would pull a lock of his hair playfully as we walked. 

I had always felt so comfortable with him, free to be myself whether I was in a fighting mood or a playful one. Never holding back, I always knew that he would be there whether I was a sobbing mess or a screaming one. He didn’t seem to care, just stood by with either a joke or a hug, waiting for me to come back down. I must have been deep in thought because I didn’t realize we had stopped walking at first.

“What’s wrong?” I asked with a smile. I looked up at him, his face angry and staring straight ahead. I looked in his line of sight and saw three men standing directly in our path. I sighed, remembering I had no armor and no weapon. “Shit.”

“Come now love,” the larger of the three said. “Such words are not proper for a LADY.” I recognized the voice and the face as Grant, the bastard Garrett was stationed at the front gates with. “Or are you still pretending you are no Lady? Considering Garrett missed drills today I assume you were quite busy not being one. All day in fact!” He laughed an insidious laugh. It almost made me cringe.

“Shut your mouth, Grant, or I will shut it for you!” Garrett bristled as I felt his body tense up. I released his arm, knowing he would be able to grab his daggers with less notice. Grant laughed again.

“Watch it boy,” he growled, “I may forgive you for skipping out on us today if you help me round up our ladyship here and take her to Fort Drakon. I hear she will bring a hefty price.” The two men flanking Grant nodded and smiled, slowly stalking toward me. I took a step back with my right foot, readying myself for their attack. I could feel the tension pouring off of Garrett as he crouched down slightly.

“Not on your life,” he growled, pulling a small blade from his belt and cupping it in his hand. I didn’t look directly at it but could see in my peripheral that it was a throwing knife. 

“Well, that is disappointing,” Grant said as he drew his greatsword. “I suppose we will have to drag your corpse along with her.” His smile made my skin crawl but I had to focus. 

Of the two with him the one without a helm had daggers drawn and the other with a helm had a sword and shield. Deciding I needed a weapon, I focused on the helm, trying to pick out any weaknesses I could as he made his way toward me. 

His armor was low quality, the chest piece must have had broken clips as it was barely hanging on to his shoulders. The helm was thin, two good kicks and it would crush his skull. Deciding I needed to get him on the ground, I figured a good loud yell and a frontal attack would take him off guard. I just had to hope Grant would underestimate me and hang back long enough for me to take that guy out. Or that Garrett planned to throw that knife into Grant’s eye.

I yelled, lunging at the man and knocking him down. I jumped up and stomped on his face five times, crushing his helm and his head. Glancing up at Grant I saw a small handle had sprouted from his eye as he staggered then fell to the ground. I grabbed the sword and shield, strapping it to my arm and facing the third opponent only to find Garrett standing over his lifeless body, yanking his blades out of his chest. I smiled, catching my breath.

“Well,” I said, “that was fun. I killed one with my bare hands and you killed two with blades. I think that makes us even.” I shrugged and dropped the weapons I had taken then started rummaging through their pockets. I felt a pouch and yanked it free, tossing it to get an idea on its weight. “Ooh, I think there may be a sovereign in there!” Garrett laughed and shook his head, taking the pouch and tossing it himself. 

“Wishful thinking love,” he winked as he handed it back to me and searched Grant. He pulled a piece of paper from inside his chest piece and sighed. “So it’s true.” I looked over his shoulder at the paper and gasped.

“That is a terrible likeness, I should complain!” I huffed as I yanked it out of his hand. It was a drawing of me on a wanted poster, claiming a reward for my live capture. “I’m to be brought straight to the fort then. Well,” I said as I rolled it up and held it to the flame of one of the lamps that lit the dock, “there goes my dream of safe passage.” The paper lit and I watched it burn, imagining it was Anora’s gown catching fire and burning her to a crisp. “Ugly bitch.” Garrett put his hand on my shoulder.

“Come on, let’s get some food,” he said as he nodded his head toward Trudy’s Inn. I looked from him to the paper burning in my hand.

“Amazing, isn’t it?” I asked. “One thing was changed in the story line, only one. Me. And yet the ripples spread out and become waves of change in so many places.” I walked over to the edge of the water and dropped what remained of the paper in. “I wonder if it will affect the other story lines.”

“Wait,” Garrett said as he approached me, “there are OTHER story lines?” I nodded, still watching the paper as it sank into the blackness of the ocean.

“Isabela is part of one,” I said as I turned to look at him. “She is a very critical part of one as a matter of fact. Does she work for a man named Castillon?” Garrett nodded. “Good. Hopefully I don’t fuck that one up.” 

“What does Castillon have to do with anything?” he asked. I smiled and shook my head.

“Oh no you don’t, I’m still hungry and I am not having this conversation on an empty stomach.” I gave him a playful shove and started toward the inn. Garrett came up behind me and slapped me square on the ass. I shrieked and jabbed his shoulder, both of us laughing as we walked in the door.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now it really starts to deviate from the previous version. It only gets better from here... I hope. :-)

The inn was packed, so much so that I quickly threw my hood up over my face and made my way to the stairs. When I reached the bottom I grabbed Garrett’s arm, pulling him to me.

“Can you ask Trudy to make up two plates for us and bring them to my room?” I glanced around suspiciously. “I don’t think we should stay out in the open.” He nodded and put his hand on my back, nudging me up the stairs. 

I went past my door to Leliana’s, having not seen her down stairs. I knocked quietly and waited, hearing the lock turn just as the door opened.

She looked tired, her hair uncombed and no make-up; it was as if she had just rolled out of bed. I smiled, nodding into her room. She moved aside for me to enter, yawning and stretching an arm as she closed the door behind me. I sat in a chair by the window.

“Can’t stay long, but I wanted to check on you,” I said, noting that she still stood next to the door. “Are you ok?” She nodded.

“I am, just not able to sleep well.” She finally moved over to the bed and sat down. 

“You’re missing Solana?” I asked. She shook her head.

“I am but that is not the main reason,” she paused, looking at her nails and squishing up her nose in disgust. She looked up at me. “I’ve been thinking about what you said on our way here, about Marjolaine.” I got up and walked over to the bed, sitting down beside her and putting a hand on her leg.

“Lel,” I said, “I’m not saying the decision will be easy but confronting her will go one of two ways. We will either kill her, making sure she has no chance to ever harm you again, or you will take pity on her and look over your shoulder the rest of your life. Either way, whatever decision you make, I will stand by you.” I gave her leg a squeeze. “It’s your life. Your choice.” I stood up, remembering food was coming. “Hungry? I ordered something to be brought to my room.” She bit her lip then shook her head.

“Later maybe,” she said as she walked over to the vanity and sat down. “I look dreadful, why didn’t you say something?” she looked at my reflection in the mirror. I smiled.

“Because I love you,” I said as I waved my fingers at her and walked out.

Garrett was waiting for me when I walked into my room, sitting at the table by the window. He looked from the window to me and gave me that look, the one he had given me when we first arrived at the safe house. I smiled.

“Ok, spill it,” I said, “what is that look all about?” He laughed.

“Seriously, Kora? Maker, you are such a nosey pain in the ass!” he exclaimed, obviously mocking me. I took off my cloak and draped it over his head. He pulled it off, rolling it up and laughing. “What look would you be referring to, My Lady?” I plunked myself down on the bed, pulling off my boots.

“It’s a look I’ve never seen on you before,” I said, “it’s almost… wistful.” Then a thought dawned on me. “Garrett Wulff, did you miss me?” I grinned as a slight blush hinted around his cheek bones. “You did! That’s what that look is! I can’t believe it! Garrett Wulff realized he actually cares about someone other than himself. I should notify the chantry.” I laughed as he threw my cloak at me.

“Blazes, woman, you are infuriating sometimes,” he growled as there was a knock on the door. I felt Trudy’s presence outside and rose to let her in.

“It’s about time,” she said, obviously struggling with the plates and such she was carrying. I grabbed a few and Garrett rushed over to help as well. “Here, put everything on the table and I’ll get the rest.” I laughed.

“Trudy, don’t you think it’s overkill?” I looked at all the plates. “Two loaves of bread, two plates of lamb stew, two plates covered in cookies and a pitcher of wine. You’ll make me fat!” She huffed.

“It’d make you more like the rest of the nobility,” she laughed as she walked out, coming back in with a pitcher of water and two wine glasses. “That’s all of it. Enjoy!” She walked out and closed the door.

“I hope you brought your appetite,” I said as I sat down. Garrett shook his head. 

“We shall see, won’t we?” he said as he sat down, took a napkin and draped it across his lap. 

*****  
We ate, drank and talked for hours, finally picking at the plates of cookies as we lay side by side on the still-made bed, the plates between us. Propping myself up on my elbow, I balanced my glass of wine by the rim. Holding it with only a finger, I watched the dark liquid coat the inside of the glass as I rolled it around. Then I remembered what Garrett had asked about Castillon.

“So the thing with Isabela and Castillon,” I said as I took another drink from my glass, “that is the beginning of a whole other story line that takes place in Kirkwall. A looooong story line and one that you can NOT share with her, understood?” He smiled and nodded.

“I happen to have some time on my hands,” he said. I smiled.

“Ok then. Basically she gets into trouble with Castillon and, in order to pay him back, she has to steal… something. When she does she attracts other people who want it to Kirkwall and they stay there, trying to find what it is she stole.” I took another drink from my glass, hoping that was enough information. The look Garrett gave me told me it wasn’t.

“A very vague synopsis,” he said, “I have a question.” I laughed.

“Just one?” I asked. He smiled, taking a swig of his wine.

“What does she do to get into trouble with Castillon?” I shrugged.

“I don’t know how much more I can tell without fucking things up. Besides, I know you pretty damned well and if I tell you everything you may just go and swoop in to rescue her and that would REALLY fuck things up.” I shook my head as I took another sip. “Nope, not gonna happen. Let her go and things will work themselves out.” Garrett shook his head.

“Think about this,” he pointed at me, “look at what you’re doing right now. Your presence is improving our lot, correct?” He waited for my response which was me shaking my head.

“Oh no, I am NOT involving myself in another story line,” I insisted as I sat up to fill my glass. “I have enough to deal with here in Ferelden. And there is also the fact that I would like to live my OWN life after the blight is defeated, thank you very much!” Emptying the pitcher, I lay back down on the bed and looked Garrett in the eye. “Don’t you want things to go back to normal?” He looked into his glass as he swirled the wine around.

“Normal,” he whispered, “not sure I know what that is.” I shrugged.

“Maybe we will find out.” 

I said it without thinking it through and as it came out of my mouth I could feel the blush creep up my neck. Technically there was no ‘we’. Plus ‘we’ may be dead when the blight ended or ‘we’ may end up with other people. ‘We’ was a dangerous word to use at this point in the game, no matter what my feelings for him were turning into. His noble status made him a possibility which was more than I could say for anyone else I pined for, but I took another sip and tried to change the subject. 

“What did you mean when I asked you about why you went after Caden?” I asked. He took a sip of wine and raised an eyebrow at me. “You said simply that he was my brother. No explanation.” He raised his eyebrows, understanding what I meant and swallowed, obviously nervous about something.

“I meant that he was your brother and I felt an obligation,” he said. “Why? Wouldn’t you have done the same in my place?” 

“Yes, I suppose I would,” I said, raising my glass then pausing. “Why did you give up the sword and shield?” I brought the glass the rest of the way to my lips. He looked at his glass, still swirling the wine.

“I would think that would be obvious,” he said, never taking his eyes off the glass. 

My eyes were drawn to his fingers, noticing how delicately they gripped the stem of the glass. They were long and slender but not too much so, as they were in perfect proportion to the size of his palm. I traced the lines of muscle from his wrist up his arm to his elbow that rested on a pillow. His bicep was covered by his black linen shirt but I could see places where the material was straining against the muscle and it was surprisingly distracting. 

Remembering him in his youth, the bulging muscles and thick neck that conveyed brute force were replaced by something more subtle; seductively lean and yet so much more deadly than before, as the group we encountered on our way to the inn can attest. I smiled, bringing my glass up to my lips and playing with the thought of tackling him where he lay. 

Then I remembered where we were and what needed to be done. The road ahead was a long one and would be hard won, not to mention how unfair it would be to expect such things from him knowing my heart would never be his. Blaming it on the wine I shook my head and brought myself back down to reality.

“Because of me,” I said, putting my now empty glass on the table next to the bed. “You changed your entire training regimen because of me. Garrett, I really am sorry for everything. I wish I hadn’t caused you such pain. I would take it all away if I could.” I sat up and faced him, shaking my head. 

“This again?” he asked. He sat up with his back to the headboard and crossed his legs. Holding out his arms, he beckoned me to him. “Come here, woman.” I considered it, then shook my head.

“You don’t have to do that,” I said, “in fact I’d rather you didn’t.” I straightened my shoulders and rose from the bed, facing him. “We have a lot to accomplish and little enough time to do it, getting distracted will do no one any good, especially in a fight. Certain things are important, others are not.” Garrett’s face grew angry as he stood up on the opposite side of the bed from me.

“What is this, payback for my reaction to our kiss yesterday?” he demanded. “Next you’ll be telling me we are expendable.” He waited, holding my gaze. I could feel my pulse and breath quicken, the stress of arguing with him kicking it up. He laughed, bringing his hand to his forehead. “I cannot believe this.”

“What do you want me to say?” I asked. “Things have been set into motion that will change the whole of Thedas and millions of people will be affected. You cannot tell me that millions of lives are outweighed by a few. No matter who the few are that is not true.” He rolled his eyes, dropping his hands to his sides.

“You really do have a tendency toward the dramatic, love,” he smirked as he looked at the floor. “I’m better off talking to that plate of cookies than I am you about this.” He made his way over to the door.

Part of me wanted to let him go, thinking he would be better off the further away from me he was. But the other part of me knew that I needed his help and he needed mine. He was far too self-destructive to be left to his own devices and I needed the few people I trusted to get the slavers out of the Alienage, as well clean up Denerim’s back alleys. I shook my head and stepped between him and the door.

“No, you don’t get to do that.” I put one hand on his chest and the other on the door. “Why did you even come to Denerim?” 

“You know bloody well why I came here,” he sneered, “although I’m second guessing my decision at this moment.” The comment made me hesitate momentarily but I held my ground.

“It wasn’t all about me and you know it.” I lowered my hands, relatively sure he wasn’t going to push past me and fly out the door. “You came here to find out what was going on and to see if you could help. Well, you are finding out there is a LOT going on and there are many things you can do to help. Why back out now?” I could feel my resolve fading. He was so angry, like I had never seen him before and I wasn’t sure about the demon I was in the process of facing down. All I could do was hope that the Garrett I knew was still in there. He glared at me.

“So now it’s come to this,” he said. “I’ll admit calling me a chicken when we were kids would definitely have worked. However now, things are different,” he reached past me to take the door knob, turning it and opening the door. “I have to take care of myself, just like everyone else.” I panicked, grabbing his hand and pushing the door shut.

“Don’t leave me!” I shrieked. 

I didn’t know what came over me or what stopped him so effectively in his tracks. Whether it was it my voice, what I said or the volume I used, something seemed to snap him out of whatever mind set he was in because his look went from anger to shock. We stood there, his hand under mine, holding the door shut and stared at each other. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears, my body tensed to jump on him if it meant keeping him in that room. I felt his grip loosen as he pulled his hand away slowly. 

“I… I’m sorry,” he whispered, his eyes softening as he reached up to caress my cheek with his thumb. “Kora, I...” I shook my head, gripping his hand with mine.

“Just don’t go,” I whispered. “Please.” He pulled me into his arms, kissing the side of my head before resting his cheek against it. I nuzzled into his hair that rested on his shoulder, my hands against his chest. Right then I realized just how much I needed him and it was more than just for back up.

So much in my life was stolen from me; my mother, my innocence, even the man I loved was out of my reach. Remembering when I left for Kinloch Hold, I felt as if I had nothing left to keep me grounded which was one reason why I decided to pledge myself to the order. But I learned very quickly there the value of friendship and how easily one could come to need another in their life.

I thought of Cullen, my best friend and constant companion while I was stationed there. We had taken our vows together, even went so far as getting matching tattoos of the sword of mercy the night before, each of us on our hip so no one would know. I remembered him teasing me about the way I walked the next day then, realizing what could have been inferred, turning red as a beet. I remembered how the night before I left that last time, when I was stolen from this world, how he asked me not to go. 

I hadn’t been feeling well and he was concerned that it would affect my performance in battle. He argued his case for hours before finally giving up, laughing about the fact that I was the most stubborn woman he knew before planting a kiss on my forehead and going to his bunk for the night.

I smiled at the memory as I stood there in Garrett’s arms, knowing the reason I couldn’t bear for Garrett to leave, why I needed him so desperately that I cried out the way I did. I needed him because of how much I cared for him, how much he had meant to me in the past and how much he meant to me since returning to Denerim. I was afraid to have him stolen from me again. 

“I’m a fool,” he whispered, interrupting my thought as his hand combed into my hair to massage my scalp.

“What?” I asked, looking up at his face. He looked down at me, his soft brown eyes holding mine.

“I’m a fool to think I could walk away from you again,’ he said as he nudged my nose aside and took my lips into his.

“Knock, knock,” Leliana sang from the other side of the door. I jumped, breaking the kiss and staring up at Garrett who rolled his eyes. Still in a daze, I dropped my hands to my sides. He released me and backed away to stand next to the foot of the bed. When I didn’t move he motioned to the door. I snapped out of my confused state and turned around, opening it.

“I think the time has come,” Leliana said as she breezed into my room, dressed in her leather armor and smiling. She stopped when she saw Garrett and gasped. “I have horrible timing, haven’t I? I can come back later…” I closed the door and shook my head.

“Nonsense, what’s up?” I asked as I sat down on the edge of the bed. Garrett sat next to me, looking at Leliana.

“You do seem rather animated, Leliana,” he said with a smile. “What’s got you all wound up?” She smiled wide.

“I was just down at the bar when three large men, one a Qunari like Sten, walked in,” she whispered excitedly. “I watched them for a time, not sure if they were here looking for you, and saw one of them speaking to Trudy. When he stepped away I asked her about them and she said they were guards for some Orlesian woman that was staying in a hovel over by the chantry.” Her eyes gleamed as she waited to see if I would make the connection. I smiled and stood up.

“I’ll get my armor.”

*****

“So,” I whispered as we stood outside the door to Marjolaine’s hideout, “what’s the plan or do we even have one?” Leliana smiled.

“As a good Andrastian I should allow her to live,” she seemed to be pondering, “however she would not do the same for me, no matter what she says. As you said earlier, I would be looking over my shoulder the rest of my life. I will not go through that, nor will I put Solana through that. I think it is time to end this, permanently.” I nodded.

“As long as you’re sure,” I stated and asked. She nodded and kicked down the door. 

I heard a shriek come from the back room as we entered, keeping our guard up in case there were others still there. A mage came out of one of the side rooms and put a paralysis spell on me.

“Shit, Garrett!” I yelled, “Mage!”

I watched in my peripheral as Garrett lunged at the man dressed in Tevinter style robes, sinking both daggers into his chest then yanking them out. Blood splattered everywhere as the mage fell to the floor and I found myself free. Garrett then turned to Marjolaine and marked her for death.

“Garrett, wait,” Leliana said as she stepped between them. Garrett smiled and bowed to her but held his daggers in wait. I secured my shield and adjusted my grip on my sword. She turned to Marjolaine. “Explain yourself.” Marjolaine smiled seductively.

“Oh Leliana, how wonderful to see you,” she began. Leliana held up her hand.

“Enough with the bull shit! I was no threat to you, why did you try to have me killed?” Leliana demanded. Marjolaine gave her an innocent look as she glided across the floor to her. I jumped between them, putting my sword across her neck.

“Make one more move toward her,” I said in a low and menacing voice, “I dare you.” She lifted her hands in surrender, backing away.

“Your friends are quite… loyal, Leliana. But they do not know you as well as they think.” I smiled, pulling my sword down to point at her gut.

“I know about Leliana,” I said, holding my tone, “and I know about you. Enough talk, what are we doing Lel?” I said, never taking my eyes off of Marjolaine. I knew she was a shifty rogue and was not going to give her an opening. Leliana put her hand on my shoulder so I relaxed my stance, taking a step back.

“I will deal with this,” she said. I nodded and took another step back, giving her room.

“Well, it seems you have quite the following,” Marjolaine’s tone changed from seductive to angry. “but little do they know you will stab them in the back when they are not looking!” Leliana turned to her and smiled.

“If there is one thing I have learned about myself, Marjolaine,” she purred, “it is that I am nothing like you.” She stabbed both of her blades into Marjolaine’s gut. Marjolaine gasped and hunched over, blood gurgling from her mouth. “If I stab anyone, it will not be in the back.” Leliana then yanked them out and watched as Marjolaine fell to her knees then rested her forehead on the floor. The blood was pooling beneath her as she finally fell over onto her side, her hair and dress soaking it up. I put a hand on her shoulder and waited for her to respond. 

She stared down at Marjolaine, her face stoic. Then she returned her daggers to their sheaths, her fingers twitching from their absence. I’d never killed for that reason, someone from my past that threatened me, so I had no idea what she was feeling. I looked at Garrett who looked at me, his face showing the same concern for her that I was feeling. Then I felt her hand on mine and looked back to see her bright blue eyes gleaming with tears. I took her into my arms.

“What can I do?” I asked. “Tell me and it is done.” I felt her sigh.

“You’re doing it.”

*****

After dealing with Marjolaine we headed back to the inn. The place was empty save Marjolaine’s guards and a few others making their way past us out the door. It was late so Garrett and I locked the door behind us. Leliana went straight to her room so I let her be, making a mental note to check on her in the morning. We sat at the bar while Trudy cleaned up. 

“Bourbon?” Garrett asked as he stood up, moving behind the bar. I smiled and nodded so he shook his head at me. “So predictable.” I smiled up at him.

“Only to you,” I winked at him as he put two glasses up on the bar. “Wow, those are some big glasses. It would seem as if you’re trying to get me drunk.” He smiled and winked as well.

“Only to you,” he said as he poured three fingers in each glass. I laughed and took my glass, raising it to meet his. “To long life and love.” I smiled warmly.

“Long life and love,” I said as our glasses connected and we drank. I emptied my glass and put it back down on the bar. Garrett looked at it in shock as his was still half full. I smirked. “What’s the matter? Getting drank under the table by a girl, are you?” He shook his head and drained his glass, filling both back up to the three finger mark again.

“Not today love,” he said as he raised his glass. I laughed, shaking my head.

“Ok, but you will regret it when you wake,” I said as I raised mine.

After the first two we paced ourselves, still matching each other drink for drink. I felt the bourbon’s effects and knew when I stood up it was going to be interesting. By the sixth I had reached my limit and put my hand over my glass as he went to fill it.

“Oh no, you are not turning me into a puddle,” I slurred slightly. He grinned.

“What’s the matter?” he teased. “Getting drank under the table by a dagger-wielding rogue, are you?” I stood up and made my way around the bar. Coming nose to nose with him (while looking up at him, mind you), I poked him in the chest.

“Do you think I don’t know what you’re up to, Wulff?” I asked. Before he could respond I continued. “Did you think I forgot what happened in my room before Leliana showed up? I think there are some things that need to be discussed before you get me drunk and TRY to have your way with me.” I gave a lock of his hair a tug and went back around the bar, grabbing a pitcher of water and two glasses. “Oh, and by the way. Drink and sex do not always mix.” I smiled and started up the stairs to my room.

“Very presumptuous, aren’t we My Lady?” he asked, still standing behind the bar. I laughed, turning to face him.

“You coming?”

The smile on his lips was the same one he had given me when we were kids and I first agreed to kiss him. An inviting smile that made warmth spread throughout my chest. 

If I couldn’t have Alistair, I wanted the next best thing. I wanted someone who would fill the gaping hole in my heart, or at least make an effort to. Someone who knew me almost as well as I knew myself. Someone I trusted with my life.

I wanted Garrett.


	19. Chapter 19

I woke to the afternoon sun beaming through my window. Slowly opening my eyes and stretching my arms I could feel and see I was not alone in my bed. His dark hair was splayed out across the pillow as he lay on his back, one arm around me and the other behind his head. He looked so peaceful I couldn’t help myself, I smiled devilishly and tickled underneath his bare arm. The arm jerked downward and a rumble of protest came from his chest.

“You are a mean and terrible woman,” he growled, pulling me closer with both arms. “Do I have to keep you confined?” I smiled.

“Hmmm… sounds enticing,” I whispered as I moved inside the circle of his arms to straddle him. “Or maybe I should confine you.” He smiled with a sleepy look on his face but I could feel that other areas were waking up. Leaning down, I started kissing a trail across his collar bone. Another rumble from his chest and I felt him flip us over, giving him the upper hand.

“You are playing a very dangerous game, my love,” he whispered, staring into my eyes. I shrugged.

“I’m relatively sure I can handle myself,” I said. With that said I grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked his head down, passionately taking his lips with mine. I devoured every inch he would give me, savoring his taste and his touch as his hands dug underneath me to pull us closer together. Breathless, he pulled away, smiling with his eyes shining.

“I love you,” he groaned then bent down to take another deep kiss. Then there was a knock on the door. I groaned against his lips as he brought the kiss to an end and pulled back to look at me.

“Are you expecting company?” I asked. “Otherwise I’ll murder whoever that is.” He smiled, taking my lips again then jumping off the bed to grab his breeches. I wrapped the blanket around me and pouted. “This is bull shit.”

“You will be spoiled soon enough, my love,” he whispered as he tied the breeches and threw a shirt over his head. “I promise.” He opened the door to Trudy.

“Well now,” she exclaimed, “twasn’t you I expected to open the door Wulff! Where is my girl, what have you done with her?” she asked, pushing her way past Garrett and stopping dead when she saw me. “Maker have mercy, are you truly doing this in my establishment? Unwed even!” She put her hand on her hip and tried her best to pretend she was angry. I saw right through it and smiled.

“You’re just mad because it wasn’t you in my bed Trudy,” I winked at Garrett and heard her gasp. Her laughter quickly followed.

“Alright, I deserved that one,” she said as she sat on the edge of the bed. “Not trying to interrupt, but you wanted to know when those mages set up shop in the Alienage. They’re here.” My heart skipped a beat.

“Alright, thank you Trudy,” I said as my plan formed in my head. “Is Leliana aware?” 

“She’s been downstairs some time now, was here when the messenger came.” I nodded then looked at Garrett. He nodded as well.

“I’ll go get Riordan and Bela,” he said as he pulled on his boots and rushed out. I smiled at Trudy.

“Unless you want an eye full of me in my birthday suit I suggest you give me some privacy.” I winked at her and she jumped off the bed.

“I’ll assume birthday suit means naked as your name day and I’ll be going,” she smiled as she walked out, closing the door behind her. I laughed as I got up to get dressed.

Armed to the teeth, I went downstairs to the bar with a helm on. It was lunch time and Trudy had a full house. I looked around and found Leliana talking to a guard with Howe’s sigil on his shield. Deciding to keep my distance I went over to the bar and waited for Garrett and the others to arrive. Leliana finished her conversation and made her way over to me.

“That was one of Garrett’s men I was speaking to,” she explained. “Quite a lovely fellow, he said if we need another hand he’s available.” 

“Who told you he was Garrett’s man?” I asked, worried that the man may just be saying that to get information. She smiled.

“This is not my first time, you know,” she said. “Garrett told me before he left. Do you think we would need one more? He seems capable.” She glanced back over at him, smiling. I grinned.

“Leliana,” I gasped, “you just want some eye candy!” She raised an eyebrow at me.

“What is this ‘eye candy’?” she asked. I laughed.

“Something sweet to look at,” I whispered. She laughed.

“I like that saying. Perhaps, but I thought another sword would be helpful. Three rogues and one of you may not be a balanced enough group.” I thought about it then nodded.

“Agreed, please tell him we would appreciate his assistance.” Then I realized we were sending five people in to fight. “Four is a suitable group, maybe another rogue could go with Isabela to free any elves on the ship?” Leliana thought for a moment then nodded.

“Good idea, just in case there is opposition,” she smiled at me proudly. “You are quite the strategist, My Lady.” I laughed.

“I’ve played this game before,” I said, “and my mother was quite good as well. Must run in the blood.” I felt someone touch my arm and turned to see Garrett, Isabela and Riordan (also in a helm). “Good, let’s get going.”

*****

“Isabela, you and Garrett will head around the back end of the docks to check the vessel,” I said as we approached the Alienage from the south end. Garrett took my arm.

“Sorry, but I thought you just said you were going in there without me,” he smiled, shaking his head. “Not happening, love.” I sighed.

“Garrett, you and Isabela know each others’ fighting styles,” I said, “that makes you the most logical choice. Besides, what if there is resistance on that ship? You’d send her in alone?” I glanced at Isabela as she rolled her eyes then looked back at Garrett. He shook his head.

“Of course not, but why not send Leliana? She’s the shadow rogue.” I knew he was looking for any excuse to stay by my side but I had to make the lines clear. No matter what had happened the night before, distraction is not an option.

“Garrett,” I said, “those are my instructions. I have my reasons, please do as I ask.” He looked me in the eye, clearly not happy with my decision, but finally relenting.

“Yes, My Lady,” he bowed and went to join Isabela as she entered one of the abandoned buildings that led to the dock. Something told me I was going to hear about the interaction later but I shrugged it off and looked at my companions. 

“Ready to kick some Magister ass?” I asked, pulling out my shield and sword. The newbie piped up.

“My Lady,” he stammered, “I didn’t know we were facing down a Magister.” I smiled.

“No worries, I’m a templar,” I said as I put a hand on his shoulder. “What’s your name?”

“Aedan, My Lady,” he said, calming ever so slightly. 

“Aedan. Thank you for your assistance today. The elves of this community will owe you a great debt, as will I.” I released his shoulder and moved toward the lines of elves near the Vhenadhal.

Everyone was panicked as they shouted, trying to get in to be seen and treated first. Women holding small children that appeared to have no more than a cold or flu were trying to keep their young ones calm amongst the crowd to no avail. I watched as more elves entered the building and shook my head.

“What’s the matter, shem?” I heard an arrogant voice blurt next to me. “Get bored in your castle? Come to watch?” I shook my head and turned to face a small red headed elf. I softened, knowing who it was I was speaking to.

The elf my brother Vaughan had accosted.

“Who told these people their sickness is the blight?” I asked. She seemed taken aback by the question then regrouped.

“What do you care? Go home, shem.” She stood her ground as if she expected me to comply. Not likely.

“Who told them?” I asked again, keeping my tone even. She laughed.

“As if it matters,” she responded, “the city guard.” I sighed, shaking my head and motioning to Leliana and the others to head toward the alley alongside the building. As they left I raised my helm, looking Shianni in the eye.

“I do care, Shianni,” I said, “I am not my brother and I intend to prove it.” I pulled it back down over my head and followed the others. 

“Maker,” I heard Shianni say as I walked away, “was that who I think it was?” I smiled.

Yep, back from the dead.

*****

The guard at the back entrance to the ‘clinic’ was easy to buy off, the poor man was starving. Then after gutting the two guards that were left to keep watch we entered the locked back room. My heart felt as if it was being ripped from my chest.

Men, women and children were penned up like animals, left to rot in their own filth. The smell alone was enough to make me swoon but I went to each cage and opened it, freeing them all.

“Go out the back but make your way to the crowd quietly,” I said, “tell everyone out there to return to their homes and lock their doors. Tell them what happened to you and not to trust the city guard or the Tevinters. We will deal with the mages.” The healthier young elf of the group shook my hand, smiling.

“Thank you, My Lady,” he said as he picked up a feeble young girl. He walked out with the last of them through the back door. As I watched them leave I couldn’t help but smile, feeling good about our decision to stop this before it started. I looked back at the others.

“I’m ready to rip this bastard’s head off,” I said as I stalked over to the front door to take care of those mages before heading out back.

We made our way through the boarding house without incident until we reached the elf pawing through garbage at the end of the hall. I put my hand on his shoulder and, when he looked at me, I put my finger to my lips and pointed to the exit. He nodded and ran out, probably sensing things were about to get violent.

When we got to the manager’s office I remembered there may be some thugs in there so I kicked the door in, surprising them and shield bashed the closest one into another as Leliana and Aedan pushed the others back. Riordan snuck past me and slashed three throats before I could even finish off my first. After I took out the second I looked around and the rest were dead. 

“I really did pick up the wrong style,” I said, shaking my head. Leliana and Riordan searched them, taking what valuables they could find and we moved on.

Outside there were four guards which seemed odd to me but I shrugged it off as I stabbed one through the throat. A few extras wouldn’t hamper our chances so we pushed on, entering the last warehouse. 

There were 12 of them in there. Three archers, four rogues and five with swords.

“Unexpected,” I whispered as we walked in, being confronted by the leader. An elven archer.

“We were told there would be no resistance,” she said authoritatively. I smiled beneath my helm.

“Loghain lies to his own people,” I said, “what makes you special?” She glared at me then glanced behind her.

“They do,” she said as they all laughed. I shrugged.

“Well then,” I said, rolling my shoulders, “let’s see just how special.”

One of Leliana’s throwing daggers flew past my head and took her out just as I finished my sentence. Another then another and all of the archers were down. I was swarmed by swordsmen so I crouched down, waited for them to all be on top of me then yelled as loud as I could, pushing up and away to throw them all back. Aedan took out three from behind as I finished off the other two. I looked up to see two rogues on Riordan, one in his face and the other behind him ready to strike so I ran across the room and shield bashed him off to the side. He landed against the wall with a loud crack so I knew he wasn’t getting up. Riordan finished off his man and Leliana sauntered over, smiling.

“Well,” she said, looking around at the carnage, “that was fun. A good warm up to be sure.” I nodded. 

“Search the bodies, I’ll see if any still live.” I walked around checking pulses but all 12 were dead. I nodded to Riordan.

“There are far more here than I anticipated,” I said. “I’m afraid there may be more ahead as well.” He nodded.

“We will proceed slowly,” he said as he walked over to the door, opening it to find another hallway. He motioned for us to follow.

I tapped his arm and motioned to a door off the hallway he had walked past. He nodded so I motioned for Leliana. She understood, her purple smoke filling the space where she was as we positioned ourselves behind the door. She opened it and snuck behind the guards in there as we pounced on them. 

Then there was the hallway to the guards’ quarters. I pointed to the floor and Leliana spotted the traps, easily disarming them as we proceeded. When we got to the door it burst open, four archers readying their arrows and firing. I took an arrow in the right shoulder so I sprinted down the hall and burst through them, scattering the group. I looked up to see 6 more men in the large room, all covering the doors to the area where I knew the magister was waiting.

I yanked the arrow out with a scream and then held up my shield as I approached the far door. The two men were coming at me so I crouched down to toss one over my head and the other I bashed in the face. As they both lay unconscious I turned to see the other three of my group standing over yet more corpses. I sighed.

“Why must there always be so much blood,” I said as I took a step toward them. I felt my leg weaken as the ground came up to meet me. I caught myself with my left hand, dropping my shield. Leliana raced over to me and reached into her bag.

“Take this,” she said as she pushed a vial of red liquid into my hand. I sat back on my heels, took out the stopper and downed it. “Give it a moment.” 

I slowed my breathing, focusing on the potion and letting it do its work. I felt the pain dissipate so I gave the shoulder a tentative roll. It was a bit stiff but healed so I nodded and stood.

“The next room has the Magister. Caution is critical. He may try to talk his way out of this, let me do the talking.” I went to the door and opened it.

“The men will hold them, master,” I heard a voice say as we walked through the doorway and to the railing. I looked down into the room and the Magister looked up at us.

“Apparently not,” the bald man in the mage robes said as he back handed the man across the face. “Look there you imbecile!” He walked toward us, staying on the lower level and smiled. “Well, visitors I see. And who might you be?” 

“Visitors who are going to ruin your day,” I said as I made my way to the stairs at the far end of the platform. “You will not take a single elf. Release them.” He held up his hands.

“Perhaps we can have a chat,” he suggested, “If for no other reason than to avoid any unpleasantness. You’ve made it past my guards so you are obviously skilled, I’d rather not allow this to become a confrontation if possible. Would you be agreeable to that?” His eyes were a watery blue and his skin pale. This man did not see much sun or physical labor. I smiled beneath my helm. 

“Make it quick,” I said. He seemed jumpy but I could sense there were other mages nearby so I kept my guard up. Riordan was behind the magister now and Leliana was still up on the platform, Aedan at my side.

“Perhaps I can offer you some compensation for your trouble,” he said as he presented a piece of paper. “I assume you would like to know the identity of the person who authorized this transaction.” I smiled and snatched the paper from his hand.

“I already know you are working with Loghain,” I said bluntly, shoving it onto my chestplate. “Give me something better.” He smiled nervously.

“Perhaps an offering of magic,” he said as he glanced at the cages full of elves. “I could offer you unlimited long life, just using the life force from these slaves. It would be a priceless gift and all you have to do is turn your head and walk away.” I stayed still and quiet, letting him think I was contemplating the offer. 

“I have a better idea. You will release the CITIZENS of Denerim you have caged, and walk out that door, leaving with your hides,” I barked, making him jump then sigh. I started powering up my smite and his eyes widened. 

“Who ARE you?” he asked, backing away. I stayed in step with him.

“I am your destruction,” I growled as the smite hit him square in the chest. It knocked him backward then branched out, a surge of electricity flying through the air and taking out the other two mages. I swung my sword around and took off his head. Aedan had engaged three guards, Leliana was showering the others with arrows and Riordan was running from one opponent to another, dealing back stabs and slashes to those not paying attention. I started hacking away at the guards around the cages, clearing the way so I could free the prisoners and get them to safety. 

I was fumbling with the lock when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to see Leliana smiling at me so I backed away and bowed, motioning to the lock. She giggled and got to work. I looked around and saw one of the mages still lived and was inching toward his staff. I walked over to him and stepped on his hand, crunching some bones and getting a scream from him.

“Well well,” I said, “what to do with you?” I shook my head as he whimpered, glancing up at me but not making eye contact.

“I-I’m sorry, mistress,” he stammered as he lowered his head to the ground. “I was just doing what I was t-told.” I shook my head.

“As an apprentice, I know you have far more power than that,” I hissed, angry that he was trying to manipulate me. “You stand to inherit all that belonged to your master and I won’t have it.” I ran him through the heart then yanked it out, watching as the blood flowed from the wound and onto the ground. I stepped back to avoid the puddle and turned toward the exterior door.

“Shouldn’t Garrett and Isabela have come to meet us?” Leliana asked as she approached the door. Panic rose up into my chest as I grabbed her arm.

“Wait,” I said, stretching out to feel what was on the other side of the door. “no one is on the dock. Leliana, Riordan, get the elves back to their homes. Aedan, with me.” Leliana grabbed my arm then looked at one of the elders of the group.

“Can you see your people home?” she asked. He nodded and started rushing his people out. Another older elf walked over to Leliana.

“Who are you child?” he asked. I recognized the voice immediately.

“Valendrian?” I asked. He gave me a curious look.

“Yes, that is my name,” he said, “but who are you?” I removed my helm and smiled at him. His look went from questioning to shock. “Lady Kora!” He rushed over to hug me then held me at arms’ length. “How? I thought you were…” 

“Dead?” I asked. “Yeah, I get that a lot. It’s a long story, but please be sure everyone gets to their homes and tell them to lock their doors. No one from the city can be trusted right now and I want to be sure these mages are truly gone. And Valendrian,” I put a hand on his shoulder, “My appearance cannot be reported, nor that of my companions. Can I ask that of you?” He nodded.

“We owe you at LEAST that much,” he said as he squeezed my hand. “Your secret is safe, My Lady.” He bowed and followed the last of the elves back into the warehouse. I looked at Leliana who smiled.

“Please do not think I do not respect your decision,” she said, “but going out there alone is not a good idea.” She pulled out her bow. “Time to finish what we started.” I nodded and, putting my helm back on, walked toward the door leading to the dock.

I kicked the door open and charged out onto the dock shield first. No one was in sight so I moved my shield aside to look up at the ship. Suddenly there was a sharp pain in my right shoulder, like someone stabbed me with fire. I looked over to see an arrow sticking out of my chest, just below the collar bone. My legs weakened and I found myself kneeling on the ground.

“Kora!” I heard a man’s voice yell. I thought it was Garrett but things had started to get a little fuzzy.

“Lel,” I whispered, “the arrow. It’s poisoned.” My head hit the dock with a thud. I felt someone roll me over onto my back and yank off my helm, touching my face.

There were voices but they were garbled. I tried to keep my eyes open to show them I was still alive but my vision was swimming so I couldn’t focus on anything. Then a man appeared in front of me and I felt someone smoothing my hair away from my face. I smiled, knowing it was Garrett because of the long dark hair tickling my cheeks. I reached up and touched his lips. He grabbed my hand and kissed my palm roughly. I knew I was running out of time so I had to tell him what I needed him to do.

“Garrett,” I whispered, “take care of my Arling, my people.” I took a ragged breath. “Everything that was mine is now yours.” 

And then the world went black.

*****

I could feel the tingle of magic around me but all I could see was the darkness. 

This place I was in was neither the fade nor Thedas. It seemed a purgatory of sorts that held me like a babe swaddled in a blanket just after birth. Not able to speak or move I just remained; waiting and hoping for the tingle to bring me back or release me. 

I thought about Caden. My big strong brother who was Maker-knew-where at the time. He was my rock, my protector, my twin in so many more ways than birth. We would share secrets as well as dreams, trusting each other with absolutely every aspect of our lives. That was why it was so devastating when he disappeared that day.

He never told me he was joining the Wardens.

A few weeks of wandering the halls of the estate had shown me he wasn’t coming back. I felt incomplete, as if someone had ripped a part of my soul out of me and it showed. Even Vaughan would try to talk to me, as busy as he was integrating himself into father’s role as Arl. Eventually he gave up when I wouldn’t even look him in the eye. It was probably father’s motivation for allowing Garrett to start visiting more often, being betrothed since we were children he was one of the few who knew how to snap me out of my moods.

I thought about Garrett. His face, his eyes, that devilish grin he flashed when he got his way, his bravery, his loyalty, his love. His love was amazing to me, that it would stand strong for so many years. Even after what my father had done it gave him the faith to act as he did, coming to Denerim based on the hope that it was me in Lothering. I knew how much he had meant to me all those years ago. And then I learned how much I meant to him still, but where did my heart truly lie?

I thought about Alistair. His eyes and his smile entered my mind and suddenly I felt guilty. The night I left Redcliffe I had told him I would never love another the way I loved him. It had started to feel like a lie, as if what I was allowing myself to feel for Garrett was a betrayal. That knowing we could never be together somehow justified my actions made me feel sick, strengthening the lie. 

I thought about the things I loved about him and how he would make me feel and it slowly dawned on me that it would never be a lie. It was a cold hard fact that I would have to live with the rest of my life, pain and all. 

My love for him was born of innocence. It started out having nothing to do with sex or wanting him, nor with the pressure of an arranged marriage hanging over our heads. It started because of his compassion, his character and his steadfastness to my emotional well being. He always wanted to be sure I was happy and that was a large part of why I loved him.

And then came the want, every fiber of my being screaming out for his touch, his eyes upon me, his smile. Would I die without ever laying my eyes upon him again, my hands, my lips? My emotions started to overwhelm me as I struggled to think of the one person who would make it all better.

I thought about Cailan. His presence had become a constant source of comfort to me over those first few weeks at Redcliffe, especially when the rest of them went off to deal with Loghain’s men. Being left behind was difficult enough but then Teagan questioning everything I said was maddening. Cailan jumped to my defense, calmly but sternly, and he did so with all the grace of a high born noble.

Not the man I remembered from court.

His impatience and lack of compassion were replaced by a serenity and commitment to others that I had no idea he was capable of. In just those few days we were alone I came to care about him in a way that I thought was only reserved for Caden. He held me, protected me and comforted me like no other man had, yet he asked for nothing in return. I decided then that he truly was a brother to me and I loved him just as much.

I started wondering where they were, what they were doing. Maker, are they even still alive? I asked myself. I had no idea and no way of finding out so I remained in the darkness, still trapped by Maker-knew-what. Then I felt another tingle but this time it was in my body.

A swirl of colors flashed before my eyes as a blinding pain jolted through me. My heart was beating so hard and fast inside my chest I thought it would burst out. Then I could feel my jaw move, my fingers twitch and my toes curl. The tingle became an electrical shock, pumping into my heart and jolting outward to my extremities. The more I moved the more intensely I felt it so I kept moving more and more parts until I realized my eyes were closed. I opened them.

“She’s awake!” I heard Garrett shout. My eyes found his as he cupped my cheek, smiling tearfully. I smiled back and tried to reach out to him, failing to move my arm but a few inches. He sat down on the bed next to me and glided his hand up and down my arm. “Don’t move, love. Help is coming.” 

“Who?” I asked.

“Long story, just relax my love,” he whispered as he stroked my hair. He was practically beaming as he looked at me, making me giggle. “What’s so funny?”

“You,” I said, “fussing over me. Was it that bad?” His face grew serious.

“Kora,” he said as he took a deep breath, “you were…” He shook his head and looked away. Finally able to move I put my hand on his.

“I’m here, Garrett,” I said. “I’m here and I’m alive and I’m safe.” He looked back at me and smiled, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“You so nearly were not,” he whispered as he leaned over and kissed my forehead. The door opened and Leliana rushed in with a small red headed elven girl. She wore circle robes and carried a staff with a lightening rune on it.

“About time,” the elf huffed as she looked at me from the foot of the bed. “You not waking up was making me look bad.” I shrugged.

“Sorry about that,” I said. “I am quite stubborn sometimes.” She nodded agreement and raised her arms, pulling healing magic from her and funneling it into me. I could feel the cold electricity spreading from my heart out to the rest of my body, just as I had in the darkness. I smiled. “Your magic feels like electricity.” She stopped, dropping her arms to her sides and smiling.

“I’m a tempest mage so that would make sense,” she said as she looked to Garrett and Leliana. “She’s all good, some sleep and she should be up and around by tomorrow.” I laughed as I started to sit up.

“Yeah, tomorrow is now,” I said as I pushed my legs over the side of the bed. Garrett stood up, grabbing my arms to stop me.

“Oh no,” he insisted, “you ran into that warehouse without me but this is where I draw the line.” He scooped me up and laid me back in the bed, sitting me up against the back board and covering me with the blanket. “You will rest, you will stay in this bed and that is final.” I was shocked into silence for a moment. 

“Um,” I said, “can I ask some questions?” Garrett paused, probably not realizing at first that I wasn’t resisting, then nodded. “How long have I been out?” They all looked at each other. “Hello? Did I speak another language? How long?” Leliana looked at me.

“Five days,” she said. My jaw dropped.

“Maker,” I whispered. “What’s happened in those five days? I need details!” I smiled, trying to lighten the mood. “Sit, everyone sit and tell me everything.” Garrett sat beside me as Leliana and the mage sat cross legged at the foot of the bed. 

“Well, we succeeded in clearing the slavers out,” Garrett said as he took my hand. “Everyone was saved and they remain so.”

“Oh! And you have your own personal guard now!” Leliana chimed in, smiling. “The guards that were still on the ship found out you killed their masters and have sworn allegiance to you.” I shook my head.

“Oh no,” I said, “I am no slave owner.” Garrett laughed. 

“Somehow I knew you would say that,” he said, “so I have advised them that they are officially employed. They are being paid a wage and work as free men.” 

“How are we paying them? I’m not Arlessa yet, Garrett.” He laughed.

“We’ve taken down all of their names and issued them IOU’s,” he said. “As long as the plan the Wardens have comes to fruition they will be paid after the Landsmeet.” 

“That could be weeks from now,” I replied, looking down at the blanket and worrying one of the edges. “Hopefully Howe hasn’t completely decimated my treasury by then.” I looked up at Leliana. “What is the situation in the back alleys, getting any worse?”

“I was for a time,” she admitted, “but we have been busy keeping the crime to a minimum. Sergeant Kylon has been very generous in handing out ‘missions’ to us. Good coin too.” She smiled as she twirled a lock of her hair. I smiled.

“Thank you, all of you, for helping out. It brings me comfort to know someone is looking out for Denerim.” I looked to the mage, holding my smile. “And where do you fit into all this… Neria is it?”

“You can thank Alistair,” the red headed elf smiled, probably because I remembered her name. She was a circle mage after all, and I remembered all of my charges. “He was the one who insisted I come here ahead of the Wardens. He was worried and rightfully so. You have a death wish, My Lady.” She laughed, as did I.

“You’d be surprised,” I said. “Alistair is far more reckless in combat than I am. Shit, he almost got himself killed every time! Drove me crazy.” I shook my head and looked to Leliana who nodded.

“And then Caden,” Leliana said, “he was just as bad. He ran into the group we intercepted outside of Redcliffe like a berserker! I thought he was going to die within the first minute of the battle.” She shook her head and I nodded.

“That’s my brother,” I smiled. “So I assume you escaped the circle during the uprising?” I looked at Neria who nodded.

“I was just outside Orzammar when I ran into your friends,” she smiled. “Alistair picked up on my presence. Definitely not your average templar.” I nodded.

“He’s not a templar if you ask him,” I said, “but Morrigan brings it out in him more than he’d like to admit. I always told him ‘your templar is showing’. He’d get all defensive, ‘No it’s not! Alright, maybe it is but she’s a BITCH.’” Leliana, Neria and I laughed and Garrett just looked at us and shook his head. 

“So this is what it’s like at a girl’s sleep over party,” he said. “Glad I never crashed yours.” I winked.

“Your loss,” I smirked. “There were pillow fights.” His mouth dropped open as he stared at me but I raised my eyebrows innocently and looked at Neria. “You seem to have a high opinion of Alistair, Neria. Is there more?” Even though I was the one to ask the question I still felt my heart tighten. She looked down at her hands.

“Um, no My Lady,” she said, averting her eyes. Her elven ears turned rosy so I became suspicious, my heart making its way up into my throat.

“Neria,” I said, “you can tell me, you know.” She shook her head which made me realize it was true, but why she wouldn’t divulge it concerned me. “Ok, what is going on? Why is she afraid of me?” I looked at Leliana and she glanced at Neria compassionately. 

“She fears you will be upset,” she finally said. Neria gave her a dirty look but Leliana wagged a finger at her. “I have told you many times that Kora is someone to trust. You should know this from your time with her in the circle. Why not trust her now?”

“Because he still loves her!” Neria blurted out. She clapped a hand over her mouth, looking at me with fear then trying to bolt from the room. Leliana stopped her, taking her by the arms and guiding her back to sit on the bed. When she finally found the nerve to look at me I smiled, swallowing down the lump in my throat.

“I think we need to have a discussion,” I said. I looked from Garrett to Leliana. “A moment?” They nodded and left the room. I looked back at Neria who appeared to be shaking. “I will guarantee you have no reason to fear me.” She laughed.

“If I had a copper for every time I heard THAT from a templar,” she huffed. I laughed, shaking my head.

“The sad thing is I believe you.” I gave her a moment to calm down then continued. “I am aware of Alistair’s feelings for me but you should also know that I love him as well.” I watched her face drop in disappointment so I quickly continued. “We cannot be together and we are trying to accept that, trying to move on, but I will always love him. And with that love comes a want for him to be happy. If you make him happy it will be easier for me to accept.” I waited for that statement to sink in. 

“So you’re ok with it?” she asked as she looked into my eyes, pleading. 

“Yes Neria. When you love someone you only want the best for them, right?” I asked. She nodded. I looked her in the eye and smiled. “I am grateful that he has found someone who cares for him as I do.” She looked shocked, then thoughtful.

“So that’s why he did it,” she said to herself. When I gave her a questioning look she continued. “When he found out you couldn’t be together he decided to put some distance between you. Smart except you had already done it the night before, good thing Duncan caught him.” My jaw dropped. I was completely taken off guard by that statement and it must have shown on my face, panic streaking across hers. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” 

“It…It’s alright,” I murmured. Getting a hold of myself I smiled. “It would figure.” I looked down at my hands, pretending to look at my nails when I saw an unfamiliar gold ring on my right hand. Neria crawled across the bed to sit next to me, taking my hand in hers.

“He asked me to give it to you. He said you would need it more than he did.” She chewed her lower lip. I squeezed her hand.

“Always thinking of others,” I shook my head. “He deserves your unconditional love and trust, I hope you know that.” I smiled, hoping she couldn’t see my heart breaking at that statement. If Alistair was trying to find love, trying to move on with her I wanted it to work, for his sake. “Do you hear me?” I took on the mommy-tone and smiled as I bumped her shoulder with mine. She giggled. 

“Yes My Lady,” she winked and tapped the ring. “It’s a ‘ring of resistance’,” she said. “It increases your physical resistance and stamina. I saw First Enchanter Irving wearing one just like it. Alistair said he bought it from Lloyd in Redcliffe before they left for Orzammar.” She gazed at the ring and I swore it started to shine. She smiled. “Yes, you saw it shimmer. It does that when the wearer is ready for battle.” She looked at me. “I guess you are officially released, My Lady.” I smiled and hugged her tight, getting a little squeal from her.

“Thank you,” I said, “thank you so much. You saved my life and I am grateful.” I threw the blanket aside and dropped my legs over the side of the bed, letting my toes touch the floor. I carefully flattened my feet to the wooden boards as I put my weight on them. Standing tall I giggled. “YAY! I’m free!” Neria laughed. 

“You find joy in the strangest places.” I gave her a playful shove and stuck out my tongue.

“Watch it little girl,” I said as I breezed past her, grabbing my breeches and pulling them on. “I fancy a meal, I am STARVING! Want to join me?” She smiled and nodded as I grabbed my boots and sat down on the bed, pulling them on. 

We walked down the stairs and into the bar, grabbing the table in the corner away from the door. I kept my back to the room to hide my face as Trudy made her way over.

“And just what do you think you are doing?” she asked, whispering hoarsely into my ear. I smiled up at her. 

“You seriously think you can keep me in that CELL you call a room?” I winked at her. “You are mad. Can I get some food? I am so hungry I could eat an entire horse.” She huffed her disapproval and stalked off as Garrett plopped into the chair next to me.

“You are pushing your luck, My Lady,” he whispered sternly. I gave him a nasty glare that said DON’T and turned to Neria. 

“A tempest, huh?” She smiled and nodded. I smiled back. “Excellent, can you do me a favor and give him a little zap to make his hair stand on end?” She smirked, turning to Garrett and reaching for him. He jumped out of his seat and backed away from the table. 

“Point taken! I’m going to go check with the guards at the front gate, see if there have been any Warden sightings yet,” he said, bowing to us and walking out the door. Neria and I giggled profusely as Leliana sat down, slapping my arm in the process.

“Shall we try to stay inconspicuous?” She asked. I nodded as Trudy dropped plates in front of us all and I picked up my fork, forgoing the napkin. 

It was the best meal of my life.


	20. Chapter 20

The following day I was itching to hold a sword but instead of heading into the back alleys as I was hoping Leliana took me to a secluded area just outside the southern end of the docks. It was wooded with places for us to hide should the guard come looking but open enough that we could spar.

“I suppose I should be glad you are letting me even HOLD a sword,” I said as I strapped my shield onto my arm. Picking up the practice sword I gave it a toss to test the balance and weight. “I know, I know. I almost died.” She gave me a stern look, holding her practice daggers at her sides.

“There was no ALMOST about it,” she replied curtly. “You DID die Kora. Your heart stopped. If Neria wasn’t there and wasn’t a tempest mage you’d be burning on a pyre right now so stop your WHINING,” she warned, stalking toward me like a cat to its prey, “and get your guard up.”

She came at me like a whirlwind of blades and red hair. I had just enough time to get my shield up but not enough to ready my stance so I went flat on my ass with an oof. I put up my hands in surrender, shaking my head.

“OK! Ok, I get it.” Standing, I brushed myself off and sighed. “I’m sorry Lel.”

“Kora,” she said as she dropped her daggers and put a hand on my shoulder. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Look at what we accomplished! We saved an entire alienage from slavery. I have no regrets.” I shook my head, taking her hand from my shoulder and staring at the ground.

“It seems like the more I stick my nose into things the more pain I cause to those I care for.” She took me into a strong hug, one I returned gratefully. “That is why I am sorry.” She laughed and released me.

“You keep us on our toes, My Lady,” she smiled, returning to pick up her daggers and twirl them in her hands. “And I plan to return the favor, now get your guard up!” 

We sparred until the sweat poured into our eyes then, after a water break, we worked on bow defense. I was blindfolded and Leliana would pick a spot to fire from. She taught me the different methods she used to detect hidden threats and, along with my ability to sense my surroundings, I was more confident I would not be taken out by a bow again. 

At one point we sat down for a snack when I spotted one of her daggers laying on the ground next to me. A thought occurred to me, how convenient it would be to have a distance weapon. A throwing knife would be useful in a fight.

“Do you think you could teach me to throw one of those?” I asked, picking up the blade and tossing it up in the air to get a feel. She smiled as she stood.

“Let’s find out.”

*****

Days went by and I allowed them all their turn at testing my physical and mental readiness for a fight. Every day I was under ‘house arrest’ as I called it someone different sparred with me. On Garrett’s day we worked on my defense against daggers and how to read my opponent. With Aeden it was about facing down warriors as he was proficient with both shield and two handed weapons. Then, when it was Neria’s turn, I was vehemently against it.

“What if I smite her?” I practically shrieked, shaking my head and waving my arms at Leliana. “No, absolutely not. I will not take the chance of hurting her.” Neria grabbed my shoulders, forcing me to face her.

“You think you’d be the first?” she laughed. “Please, you’re not even taking lyrium anymore! You don’t scare me missy.” 

“I faced off against a magister, love,” I replied, “and when I smote his ass he was NOT laughing. And then the smite branched out and hit two other mages! My answer is NO and that is FINAL.” She released my arms and took a step back, absorbing what I said.

“You… smote a magister and it… what?” She was in shock. I realized what I said and became a bit shocked myself.

“It looked like electricity,” I whispered, bringing my hand up to examine my finger tips. “It didn’t occur to me at the time, I was just glad I still was able to do it. Now that I am thinking about it I have to say I’m a bit scared.” Neria motioned for me to sit on my bed.

“Do you think you could let me dig around inside you?” She asked. “Maybe I can identify what it is that’s fueling your abilities now. It would answer one question at least.” I looked into her eyes and, seeing the concern, nodded, sitting down as she took my hand. “Ok, close your eyes. 

“Now clear your mind and open up, like the day you took your vows and your first draught of lyrium. Remember how it felt as it flowed out into your body. Can you feel it?” I nodded. “Good, now just relax, this may feel a bit… prickly.”

I jumped slightly as she entered through the hand she held and made her way up my arm, into my chest. As she moved around I felt every hair on my body stand up, like a cat being rubbed profusely on a carpet. A few minutes later I heard a hum come from her lips as she retreated back out through the hand she had entered. I opened my eyes, bringing myself back to the present.

“So?” I asked, watching her face for any clue. She shook her head, seemingly confused.

“If I didn’t know any better,” she whispered, then looked over at Leliana. “Has she come in contact with any spirits?” I grabbed her hand, making her turn her gaze to me.

“Talk to me.” Demanding and forceful, I had to know what she was holding back so when she hesitated I stood, pointing to a chair at the table by the window. She turned and sat down in it. I crossed my arms, waiting as she seemed to wrestle with what she had to say.

“It’s… complicated.” I continued my stare and she sighed. “If I didn’t know better I’d say you were… an abomination.” 

I gasped, the weight of the word she just used hitting me square in the chest and knocking the wind out of me. An abomination, which meant I was possessed… or worse. 

“Can you elaborate?” I heard Leliana ask. Neria shook her head.

“It’s difficult to explain but I will try.” She shifted in her seat. “I felt a presence, or I should say a fragment of a presence. Someone or something is residing inside you and that is what is fueling your templar abilities. Or, I should say, PART of someone or something.”

“Explain ‘part’,” Leliana insisted as she moved to stand next to me. 

“It doesn’t feel like an entire entity,” she insisted, struggling with how to interpret what she felt. “It’s as if someone took a tiny piece of themselves and placed it inside you, inside your very soul. Like a lock of hair or…”

“Or a piece of THEIR soul so that they could find me, no matter how far away I was,” I said deadpan, putting the pieces together and not liking what I was seeing. “Fucking Flemeth, seriously?” I ran my hands through my hair and began pacing the room. “Wow.”

“It would make sense,” Leliana said thoughtfully, “she did have to reach into another reality to bring you back.” I shot her a look.

“Not helping,” I growled, fighting down the temptation to hit something… hard. 

“Wait, Flemeth? THE Flemeth?” Neria seemed beside herself as she shot to her feet. “This I have to hear.” My glare turned to her, making her shrink back a bit.

“Not now,” I insisted. Seeing her reaction I sighed, closing my eyes and trying to center myself. The anger welling up was making it difficult but I fought it off and finally focused on the here and now. When I opened my eyes I saw Leliana standing in front of me, her face fraught with concern. 

“Are you alright?” she asked in a shaky voice. I immediately felt embarrassed, ashamed that she may be afraid of me now that we knew what was going on inside of me. Abomination. I shook my head, unable and unwilling to accept that I was anyone other than myself.

“I… Lel, I am no different than I was when you met me,” I insisted, “if this is truly a piece of Flemeth in me it hasn’t changed who I am or how I react to things. Caden would have noticed if there was something off.” My faith in my twin was what I held on to, faith and trust that if he had noticed anything he would have spoken up. I turned to Neria. “Is there a way to get rid of her? I mean, it’s a small piece, not a full on possession. Could we…” 

I racked my brain for any bit of information I could think of that related to the present circumstance. All of the history books on magic and possession that I was forced to read at the circle, nothing came to mind that referred to a ‘partial possession’. I finally sighed, feeling the sting of defeat as I walked over to the bed and sat down.

“Honestly, I am at a loss,” Neria finally admitted. “But as you said, it doesn’t seem to have affected you in any way beside your templar abilities.” She sat there thoughtful for a moment, then smiled. “There are worse things than being a highly skilled templar and NOT being addicted to lyrium, ya know.” I glanced at her and tried to smile, failing miserably and falling backward onto the bed.

“Wow, what the fuck?” I asked the ceiling. I felt Leliana lay down on one side of me, then Neria on the other. 

“If it’s any consolation I still love you,” Leliana whispered as she grasped my hand. I gave hers a squeeze and managed a small smile. 

“And I love you,” I whispered back. Neria gave a little whine.

“I always kinda liked you,” she whimpered. I laughed, turning to face her and grasped her hand as well. 

“I always kinda liked you too, Ner. Still do.” I squeezed her hand and she smiled wide.

“Ok, now that THAT is settled,” Leliana announced as she sat up, “you are going to have to spar with a mage.” I shook my head.

“Unless you can come up with a mage I despise, it is not happening.” I let go of their hands and crossed my arms. Leliana gave a small laugh.

“Then I shall find one.”

*****

After Leliana and I filled Neria in on my ‘trip’, which again I didn’t understand how the people of Thedas could accept what happened to me so easily, we headed out into the sparring area.

“Not exactly what I had in mind,” I said as I stared down my ‘opponent’ in our sparring area south of the docks. My ‘opponent’ being a dummy stuffed with straw and a lyrium draught. Neria giggled.

“It should be sufficient to test your mana drain, since we know your smite is more than satisfactory,” Leliana insisted, glaring at the two of us, “and you can work with Neria on your cleansing ability.” I rolled my eyes and shook out my arms, rolling my shoulders and reaching out toward the dummy.

I closed my eyes and felt around with my mind, finding the draught. I closed my hand, imagining it wrapped around the mana and letting it soak into my skin. Once I was sure I had pulled half of it I released and refocused, opening my eyes. Neria started clapping.

“Wow, you are GOOD!” she exclaimed as she jumped in front of me. “See if you can cleanse this.” She put her arms up in front of her and set up a glyph under the dummy. I reacted, reaching out and snuffing the glyph into nothing. “WOO HOO! This is fun!”

“I’m glad I can entertain you,” I said as I looked to Leliana. “I think we’re done here.” She shook her head and threw Neria her staff. She must have been holding it behind her back, I didn’t even know she had it. 

“Time to play,” Neria sneered as she circled me. I smirked back at her.

“Ner,” I warned, “you sure you want to do this?” She nodded and twirled her staff. I cracked my neck and nodded. “Ok, what are the rules?”

“There are no rules,” she said as she pointed her staff at me, a stream of lightning shooting from it. I put my hands up to block, pushing it out and away as I spun from its path. It landed on a tree nearby, blackening the bark. I growled.

“You really want to play it like that, Ner?” I asked as I pulled all of my new found power to the surface of my skin, letting it flex and bend with every move I made. “I’m not sure what my limits are, if I even have limits.” She smiled.

“And that is something I am VERY interested in learning about,” she replied, moving to an attack stance and whipping around to fire another shot at me. Knowing she could heal me if I became injured, I let it hit me right in the chest. Closing my eyes just before the impact, I gasped, waiting to see if I felt any effects.

“Maker,” I heard Leliana whisper. As I was still standing I assumed I was ok and opened my eyes. 

The lightening was dancing around me as it tried to find purchase on my skin. The ‘barrier’ I had put up was reflecting it, but just enough to keep it from penetrating, not enough to send it away. I watched as the tiny bolts fizzed and cracked, like thousands of fire flies buzzing around me.

“That is so beautiful,” Neria said as she crept closer. I shook my head.

“Everyone back,” I demanded, “I’m going to try something.” They backed away to the tree line as I searched for a target that wouldn’t burn the forest down. Spotting a large brown rock that appeared to be made of sandstone I decided it would do.

Closing my eyes, I felt the barrier respond as I used it like a blanket, rolling and wrapping up the lightning into a ball between my hands. When I was confident I had control of it I took a deep breath, focusing on the ball, and quickly pushed it out and away. I felt the ball leave my hands and opened my eyes to see it crash into the rock, shattering it into a thousand electrified pieces of glass.

“Wow,” Neria whispered as she walked over and picked up a piece, still zapping with electricity. It must have given her a shock as she hissed and moved it to her other hand. I smiled. 

“That was definitely amazing,” I said as I surveyed the damage. Leliana appeared at my side, slapping me on the back.

“And handier than a throwing blade,” she laughed.

“I’m still glad you taught me that one though,” I said. “Hey Ner, wanna try that again but faster?” Her eyes shot to me as a huge grin took over her face.

“Um, YES!”

*****

We practiced all day, sending Leliana out to get us lunch as we played with the new ‘toy’ my abilities became to Neria. She wanted to test every aspect; strength, speed, control and ignition were all pushed to their limits as the day progressed. Finally it was getting dark so I threw my hands up in surrender.

“You win, I quit,” I said as I walked over to the remains of our picnic lunch to bring it back to the inn. Neria moaned.

“But we were just getting to the good part,” she whined as she stomped her feet. Leliana and I laughed as we gathered everything up, leaving no evidence of our presence.

“Let’s go, kiddo,” I said, “There’s always tomorrow.” She brightened up at that.

“Promise?” she asked, a hopeful gleam in her eye. I shook my head.

“Well, I can’t promise, but I can say that you may very well be a witness to it if we go into the back alleys.” I glanced at Leliana looking for confirmation. “Am I finally up to your high standards, oh holder of the keys to my cell?” I batted my eye lashes and smiled, eliciting a laugh from the rogue.

“You have,” she replied, “but right now all I am concerned with is FOOD. I’ll bet Trudy has a magnificent evening meal waiting for us and I for one am not going to waste any more time getting to it.” She disappeared into her purple smoke, making Neria jump. I laughed, giving her a shrug.

“She does that, you’ll get used to it.” She giggled nervously, staring a few more moments at the place where Leliana had stood then jogging to catch up with me.

“So…” she drawled out, looking up at me through a few rebellious locks of red hair, “Alistair.” My heart clenched so I grit my teeth, trying to keep my emotions under control. Taking a deep breath I trusted my voice enough to speak.

“What about him?” I asked, attempting to sound unaffected. 

“I was hoping you could tell me about him,” she said slowly, as if trying to feel out my response. I swallowed, my heart having made its way up into my throat once again.

“Such as?”

“Well…” she thought for a moment. “He isn’t very forthcoming about his past, do you know where he is from?” 

“Ferelden, silly,” I replied, trying to smile. She shook her head.

“If this bothers you…”

“Ner...” I stopped walking and stood to face her, trying to keep my pain buried and make her feel more at ease. “I know that you want to know more about him because you care. When you care you want to know so you can feel like a part of it, be a part of his life. 

“I understand, I just… I think you should be asking him. It is his story, after all, and there may be some things he wants to hold onto for a while until he gets to know you better. I know more than he has told me, after all, and it would be a breach of confidence to reveal it.” I handed the half loaf of bread I was holding in one hand to a passerby who thanked me immensely, then took hers. “Neria, do not take this the wrong way. I accept that you care for him and that he has chosen you. All I ask is that you talk to him.” She gave me a sad smile.

“It pains you, doesn’t it?” She asked. “To talk about him, I mean. I know what you said and I understand but the fact that you can’t be together...” 

Looking into her green elven eyes I saw the truth in her words as well as her understanding. She knew I loved him and she knew that if there was a way we could be together we would be. I sighed, looking for the right words but I knew that she would believe nothing less than brutal honesty. Throwing caution to the wind I took a deep breath.

“I will never love another the way I love him.” She nodded.

“I know what you mean.”


	21. Chapter 21

Three weeks had gone by while we made the market place, as well as the back alleys and Alienage, safer than they’d been since my mother was alive. All of the elves knew who to thank but kept it to themselves as the common folk pondered their good fortune.

Being at the inn we heard all the tales: a warrior woman leading a band of do-gooder mercenaries through the back alleys of Denerim in search of justice for the little people, the one that described me as a fire breather who destroyed armies of bandits in the dark of night. 

“There’s another story making the rounds,” Leliana whispered as she sat down at our table in the corner. “This one I think is about me.”

“OH! I think I heard this one,” Neria said as she clapped her hands, “the one about the sexy red head who kills with a wink of her sultry eye?” Leliana slapped her arm.

“NO! That one’s about YOU silly! This one talks about a red head whose bow shoots lightening!” I laughed.

“Your bow DOES shoot lightning,” I pointed out. 

“Exactly my point! Apparently last night I took out an entire band of Howe’s men with no back up.” She sat back in her chair, hands behind her head. “Even I am impressed.” We all laughed as Garrett sat down at the table next to me, making an effort not to meet my eyes. 

Since the night before we stormed the Alienage Garrett and I had grown apart. He would spar with me, was always protective when we were battling thugs but when the work was done he would be on his way back to the safe house before I could blink. It was a relief for me mostly as Neria’s appearance had brought up memories that I had thought I was moving past, making me acutely aware of the fact that I was not, in fact, ready to move on from Alistair. 

What I was not relieved about was causing him pain on top of everything he had already endured. He lost both brothers to this blight and was kept at a distance from his father, his only living relative. He didn’t need me playing with his heart, pining away for someone I was never going to have. But every time I would try to speak to him he would make some excuse and practically run from me. Utterly confused, I kept trying to no avail.

I elbowed him in the ribs playfully.

“What’s wrong Wulff?” I asked with a smile. When he didn’t respond I sat up in my chair, resting my elbows on the table. “You’re scaring me.” He looked at me out of the corner of his eye and shook his head.

“Nothing to be afraid of, My Lady,” he said quietly. “I’m just here to inform you that Arl Eamon has invited you to his estate for lunch this afternoon.” My breath caught in my throat as my jaw hit the table. 

“They’re back?” Leliana whispered. Garrett glanced up at her and nodded. All I saw after that was purple smoke where Leliana had been.

“Maker,” Neria whispered and ran up to the room she and I had been sharing, probably to get dressed. Sitting at the table with Garrett, I realized it was the first time we had been alone in weeks. 

And I had no idea what to say.

“Did you hear me?” he said a bit louder. I nodded and he sneered at me. “Then why aren’t you running over there? One would think you’d like to see your brother. And Alistair.” I glared at him.

“Alright, out with it.” I turned to face him, leaning an arm on the back of my chair. “Now Wulff, what the hell is your problem?”

“Do not act as if you care,” he spat out, “but you haven’t exactly been forthright with your feelings as of late.” 

“That goes both ways,” I responded, “but to be honest you are right. I have been focusing on the tasks, not my personal life. I felt it was best, given how you’ve been acting and what happened.” He laughed and shook his head.

“Are you referring to your near death experience or us laying together?” he asked as he turned to face me. “Please, My Lady, do not put this solely on me. You were there too.” Infuriated, I cracked him across the face with my palm and stood.

“The latter will not happen again, MY LORD,” I growled, “that I promise you.” I turned and, pushing past a few patrons, walked out the door. As I stomped up the dock toward the market I felt a hand grab my arm, pulling me to a stop.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry and I shouldn’t have said that, it was horrible of me, but you don’t get to walk away,” Garrett pleaded as he looked me in the eye. He sighed. “Do you even remember what I said to you that morning?”

“Yes I do!” I shouted, still seething. I opened my mouth to keep yelling but when I saw the look of pain in his eyes I stopped, knowing that I had caused him enough of that these last few weeks. I shook my head, trying to clear it. “I can’t do this right now.” He took my chin and pulled it up to face him.

“I will walk with you to the estate,” he said as he put my hand in his arm. “We don’t have to talk, I just want to be sure you make it there safely. We can talk later.” I nodded and we continued up the dock.

As we approached the main doors to Eamon’s estate my heart was in my throat. Once a servant opened the main doors to allow me entry Garrett kissed my hand and walked back toward the docks.

Another servant let me into the foyer as she rushed up the main staircase to notify Eamon I was there. I looked around, spotted Shale in the entry way and smiled. If they took her on they must have gotten Zevran and Oghren as well. I smiled at her as the servant returned and motioned for me to follow her up to Eamon’s office.

I walked in, looked around and I couldn’t help but stare. They’re here, I can’t believe they are all here, I thought. The first person I spotted was Cailan and, despite his station as well as my own, I ran to him. When he saw me he opened his arms and we embraced as if we hadn’t seen each other in years. I wrapped my arms around his neck, squeezing him tight to be sure he was real. I heard him inhale deeply.

“Kora,” he whispered in my ear. I felt tears run down my cheeks.

“Cailan,” I whimpered as he slowly swayed me side to side. Finally satisfied he was really there I loosened my grip to look at his face. His smile warmed my heart. He let go of me with one arm to bring his hand to my face, brushing away my tears.

“Silly girl,” he chided. I shook my head.

“Shut up, I missed you terribly.” His face became serious.

“I missed you terribly too.” I kissed his nose and smiled. Cailan nodded behind me so I turned around, releasing him when I saw Caden.

“YOU!” I said angrily. I stalked over to him, his shock apparent on his face. I held out my arms and smiled. He shook his head and grabbed me up like a rag doll, eliciting a screech from me as he swung me around in circles. I held on to his neck for dear life, laughing until he stopped. Sliding down his chest to gain my footing I smiled up at him. “I missed you terribly too, you know.” 

“I missed you too, sister,” he said as he kissed my forehead. I looked around and, seeing Eamon and Teagan, I slapped Caden on the chest and walked toward them to say my hellos.

“Well then, guess I’m not important enough to notice,” I heard a familiar voice say from behind a book case. I peeked around the corner to see Alistair holding a large novel that appeared to be Nevarran. I smirked.

“Well if you weren’t hiding behind the book case,” I said smartly, “maybe I would have seen you.” Feeling a need to be close to him that I couldn’t fight I put my arms out to him. “Come here.”

He put down the book and in one stride lifted my up by my waist, pulling me into his arms. I slung my arms around his neck and nuzzled into it, taking in his scent as I felt one arm around my waist and the other around my back tighten. I closed my eyes as every ounce of tension in my soul seemed to fall away, replaced with a sense of calm I hadn’t remembered feeling ever before. The impact that man had on me was mystifying. 

He held me until I loosened my grip then let my feet fall to the floor. Dropping his arms back to his sides he smiled at me wistfully.

“Hi,” he said quietly. I smiled.

“Hi. I missed you.” I tapped him on the nose that elicited a small laugh.

“I missed you too,” he whispered. I blushed in spite of myself and turned away, remembering Neria would be there soon and not wanting to do anything to disrupt their reunion. I could feel my body responding to his touch as well as the loss of it. I have to stay in control, I thought to myself as I glanced around again searching for someone or something else to focus on.

I caught Teagan looking at me and he seemed quite happy to see me. 

“My Lady,” he smiled as he took my hand to kiss my knuckles, “it is truly wonderful to see you again. You are well, I trust?” I nodded, giving him a polite curtsy.

“Yes My Lord, thank you for asking. All is well here?” I looked from Teagan to Eamon. He was just finishing a conversation with Duncan who gave me a wink. I curtsied again. “Your Grace, Commander. You arrived here in record time, how did you manage it?”

“I split our forces,” Duncan said, “and managed to get everything accomplished that was laid out for us. Thanks to your notes and insight of course, Your Grace.” We exchanged a smile.

“Your Grace,” Eamon said as he bowed, bringing my hand to his lips. “It’s quite the title, isn’t it? Get used to it, everyone will be saying it soon enough.” I smiled as I felt Cailan come up along side of me.

“And they shall, Uncle, this afternoon,” Cailan said. I coughed, taken off guard.

“This afternoon?” I asked. Cailan stifled a laugh.

“Yes, Arlessa Kora,” Cailan said as he gave me a small bow. “The time has come. The Landsmeet is today and you shall arrive on my arm, a unified front for all of Denerim and Ferelden to see.” A small knot formed in my throat and my stomach. I smiled at Teagan, Eamon and Duncan then turned to Cailan. 

“Can we speak a moment, Your Majesty?” I asked, batting my eye lashes. “Alone, if that would be acceptable?” I looked back to Eamon as it was his home. Eamon bowed.

“Of course, Your Grace,” he smiled as he motioned toward a door off of the room we were in. “Feel free to use my private study as long as you need.” I smiled and curtsied then let Cailan lead me to the other room. As soon as he shut the door I was shooting daggers from my eyes.

“Shit, Cailan,” I hissed, afraid they were still able to hear us, “a little heads UP would have been NICE!” He laughed, brushing my hair back from my face and off my shoulders as he placed his hands on them. 

“Kora,” he smiled, “you have nothing to fear. You will be a wonderful Arlessa.” I shook my head and took one of his hands in mine.

“I do not fear that,” I said, “I fear for YOU. What could happen in this Landsmeet, I want to be prepared. I want to know everything that is going to happen, step by step. I have people who can aid us and…” Cailan suddenly pulled me into his arms. Realizing I was shaking I tried to relax, curling my arms around his neck and resting my forehead on his shoulder. “I will not put you at risk. That bastard killed you once. I will NOT allow him a second chance at it.” 

I felt his grip on me tighten, one arm around my waist the other around the middle of my back. I lowered my arms to his shoulders and kissed his cheek, resting mine against it. His arms began to tremble ever so slightly and I realized what was happening.

He was crying.

“Cailan,” I whispered, pulling his head toward me to press his face to mine. I thought back to the night he came to my room, how he just held me and let me cry. I remembered how good it felt to just let it all go with someone holding me who cared about me, just letting me do what I needed to do to get past it. I stroked his hair as I held him close and when the shaking subsided I continued to hold him until he pulled back slightly, looking me in the eye.

“You,” he said as I wiped away his tears, “are one of two people I trust completely, Kora. I know that everyone else has good intentions but yours are more than that.” He smiled, brushing his fingers along my jaw. “You, My Lady, are my best friend and most trusted advisor.” I smiled, taking his face in my hands.

“And hopefully I will live up to that title for the remainder of my days,” I said as I kissed his forehead. I released him and smoothed out my shirt, brushing my hair away from my face and brushing Cailan’s back as well. “Now, any other surprises I should know about?” 

“There is one,” he said as he glanced back at the door we had come through. “Eamon is not happy about it but I stand by my decision and I think you will too. After I hand out the punishment of death to our dear friend Loghain and his conniving daughter I plan to make Alistair the Teyrn of Gwaren.” 

That sentence hit me in the face like a ton of bricks. Both unexpected and a total game-changer, making Alistair nobility would be a major step in asserting Cailan’s power over the throne. It would also make many nobles very unhappy, possibly cementing Loghain’s hold on the Regency. Not that he had a legal precedent to stand on but the nobility may not see it that way. The gears in my head were turning and Cailan knew it so he took my chin and made me look him in the eye. 

“Wow,” I said. It was all I could come up with. He laughed.

“That’s all you’ve got to say, ‘Wow’?” he said. “I would think you would be happy about it, given your affection for him.” Still absorbing the meaning of it all, I shook my head to try and clear it.

“Cailan,” I said, trying to collect my thoughts, “have you spoken to him about this? Does he even want it?” Cailan crossed his arms.

“I’ve hinted around about it,” he said, “but he doesn’t know what title. I need him at my back, Kora. I trust him as much as I trust you. I want him to lead my armies and be for me what Loghain was for our father.” I saw the desperation in his eyes, the need to believe in someone the way he once believed in Loghain. I smiled, so happy that it was Alistair that he wanted to fill that void. He was one of the few who deserved it.

“Does he know what he would have to give up?” I asked. Cailan looked puzzled. Realizing Alistair may not have told him about Neria I decided to leave that to them. “You two should discuss things before anything is decided and maybe put off the announcement until after the blight? I think Ferelden could stand him being put in charge of its armies but the nobility thing maybe should wait until he proves his worth.” I smiled, smoothing the front of his shirt. “Let him become a hero to them, just as Loghain did. It will be an easier transition for him and for them.” He smiled and nodded.

“Alright, alright,” he said as he took my shoulders and squeezed them. “You are right, of course.” He kissed my forehead and beamed at me. “Please tell me you will always be there to talk me down.” I smiled and gave him a small curtsy.

“If it is within my power, Your Majesty, I will be,” I said as I winked and sighed. “Now, anything else?” He smirked.

“So you have no problem walking into the Landsmeet arm in arm with me?” he whispered as he inched closer. I glared at him with a smile. 

“So long as you keep your hands to yourself,” I said as I slapped one of his hands away that was making its way toward my hip, “you will survive the ordeal.” We laughed as he threw an arm around me and we made our way back into the other room. 

“Well then,” I heard Eamon say as we entered, “I assume that means you’ve talked some sense into our King?” I laughed.

“I don’t have that kind of time on my hands,” I said with a wink, “but I did talk him into getting his ducks in a row first.” Eamon was not thrilled but subdued from what I could tell. 

“Alistair,” Cailan said, making his way over to his younger brother, “could we speak a moment?” Alistair smiled, motioning for the door leading to the hall and the two left. I couldn’t help but grin, seeing the two of them side by side. 

I looked around the room to see who had remained and saw Neria standing behind the book case where I had seen Alistair earlier. As I gave her a smile and a nod a pang of guilt sounded off in my chest. Remembering that the messenger always got shot I decided to remain silent and allow Alistair to deal with his own life. She smiled back and followed the path Alistair and Cailan had taken a moment before.

Seeing that only Eamon, Teagan and Duncan had remained I smiled at Duncan.

“Commander,” I said, “it is so good to see you.” He smiled back, putting a hand on my shoulder. 

“You look well, Your Grace,” he said. 

“As do you, thank the Maker. And of course, Your Grace,” I said as I turned to Eamon. Duncan dropped his hand as Eamon put up his.

“I think the formalities may be stifled for now, don’t you?” he asked with a smile. I nodded. “Then Eamon, please.”

“Kora, if you would.” He nodded and put a hand on Teagan’s shoulder. 

“So it is my understanding you have been receiving assistance from Arl Gallagher’s son, Garrett. Is that true?” Eamon asked. I nodded. 

“Yes, he was luckily one of the guards at the front gate when Leliana and I arrived,” I said as I thought back to that moment, “he’s saved our lives several times over.” Teagan gave Eamon a concerned look which set off alarm bells in my head. “What don’t I know?” Eamon got that look, like a parent gets when they are about to tell their child the family pet had died.

“Garrett Wulff,” he said the name as if it weighed down his tongue, “has possibly proven himself a traitor to you, Kora. He is at the Gnawed Noble as we speak chatting up his father.” I stifled a giggle of relief.

“That would probably be due to the fact that Gallagher thinks Garrett is dead,” I said. “He is merely telling his father he still lives to reassure him, I am certain.” Teagan’s look did not give me comfort.

“Kora, Gallagher has always known Garrett was alive,” Teagan said softly. “Our scouts infiltrated West Hills before the horde took it over and discovered he was the one who sent him here after learning of your possible involvement in Lothering.” Teagan waited to see my reaction which I withheld for the moment. “We do not know if trusting them is wise at this juncture.” I shook my head.

“I need to discuss this with him,” I said as I glanced at the door. 

“Perhaps you should wait,” Duncan interjected, “the Landsmeet is a few hours away. When it is over and all has been decided you could ask him about it more publicly. Just to be safe. Kora,” Duncan put his hands on my shoulders, forcing me to face him. “it is for your protection, nothing more.” I sighed, realizing he was right.

“Fine, what will you have me do in the mean time?” I asked. Duncan huffed a laugh.

“Do you always pout when you don’t get your way?” he asked. I glared at him with a grin. 

“I am glad you are erring on the side of caution,” Eamon said, “with that I will take my leave. I have much to prepare. Cailan can fill you in on the plan if he hasn’t already and we will all meet downstairs in an hour. Oh,” Eamon looked me over quickly, “and you may want to borrow a dress from Isolde. For appearances, of course.” He smiled, nodded and left the room. Teagan smiled.

“Kora,” he nodded and followed Eamon. I laughed and Duncan gave me a confused look.

“Poor Teagan,” I said, “following his brother around like a puppy. He deserves a higher station than he has been appointed.” I shook my head and looked back at Duncan. “Still here? I thought you were out of things to tell me NOT to do.” He sighed.

“It’s not that we don’t trust your judgment,” he began and I covered my mouth to keep from laughing.

“Except that you DON’T,” I said shrugging my shoulders. “Not that I blame you. I admit I fell for the lines he fed me. He saved our lives a few times over, why bother?” I asked, frustrated with the situation. “Maker forgive me, but I fell for him again. But maybe that was the point.” I laughed and rubbed the back of my neck, feeling the muscles tighten. “Payback is a bitch.”

“You think it was revenge?” Duncan asked thoughtfully. I shrugged my shoulders.

“What else could it be? I have no coin, no station until after the Landsmeet but he didn’t know that when he helped us into the city. What else could my existence do for him except let his family get back at mine for my father breaking off the engagement?” I felt the tension building up in my neck and chest, tears stinging the backs of my eyes as I stared into his. “You are sure he lied about his father, that he was the one who sent him here?” 

“Yes.” He said it with such finality I almost burst. Gritting my teeth I held back, racking my brain for another reason.

“Is everything alright?” I heard Alistair say from behind me. I jumped and turned around too quickly because he saw the look on my face and knew instantly it wasn’t alright. His look went from curious to concern.

“I will leave the two of you to talk,” Duncan said as he patted my shoulder and walked to the doorway. “If I see him I will ask Cailan to come around in a bit to discuss the plan with you, Kora.” He nodded and left, leaving Alistair and I alone. Alistair shut the door behind him.

“Trying to get me alone?” I tried to joke but it fell flat. Alistair shook his head as he walked toward me. I felt my blood rush faster through my veins the closer he came.

“What’s happened?” he asked. I just stared at him, fear creeping up my spine that I may lose all control and do or say something stupid, never mind the fact that I’d been a pawn in yet another person’s game. “Kora?” I felt my heart being ripped from my chest as I struggled to breathe.

“Oh you know,” I said as I waved my hand in the air, “the same old stuff. Can’t trust anyone these days.” I looked away, hugging my arms to my body to keep my hands from running through his hair, grabbing the back of his head and shoving my tongue down his throat. “Sorry, did you need something?” He stared at me for a few moments then blinked.

“I, um, yeah,” he mumbled as he grabbed the back of his neck. “Just had an interesting discussion with Cailan. Guess he wants me to be the next Teryn of Gwaren, who knew?” He smiled but I saw through it. Dropping my arms to my sides I sighed.

“I did,” I said with a quick smile. He laughed, running his hand through his hair.

“I assumed he would discuss it with you first,” he said as he shook his head and sat down. I sat across from him and smiled.

“So…”

“I’m still letting the idea settle in,” he whispered, looking at the floor then shaking his head again. “I know what I have to do I’m just…”

“Not sure you are up to the task?” I asked. He looked up at me and smirked.

“How’d you guess? Not that I’m insecure or anything, I just have zero training in politics and being noble is not the first thing I would ask for on my name day.” He gave me a small smile. “I do understand where he is coming from, however, and I will not shirk my duty to the crown.” He sat back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other and letting out a big sigh. I smiled.

“You are a good man, Alistair,” I insisted, “and that will make you an even better noble.” He laughed, scrubbing his face with his hands.

“Yeah, I get that a lot,” he quipped. “That and I have a great head of hair. There’s one problem though,” he put both feet on the floor, leaning in on his elbows. “What do I tell Neria?”

His expression was a blend of guilt and sadness, breaking my heart. Realizing I was far too personally involved I sat back in my chair, folding my arms and crossing my legs.

“You know in your heart what to say,” I said simply. “All the advice in the world will not prepare you for that conversation. My only suggestion is to do it now. The longer you wait the more difficult and painful it will be for both of you.” He nodded and took my hand.

“True,” he said, kissing my knuckles. “Best to get it over with, I suppose.” We turned to face the doorway as it opened, Cailan walking in with what appeared to be a lovely emerald green dress hanging over his arm. 

“I agree with whatever she just said,” Cailan said as he stood next to his brother. “Does anyone else find it funny that the three of us are going to take on the responsibility of holding Ferelden together? Does the madness never end?” He laughed as he pulled up another chair to us. Alistair released my hand and sat back in his chair laughing.

“It is a bit comical,” he admitted, looking from Cailan to myself. “I really hope that dress is for you. Green is not my color.” I shrugged.

“Didn’t you say something once about putting on a dress and dancing the Remigold?” I asked, sitting back in my chair. “What, it’s not pretty enough?” He sat up, reached toward me and pinched my thigh. “AH! Brat!” I slapped his arm as he laughed at me and Cailan threw the dress at me.

“Get changed, Your Grace,” he said as he winked at Alistair. “We have a long afternoon ahead of us and I want to prepare you.” I laughed.

“I’ll bet,” I said as I glared at him suspiciously. “If you two think for one moment I’m going to change in front of you, you are SADLY mistaken.” Wagging a finger at them, I went into Eamon’s private office and shut the door. I held the dress out to examine it and smiled.

It was a floor length satin gown, long sleeved with a beige front from the waist down to the floor. The Chantry’s Sunburst that is on my family’s heraldry was emblazoned in green across the beige and three diamonds in the same beige satin made up the bodice framed by that lovely emerald green. I smiled, knowing he must have had this dress specially made, and slipped off my breeches and shirt. Once I was dressed I walked out into the other room and the two brothers stood immediately.

“It’s beautiful Cailan,” I said, “but one problem.” I lifted the hem of the dress to expose my boots. Cailan laughed and shook his head.

“I wasn’t sure if you would want to keep your boots on, given the circumstances,” he said as he walked over to me. He took my hand and twirled me around, making the hem of the dress flow outward then gracefully taper down to the form of my legs as I stood still. He shook his head. “Lovely.” I felt a blush coming on so I changed the subject.

“True, boots it is,” I said as I lifted the front hem and made my way back to my chair. “So what is the order of proceedings?” Cailan and Alistair sat down.

“Eamon, Teagan and I will enter the palace with our 'guard' in tow,” Alistair began. “Once the Landsmeet is called to order Eamon will begin with our list of charges against the Regent, starting with the abandonment at Ostagar.” I shook my head.

“I would leave that out,” I said. “Maybe start with the issue of the blight and his blindness to it due to his fears of Orlais. Did Leliana tell you what we found at the Alienage?” I looked at Cailan who nodded, producing a piece of paper from his doublet. 

“I have the agreement between Loghain and the slavers right here,” He said as he handed it to Alistair. I nodded.

“Alright, then bring that up next. Slavery in Ferelden will be very looked down upon by the Landsmeet. Let me see, what else…” I racked my brain but realized there wasn’t much else due to Anora’s kidnapping not happening. Or did it? “Did Anora contact anyone?”

“She did,” Alistair said with a smile, “but we ignored her. Hopefully Howe really did kill her.” I shook my head. 

“No, he didn’t.” I looked at the floor. “Dammit, we really needed to get into my estate.” 

“Wait, I thought you told Duncan everything there was to know,” Cailan said as he sat up in his chair. 

“I didn’t want to overwhelm him with information.” I shook my head. “It’s fine, we’ll figure it out. Howe will also be at the Landsmeet then. Good, gives me the chance to bring him up on charges as well for the slaughter at Highever.” 

“Yeah, about that,” Alistair drawled out, “Howe won’t be there. Caden was none too thrilled with the living arrangements so he took Elissa, Morrigan, and Jaden to your estate last night. They had to fight their way through but on a lighter note Howe and all his men are dead.” I laughed. 

“I’m glad to hear it but please tell me that my guards were not a part of it.” I looked from Alistair to Cailan and they both shook their heads. 

“Your people are fine, Kora,” Cailan laughed. “Always worried about everyone else.” I nodded and smiled.

“Someone once told me it was what made me a good leader.” I looked back at Alistair. “So where will Cailan and I be?” 

“In one of the rooms off of the Landsmeet chamber,” Alistair said, “which is why we need to get you both there now. It will start shortly and you both need to be in place.” Alistair and Cailan stood so I followed suit and we all headed for the door. I stopped short, realizing I wasn’t armed.

“Wait,” I said, “I need a sword and a shield. I am not going in there naked.” Alistair raised his hands. 

“On our way out, you will find a lovely sword and brand new shield with your heraldry on it waiting for you.” He winked at me. “You’ll love the sword, it’s got a name and everything.” I laughed.

“Starfang?” I asked. Alistair was surprised then shook his head.

“You are no fun,” he said as he put an arm around my shoulders and ushered me out of the room. 

We all made our way down stairs to the foyer. I saw the shield and sword leaning up against the doorway to the library and I smiled, walking toward it.

“Oh no,” Leliana said as she grabbed my arm and swung me around to face her. “You are NOT going to the Landsmeet with your hair like that. Come with me.” She dragged me by the arm into the library and sat me in a chair. “Hold still, this will take a moment.”

“Ya know Lel,” I said sarcastically, “you get more bees with honey than you do vinegar.” 

“What do bees have to do with your hair? Perhaps because it looks like a bee’s NEST?” she asked as she gave a lock a playful tug. I laughed, deciding to keep quiet and let her do her thing. A few minutes later she stepped back and smiled at me. 

“Mirror?” I asked. She left the room for a moment and returned with one, forcing it into my hands excitedly. I laughed then looked into it.

The hair that had grown so long and unruly it hung to my waist was now braided diagonally across the back of my head and snaked down over my shoulder. She tied off the end with a small ribbon and adorned it with a lovely emerald barrette. I smiled as tears pricked the back of my eyes. 

“Lel,” I whispered as I took her by the shoulders, “thank you.” She smiled.

“You are welcome,” she said as she motioned for the door. I walked back out into the foyer and grabbed my new weapons, securing them to my back with the hooks Cailan had the seamstress sew into the gown. Squaring my shoulders I looked at Cailan with a smile. He returned it and took my hand, folding it into his arm.

“It’s time to bring this civil war to an end once and for all.”


	22. Chapter 22

We had been standing in one of the back rooms off the Landsmeet chamber for half an hour and I was getting antsy to say the least. I kept shifting my weight from one foot to another, huffing every once in a while in frustration. Finally Cailan sighed and grabbed my shoulders, forcing me to face him. I stuck out my lower lip.

“I hate just STANDING HERE!” I insisted as loud as I dare, knowing there were guards right on the other side of the door who were not yet aware of our presence. He laughed, giving my braid a tug and admiring the barrette.

“You are ever so charming when you are being a brat,” he said, bringing the tail of the braid up to brush my nose. Scrunching it up just made him laugh more.

“As always, I live to amuse Your Majesty,” I said sarcastically and curtsied. Then I heard something that made me stand up straight. Eamon and Loghain were yelling.

And then a fight broke out.

I reached for the door handles and Cailan grabbed my wrists.

“No,” he insisted harshly. “I haven’t come this far to get both of us killed.” He turned me to face him. “Kora, for the first time in your life, let someone else take the reins.” He glared at me in a way that made me stop dead, taking me completely off guard. My face must have shown it because Cailan’s eyes suddenly softened and he raised his hand to cup cheek, brushing it with his thumb. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” I took his hand in mine, shaking my head.

“No apologies between us. Too much has happened for us to walk on egg shells around each other.” I let go of his hand and took a step back. “In order for us to keep our sanity we need someone we can vent to and not feel guilty.” I smiled and thumbed toward the door, noticing things had quieted down. “Is that our cue?”

“Let’s find out,” he said as we pressed our ears to the door.

“Your reign as regent is at an end,” I heard Alistair say, venom dripping from every word. “STAND DOWN!”

“NEVER!” Loghain shouted back. Cailan growled, pulled me away from the doors and kicked them open.

“YOU WILL STAND DOWN LOGHAIN!” he yelled as his chest heaved with anger. I schooled my face and glared at Loghain as Cailan turned to me, took my arm and strutted into the Landsmeet chamber. The look on Loghain’s face was priceless.

“Cailan?” he whispered. Hearing his name on Loghain’s lips made my blood boil.

“HE is your KING Loghain,” I said, barely reigning in my rage. “You will address him as such.” I looked for Caden and, finding him in the front of the crowd standing next to Elissa, I nodded. He nodded back and came up the stairs to stand next to me, facing the Landsmeet.

“I formally address the Landsmeet,” he said as he turned to me, a look of distress on his face. “I hereby relinquish the Arling of Denerim to my elder sister, Kora Kendalls. Let it be known!” There were hums of shock and agreement from all around as I knelt before my brother and took his hand.

“I humbly accept, Your Grace.” I stood, giving him a questioning look. He bowed his head, unable or unwilling to meet my eyes so I decided to ask later and turned back to Cailan. “Your Majesty.” I knelt in front of him as well, keeping an eye on Loghain in my peripheral. He was still standing there, about 15 feet away, with a completely dumbfounded look on his face. I couldn’t help but let one corner of my lips curl up. I felt Caden kneel next to me.

“Your Majesty,” I heard Alistair say, the clanking of his armor a few feet behind us signaling he was kneeling as well. The other nobles followed suit one by one. Then I saw Loghain grip something shiny in his right hand and take a step toward Cailan. I jumped to my feet, drew my sword, gripped my shield and put myself between Loghain and Cailan.

“You will not touch him!” I growled, feeling rage pump through my veins as I held the sword level with Loghain’s throat. “Drop your weapon and get down on your knees!” The heat and anger in my voice seemed to take him by surprise but he quickly recovered.

“Bitch,” he growled and tried to side step then lunge at me. Anticipating his move I dropped back on my right foot, stiffened my arm and sunk my blade into his throat. 

“That’s ARLESSA bitch to you,” I whispered, watching the blood bubble from his mouth. Smiling, I turned the blade slightly and watched his eyes widen. Amidst the shocked screams and shouts from the gathered nobles he dropped to his knees with a thud. I felt Cailan’s hand on my sword arm and I nodded, yanking the blade out and watching his body fall to the floor.

“Father!” Anora ran over to Loghain’s body, kneeling next to it and sobbing. She looked up at me, tears streaming down her face. “You monster!”

“Silence!” Cailan demanded, making her jump and turn her gaze on him. “Anora Mac Tir, you are guilty of conspiring with Loghain Mac Tir and are therefore equally guilty of his crimes, among them being attempted regicide and treason. Guards!” Four armed men came to Cailan’s side. “Take her to Fort Drakon to await sentencing.” They nodded as two of them lifted her to her feet awkwardly.

“What? Cailan!” she screeched as they dragged her toward the exit. “I don’t understand, why are you doing this? I am your WIFE!” she shouted as the door shut behind her. I heard Cailan sigh as he turned to face the Landsmeet.

“I formally turn aside Anora Mac Tir, daughter of Loghain Mac Tir as my wife and Queen of Ferelden. Any objections?” he asked as he scanned the crowd. You could have heard a pin drop. “Good. Are there any other matters anyone would like to bring to the Landsmeet’s attention?” I cleared my throat and approached Cailan, kneeling.

“Your Majesty,” I said, keeping my head down, “given what just transpired who will lead our armies?” I looked up at him to see the small smile spread across his face.

“As King of Ferelden, I hereby appoint my brother, Grey Warden Alistair Theirin as general of Ferelden’s armies. Alistair, do you accept?” I stood and moved into the crowd to stand next to Elissa, grabbing her hand in excitement. We smiled at each other then turned to watch Alistair walk up to his brother and kneel before him.

“I could do no less, my King,” he said, bowing his head. Cailan nodded and Alistair stood, turning to face the crowd by his brother’s side. I couldn’t help but grin as Cailan addressed the room.

“We will deal with the Teyrnir of Gwaren once the blight is over. For now, let us focus our attention to the south and protection of our borders.” As he spoke the crowd began shouting and cheering their approval. “Everyone, gather up your soldiers. We will march on the darkspawn horde in three days time. Ready yourselves, for the battle that awaits us will be long and hard won!” Cailan raised his arms as the crowd roared. As he lowered them people started to make their way out of the chamber, chatting away. 

“Your Majesty,” I heard Eamon say as he crossed the room with Teagan, “well done.” Cailan sighed.

“I took no joy in that show, Eamon,” he said as he looked past him, seeing me and smiling. “But my accomplice gave me strength.” He held out his hand toward me so I walked over and took it.

“Accomplice is it, Your Majesty?” I smiled. “Well, I have been called worse.” I looked at Eamon who was just beaming from the victory. 

“Your bravery rivals that of Cailan’s grandmother, Your Grace,” Teagan said. I laughed.

“I don’t think ‘brave’ is the word I would use,” I said with a grin, “I jumped to the defense of a man in full armor wearing a satin dress.” I rolled my eyes at myself and the men laughed. “So where are we now? What’s next?” 

“I think you have some unfinished business, Your Grace,” Cailan said as he nodded toward the door. I looked to find Garrett standing there eyeing us. I sighed and looked back to Teagan.

“What details can you provide?” I asked. He gave me a sympathetic look.

“Gallagher has been in constant contact with his son. He has been fed information regarding the Wardens as well as your movements in the city. We have reason to believe Gallagher then contacted Loghain’s people and that was how they learned of your presence in the city.” He shook his head and looked at me apologetically. “Word has spread of his family’s deeds which could bring into question your ability to lead if you choose to maintain your relationship. I am sorry My Lady.” I shook my head.

“Not your folly to apologize for, My Lord,” I said quietly as I placed a hand on Cailan’s arm and looked at him. “Your Majesty, would you please keep me posted on our plans?” Cailan put his hand over mine and smiled.

“Come to the palace for lunch tomorrow,” he said, giving my hand a squeeze. “I plan to have everyone there to discuss strategy. If you have time for dinner this evening…” I smiled.

“As much as I would love to catch up, maybe another evening. I have much to do at the estate, I am sure.”

“Tomorrow night then, just the two of us. I won’t take no for an answer.” He kissed my cheek scandalously close to my lips and smiled. I shot him a playful glare and, releasing his arm, walked toward Garrett swiftly.

“Ho there, you feisty little… whatever ya are,” Oghren slurred slightly as he stepped into my path. I stopped abruptly and smiled.

“Oghren I presume?” I asked. He belched and wiped something that may have been ale from his bright red beard, making me giggle.

“Just wanted to say you’d make a hell of a beserker, jabbing the blighted traitor in the throat like you did. I’d be happy to teach ya since I’ll be stuck here a few days…” He wiggled his eye brows and I smirked.

“I’ll tell you what, Oghren. If you could teach both myself and Alistair I would be eternally grateful. Are you available tomorrow morning?” He grumbled something then nodded.

“Sure, sure, I’ll stop by your place after breakfast. Where do ya live?” He closed one eye as if to focus on me and I had to hold back my laughter.

“Actually I planned to invite you and the wardens to stay at my estate,” I said as I pointed to Rafe standing close by. “Stick with Rafe, he can show you. Once we have breakfast we can go out to the training yard. Sound good?” He grumbled something else then nodded and walked toward Rafe who gave him a good slap on the back, laughing. I can just imagine what that was all about, I thought as I turned to face Garrett. My face went blank. 

“Greetings, Your Grace,” Garrett said as he bowed. I nodded, keeping my face stoic. 

“Ser Wulff,” I said formally. “I understand that there are some things we need to discuss. Please come by my estate after the evening meal and we will discuss my issues with your… discrepancies and omissions.” I nodded and walked past him, out the door. 

I could have sworn I heard my heart crack.

 

*****

 

“Shit,” I groaned. 

A few hours after the Landsmeet had ended I got the staff started on readying the guest rooms and took a tour through what was once my family’s home. Caden walked next to me, his hands clasped behind him as we made our way through the private wing and toward the master bedroom.

“Sorry to leave it in such disarray,” he said, “but Howe’s men didn’t leave us much choice.” I nodded, thinking about the dungeon.

“Did you… find anyone in the basement?” I asked, holding my breath. I hoped he would have told me if he found Vaughan but given the circumstances I wasn’t sure.

“We found an elf, a templar and a nobleman,” he said, looking away. I sensed his tension rise and knew that my fears were realized.

“Please tell me he did not die by your hand,” I begged, feeling tears sting my eyes but refusing to let them free. He turned to face me, taking my hands in his.

“Kora,” he whispered as he held his head high, “he was a rabid mabari and needed to be put down.” Shocked, I slapped him across the face.

“How could you?” I hissed. “Your own brother! Your own flesh and blood!” My temper poured over. “With everything that’s gone on, everything that will happen in the coming weeks, how could you?”

“I love you Kora, but I will not apologize for what I did,” he stated firmly, rubbing his reddening cheek. “He was not the man you remember from our childhood. He did horrible things that would disgrace our family and I would not allow him to sully your good name.” He brushed a stray strand away from my face. “Please understand that what I did was for the good of everyone, Vaughan included. Mother would not have approved of the man he’d become.” I sighed, the mention of our mother stifling the rage that threatened.

“I just… I’m sorry.” I sighed, regretting my words and actions of a moment ago. “I’m worried about everything. I’m worried about the blight, the troops, worried about everyone and then there is my meeting with Garrett this evening.” 

“What does that fool want?” he asked gruffly. I shook my head.

“I invited him, I wanted to clear a few things up,” I said as I played with the barrette at the end of my braid. “Can you please be there? You will be staying here with the others, correct? I was going to ask Cailan but I feel he may have more pressing issues to deal with, Eamon being firmly implanted in his ass and all.” Caden laughed, taking my hands in his. 

“Sister, I would not leave you to ward off Garrett Wulff on your own,” he said as he kissed my forehead. “By the way, there’s something I should tell you.” I sighed.

“PLEASE let it be something good,” I said. He smiled.

“I think you will be happy about it. It’s about Elissa. She… I… we…” I laughed.

“You’re together?” I finished for him. He smiled and nodded. I took his face in both my hands. “You’re right, I am happy. Happy for both of you.” I kissed his cheek and sighed, looking down at myself. “I know you did not take your actions lightly, Caden. I am sorry that I doubted that, even for a moment.” 

“Given the circumstances, you are forgiven. As long as I am?” He asked. I nodded. “Good, I will see you at dinner,” he said with a grin. “Oh, and Alistair said he will be staying at the palace so one less mouth to feed.” I laughed.

“You mean three less, have you seen the way that man eats?” We laughed. “If you happen by the palace please ask him to break his fast with us? We have a date with Oghren.” Caden gave me a puzzled look and I smiled. “Just tell him!” I said, waving him off. He bowed and walked away as I turned to face the doorway leading to the master suite and sighed, looking at the two guards at the door.

“Gentlemen, with me please,” I said and entered the room.

Everything seemed in order; books on the shelves, bed linens neat and pressed until my eyes made it to the floor by the entrance to the dungeon. Whose blood could that be, I shuddered, knowing what had gone on down there. 

“Your Ladyship,” one of the guards touched my arm. “We can make sure all is clear and cleaned up down there. No need for you to trouble yourself.” I smiled up at the handsome young man, maybe 18 years old, with jet black hair and stunning blue eyes.

“I was there to witness the aftermath of Ostagar,” I said. “I can’t imagine Howe’s treatment of people would be worse than that of the Darkspawn horde.” He glanced at the door.

“Did you ever meet him, Your Ladyship?” he asked. I laughed and relented.

“Understood. Please see to it personally ser…?” 

“Lyle, Your Ladyship.” He gave me a deep bow. I nodded and motioned to the dungeon door as they crossed the room. When the door closed behind them I looked around and shook my head.

“I can’t sleep in here alone,” I said as I hugged my arms to my sides. I turned to the doorway and walked out, deciding to make my way down to the kitchen to notify the staff of our guests for the coming days then head to my office.

Something told me I had a lot to catch up on.

*****

“So then the werewolves surrounded us and that elf Zathrian is throwing the threats around. Finally Cailan tells him that we’re not helping him kill the werewolves and he attacks US!” Rafe said as everyone in the room watched. We had just finished dinner and were having drinks, relaxing in one of the sitting rooms off the library. I sat back in my chair next to the fire and gripped my glass of bourbon with both hands, my meeting with Garrett weighing on my mind.

“We know, Rafe,” Jaden laughed, “how many times must you tell this story?” Rafe rolled his eyes.

“Lady Kora has not heard it, I was simply trying to entertain our host.” He took a swig of his whiskey and sat down. I laughed.

“Thank you Rafe, you know how I love your stories,” I said as a black haired elven servant girl entered the room. “Yes?”

“Your Ladyship,” she curtsied. “Ser Wulff is here to see you.” My heart skipped a beat but I kept my exterior cool as I nodded and stood.

“Thank you,” I said, “please show him to the study. Caden?” I looked at my brother and he stood, motioning to the side door to the study just off the room we were in. 

“Little one,” Roman said as he stood, “you will not meet with this traitor without me.” I smiled and nodded.

“Alright, but no breaking bones, understand?” I said half-kidding as we entered the study.

I stood behind my desk, resting my hands on it and sighing. I knew the conversation would not be pleasant and I didn’t want to confront him like this but I had no choice. 

My life was no longer my own, my people and their welfare were my priority and the stability of their leadership was key to making sure they were taken care of. I knew the information Teagan gathered was accurate and there wasn’t much that could be gained from this meeting but I wanted to at least give him the opportunity to explain; whether it be to put my mind at ease or to piss me off MORE was yet to be seen. 

Caden and Roman took seats flanking where Garrett would sit and we all looked toward the door when it opened. Garrett walked through followed by the servant.

“That will be all, thank you,” I said. The elf curtsied and left, closing the door behind her. I motioned to the chair between the two Wardens and Garrett slowly moved to sit. I clasped my hands in front of me.

“You wanted to see me, Your Grace?” he asked, glancing at each Warden in turn. I nodded.

“I wanted to give you the opportunity to disclose any information you may have kept from me up to this point,” I said. He raised an eyebrow at me.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” he said, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. I struggled to keep my composure.

“Anything you may have left out about your arrival here,” I stated, “anything you may have said that lead me to believe something that was not true.” He schooled his face and smiled.

“Are you accusing me of something, Your Grace?” he asked as his eyes hardened. My chest tightened as the anger rose in my gut.

“Last chance,” I said, crossing my arms. “Tell me the truth and I may be able to forgive you. Continue this evasion and I guarantee I will not.” He sat back in his chair and smiled, crossing his arms as well.

“If I had known I was going to be interrogated, I would have worn more comfortable clothes.” His grin made my blood boil but I kept my façade in check. I placed a hand on the desk.

“Alright,” I snapped, “I will tell YOU how things actually went and spare us all a very long and uncomfortable evening.” I stepped around the desk and stood in front of him. Uncrossing his arms he sat up, a look of fear passing over his face for just a moment then it went stoic.

“What do you want to know?” he asked. He appeared to be relenting so I leaned toward him, meeting his gaze at eye level.

“Everything.”

“There’s not much to tell.” He held my gaze and kept his tone even. I shook my head.

“Not what I heard.”

“You think I lied to you?” His tone went higher as his eyes softened. I laughed, knowing he was trying to play me.

“You forget yourself, Wulff,” I stood up straight and leaned my backside against the desk. “Just as you know me…” I left that sentence to linger, uncrossing my arms and resting my hands on the edge of the desk next to me. 

“Kora,” he said as he stood to face me. Caden and Roman stood as well, glaring at Garrett like mabari waiting for the order to charge. Garrett visibly tensed then swallowed, looking from the two large men to me. “I can explain.”

“Here in lies the dilemma, Garrett,” I said, “you’ve already lied to me several times over, how could you possibly expect me to believe you now?” He held out his hands to me, palms up in surrender.

“You said it yourself,” he said barely above a whisper, “just as I know you, you know me. You will know if I am lying.” 

The anger bubbled over as I stepped toward him and slapped him clean across his face. The crack echoed so loudly across the room it made Caden and Roman jump.

“I DIDN’T KNOW THE FIRST TIME!” I roared in his face. 

My chest was heaving, my mind completely losing control of my body. Anger had always been my weakness, always my undoing. It was the only emotion I couldn’t reign in until it was too late. Caden had seen a glimpse of it earlier but Garrett saw all of it in that moment, in all its glory and its destruction. He looked at me, shock and horror in his eyes as the red hand print slowly darkened across his cheek.

“Kora,” Caden moved to my side, placing a hand on my arm, “perhaps…” I shrugged his hand off and continued to glare at Garrett.

“You,” I seethed, “You were the one I trusted. The one I never questioned. The one I truly believed I belonged with. Even after I told you I loved another you stood by me. And yet here we are.” I extended my arms out toward the room then let them fall to my sides. “I have to ‘interrogate’ you to get you to even admit to the possibility that you LIED TO ME!” I slammed my fist down on the desk. The pain from it snapped me out of my fury for a moment but it was long enough. I started to regain control, slow my breathing and my body began to relax but the sadness of the situation hit me as I looked down at the floor. 

“I remember the first day we met,” I said, feeling as if I was in a fog, “I was seven. It was your tenth name day celebration at your family’s estate in West Hills. It was spring and all the flowers were in bloom. My mother had me wearing this ridiculous yellow dress as bright as the sun and Caden and Vaughan were teasing me relentlessly. I remember I finally kicked Vaughan in the knee and pushed Caden to the ground then ran to the stables to hide. 

“I was almost asleep when I heard you climbing the ladder to the hay loft. I stayed still with my eyes cracked open, hoping you wouldn’t see me but you did. And you just stood there and stared at me. I thought you were staring at the dress so I got mad and jumped up, yelling at you. I remember I threatened to kick your ass just like I did my brothers.” I smiled and shook my head at the memory. I felt a hand pull my chin up as I came to gaze into Garrett’s soft brown eyes.

“It wasn’t your dress I was staring at, Kora,” he whispered. “It was your face. Your beautiful, sweet, angelic face and I couldn’t tear my eyes from it, not even when you were cursing me out.” I heard a door shut and realized Roman and Caden had left. Garrett sighed. “I will tell you everything, from beginning to end, if you’ll hear me out.” I nodded and he motioned for me to sit in the chair next to his. I sat down and crossed my legs.

“I make no promises as to how this night will pan out.” I kept my tone even and calm. He visibly swallowed then nodded.

“It started as I said, Ostagar was a failure and I went to investigate. What I didn’t tell you was it was my father who sent me; he thought that if you knew he was involved it would scare you off. It was a mess so we considered it a loss and started back. Then I noticed the trail you and the wardens had left. My curiosity got the best of me and we followed it. Everything played out as I told you before,” he patted his chest where the scar was, “but I didn’t go to Denerim on my own. I went home, told my father what we had found and he ordered me to Denerim. He said he knew you would return as it was your home and when you did I would be there waiting.

“I was to gain your trust and find out what your group was planning. Father likes to know what is going on all across the board so he can decide whose side he will be on. And once I did that…” he hesitated then shook his head. “I was to court you.” My heart clenched.

“We’ll talk about that later. My first question is why would your father report my presence to the regent?” I asked. He shook his head and hardened his eyes.

“Probably to gain favor,” he growled, “why else does my father do anything?” I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose.

“Why do I feel like I’m the one that got slapped,” I murmured then scrubbed my face with my hands. “Courting me, huh? To what end?” He gave me a look that told me I already knew so I shook my head. “He still wants revenge for the deeds of a dead man. Lovely.”

“He is a man of honor, Kora,” he tried to reason, more so with himself. “It wasn’t just disrespectful to him, it may as well have been a declaration of war. Since your mother passed he’s been a different man.” He shook his head as a memory came to the front of my mind, a memory of Gallagher and my mother I had written off as nothing but in that moment it made all the sense in the world. 

I was wandering the halls of the estate when I happened upon my mother’s office. The door was cracked open and I could hear voices inside so, being a nosey child, I crouched down to sneak up and listen. 

When I peeked through the crack in the door I saw my mother standing by the window, looking out into the pouring rain that had set in that day. Then I saw Gallagher walk up behind her, putting his arms around her waist and pulling her close.

“They will be beautiful together,” my mother said sadly. It sounded as if she had been crying. Gallagher bowed his head to rest against hers.

“They will love as we were meant to,” he said.

“Kora!” Caden whispered harshly, scaring me half to death. “Mother will be angry if she catches you, come on!” He grabbed my arm and dragged me back to our rooms. 

“I can’t believe I didn’t see this before,” I said, shaking my head. “He loved her.”

“What?” Garrett asked, obviously lost in his own thoughts as well. I laughed.

“Your father loved my mother,” I said, spelling it out for him, “and I think she loved him as well. Maybe they wanted to live vicariously through us.” He looked away thoughtfully for a few moments then looked back at me.

“It would make sense as to why he was so devastated when she passed,” he said. “That reminds me, how did she die? He would never speak of it and it was so long ago…”

“One day she fell ill and a few weeks later she was gone,” I said, trying to pull up the memory. “I was never told what illness she had but I just assumed it was contagious. My father wouldn’t let us see her.” The gears in my mind started turning, putting the pieces of the puzzle together. Then it all clicked. “He blames my father for her death. And because my father is now dead he has no one to take his anger out on so…” I waited for him to catch up as realization came over his face.

“Now I see,” he whispered. “But why take it out on you, why not Caden or Vaughan when he held this station?” I shrugged.

“Perhaps he has been involved with Loghain longer than we are aware and knew Loghain’s plans for Vaughan,” I said as I tapped my chin, “which would remove him from the equation. Caden is a Warden so as far as honor goes he is above reproach. I, however, am still a noble, not to mention a templar deserter so his anger falls on me.” I sighed, laughing a bit as everything fell into place. “Wow, he really hates me.” Garrett reached over and took my hand.

“It doesn’t matter what he thinks of you, Kora.” I nodded.

“I know,” I said, took my hand away from his and stood. “I think I have all I need.” Garrett stood as well.

“I… I’m sorry. For everything, truly,” he stammered a bit, a look of desperation on his face. I nodded, maintaining the serene façade I had in place.

“I know,” I whispered as I stepped behind my desk. Remembering Eamon’s words after the Landsmeet I struggled to keep my emotions in check, knowing full well this night’s end was decided before it began. I played with a small piece of paper on the desk then looked up at him, still standing in front of his chair. “Is there something else?”

“Kora,” he said with that same look in his eyes he had when he told me about his nightmare. Trying to help him save face and distance myself I put a hand up to stop him.

“Before you go any further I think there is something that needs to be said.” I steadied my gaze and relaxed my features, pulling what little training my mother had given me before her death to the front of my mind. “Please understand this has nothing to do with you or my feelings for you. This is about the people of Denerim and their leadership.

“I cannot be seen as weak so early in my appointment. Given the fact that my information came from officers of Redcliffe and Rainsfere that are now in Denerim, there is a good chance everyone in Denerim will be made aware of it by the time the week is out. Therefore…” I swallowed hard, “I cannot continue to see you as I have.

“There remains the fact that you protected me quite valiantly,” I raised my tone and grasped my own hands tightly, “as well as Leliana. I will always be grateful for that and never deny my gratitude to anyone. After the blight I intend to honor that in some way.” Garrett walked around the desk and took me into his arms.

“Kora,” he whispered, his breath warming my hair as he combed his fingers into it. Inside I was breaking, every inch was in intense pain but outside I had to maintain control. Knowing I was right and not willing to allow him to believe there was a chance, I slowly but firmly pushed him away and held him at arm’s length.

“I am sorry.” I stated simply. I stared him straight in the eye, holding his gaze until I saw him relent. Then I released his arms and took a small step back, the lump in my throat threatening to explode at any moment. Switching gears, I used my anger to help swallow it down yet again. “One last thing.

“Please let your father know that I will not let this indiscretion cloud my judgment in the future. All is forgiven, however it will not be forgotten. He has interfered in my personal matters for the last time.” I let a small flare of anger enter my eyes. “If he crosses me again he will feel the burn of true vengeance.” Garrett sighed.

“I understand,” he whispered as he looked down at the top of the desk then rested his hand on it. “Do you know what I find funny? This time it was him,” he said, “and I will bet he doesn’t even see it.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Your father and his pride tore us apart the first time,” he said as he looked me in the eye. “This time it was MY father and HIS.” He shook his head, walked back around the desk and out the door…

Dragging my heart on the ground behind him.

*****

“Hey,” I heard a familiar voice whisper into my ear. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes to see Alistair kneeling beside me. I groaned and lifted my head, feeling a sharp pain in my neck and back.

“Ow.” I looked around, disoriented, and realized I was still sitting at my desk. “I must have drifted off.” I scrubbed my face with my hands and wiped the sleep from my eyes, looking up at Alistair as he stood. I smiled. “What can I do for you, Commander?” He laughed.

“You are a sorry sight, my dear,” He said as he tugged at my fraying braid. I looked down at it and gasped. 

“How long have I been here?” I asked as I took out the barrette and started dismantling the braid. Alistair lifted my chin and smiled sweetly at me, making me blush.

“By the looks of it all night.” He thumbed toward the window, the sun blazing through it. I groaned and covered my face in my hands. “Did you not go to bed at all?” I peeked through my fingers at him.

“Apparently not,” I said as I dropped my hands into my lap. “No big loss, I hate that room anyway. I think I’ll have the servants chop up the furniture for firewood. Seems fitting considering the last person to sleep in it should have been burned at the stake. Ick.” I wrinkled my nose and waved to May, the black haired elf who led Garrett in the previous night. “May, could you please ask the stablemen to take care of that for me and get me some new furniture?”

“Yes Your Grace,” she said with a bow and hurried off.

“So getting new furniture could take some time, you plan to sleep in your office until then?” Alistair asked, crossing his arms. I laughed.

“Yes, I thought I could bring a few blankets and a pillow in here and make a blanket fort under my desk. You could stay over too if Eamon will let you, won’t it be fun!” I clapped my hands together, making him laugh. My heart jumped a little at that, making my smile softer. “I will figure something out in the mean time.” I thought about where I could sleep but all the guest rooms were being taken up by the Wardens and Caden was in our old room. “Shit. Blanket fort it is then.” 

“You are too funny,” he sighed as he took my hand and pulled me to my feet. “Your Grace, I will escort you to your room so you can get dressed and ready yourself for breakfast.” He kissed my hand and gave it a yank as he made for the doorway. 

When he closed the door to my room behind me it felt like the walls were closing in, every item in that room screaming negativity. I shook my head and made for the closet, throwing the doors open and grabbing the closest dress and matching shoes. I stripped, got dressed and slipped the shoes on then grabbed a brush from my vanity, raking it through my hair. When I finished I looked at myself in the mirror.

Dark circles surrounded my eyes as well as a slowly fading red splotch on my cheek, probably from sleeping on it all night. I sighed, knowing there wasn’t a damned thing I could do about any of it so I opened the door to leave. 

Alistair was in the hall with his back to me, admiring one of the paintings my mother had purchased in Orlais. I smiled and used his inattention as an opportunity to let my eyes wander over him. He was a beautiful man, from head to toe. What made him more beautiful was that he had no idea. Feeling a bit predatory eyeing him the way I was I cleared my throat to let him know I was there. He turned to face me, his eyes starting at my feet and making their way up to meet mine. He smiled.

“You are beautiful,” he whispered, extending out his arm to me. I blushed but shook my head. 

“I have a mirror in my room, you know. I know better.” He laughed as we made our way to the main dining hall.

“You will always be beautiful to me,” he said as he opened the door for me. 

I stared at him for a moment, wanting to make light of what he said but unable to as my heart swelled. I felt my hands reaching for him of their own accord, resting on his chest as I gazed into his eyes. Then suddenly my gut clenched as Garrett’s face from the night before entered my mind. His desperation and his sorrow, it broke my heart all over again. It must have shown because Alistair pulled me into his arms, holding he tight.

“I know,” he whispered into my hair. “Caden told me about last night and Kora, I am so sorry.” I was tempted to let him hold me and cry my eyes out but things were different now. I was Arlessa now and with servants everywhere I had a reputation to build with them as well as the people of Denerim. Making the decision not to dwell on the previous night’s events I steeled myself and looked up at him.

“It’s over and I will move on. I must,” I said as I forced a smile. “We have an Archdemon to kill, don’t we?” Alistair smiled down at me and brushed a few strands from my face, cupping my cheek.

“Yes WE do.”


	23. Chapter 23

“That’s it, get that blighted nug humper!” Oghren hollered over the clashing of steel.

Alistair and I had taken Oghren up on his offer to train us as Berserkers and it was going well… for me anyway. Alistair was backed into a corner, yet again, and holding up his shield to take the brunt of my attacks.

“Alright alright! I give!” he grunted as he tried to keep his own shield from bashing him in the head. My chest heaving, I stopped swinging and took a few steps back, giving him some room to stand up straight. “I think you’ve found your go-to style.” 

“You got no spirit boy,” Oghren stepped between us and gave him a punch to the chest. “Your rage is what sustains you. Don’t you have anything that puts your knickers in a twist?” Alistair looked up thoughtfully and shook his head.

“I don’t think I’ll be very good at this,” he said and tried to walk past me. I bashed him in the side with my shield, eliciting a growl from him as he fell to the ground. “What was that for?”

“Piss you off, did I?” I asked with a smirk. Raising my sword to lift his chin I shook my head. “You’re looking at this the wrong way. You see me, Kora, as your opponent and training partner when you should be seeing a darkspawn, a bandit, the Archdemon.” I sheathed my sword and reached out my hand to help him up then gave him another lighter shove with my shield. “You have plenty of anger, Alistair, you just have to find your trigger. Get your head in the game, man!” He shook his head, giving me a glare of warning.

“Are you sure about this, Kora?” He asked. I smiled and nodded. “Fine, but I need to find something better than a darkspawn. What do you think about?” I laughed.

“Just about everything pisses me off but just now I was thinking about Anora and pounding her fucking head in with my bare fists until it was nothing but a gory mess.” I shrugged, smiling up at him. “I am a sadistic woman, never a shortage of anger.” Alistair took a step back in mock fear.

“Maybe YOU should train with Oghren then,” he whispered. My eyes widened which brought a smirk to Alistair’s lips. “Something that frightens you, good to know.” I faked another shield bash and he jumped to avoid it, laughing. “Alright, let me think.” 

Oghren and I stood there watching and waiting for a few minutes as Alistair paced, deep in thought. Thinking back to the game I remembered the Landsmeet and how angry he was that Loghain was being considered to be made a Warden. The whole reason he was so angry was because of Duncan’s death, a man he cared about like a Father. I finally lost my patience and looked down at Oghren who appeared to be sleeping standing up. Fighting the urge to just push him over I stalked over to Alistair and grabbed his arm. 

“How about this. You think about the one person in the world you can’t live without. Now picture that person being brutally slain right in front of you. Your opponent is the murderer.” I stood back and waited, watching his face as the emotions swept over him. Realizing his mind was absorbing the idea I smiled as I drew my sword and readied myself. The anger slowly took over his face and he raised his shield and sword.

“Let’s do this.”

****

“You can get cleaned up in Caden’s room,” I said as we entered the estate to get changed for lunch. I stopped May in the hall and looked at Alistair. “Do you need anything?” Alistair shook his head.

“No, just a bath. I’ll leave his practice gear in his room.” He thumbed toward the breastplate he was wearing that he’d borrowed from Caden. I nodded and looked at May.

“Please assist with my bath and get another to assist the commander.” She nodded and hurried away.

“Damn boy, you really did get the hang of it after all,” Oghren praised Alistair. “Almost took her down a few times. Very nice.” For some reason I instantly felt dirty and, trying to get off the subject, gave Alistair a shove. 

“Good job, BOY,” I said as I took off running down the hall to my room. I felt him catch up to me before I could open the door so I squealed like a little girl as he swung me around and pinned me to it by my wrists.

When our eyes met my blood turned to lava. His proximity, his eyes, his breath on my face, his hands on my skin, everything about the situation made my insides scream for him. We stood there panting, staring into the others’ eyes, waiting for Maker knew what. Realizing how inappropriate the circumstances were I clenched my teeth and blinked a few times to try and snap out of his heated gaze.

“You are a brat!” he whispered, nose to nose with me. Seeing no other way out I grinned wickedly and licked the end of his nose. He instantly released me and backed away, laughing and wiping his face. “What the hell?!” I laughed and opened my door.

“I grew up with two brothers! Gotcha to let me go, didn’t I?” I flashed him a grin and slammed the door, laughing hysterically. As I leaned against it I felt warmth spread through my chest, the kind of warmth I hadn’t felt since…

“Redcliffe…” I whispered to the empty room. Maybe there is hope for me after all, I thought as I stripped off my armor.

Once the tub was full May helped me wash my hair. As her nails gently scrubbed my scalp I relaxed, my mind wandering to the upcoming meeting. Do I tell them what happens in the game? Is there anything I should do to prepare, just in case? I sighed, unsure as to how to proceed. Maybe evacuate the city? Where would I send them that would have enough room? 

“Soldier’s Peak,” I whispered, an idea dawning on me as a grin spread across my face. 

“Sorry Your Grace?” May asked as she rinsed the soap from my hair. 

“I could evacuate everyone not able to fight from Denerim to Soldier’s Peak,” I thought out loud. “Maybe even Redcliffe citizens as well if Eamon wants. If we send supplies and coin with them I don’t see how Levi could refuse. I will simply say that it’s a possibility and to expect further word from me for confirmation, if he agrees. May, could you get me some parchment, quill and ink once you’re done here?” I became excited with the idea of outmaneuvering the darkspawn and the Archdemon. “I have a letter to write.” 

After the bath, writing the letter and a change of clothes I was relatively pleased with myself so I made my way down to the entrance hall. On my way I gave May the letter and instruction to send it with Morrigan and to ask her gently to get there as quickly as possible. As I entered the hall I saw that Alistair was there with Caden and Duncan discussing the meeting.

“Dividing our forces is not the way to go,” Alistair insisted as I approached. “We are far more effective and lethal if we stay together.” 

“I agree,” Duncan said, “but apparently the Arl wants to leave some here then march to Redcliffe with the rest. He fears they will spread out as well and wants to keep the capital protected considering Cailan may remain here.” Alistair shook his head.

“Why would he… never mind, I’ll ask him myself. I will deal with Eamon, just please speak up if necessary. I think we can all agree you are the expert in this situation.” I beamed at Alistair with pride at the fact that he was speaking out against Eamon. He gave me a puzzled look and I shook my head. 

“Considering what we are up against that would be wise. Are we ready?” I asked. Caden smiled and nodded, motioning to the door. Alistair opened it and stepped back.

“Ladies first,” he winked at me so I winked back and walked out to the waiting carriage.

The short ride from the estate to the palace was quiet and made excruciatingly long by all the people in the streets. Everyone was packing up their things and heading to the docks, trying to take a ship to anywhere. I looked out the small window and sighed, a knot in my gut forming as I thought of what those poor people would have to go through in places like Kirkwall, living in squalor if they were even allowed into the city. Taking a deep breath I pushed those thoughts aside to focus on the upcoming battle. Hopefully battle and not battles. 

What to tell and what NOT to tell. At this stage of the game everything was really up in the air, the only thing to do was find the Archdemon and have a Warden kill it. However this was reality and with so many variables there was no telling where things would go from here. A part of me wanted to play dumb and let them make their own choices, remove myself from the equation so to speak. Another part of me wanted to divulge every bit of information so that they could make an informed decision. Then there was the part that thought everything I knew of the game was out the window at this point. I laughed to myself, drawing Caden’s attention.

“Oh no,” he smiled, “she’s laughing. That is NEVER a good sign. What did you do now?” Catching his hint to try and lighten the mood I lifted my eyebrows and shrugged. 

“Who, me?” I replied, “I’ve done nothing. Lately. In the last five minutes anyway.” I smirked and turned to Alistair who picked up on our intent and glared at me playfully, wiping his nose for show. 

“She’s a sneaky one,” he sneered and turned to Caden. “I don’t know how you survived your childhood without catching some filthy disease from her.” Caden burst into laughter.

“She licked your nose, didn’t she?” He blurted between gasps of air. “I should have warned you, never back Kora into a corner.” Duncan rolled his eyes as Caden covered his mouth to stifle his laughter. Alistair and I joined him, both staring at Duncan who eventually relented, the lot of us laughing the rest of the way to the palace.

*****

When we walked into the dining hall I caught Cailan’s eye who promptly ended his conversation with Gallagher Wulff and made his way over to me. I curtsied and he bowed but then grabbed me up into his arms. I giggled, hugging him tight.

“Get your hugs in while you can, Your Majesty,” I whispered into his ear. “Soon you will have to behave yourself.” I felt him laugh as he pulled back to look at my face.

“You think I could behave myself around you?” he whispered back, giving me a devilish grin. I pushed him away and glared, getting another laugh from him. “Seriously though, Duncan would like to speak to you before we begin. He is waiting in my private office upstairs. Alistair,” He turned to face his brother. “If you could show Kora upstairs quickly I would appreciate it.” 

Alistair took my hand to lead me from the room and toward the personal quarters in the castle. As we rushed down the hall my mind was racing as to what was so urgent. Did something happen? Was the Archdemon on its way here already? I tried to recall everything I had told him to ensure we had all the information necessary to prepare. As Alistair opened the door to the large office and motioned for me to enter I stopped dead, looking from Alistair to the doorway.

“You’re coming too, right?” I whispered. He stifled a laugh.

“You’re acting like an eight year old about to get handed down their punishment,” he said as he took my arm and pulled me into the room with him. When he shut the door behind us I saw Duncan standing by the window looking out on the city. With his back to us I couldn’t see his expression but his body language spoke volumes.

He was rigid as if standing at attention in military fashion. With his hands clasped behind his back you could see the muscles in his arms and shoulders straining against the leather armor he wore. His black hair with streaks of gray was pulled back in its usual pony tail but I could have sworn the streaks were larger than before Ostagar. I reached out with my mind and realized I was right to be concerned; the tension was pouring off of him in oceanic waves. My heart sped up.

“Warden Commander,” I said, “you needed to see me.” He turned to face me and nodded.

“Your Grace, thank you for giving me this opportunity. I wanted to discuss some of the details of the upcoming battle with you before we began the formal meeting.” He motioned for Alistair and I to sit. 

“Commander, I would like to point out that with so many details already changed, I don’t know how much insight, if any, I will be able to provide. I can tell you what happened in the book but there is no way of knowing that is what will happen in reality.” I glanced at Alistair and continued. “Simply put, the armies march to Redcliffe but the Archdemon attacks Denerim. The armies go back, a Warden grounds the dragon at the top of Fort Drakon and finally a Warden kills it.”

“How did they manage to ground the dragon?” Alistair asked. I took a deep breath, knowing that Riordan and Duncan went through their joining together. No matter how distant he would like his people to believe he is, Duncan is a compassionate man who cares for all in his charge.

“Riordan jumps from a tower to get on the dragon’s back but is thrown. He stabs a dagger into the wing in an attempt to hold on but…” I paused, looking at Duncan. He nodded.

“The wing was torn so it could not fly away,” Duncan finished without the gory details. I nodded. 

“So all we have to do is sit here and wait,” Alistair said, “It will come to us.”

“It’s not that simple,” I said. “The armies marched to Redcliffe because the scouts had reported the bulk of the horde was marching in that direction. By the time it was discovered their direction had changed the armies were already at Redcliffe which was also under attack.” I shook my head. “I cannot stress how little of the dark spawn’s side of things I am aware of. I have no idea why they changed directions. It could have been deception on the Archdemon’s part, trying to draw the armies away from Denerim, or it could have been the Archdemon sensed the only Grey Wardens in Ferelden were headed to Redcliffe so it changed course. I just don’t know.” 

“Then we split our forces after all,” Alistair said, “we have enough Wardens to cover both places. Denerim and Redcliffe need to be protected.” I shook my head.

“And what if the Archdemon senses the Wardens in two different places then picks a third target?” I sat on the edge of my chair and looked back and forth between the two. “I honestly believe we have only one option. Send all the Wardens to Redcliffe.”

“What? NO. We cannot leave Denerim unprotected, especially if Cailan is staying here,” Alistair insisted. 

“Then take Cailan with you,” I offered, “and leave me with troops enough to hold off the horde until you get back.” Alistair looked thoughtful then, as what I said sank in, gave me a determined glare.

“You? Leave YOU with troops? Kora, you can’t be seriously considering staying behind.” His voice faded at the end of the sentence and he sighed. “Of course you are. My answer is no, Cailan will not be staying so YOU are not staying.” I smiled softly, knowing his motivation was anything but strategic. 

“Are you going to make me pull rank?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him. He sat up on the edge of his chair and leaned on the arm closest to me.

“I will tie you up and throw you over my horse, YOUR GRACE, if you try to stay.” His tone was forceful, protective, and even a little angry which involuntarily made my body shudder. As inappropriate as it was, I realized his aggressiveness was turning me on. I cleared my throat in an attempt to get myself together.

“I’ve already laid the groundwork,” I explained as I turned to Duncan. “I sent word with Morrigan to Levi Dryden asking for his assistance, telling him of my plan to evacuate those unable to fight and send them his way, possibly some from Redcliffe as well. I should hear back sometime today. If he agrees to help us I will send along coin and supplies to the peak to wait out the battle. Maker, I hope it’s only one battle.” I shook my head and looked at the floor.

“Alistair, her plan has merit,” Duncan said as he crossed to room to stand before us. “The darkspawn can sense Wardens, not ordinary people. If the Wardens go to Redcliffe the threat will be gone which may encourage the Archdemon to act on Denerim, it being preferable due to its proximity to the peak. Those being evacuated can march with the army to the peak and once there, the army can move on to Redcliffe. At least it will be a controlled battle, to some degree.” He paused thoughtfully and tugged at his beard. “I can ask Morrigan to take crow form to keep an eye on the horde as well, reporting back their movements. Let’s present the plan to the king and see what his thoughts are.” Alistair groaned.

“Another stubborn noble, how am I going to convince him to leave if you’re staying?” He practically growled at me while rolling his eyes. I reached out and squeezed his hand.

“If he is resistant I will take care of it,” I said with a wink. Alistair laughed.

“I KNEW you were going to say that,” he said as he stood, stretching his back then laughing. “One of these days you will not win, Your Grace.” I winked at him.

“Not in this lifetime, dearest.”

*****

As we entered the dining hall yet again Alistair led me to the chair next to his. I sat and smiled at him, giving him a playful wink. He narrowed his eyes at me then smiled back, giving my hand a squeeze under the table and looking away. As I squeezed back I looked around the room.

You could tell from the seating arrangements who despised who. Gallagher sat across from me, Alfstanna next to me but across from Ceorlic, so forth and so on. With Alistair to his right and Duncan to his left Cailan cleared his throat. I managed to avoid rolling my eyes when I caught Gallagher glaring at me in my peripheral.

“Thank you everyone for coming. As you all know we are here to develop a strategy for fighting and hopefully defeating the blight. With that said I would like to turn things over to Duncan, Warden Commander in Ferelden.” Cailan looked to Duncan who nodded and faced the room.

“There are many things we need to discuss today but first and foremost I need everyone in this room to understand something. The killing blow to the Archdemon MUST, and I cannot stress enough, MUST be delivered by a Warden. I cannot go into detail but if a Warden does not strike the killing blow the Archdemon’s soul will survive. To end the blight the Archdemon’s soul must be destroyed. With that said we have formulated a plan of attack. Please save your comments and questions for the end.

“All of the Wardens will march with the king and three quarters of the army to Redcliffe. Our scouts have confirmed the bulk of the horde seems to be heading in that direction. Once there we will re-assess our situation and plan accordingly.

“The remaining soldiers shall stay here under the command of Arlessa Kora. We have reason to believe the Archdemon may be splitting its forces to attack both cities. 

“I have also sent word to the Orlesian Wardens and will advise them of our final plan after we adjourn this meeting. Once I do that they will march with 1,000 chevaliers to wherever they are needed.”

My heart leapt up into my throat, so much so that I could taste bile. Why didn’t I think of that? Why didn’t I remember he had sent word to the Orlesian Wardens before Ostagar? I took a breath to protest but Ceorlic beat me to it.

“Stop right there, Warden Commander,” he insisted, “you expect us to open our borders to CHEVALIERS? I strongly disapprove!” He looked at Cailan. “This is exactly what Loghain was afraid of! What is to stop them from staying and taking over after the battle, when Ferelden is at its weakest?”

“Ceorlic, you will know your place,” Cailan asserted, pointing a finger at him. “Speak with respect or be silent, am I clear?” Ceorlic mumbled his apologies and lowered his head. 

“Your Majesty,” I squeaked out, then cleared my throat. “Your Majesty, Commander, I must also express my reluctance. I do not agree that allowing Chevaliers to cross our borders when we are in such a state of vulnerability is wise.” Cailan looked surprised as he faced me.

“What are your reasons, Your Ladyship?” He asked. I looked around the room and decided that eventually everything would be out in the open anyway. If I was going to be known as the crazy noble, it may as well start now. 

“The story line we’ve discussed prior spoke of the aftermath of the blight, how Orlais becomes unstable and most of the country thinks it would be grand to get their old province back. While in a weakened state Ferelden is ripe for the picking. Warden Commander,” I looked to Duncan, “I know you trust the Orlesian Wardens but Ferelden is still within a generation of occupation by Orlais. If we haven’t forgotten do you honestly think they have?” I pleaded, hoping he would see the logic in my words. 

“Please understand if I thought they could be trusted I would have no issue with them crossing our border. However I do not and I must insist the Chevaliers be left behind. If the Wardens will not travel without them, so be it. We do not need their help so much that we would welcome a threat to our freedom, a freedom that our people fought and died for.” I lifted my chin and sat back, praying silently to the Maker Duncan would relent. 

“Well said,” Eamon piped up from the other end of the table. “I have to say, Your Majesty, I agree with Arlessa Kora.”

“As do I, Your Majesty,” Alfstanna said, placing a hand on mine. Realizing I was shaking I smiled at her gratefully. Wulff huffed across from me.

“I third that, Your Majesty.” He looked like it made him want to vomit to agree with me, so much so that I had to force my smile to a minimum, unable to stifle it completely.

One after another, all the Teyrns, Arls and Banns sided with me, never once questioning the ‘story line’ I spoke of. I knew the question would come eventually but I was grateful it wasn’t today. When finally everyone had their say Cailan sat back, lacing his fingers together in front of him and looking at Duncan.

“Warden Commander, I hope you do not see this as a lack of faith in your abilities or that of the Grey Wardens in general,” he said as he waved a hand around the room, “but the leaders of the provinces of my country have spoken and I have to say, Arlessa Kora gives a compelling argument. Do you have an alternative?” 

“As this is your country, Your Majesty, we will abide by your wishes. I will inform the Wardens and keep you updated on their status.” Duncan glanced at me and nodded. “I have to say I agree with Her Grace as well.” I smiled.

“So, about the rest of the plan,” Alistair said as he looked around the room, “any questions or concerns?” I looked around the room waiting for someone to speak out against me leading the army in Denerim.

No one spoke. No one gave me a disappointed frown or even a smirk. Even Wulff’s face was stoic, shocking me. I was glad the debate was over but the reality of what was going to happen made panic begin to gather in my heart. I wasn’t just going to stay in Denerim without any Wardens to help.

I was going to lead.

*****

“You are quiet,” Cailan said as he reached over to put his hand on mine. “I know we have a lot going on but can you not let it go for one evening?” I laughed, pushing the food on my plate around with my fork. 

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, “I am trying.” I put the fork down and sat up straight, smiling at him as best I could. “I still haven’t heard back from Morrigan about Soldier’s Peak. Can’t imagine what’s taking so long.”

“I took a side trip to check on our foes,” I heard a voice say from the window. Cailan and I turned to see Morrigan mid-transformation. I smiled with relief as she sauntered toward the table. “The Archdemon and the horde are indeed on their way to Redcliffe but in fewer numbers than I suspected. I decided to take a look around and found another large group hovering just outside the Brecilian Forest, something your scouts must have missed.” She looked disapprovingly at Cailan who bristled at her words. I squeezed his hand and smiled at Morrigan.

“Probably the group that will come here,” I said. “What did Levi have to say, Morrigan?” She smirked.

“He agreed, although he asked they bring more coin than supplies.” I smiled, shaking my head.

“Ever the merchant. Good, I will let Eamon know on my way back to the estate. Morrigan, thank you. I truly appreciate you playing the messenger for me. I know it is well beneath your capabilities.” I nodded to her and she nodded back, albeit a bit surprised.

“I… thank you. For acknowledging that fact. Let me know if you have any further need of me, I will take my leave.” She morphed back into a crow and flew out the window she came in. I turned to Cailan, grinning ear to ear.

“The plan is in motion,” I whispered as I pushed away from the table. He stood as well.

“You’re leaving?” he asked, apparently disappointed. I felt guilty for a moment but realized that with evacuations time was of the essence. 

“I need to tell Eamon and get the word out for everyone to get ready.” I pushed a stray hair behind his ear and gave the lobe a little tug. “I’m sorry, the dinner looked wonderful. I’m just not … here. My mind is all over the place and you deserve my full attention.” I moved away from the table and then heard someone else enter the room. Turning as I was looking up, I almost tripped on the hem of my dress. The new arrival caught me gracefully is his arms.

“What in Thedas would you do without me?” Alistair smiled down at me as he lifted me up to standing. I laughed.

“I think we all know without you I would be dead in a ditch somewhere,” I responded, looking between the two men. “What are you doing here?” I asked then looked at Cailan, who had a suspicious look in his eye. I sneered, sensing he was up to something that neither Alistair nor I were privy to. “Cailan?” He smiled larger than usual.

“I actually have to go to Eamon’s anyway, quick errand, I will let him know what Levi said and send word to your estate to begin preparations for the evacuation. You two enjoy the meal, I’ll have the staff bring out another plate,” he rambled as he made his way out of the dining hall. “Enjoy!” And he was gone. I looked up at Alistair who still had his arms around me from catching me. He smiled, kissed my forehead and shrugged.

“Well, I won’t let a perfectly good meal go to waste,” he said as he pulled out my chair for me then sat down. I laughed.

“Nothing unusual there.” He gave me a playful sneer.

“After the nose-licking incident I’d think you would be on your best behavior, Your Grace,” he said as a servant brought him another plate, taking Cailan’s away. I laughed.

“I think you know better than that, Commander.” I took a bite of the pork but realized it was cold from my letting it sit there. The servant must have seen my face because she grabbed the plate with a nod and headed back to the kitchens. “I have a strange question. Do you think Cailan planned to get you and I in the same room this evening?” I watched his face as he avoided my eyes, concentrating on his meal.

“I don’t know what you mean,” he said between bites. I could feel his pulse elevate and knew he was lying. Plus the fact that a slight blush was creeping up his neck. The man cannot lie to save his life, I thought, but I’ll play along. The servant brought me another plate and left the room.

“Hm, I wonder what his motivation would be?” I continued as I picked at my food, watching his face. “Obviously to get us to be ALONE together, but why?” He stopped for a moment and then swallowed hard. Well then, I thought, he is aware of the intent after all. I leaned forward and rested my chin in my hand, staring at him intently. “Alistair?”

“Hm?” He barely looked up from his plate. I noticed he was running out of food so he wouldn’t be able to use it as a distraction for long. I just smiled and waited, focusing all my attention on his eyes. 

Finally he finished, looked up at me and our eyes locked. He held my gaze for a minute or two, giving me the opportunity to stare into those bourbon eyes like I used to. I felt that familiar warmth start to build in my chest when he wiped his mouth with his napkin and pushed his plate away. 

“Fine, I’ll get right to it then, if it makes you happy,” he said as he dropped the napkin on his plate. He looked disturbed, as if whatever the issue was it would be difficult for him. I became worried and placed my hand on his.

“Hey,” I whispered, “whatever it is it can’t be all that bad. You can talk to me about anything, I hope you know that.” I smiled and waited as his pulse raced ever faster and his blush took over. I squeezed his hand and he took a deep breath. 

“I wanted this to be different,” he said, looking down at his empty plate, “special. But with everything going on I don’t see how that is possible.” He shook his head. “Cailan and Eamon are concerned that once I’m made Teyrn there will be… squabbling.” He looked up at me, uncertainty and fear in his eyes. 

“Squabbling… over you?” I asked. He nodded and I sighed. “I can see why they would be concerned, you are young and handsome as well as the King’s brother. The female nobility will be falling all over themselves,” I giggled as I gave his hand another squeeze. “Are you nervous about it?” He laughed, finally releasing the tension he was holding in his chest. 

“Crazy women pawing at me and being paraded around like a princess? No,” he said, glancing at the window then back at me. “I may even ask to borrow that green dress of yours.” I smiled and shook my head.

“Oh no, it wasn’t good enough for you yesterday, it’s not good enough for you now.” I remembered Neria and became concerned. “Speaking of women in your life, I’ve been meaning to ask you about Neria.” His smile faded as he sat back in his chair.

“Things did not end well,” he said, shaking his head. “She was understandably upset, said some horrible things then… well, she attacked me.” I gasped.

“What do you mean she attacked you?” I asked. 

“She slit her wrist and sent me flying,” he replied, sorrow filling his eyes. “I betrayed her trust, Kora. I upset her so much that she resorted to blood magic. Maker,” he whispered as he scrubbed his face with his hands. I felt my anger flare up.

“Oh no, you can NOT take responsibility for her actions, Alistair,” I insisted. “Don’t you DARE. SHE drew the knife, not you.” 

“And that wasn’t the worst of it,” he said, putting up a hand to silence me. “Knight Commander Greagoir and First Enchanter Irving had arrived from the circle and were standing right there, saw the whole thing happen.” He shook his head. “I couldn’t have stopped them even if I was conscious.” I felt my heart clench as his face confirmed my suspicion.

“They… he…” I couldn’t say it, picturing Greagoir throwing out a smite then drawing his blade to kill the tiny elven mage. He nodded and gulped. Taking his hand I brought it to my chest and squeezed. “Alistair, I am so sorry.”

His face went from tormented to compassionate as he took my hand in both of his.

“How are you, Kora?” he asked, genuinely concerned. “I know what it’s like to lose someone you care for, but the circumstances… please tell me, are you alright?” I knew he was just trying to get off the subject but I felt my chest tighten up at the thought of Garrett.

“I was hurt,” I said, “but his actions from the very beginning have made me realize that what he and I had was never real. It was as much a lie as every word from his lips.” I grit my teeth. “He took advantage of our previous relationship. Granted it was just as much my fault, I should have been more guarded with my affections, but he saw an opening and took it. It won’t happen again.” I pulled a hand free from his grasp and balled it into a fist. “In time I’m sure I will let it go but right now it still makes me angry.” His expression gave away his worry for me so I gave him a small smile and cupped his cheek with my free hand. 

“Don’t worry about me,” I whispered, “As long as I have you by my side I know I will be fine.” He smiled, turning his head to kiss my palm softly, almost intimately, and then gently pushing his cheek into it. 

I ran my thumb across his cheek and gave him my warmest smile in return, savoring the closeness I had been craving for so long. It’s been over a month since I have been this close to him, I thought, maybe I should say it. Maybe I should tell him that I never loved Garrett, that it was always he alone who held my heart in the palm of his hand. Just his mere presence in the room not only calmed me but made me feel… complete. 

His smile spoke volumes to what he was thinking, making me wish I had never met Garrett at the gate that day. No matter what we would have faced I would have gladly passed him by. That man came damned close to destroying my faith in everything and everyone with a few strategically placed lies. And yet here was Alistair, someone I had met face to face only months ago, restoring it. Closing his eyes, he sighed with contentment.

“Marry me.”

*****

My heart almost choked me as the words echoed in my ears. I couldn’t help the look of utter shock that took over my face as he opened his eyes to look into mine. His expression became concerned and then that familiar fear crept back in.

“If you don’t want to or think it’s a bad idea, I completely understand,” he said as he pulled away and laughed nervously. “It’s not like, well, you know. I kind of sprung this on you and it wasn’t planned or talked about. I don’t want you to think I’m pressuring you, or anyone is, because they’re not. I wouldn’t let them. It just… came up in conversation that they thought you would be a good match and that, well, if I was willing, which I would be if you were…” Listening to him ramble on like that reminded me of the game when he would be so awkward and adorable. I started giggling so I covered my mouth which made him stop mid sentence and sigh, a defeated look on his face. “I had a feeling this was how it would play out.” He stood, as did I, and I grabbed his hand.

“You realize you monopolized the entire conversation just then, right?” I asked, grinning. His blush deepened as he looked down at his feet. I sighed, realizing this was something we had to work out right then and there if we were going to maintain any kind of relationship, married or not. I lifted his chin to look him in the eye. “Can we sit down and talk about this?” He nodded and returned to his chair, his body language screaming his acceptance of defeat. He was convinced I had already made up my mind. I sat and crossed my legs, still holding on to his hand. “I love you Alistair.”

I let him absorb the admission, watching his facial expression carefully. When he realized what I had said his eyes snapped up to meet mine, seemingly searching for a hint of what I was thinking. 

I was still in pain, Garrett’s betrayal fresh in my mind and in my heart, but what I felt for Alistair was separate and beyond a doubt real. I loved him, trusted him and wanted him to be happy, no matter who he was with; none of which I could say about Garrett. He squeezed my hand, reading me like a book.

“And I love you,” he said cautiously, “but you have doubts.” I nodded.

“I am not willing to give up my Arling,” I said. “How do you feel about that?” He smiled.

“I knew you would say that and I told them as much,” he said. “Cailan suggested my giving up the Teyrnir and becoming the Arl of Denerim.” He waited, gauging my reaction. I raised an eyebrow at him.

“You would give up a Teyrnir to be an Arl?” I asked, not believing what I was hearing. He laughed.

“You forget, Your Grace, that I didn’t WANT the Teyrnir to begin with. I only accepted because my brother asked me to. And since when have you known me to crave power?” He glared at me, daring me to respond. I raised my hands in surrender and shook my head. 

“Point taken.” I lowered my hands. “So you have thought this through, then?” He nodded.

“I have, but just to be clear marriage was not a priority to ME,” he said as he raised his hand. “That is, not until my brother and Eamon started scaring me with stories of Cailan’s younger days when the nobles threw their daughters at him, hoping for a match. Maker, are all women mad for power? Present company excluded, of course.” 

He gave me a lazy smile, that same smile from the docks at Redcliffe that looked like it belonged on a magazine cover. Warmth spread throughout my body as I remembered that day. The day of the kiss that was more embarrassing than romantic and the awkwardness that followed. And then the night they left to meet Loghain’s men on the road. My shock and delight when he caught my lips in his, making me forget the world around us and just FEELING, for what I thought was the first time, what it was like to kiss the man I loved. It was my first time, I realized as I came back to reality and smiled at him.

“When you look at me like that it makes me… remember.” I rested my elbow on the table and my chin in my hand, biting my lip and holding my smile. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table as well.

“Remember what, Your Grace?” he asked, a smirk playing on his lips. I laughed, feeling my body relax even more. He had such an effect on me it was stunning.

“Redcliffe.” I bit my lip again, waiting for him to respond. He grinned.

“Yeah,” he whispered, “good times there. Simpler. For a little while anyway.” He shrugged and what Neria said about him running away came to mind.

“Did you try to leave?” I asked. “I mean, before you realized I was already gone were you going to leave?” At first he seemed shocked then he smirked.

“You do find out everything, don’t you,” he asked as he moved his chair closer to mine. “Yes, I was going to leave. Thought it would be easier than staying, watching you as you walked around Redcliffe, your silky blonde hair flowing down your back as your hips swung side to side. Maker, I think I’ll stop now.” He rubbed his eyes. 

“Where were you going to go?” I persisted. “Did you at least have a plan?” He laughed.

“Of course not, did I ever APPEAR to have a plan?” he laughed as he shook his head. “When it came to you, Your Grace, I was lost. Always. To this day you drive me insane.” He clamped his mouth shut but it was too late, the admission was out there. I laughed. 

“Cat’s out of the bag now, dearest,” I cooed as I reached over and ran my finger tips across the back of his hand. I couldn’t resist teasing him so I gazed at him seductively. “So the logical reasons for your proposal are just excuses to get into my bed, is that it?” He cleared his throat and sat up straight.

“No, Kora, of course not,” he insisted as he cleared his throat again. “Don’t be silly. Not that I don’t have feelings for you, I do, but they aren’t the… wait, feelings as in I care for you, not FEEL feelings, you know…” I put my hand over his mouth and giggled. 

“You are too easy,” I whispered as I took my hand away from his lips. He glared at me as he stood, moving to stand between my chair and the table and crossing his arms.

“I’ll work on that,” he said, looking down at me with a wicked grin. 

I sat back in my chair and smiled up at him. My heart thumped ever louder in my chest the longer I stared into those eyes and all I could think about was where the blood was in such a rush to get to. Maker, I thought, I am weak. He could try to take me right now, on the table even, and I would relent happily. It’s the eyes, those bourbon-brown eyes, has to be. I bit my lip and remembered what we were supposed to be discussing. 

“So about this proposal,” I drawled out, “you do realize that you aren’t nobility yet so technically I cannot accept, even if I was inclined to.” He huffed.

“So a hypothetical then,” he said as he uncrossed his arms and leaned his palms on the table’s edge. “When I do become Teyrn of Gwaren would you marry me?” I shrugged.

“Would I? I don’t know,” I raised my eyebrows and batted my eyelashes innocently. “Have you asked the male member of my family for his permission?” I smiled. 

“Caden?” he asked. “That’s true, I should ask him first. Never mind, then. I’ll see you tomorrow, eh?” he flashed me a toothy grin and walked out of the room. I burst into laughter.

“Alistair! Get your ass back in here!” I demanded, still laughing. He came back in and grabbed my hand, dragging me out of the chair and leading me out of the room. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” he smiled as he led me into the private wing of the palace. He stopped and opened a door leading to what looked like a bedroom and motioned for me to enter. I gave him a suspicious look as I slowly walked past him and into the room. He followed and shut the door. “More private, when I walked into the hall I caught two serving girls listening in.” I laughed. 

“They all do it, they’re probably outside the window now,” I said as I sat in a chair by the fire place that appeared to be freshly tended. “So seriously, I want to get everything out on the table now to avoid an issues later. Thoughts?” He sat in the chair next to mine.

“Well… aside from the Arl part my only concern was that you were still in mourning over your relationship with Garrett. Are you?” It was a valid question but I wanted to give it sufficient thought and explanation. 

“This isn’t a yes or no answer,” I began. “It was complicated and my feelings about it are as well. I was sad at first, hurt that he would lie to me but devastated that he would go along with his father’s scheme to intentionally hurt me. After the hurting part came the angry part, which is where I am now. I think I’m getting past it and after that I think acceptance will set in.” I smiled and shrugged. He nodded.

“Alright, that’s as honest as I could ask for.” He smiled and looked at the fire. “How about you, do you have any reservations?” 

“I’m afraid you’re only doing this because your brother and his uncle suggested it,” I replied. “I don’t want to marry you if the only reason you thought to ask me was those two.” I wrinkled up my nose which made Alistair laugh. 

“Nothing like going for the throat, Your Grace,” he said as he pretended to choke. “I have to admit they gave me the guts to do it but…” He took my hand and looked me dead in the eye. “I can’t say I’d never thought about it.

“The thought of marrying you is… slightly intimidating. The thought of asking you? Downright frightening. So since I’ve gotten past the frightening part I think it will be smooth sailing from here.” His smile made me giggle.

“Ok, I GUESS that’s an answer,” I laughed. “Your turn.”

“Hmm… how do you feel about children?” His face turned serious. “You know it may not be possible…” I put a finger to his lips and smiled.

“I am aware there is a slimmer chance,” I whispered, “but I am willing to work extra hard to see if it’s possible if you are.” I gave him a grin and a wink, making his blush return. “Good to know.” He grabbed the collar of his shirt to pull on it, loosening it.

“Evil woman,” he mumbled, glancing at the fire then back to me. “Your turn.” 

I knew I had to ask, it was something that was obviously fresh in his mind and wore on his heart. She meant something to him and now she was dead. It had to be difficult and could be a stumbling block depending on how he planned to resolve it internally. 

“I don’t think there is a delicate way to ask this,” I said, “so I will just say it. How are you handling the loss of Neria?” I held my breath, preparing for the worst. 

His face went blank as he stared at me. I could see the gears turning in his head but had no indication as to what was running through it. There was a lot of anxiety growing inside him and I almost wished I hadn’t said anything. However I had to ask, had to know. I think he did too.

“Not well,” he finally said after a few moments of silence. His face softened as his eyes glistened. “She deserved better.” I waited but nothing more left his lips, just ragged breaths trying to tamp down the tears that threatened to fall. I gave up and reached over to take his hand.

“Alistair…” I whispered, trying to encourage him to continue. He just shook his head and wiped his eyes with his free hand. I felt helpless, unsure what to do or what to say, if anything. 

I found myself standing next to him, pulling him to his feet and into my arms. I wrapped one arm around his neck and the other around his waist, holding him close. Burying my face into his neck I planted kisses, nuzzling into him to try to be of some comfort. His arms came slowly around me, one hand at the small of my back, the other tangling fingers into my hair, and he pulled my head back to look up at him.

“As long as I have you by my side,” he whispered through his tears, “I know I will be fine.”

Our lips found each other and my heart exploded. Whimpering, I grasped at his body in an attempt to get him closer as his chest rumbled, his hands roaming. My fingers found the hem of his shirt and pulled it up over his head, breaking our kiss for just a moment, and then tossed it to the floor. The feeling of his toned muscles under my hands was almost too much, forcing a desperate moan from my throat.

Alistair lifted me up and carried me over to the bed, lying me down on it and resting himself next to me. I turned to face him and pulled him into another kiss. He groaned, wrapping his arms around me roughly while we attempted to devour each other. He slowed the kiss then broke it, looking deep into my eyes.

“Kora,” he whispered, “I love you.” I touched his cheek.

“I love you,” I replied. He smiled, making my heart soar.

“I want everything with you to be perfect,” he said as he took a lock of my hair between his fingers. I smiled.

“Everything with US,” I corrected, “is always perfect.” I lifted my head up to take his lips with mine, slowly at first then pulling him in deeper until we were drowning in one another.

Until we were free.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scared to death of this chapter, my first attempt at smut. Kind of. Short and sweet but if you ask nice I won't do it EVER again. :-)

I was screaming.

There were darkspawn everywhere as I stood outside my estate, searching desperately for someone, anyone to help me. Hurlocks and genlocks ran to and fro, laughing and growling as they passed me. I looked at them and around them, searching for something, someone, but frozen to the spot.

“Caden?” I begged, “Alistair please! HELP ME!” The darkspawn ignored me but continued their assault on the city, decimating it before my eyes. I tried to wipe my face but realized I couldn’t move my arms. I looked down and saw I was wearing nothing but my skin. Shocked, I tried to bring my hands to cover myself to no avail

“HELP ME! SOMEONE PLEASE!” I screamed as loud as I could, writhing against the invisible force that held me. “HEEEEEELP!!!!”

“KORA!”I finally heard a man’s voice shout. I looked around frantically but found no one except the darkspawn. I clamped my eyes shut and prayed for them to stop. 

“Kora, wake up!” My eyes flew open, a shock of bright light then pain making me shut them tight again as I struggled to free myself.

“Let me GO!” I shouted, thrashing against the unknown entity. 

“Kora, please, it’s Alistair,” he whispered in my ear. I froze, the memory of last night slowly setting in as I realized where I was. That and I probably yelled so loud the entire palace knew I was there. I flinched, opening one eye slowly to focus on his face then the other. I almost wept with embarrassment.

“Oh no,” I groaned. “I am so sorry.” He smiled, brushing my hair from my face. 

“Don’t worry yourself, are you alright?” He asked as he released my hands he had pinned above my head. I nodded, feeling a blush creep up my face. “You scared the hell out of me thrashing around like that. What were you dreaming about?” Thinking back to my dream I thought I must have been sharing it with Caden.

“Sometimes Caden and I end up in each other’s dreams,” I said. “I think that’s what that was. I remember standing on the estate steps and seeing the darkspawn destroying everything. It was awful.” He looked puzzled.

“Here?” He asked. “In Denerim? Your estate.” I nodded. “How is that possible…”

“We’re twins,” I replied. “We share dreams more often than not.” He shook his head.

“That’s not what I meant,” he said. “I had the same dream but it was me on the steps of your estate. They were… burning everything, growling, laughing…” he looked away, unable to continue. I ran a finger along his jaw and smiled.

“We shared a dream?” I asked. “You and I?” He finally looked at me and nodded, a small smile spreading across his lips. “Wow. I don’t know what to say.”

“Maybe we are connected,” he said, brushing a stray lock away from my face, “I like the idea of that.” I smiled and cupped his cheek, pulling his lips to mine. 

He responded instantly, bringing his body above me as his tongue softly caressed mine. Unable and unwilling to stop myself I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him deeper into the kiss, my other hand on his hip, digging my nails into his flesh as I arched my back to push my hips into him. He broke the kiss and glared down at me, his hooded eyes a much darker brown than usual.

“I love you,” he growled and he took my lips again roughly. 

I moaned into his mouth as I was crushed between his body and the mattress. My nails dug into his back as I dragged them across it, his chest rumbling while his tongue became more invasive. 

Suddenly I felt him inside me. 

I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him into me over and over, trying desperately to get him closer to me. The scent of his skin, the warmth of his breath on my neck made the need I felt for him so real, so alive I couldn’t take it. Every inch of me yearned for every inch of him and he obliged. 

I felt his throaty growl before I heard it, making my insides clench as we both found our release. There we lay tangled in each others’ limbs until a few minutes later I finally opened my eyes.

“Mmmm, now that is how I want to wake up every day,” I purred with contentment. “I love you too.” I smiled up at him as he raised his head from my shoulder to smile down at me and propped himself up on his elbow. 

“Ya know, one good thing about the blight is how it brings people together.” I laughed, remembering that line as he swooped down to nibble on my neck just below my ear. I let out a shriek, trying to push him away from my neck, unsuccessfully.

“Alistair,” a voice from the other side of the door called out. “The morning meal is ready, are you feeling alright? You normally beat me to the study.” I realized it was Cailan and clamped a hand over my mouth as I started to laugh uncontrollably at the thought of him catching us. A laugh bubbled up from Alistair’s chest as well but he was able to stifle it.

“Be there shortly,” he shouted back. We listened as Cailan’s footsteps echoed back down the hall. My hand still over my mouth Alistair and I stared at each other for a moment then erupted with laughter. He rested his forehead on mine and sighed. “I am a lucky man.” My heart melted at the statement and I ran a finger along his jaw.

“I am the lucky one,” I insisted. “I still can’t quite believe… this.” I pulled him to me and he wrapped his arms around me like a cocoon. Allowing myself to enjoy the moment I marveled at how wonderful his skin felt against mine. My hands glided up and down his back, brushing my fingers against him gently as his chest rumbled.

“Rrrr… I don’t wanna get up,” he mumbled, burying his head in my neck. I smiled, continuing to caress his back.

“We have to, dearest,” I softly prodded, “We both have things to do. I have a city to evacuate and you have an army to prepare.” He shook his head, keeping his face submerged in my hair.

“Nnnnno.” I laughed, tickling his sides until he came up for air and grabbed my wrists. The lower part of his body was pushed up against mine and with my wrists restrained my mind went to the darkest and dirtiest corner it could find. I shook my head in an attempt to clear it.

“Get up!” I insisted as I wriggled my wrists free and shoved him in the chest. He kissed me deeply one last time and got up off the bed, his naked rear drawing my attention far too easily. I shook my head again and sat up, pulling the sheet across my chest.

“Evil woman,” he grumbled as he picked up his breeches and shirt from last night, pulling them on. Laughing, I dropped the sheet and stood up, putting a hand on my bare hip.

“No,” I said, making him turn to face me. His jaw dropped. “This would be evil.” I smiled and, running my fingers through my hair, did a slow spin and walked over to my dress that was crumpled up on the floor. Making sure he had a full view of my ass I bent over to pick it up. As I pulled it on I looked over at Alistair who was glaring at me.

“Yep, very evil,” he agreed as he crossed to room. I had just pulled up the dress and pulled my arms through the sleeves as he stood behind me to help me button it. I smiled at him over my shoulder. 

“So,” I said, trying to figure out how to ask the question. “what now?” He fastened the last button and turned me around to face him.

“Now… we… um… shit.” He grabbed the back of his neck and looked down at the floor. “I’m not sure what we are supposed to do now. Are we…” 

“Engaged?” I asked, smiling at him. He smiled back, nodding. “I think so but…” I looked down at my left hand, “not to sound materialistic… I have no ring.” He took my hand and kissed it.

“That, my dearest, will be remedied today,” he said. My heart jumped in my chest and I couldn’t help but grin like a mad woman. He laughed. “Women and their jewelry.” I slapped his arm.

“That is not JEWELRY,” I insisted, “It’s something to show off the fact that I am going to be married, that there is one and only one man in the world for me. Get it straight.” Slapping his arm again I looked for my shoes. Finding them by the fire place, I walked over and slipped them on. “I suppose I should try to sneak out of here without being seen.” Alistair laughed out loud at that.

“I would LOVE to see that,” he blurted out. I glared at him so he backed away a bit. “Or you could just come downstairs and have the morning meal with Cailan and I in the study. I know he would be pleased.” His smile was infectious as I felt a blush cross my cheeks. He extended his hand to me and I took it, making my way over to the door.

“I hate you,” I said, sticking out my tongue at him. He smirked.

“Not as much as I hate you,” he replied, planting a kiss on the hand in his grasp. Grinning like children we made our way down to the study.

I walked in first, smiling at Cailan who stopped chewing whatever food was in his mouth to stare at me as Alistair pulled out my chair. I sat right next to him, giving him a demure smile. Alistair sat down on the other side of me and motioned for the servant to bring another plate. He then turned to Cailan who had started chewing again but was still staring at me.

“Good morning Your Grace,” Cailan said with a devious smirk. “I did not expect to see you so early, you having such a late dinner and all.” I felt a blush start to creep up my neck as I cleared my throat.

“Your Majesty,” I replied, “good morning to you as well. Lovely day, don’t you think?” I looked out the window at the sun shining and looked back at him. “Did you manage to get word to Eamon about Soldier’s Peak?” He smiled and nodded.

“I did, and sent word to Caden at your estate as well. I thought you may need him to get a jump on things for you.” He smirked and kept looking back and forth between Alistair and I. 

“Thank you, I greatly appreciate that.” I looked down at the plate the servant had brought, trying to hold back my grin.

Cailan finally started laughing. 

“Oh come on,” he said, “you are horrible at small talk when there is an elephant in the room, you know.” He glanced at Alistair then looked me in the eye. “Can I assume you said yes?” His smile was hopeful yet knowing, arrogant almost so I made him wait. I took my napkin from the side of my plate and placed it across my lap then looked at Alistair who shrugged and leaned on the table to face Cailan and I.

“I’m sorry, to what are you referring?” I asked, batting my eye lashes. He laughed and pinched my nose.

“Brat, you did say yes! Congratulations you two!” He stood to pull me to my feet, wrapping his arms around me and swinging me around in circles. When he put me down he immediately embraced Alistair, slapping him on the back. “I am so happy for you both.” He beamed as he released him and motioned for us to sit back down. “We will have a dinner for you, here at the palace tonight. What do you want served, anything you desire!” His enthusiasm touched my heart as I put my hand on his.

“Cailan, love, calm down,” I smiled. “You do remember that nothing can be official as of yet. The nobility would be in an uproar. Then there’s the fact that the army marches tomorrow…” His smile lingered as he looked at Alistair.

“Eat up brother,” he said, taking his fork and digging into his plate again. “We have things to do.” 

*****

When I returned to the estate everyone was in over-drive. Servants were rushing here and there, guards were carrying larger items out the front and in the middle of it all was Elissa, parchment and quill in hand, shouting out commands. I smiled; seeing her like that, in complete control was comforting. She was her mother’s daughter, after all, and she needed to use the talents she was given.

“Remember to leave enough food and supplies for the guards remaining for two weeks,” she was advising the head cook, “you will not be staying on so be sure it is nothing extravagant, something a soldier can throw together. Stews mostly, and bake plenty of bread.” The cook nodded as she waved him away and he marched down to the kitchen. 

“I’m almost afraid to interrupt,” I said, “I fear you may flog me.” She looked up from her parchment and smiled wide.

“There you are!” she said as she threw an arm around me. “Cailan said you would probably be late but little more, what were YOU up to last night YOUNG LADY?” She whispered as she poked me with the end of her quill and grabbed my arm, dragging me into my study. I made sure the door was shut tight and moved to sit at the fire, patting the chair next to me for her.

“I have a story to tell,” I said as she sat, pulling her legs up to curl into the chair. 

“Ooh, I love stories,” she said with a devious grin. “Especially ones that involve kings and spankings.” I laughed, shaking my head.

“No, not the king.” I let the statement linger, waiting for it to register. She gave me a puzzled look then glanced up at the ceiling, tapping the quill against her head. As it came together in her mind a smile spread across her face and she grabbed my hand.

“Alistair!” She exclaimed. I nodded and she squealed, clapping her hands. “Yay! Oh Maker, I am so happy for you both! So are you getting married? When?” I sighed.

“Lissa, who said anything about marriage?” I asked, unable to contain my smirk. She laughed out loud and shook her head.

“Oh yes, like Alistair would spend the night with you and NOT beg you to marry him,” she said dramatically as she leaned on the arm of her chair. “WHEN?”

“When? Maker’s sake, Liss, the army marches tomorrow!” I said, “WHEN? After the blight is ended.” Elissa shook her head and tapped my nose with the quill.

“No, you need to marry today,” she insisted as she turned to another page with some scratches on it that could be called hand writing, scribbling some things down. I grabbed her hand.

“Elissa,” I said firmly, “you cannot be serious. TODAY?” I flashed a view of my left hand, sans ring. “This all just happened, can we absorb it first?”

“NO!” She demanded, the Elissa Cousland persona coming out. I could tell this girl was denied NOTHING growing up. “You need to be married before he leaves, don’t you WANT to?” I shrugged.

“I…” she put up her hand.

“Then it will be done.” She continued to scribble things down.

“Elissa, love, please,” I said as I took her hand. “There is plenty of time for that after all this mess is straightened out. I cannot have a celebration on the eve of the army marching off to war. It wouldn’t be proper. Then there’s the fact that he isn’t nobility yet, please slow down.” Assuming I had squashed that idea I stood and made my way over to my desk. “Where are we with the evacuation?”

“You are a party pooper,” she mumbled as she flipped back to page one of her scratches. “All of the supplies are on the move, I’ve alerted Valendrian of our plans and he is getting his people ready who are not staying to fight. And I’ve ordered everything for mine and Caden’s engagement dinner tonight.” She bit her lip as the last sentence sunk in.

“Elissa Cousland,” I stated, “what did you just say?”

“I believe you heard her correctly,” I heard Caden say from the door way. I turned to glare at him as well.

“When that door is shut you knock first,” I pointed a finger at my brother as he entered the room and shut the door behind him. “And when you get ENGAGED you tell ME FIRST!” I looked back to Elissa. “I had best be the first one to know.” She laughed and nodded.

“Yes, KORA, you are the first I slipped to.” She winked and went back to her scribbles. I looked at Caden.

“I told no one,” he insisted, “As if I would tell anyone else before you.” He beamed at me, so obviously happy I strode over to him and hugged him tight.

“I am so very happy for you both,” I whispered. He gave me a squeeze and let go.

“Thank you,” he said, winking, “and I am happy for you and Alistair, if that is what you two were discussing.” I laughed and nodded. “Good, if you were marrying Wulff I’d have you dragged off to the deep roads.” I glared at him.

“What the HELL would make you say such a thing?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“He was here, this morning, asking to see you,” he said, crossing his arms as well. “I had the servants send him away and ask him not to return.” I frowned at Caden.

“I told him he was welcome here,” I said exasperated. “You are in no place to tell him otherwise, brother.” He shrugged.

“Oh well, what’s done is done. So double wedding?” He asked, trying to get off subject. I allowed it and glanced back at Elissa.

“Not if the two of you are going about this today,” I answered. “It would be in poor taste for me to do so and you know it.” Elissa tapped the quill against her temple.

“Quiet you two,” she interjected, “I’m thinking. Red, blue or green for the colors?” she asked as she looked up at me. I put my hands up and slowly backed away from her and toward the door.

“I think she’s gone wedding crazy,” I said as I raised my eyebrows at Caden. Elissa tossed her quill at me so I ran for the door, slamming it shut behind me, giggling. Then I remembered where I had spent the night, fondly, so I went to my room to bathe and change.

*****

“Good, then everything from the estate is set,” I said as we sat in the dining hall for lunch. It was only Caden, Elissa and I due to Eamon inviting the Wardens to lunch at his estate. It helped a great deal getting them out of the way to make preparations so I assumed that was his motivation. Regardless it didn’t bother me, saved my poor cook from kicking his own ass trying to get everything ready AND cooking for an army. 

“Yes, all the supplies are out in the stables, on carts and ready to go when the people are,” Elissa responded, sipping on a glass of wine. “Also Trudy has been indispensable in making sure the word got around to the people about our plans. She assures me everyone will be in the market at day break. Everyone who’s left, that is,” she took another, deeper sip of her wine then plunked down the glass, shaking off the ominous feel from that sentence and smiling. “Maker, I do good work.” I laughed.

“Yes you do,” I said as I raised my glass to hers. We clinked and sipped, laughing as Alistair walked in. I looked up and grinned. “Hello Commander, how goes the preparations for the army?” He gave me that magazine-cover smile and made his way over to me. 

“I’ve left those duties to my lieutenants,” he said as he reached into his pocket, as if to be sure something was still there. “I have far more important matters to attend to.” I heard Elissa let out a squeak that startled me. Alistair, apparently also startled by the noise, raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you… feeling alright, Elissa?” All she could do was giggle and shake her head so Caden stood and escorted her from the room, smiling at Alistair and giving him a nod. Alistair smiled back then looked down at me.

“Sit, are you hungry?” I asked as I waved a servant over. He smiled and nodded at the woman who rushed off to the kitchen. “How has your day been so far?”

“Good,” he replied as he sat down, “very good. You?” I laughed.

“Elissa had things well in hand by the time I got here,” I said as I finished off my glass of wine. I watched his face as he glanced around the room. I could feel his pulse was elevated. Getting nervous I put a hand on his, making him look at me. “You ok?”

“Yes,” he replied all too fast, “Yes, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” My anxiety increased as I retracted my hand.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, worry taking over my face. He blinked a few times then sighed.

“Nothing, nothing is WRONG,” he said as the servant brought him a plate. “Thank you. Please Kora, nothing is wrong I swear it. I’m just… “ He looked at the plate then back at me. “Wow, why is this so difficult? You already said YES.” 

My whole body relaxed as I realized where his anxiety was coming from. No bad news, just jitters. He was nervous about repeating the proposal. My smile reappeared as I reached back over to his hand, squeezing it slightly then stroking his palm with my finger tips. I looked into his eyes, moving to stroke the inside of his wrist. 

“Is there a certain way you wanted this to go? What do you want to do?” I asked. He leaned on the edge of the table.

“You have to ask?” Again with the magazine-cover smile and he almost had me. I laughed, shaking my head.

“We do not have that kind of time on our hands,” I said, “so do not tease me.” I released his hand and motioned to the food in front of him so he placed his napkin across his lap. “Eat. You need to keep up your strength, especially if Elissa comes back.” He looked at me sideways, paused in mid bite.

“I really hope that does not mean what I think it means,” he said and took the food into his mouth. I smirked.

“You couldn’t get THAT lucky,” I retorted. “She was trying to convince me that our wedding should be today.” I stifled a laugh and he almost spit his food back onto the plate, forcing himself to swallow. 

“TODAY?” His look of shock made me instantly reach out to take his hand again.

“Don’t worry, I called her off,” I said, “I just wanted to give you a heads up in case she starts harassing you about it.” He stared at me, appearing to try to figure out what I was thinking. I squeezed his hand and smiled. “I explained to her that it would be in poor taste considering the circumstances. We can’t have a celebration on the eve of a country-wide battle of the fifth blight. Alistair?” He appeared to be staring into my eyes, not really paying attention to what I was saying. “What is going on in that handsome head of yours?” He put down his fork and shook his head, taking my hands into his.

“I was just thinking about you being my wife,” he said resolutely, “but that all starts with this.” His eyes glistened as he freed a hand to reach into the same pocket he had earlier. Out of it came a small box with a red bow on it. I released his other hand so he could open the box, revealing the most beautiful emerald ring of gold, small diamonds surrounding the oval-shaped gem. I gasped.

“It’s beautiful,” I whispered as he took my left hand and placed it on my finger. He looked down at it and smiled.

“Kora Kendalls,” he whispered as he knelt at my feet, “will you marry me?” 

“Yes.” I exhaled. 

*****

The day went by like a whirlwind. There were tastings, decorations and servants everywhere trying to make the estate presentable as I tried to make sure the refugees were prepared and ready to go in the morning. They would be marching with the army on the north road to avoid the darkspawn coming up from the south. The army would stop at the keep, assure they are settled in, then continue on to Redcliffe. Sending off the last message to Shianni and Valendrian in the Alienage I sighed and sat back in my chair.

“Maker,” I whispered, “I think I have it all covered.” I wiped my eyes and looked around the room. “Elissa? What time is it?” I looked out the window to see the rosy sky of dusk setting in. I panicked. “Elissa?”

“Here!” Elissa shouted as she breezed into the room followed by two elven girls carrying emerald green gowns. “Let’s get dressed, can’t be late to our own dinner party!” I laughed, my stomach knotting with the thought. I rubbed it lightly as I made my way over to the mass which was my dress.

“I’m still not sure this is a good idea,” I said, “he isn’t nobility and being named the Commander of Ferelden doesn’t change that. How will it be perceived? Like I’m saying I will do as I please and screw tradition?” Elissa laughed.

“You never struck me as the type to care much about tradition,” she said as she examined her gown. “However, if you are that concerned we can stick to the original plan of it being for Caden and I. The invitations just say engagement celebration.” She winked as she started to pull the dress she was wearing over her head. I considered it and nodded with a smile.

“He can simply be my escort,” I replied, “and I the gracious host.” I smiled at the young elven girl holding my dress.

The overly shy blonde haired elf helped me get undressed and into the gown. I stared down at it as she buttoned up the back and adjusted it. It was strapless and all satin, no lace or frilly extras, and it had a warm glow to it in the candle light. I felt my chest tighten as I thought about all the things I had dreamed about as a girl when it came to my wedding.

There would be bridesmaids galore, all family of my groom and I, who would be rushing about to my every whim. We would all spend the day laughing and getting ready then finally be carted off to the chantry in a beautiful white carriage to greet my handsome groom. He would be standing at the end of the aisle, dressed in his family’s colors with white gloves, all dapper and eyes for only me. Reality may not be exactly like that but I would be sure it would be damned close when the time came.

“Kora! Lift your foot, woman!” Elissa demanded, laughing as the elf trying to dress me was struggling to get my shoes on my feet. I shook my head and lifted one foot then another, trying to get back into the moment. “Maker, where did you go?”

“Not sure,” I replied dreamily. I lifted the hem of my dress to look at the shoes. They were simple and matched my dress with small jewels on the back that sparkled. I smiled, willing the tears away as I thought of Alistair. “I think I just miss Alistair.”

“Then let’s go,” she said as she grabbed my arm and tried to drag me from the room. Leliana blocked the doorway dressed in a remarkable emerald green gown of her own, her short red hair elaborately styled in ringlets and braids, shaking her head.

“Oh no,” she insisted, pointing back into the room, “neither of you will be seen with hair like that. SIT!” Her demand was heeded as we both went back into the room and sat at the vanities that had been brought in for us.

Once she was satisfied we made our way down to the main hall. The many guests Elissa had invited, most nobles from the kingdom were already here due to their participation in the upcoming battle, were already in the dining hall waiting for their hostess and the guests of honor. May ran up behind us and shoved flowers into our hair as we were nearing the entrance. I grabbed her by the arms and pulled her in to kiss her cheeks.

“Thank you,” I whispered, “please thank all the staff profusely for their efforts today, they have done an amazing job on this place and…” I swallowed my tears, not wanting to mess up my make up, “everything.” She smiled and nodded, rushing away probably before SHE started to cry.

I looked around for Caden and Alistair but neither had made an appearance. I looked at Elissa who was chatting away with Leliana about shoes and pinched her arm.

“Think we are missing a few key people?” I asked as I waved my hands around. She laughed.

“Patience,” she whispered, “the boys will be along. They are probably on their way here as we speak.” I rolled my eyes and tapped my foot impatiently. The longer I stood there the more time I had to think. The more time I had to think the more anxiety was creeping in. I avoided their eyes but I knew they could feel the tension pouring off of me. I looked at Elissa, my heart in my throat, and swallowed hard. She looked concerned as she took my arm.

“For someone who seems to have no fear,” she said, “you certainly look petrified to me.” Leliana took my other hand and smiled warmly.

“What is wrong?” she asked. I shook my head, looking at the floor.

“Just… everything,” I whispered. Then I realized what tonight was supposed to be about and I swallowed the lump in my throat, pulled up my chin and took a deep breath. “But tonight is about you,” I said as I looked into Elissa’s eyes, “and my brother, and your life together.” I took her hands in mine. “Tonight I will let it all go and focus on that. The future.” Elissa smiled and kissed my cheek as Caden made his appearance. Once they wandered off Leliana squeezed my hand.

“Kora, do you remember the one wish I had for you when we were on our way to Denerim?” She waited for me to answer as she stroked my hand. I thought back to the conversation as we had walked, how I spoke of Alistair and Cailan. Her words echoed in the back of my mind…

“You are a woman, a woman who has had a difficult life and has overcome many obstacles to get where she is now. A woman who deserves love, to BE loved, in the same way that you are capable of loving another. And yet you find any reason NOT to be happy. Just once I wish you would stop thinking and just DO. Take action, live in the moment. Only then can you truly say what can and cannot be possible.”

I smiled and nodded.

“Yes Lel, “ I whispered as I fought back the tears, “and I am marrying him. You win.” 

*****

 

Once Alistair arrived we were announced and entered the dining hall. There was one long table set with two chairs at the head for the happy couple. We made our way over to our places and the procession began.

Everyone was offering congratulations to Caden and Elissa on their happy news, kissing cheeks and shaking hands, until I thought I would pass out from boredom and starvation. It must have shown because Alistair took my arm and pulled me closer to him.

“Are you alright? You look a bit pale,” he whispered as I nodded.

“I just realized I had more wine than lunch this afternoon.” He raised an eyebrow at me and I shrugged a shoulder. “Elissa was stressing me out.” He laughed and motioned to my chair, pulling it out for me to sit. I took it gratefully and held back my grin as the food made its way into the hall.

Everything tasted wonderful, from the fresh game birds to the harvest squashes, right down to the bread pudding and chocolate cake for dessert. I winked at Elissa when my cake plate was cleared, earning a snicker from her after she too had taken her last bite. Caden took a forkful of his bread pudding and grabbed the end as if to catapult it at me. I gave him a warning glare and he slowly put the fork’s contents into his mouth, feigning a dirty look while doing so. 

Once everyone was done eating the tables were pushed to the far walls, chairs lined up along them and the minstrels made their way into the hall. Setting up quickly they began with upbeat rhythms that got quite a few people onto the dance floor, save for Alistair and I who stood together just off to the side. We chatted with everyone who approached us, mostly Wardens and a few female nobles, and I smiled at anyone whose eye I happen to catch. After a few hours of that I pulled him to a secluded corner and smiled conspiratorially at him.

“I hate dancing,” I whispered, “just so you know.” He laughed, pulling me closer so our noses almost touched.

“I think you’re a wonderful dancer,” he whispered in a low, almost growling tone, letting his hand glide slowly from my upper back to the small of it. I felt my body respond and decided to do a bit of teasing as well.

“That, dearest,” I said as I ran a finger along his jaw, feeling it tense slightly at my touch, “would not be appropriate for this crowd, I assure you.” I winked, kissed the tip of his nose and walked away, finding Leliana and Cailan chatting away by the drinks that had been set out for everyone. I gave them a big grin so Cailan glanced behind me and smirked, shaking his head.

“You are ever so mean to the poor man,” he said as he put his arm around my waist, pulling me into a half-hug. “I hope you make up for it later.” I laughed.

“He started it!” I insisted as he handed me a glass of a strange looking pink mixture that had steam rolling off it. I sniffed it and noted grapefruit overtones so I took a sip. “Besides, that would not be an appropriate topic of conversation, nor an appropriate action, Your Majesty.” He laughed, his blue eyes dancing a bit the way they used to in his youth. I smiled at him warmly.

“Like that stopped you last night,” he whispered just before sipping his own drink. I gave him a playful sneer and moved away from his embrace, taking Leliana by the waist and giving her a smooch on the cheek.

“At least someone here loves me,” I said as I turned to face her. “Where is Solana, Lel? I’d thought to see her here tonight.” Leliana gave a small smile and dropped her gaze to the floor.

“I’m not sure,” she said into her glass. I looked at Cailan who shook his head, directing me not to press the issue. I nodded a bit and squeezed Leliana’s waist, resting my fore head on hers.

“Why aren’t you dancing?” I asked. I felt Cailan move to take her hand and twirl her away from me.

“That is an excellent question,” he said as he led her to the dance floor, removing her glass from her hand and leaving it on a table along the way. 

It warmed my heart to see them together, even though I knew it wasn’t serious. He seemed to make her feel better and she seemed to make him… feel. I couldn’t help the wistful smile that took over my face as I watched them move across the dance floor, both so graceful as they freed themselves from whatever bonded them to their stressful lives. I felt a strong arm wrap around my waist and pull me into a set of broad shoulders.

“Solana disappeared right after what happened with Neria,” Alistair whispered, sadness creeping into his voice. “Another loss I am responsible for.” I turned to face him, taking his face into my hands.

“You have such a big heart,” I whispered back, “but I can’t stress this enough. You have no control over other people’s actions. You did not make Solana take off. Do not blame yourself.” He smiled then smirked, pulling me close.

“Any way we can ditch this party and go somewhere more… private?” Alistair whispered heavily into my ear, making me shudder. I grit my teeth and swallowed hard as I grasped at any semblance of self control I had left. 

“You don’t think anyone would notice?” I asked innocently as I glanced around the room. It suddenly occurred to me my brother and his betrothed were missing already. “Those sneaky little…” I felt Alistair laugh more than heard him as he pulled me slowly toward the door leading to the main hall.

“Honestly, dearest, I don’t give a damn.”


	25. Chapter 25

Sweating, I threw the covers off and opened my eyes. Still dark, I thought, and reached over to the other side of the bed. There was a pillow but no Alistair. I bolted upright and looked around, afraid that he had already returned to his room. I relaxed when I saw him, facing me in one of the sling back chairs by the fire. He looked serene, one leg across the other, leaning on his elbow and just watching me. 

“Hi,” he whispered, the firelight radiating from behind him. I smiled, pulling the blankets up and around me as I sat cross legged on the bed.

“Hi.” I patted the bed in front of me. Slowly, he got up out of the chair and made his way over. He lay across the bed, his head cradled in my lap. I combed my fingers through his hair and leaned down to kiss his forehead. “I was hoping for some time like this.”

“Me too,” he said, “just didn’t want to wake you. You looked so peaceful.” I shook my head.

“Only because you are here with me,” I said as my hands made their way down to his cheeks and along his jaw. His chest rumbled in response and I smiled. “My love.”

“My heart,” he whispered, tucking a hair that was hanging in my face behind my ear. 

We sat there for some time looking into each other’s eyes. I soaked in the peace I felt in his presence like a sponge while losing myself in those brown orbs. I continued to stroke his jaw as he dallied with a lock of my hair that hung near his ear. Taking a hand away from his face I looked at his fingers as they tangled in the strands and brought them to my lips.

“You mean everything to me,” I said with a squeeze of his hand. “More than I could ever express, I love you Alistair. You know that, right?” I whined a bit toward the end, prompting him to sit up, kneel on the bed and take my face in his hands.

“And I love you! You are going to be my wife. Without you…” He smoothed my hair away from my face and looked deeply into my eyes, “I don’t know what I would do.” I laughed, thinking back to the game.

“Without me you would be king,” I mumbled. He lifted my chin and narrowed his eyes at me.

“What did you just say?” My eyes got wide as I shook my head.

“Nothing, I was talking to myself, I do that you see,” I said as I gave his ear lobe a tug. “Not to change the subject, but I would like to ask something of you. Something you may not like.” He held his façade and shook his head.

“You certainly do know how to turn a completely innocent and potentially beautiful moment into complete chaos,” he finished with a smirk. I kissed him full on the mouth to shut him up then looked up into his eyes.

So much was going to happen in the coming weeks, nothing was certain and everything was at stake. The only thing I knew for sure was that I was willing to die for this cause. That thought had haunted me since the meeting at the palace, that and the fact that everything could change after all was said and done. For better or for worse, I just didn’t know.

Regardless I wasn’t even supposed to be alive right now. If not for Flemeth’s meddling I would be rotting in the wilds which begged the question, what was going to happen to me after the blight was over? What if fate caught up to me and I wasn’t going to see this through? What if I died?

“I want you to be happy,” I began, “no matter what happens in this war the aftermath is unpredictable. If for some reason I don’t make it…” Alistair grabbed me by the arms and gave me a gentle shake.

“Don’t think like that,” he insisted. I broke his grip on me and took his arms in kind.

“We HAVE to think like that,” I maintained. “We are going off to WAR Alistair, people DIE in war. WE may die. I need to know that if I do you will be able to move on, that you’ll be alright!” I dug my nails into his arms as my voice elevated to slightly below a screech. Panic gripped me, a panic I couldn’t control and I didn’t care. I had to know, had to be sure that no matter what he would carry on without me. He sat back on his heels.

“Kora,” Alistair looked at me wide-eyed, “where is this coming from? Do you know something I don’t?” 

“Alistair please,” I pleaded, “just promise me. I hold no secrets from you, no precognitions. The fact is we are both flesh and blood and we can be killed. I just need to know, I need to hear it.” I felt a tear escape. He brushed it away with his thumb.

“I understand,” he relented, taking a deep breath. “I’m not so naïve to think we are immortal, I just… I don’t want to think about losing you.” I reached over and took his face in my hands.

“And what if I lose you? I don’t know what…” 

He wrapped his arms around my waist and covered my mouth with his. Instinctively I threw my arms around his neck and held on as if my life depended on it. He dug his finger tips into the flesh of my back as I combed one hand into his hair and the other gripped his bicep, a moan coming from deep in my throat. He deepened the kiss, our conversation forgotten as he laid me back on the bed.

****

Horses were whinnying and dogs were barking just as the pinks and yellows of dawn appeared in the eastern sky. The hustle and bustle of human, elf and dwarf was so loud that I was sure everyone in Ferelden was awake. The first wagons had been pulled from the stables and were waiting for their march to Soldier’s Peak as the sounds of armor clad soldiers came marching through led by their Commander and his lieutenants on horseback.

“Hold!” one lieutenant hollered over the crowd noise and the entire battalion stopped in its tracks. He and the others then went about splitting the forces into sections to be mingled in with the refugees as Alistair directed his horse over to me.

“Your Grace,” he said as he got down from the rust colored stallion, “good morning.” I smiled demurely, keeping up the rouse as I approached him with my hand out.

“Good morning Commander,” I said. He took my hand, kissing my knuckles. “I trust you slept well?” Alistair looked up at me from his bowed position and smirked.

“I did,” he said. Then he took a step closer to me. “But you already knew that,” he whispered. I smirked back at him.

“I know a lot of things, COMMANDER,” I whispered, still holding his hand, “including how much you DIDN’T sleep.” We smiled at each other conspiratorially as Valendrian approached us.

“Your Grace, thank you for including my people in your plans, we are eternally grateful.” He bowed deeply. I shook my head and smiled.

“I wouldn’t have considered any alternative,” I said as Shianni approached.

“I will be leading those staying behind to fight,” she stated, crossing her arm over her chest, “what would you have of us Your Grace?” I nodded.

“Sparring, target shooting and resting. We should have a few days before we will have a definite time line for the battle and I want everyone at their best. Anyone who needs armor should see Master Wade, he and his assistant will be setting up in the market district once the army and refugees have gone. If anything else comes up I will be sure you are informed. Shianni,” I said, taking her hand. A surprised look came over her face. “Please feel free to come to me if you need anything at all. I greatly appreciate the sacrifice you are all making and I will not allow it to be diminished.” 

“Um, yeah, yes, of course, Your Grace,” she stammered as she released my hand and blushed. We nodded to each other and she headed back toward the Alienage. Valendrian watched her walk away with a smile.

“She has grown much since the Tevinters left. I feel comfortable leaving things in her hands,” he said as he turned to face me. “Again, thank you for your assistance with that situation, Your Grace.” 

“Valendrian, you and I are leaders of our people, equals in my eyes. Your Grace is not necessary.” I insisted. He smiled, patting my hand.

“Lady Kora,” he stated, “if it will please you.” I relented with a nod and motioned to the crowd of civilians gathering to leave. 

“Maker watch over you, Valendrian.” I gave his hand a firm squeeze.

“Maker watch over YOU, Lady Kora.” 

As I watched him walk away Alistair brushed my arm. I turned to him, his face as serious as it was the night before. He took my arm and led me around the corner to a secluded spot by the Wardens’ warehouse.

“About what we were discussing last night,” he said softly, “If anything was to happen to me I want you to promise that you will move on. 

“I love you and all I want is for you to be happy. Mourn me, take all the time you need, but please Kora,” he whispered as he pushed a stray hair from my face, “I need to know you will live your life, that you will find happiness again.” I took his hand, placing a light kiss on the inside of his wrist and smiled.

“I will promise that,” I said, “if you will.” A few moments went by as we looked into the others’ eyes, silently expressing everything that words could not. Finally he nodded, cupped my cheek and kissed my forehead. I looked up at him and nodded as well, pressing a small velvet bag in his hand.

“What’s this?” he asked as he started to open it. I cupped my hands around his, stopping him.

“Don’t open it until tonight, before you go to sleep,” I said. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

He tucked the bag inside his breastplate and escorted me back to where his horse was waiting. Mounting the beast, he headed toward the main gate where Cailan, Duncan and Eamon were gathering their officers. My smile faded as I watched him ride away, praying that today would not be the last time we laid eyes on each other. Hoping beyond hope we would get our happy ending.

After he’d left my room that morning I stumbled across a small jewelry box that had belonged to my parents. Maker knew how it had been missed by that bastard Howe, but inside I found my father’s signet ring. It was gold with the Chantry’s Sunburst engraved into it and at the center was a small diamond. I thought it fitting, given he would be the Arl of Denerim, and decided to give it to Alistair. Asking him to open it later would give him something to look forward to and, hopefully, bring a smile to his face. 

“There you are!” a familiar voice rose above the crowd. I turned to see Elissa, Leliana and Caden striding toward me. I grinned from ear to ear, putting out my arms to hug them.

“I was hoping to see you before you left,” I sighed as my brother squeezed the air from my lungs. I reached for Elissa and she grinned, grabbing me roughly and trying her best to do the same.

“Me too, we’ve been looking all over for you. Come on,” she said as she released me and grabbed my hand, “let’s go make sure you get to see everyone before they leave.” I looked at Leliana and she shook her head.

“Oh no,” she smirked, “you are not going to be rid of me that easily Your Grace. I am staying right here.” I smiled wide and let Elissa drag me along.

Once we’d made it to the main gate I saw Duncan on a black mare and gave him a smile and a wave. He smiled and nodded, motioning to my right. I turned to see Cailan and Eamon approaching me, the former none too thrilled by the look on his face.

“You will not keep even one Warden?” he asked pointedly, almost aggressive. I raised my chin and schooled my face.

“Good morning Your Majesty, I trust you slept well?” I responded, then lowered my voice. “Do you really want to know my reason or would you rather bark at me like a rabid mabari?” He blinked, apparently unaware of his tone and took a deep breath. I smiled. “Better?”

“Yes,” he said softly, “I am sorry Kora, I had no right.” I laughed.

“Bullshit, you have every right. Cailan,” I said, stepping closer to him and keeping my voice low, “you are my king. You can question any decision I make. Do not start treating me differently than you would any other noble. Understood?” I narrowed my eyes in lieu of putting my finger in his face to make my point. He nodded and I smiled. “Just please think of how you present a question? That one almost sounded like an accusation.” He smiled.

“That was not my intention,” he said, “but the question still stands.” I nodded.

“There are many things I learned when I was… away… and one of them is my reason.” I glanced in Duncan’s direction. “I have promised to keep certain details to myself with regard to the Wardens and I would greatly appreciate not being asked to reveal them. Suffice it to say, Duncan is in agreement. Can that be enough?” Cailan looked at me thoughtfully for a moment then nodded.

“I don’t approve however I understand your motivation and I will not push you for answers,” he said as he took my hand, kissing my knuckles and giving it a squeeze. “Maker watch over you, Your Grace.” I felt my chest clench but kept my face in check and nodded.

“Maker watch over you, Your Majesty.” I lifted my chin and planted a lingering kiss on his cheek. We exchanged looks, both conveying our worry for the other, then he gave me a small smile and swallowed noticeably before turning away. As he trudged back over to his horse I sighed, feeling a tug at my heart. Alistair wasn’t the only man I was unwilling to live without, Cailan had become like family to me and I had already lost one brother. I’d be damned if I was to lose another. 

Accepting that it wasn’t the time to dwell I looked around for anyone else I wanted to speak to and spotted the Wardens all gathered together close by. 

After several hugs, a few ribbings and promises of drunken evenings to come I was finally able to walk away from the group. Roman had been the most difficult, a tear pooling in the corner of his eye as he made me promise to hold out until they returned. I smiled and nodded, kissed his nose and squeezed him as tight as I could. He planted a kiss on the top of my head, murmured ‘little one’ into my hair and pushed me away, mumbling something about making his armor rust with my girly tears. I laughed and relented, walking back toward the refugees.

“Your Grace,” I heard from behind me. I turned to see Morrigan and smiled.

“Hello Morrigan,” I said, “has Duncan filled you in on our plan?” She approached me and nodded.

“He has and I agree it is a good plan. I have taken the liberty of teaching a few of the more apt circle mages transfiguration. They will be assisting in keeping all apprised of circumstances as they arise. I will be reporting to you, Your Grace, if it pleases you?” I knew that questioning tone was as close as Morrigan got to affection so I smiled warmly at her and nodded.

“Thank you Morrigan, I would appreciate a familiar face. However, what of your plan?” I motioned for her to follow and we walked over to the awaiting crowd.

“There will be time for that, do not fear Your Grace,” she said softly with a grin, the first real smile I had ever seen from her. I returned it and, steeling myself, turned toward those gathered.

“Everyone, please!” I shouted over the noise. All eyes were on me as silence rolled over the group. “Just so everyone is clear, I want to go over what will happen in the coming days and some guidelines I would ask you all to follow while at Soldier’s Peak.

“First and foremost, PLEASE be considerate guests for your hosts. While the Peak IS a Warden Keep it is being maintained and repaired by the Dryden family. They and the Wardens have been gracious enough to allow us to utilize their lands as a sanctuary, please show them our gratitude.

“Second, any and all disputes will be handled by Sergeant Kylon who will, in turn, be working with the Dryden’s. I defer to his good judgment 100%. 

“Third…” I changed my tone, less authoritative and more compassionate, “PLEASE, please take care of one another. You are all going through the same crisis, being uprooted from your homes and fears of what you will return to will constantly weigh on all your minds. Understanding, compassion and patience will be key to keeping yourselves and everyone else together. Please remember what separates us from the darkspawn, our hearts. 

“And lastly, once we know where we stand word will be sent to the Peak. We will not leave you all in suspense a moment longer than is necessary, this I swear to you.

“With that said, safe journey and may the Maker watch over you all.” I motioned toward the gate and the mass of people started to move like herded cattle. As they walked past, most stopped to give their thanks, offering prayers and wishing us luck in the coming battle. I accepted every one with grace and sincerity, knowing these people may not be fighting but they will be suffering right along with us.

Especially if we fail.

*****

As was custom, all who stayed behind stood outside the gates to see the army off. The King, flanked by Maric’s Shield, led the march. I gave his steed a reassuring scratching behind his ears and smiled up at Cailan. He returned it but pulled down his helm shortly thereafter. I gave the horse one last rub and stepped back to allow him to pass.

Everyone waved their goodbyes, shouting well wishes and jests along the way. I held an encouraging smile and made sure to make eye contact with anyone I could as they passed. As Alistair came into view my heart about jumped from my body, making my smile fade momentarily but his grin brought it back with a vengeance. He tossed something to me as he passed, a small satchel that seemed a bit heavy for its size, and held his arm across his chest. I caught it and crossed my chest as well, a tear threatening to fall as he turned to face forward and ride away.

The Wardens were gleaming their armor was so polished and new. The blue against the silver was stunning as they rode past with their helms down, staring straight ahead. Pride swelled in my chest as I noticed my father’s longsword strapped to one of the horses, knowing it was Caden under that helm. I gave him a small wave and he lifted his fingers from the reins momentarily to give me a sly wave back. I giggled, feeling like a girl again; my brother and I conspiring to break yet another rule, no matter how small. I whispered yet another prayer as I reinforced the mask I wore and kept the desperate little girl within at bay.

The procession continued and I nodded to those I recognized, ensuring I kept my façade in check. Gallagher and his men approached but I noticed Garrett was not with them. I made a mental note to seek him out, knowing he probably defied his father’s wishes and either stayed behind or took off with Isabela. After how Caden had left things, I felt the need to look out for him. 

The stragglers gone, we all returned to the city and closed the gates. I gave instructions for traps and perimeter deterrents to be set up and checked periodically as well as the remaining mages to set up wards and glyphs. As everyone rushed off to complete their tasks I saw May come around a corner. Confused, I approached her.

“Why are you not with the others?” I asked. She smiled and shook her head.

“Like any of your men could cook a decent meal, Your Grace,” she joked then shook her head. “Honestly, I’m pretty good with a bow. I asked Shianni to stay.” I smiled and pulled the elven woman into a hug.

“Thank you,” I whispered into her ear and released her. She smiled, a blush tainting her ears as she shooed me away. I laughed and made my way over to Lyle. He finished up his conversation with some troops and as they walked away I took his arm. “Please gather all the lieutenants and captains and bring them to the estate. I want to get started on strategies. Oh, and I need you to look for someone for me.

“Ser Garrett Wulff of West Hills seems to have gone missing. Ask the men to check around, perhaps he is still here or has left on a ship, most likely with Captain Isabela on The Siren’s Call.” He nodded.

“Yes Your Grace,” he replied and stood at attention to be dismissed. I nodded and decided to return to the estate. 

I had a war room to set up.

My office was the largest that wasn’t used for eating or sleeping so I decided it would suffice. I sent May to find a map of Denerim and refreshments for everyone while I had some of my guard help me clear the office of chairs and small tables.

I designated my desk as the war table, cleared it off and laid the detailed map of Denerim May discovered in the basement across it. Paper weights holding down each corner and chess pieces scattered about, it was ready for some serious planning. 

Once the meeting had ended and everyone seemed to be in agreement they left, probably to get good and drunk. I remained, staring down at the map blankly, feeling the stress of the coming battle pull on my limbs. My mind began to wander and, for once, I didn’t feel obligated by responsibility or some impending doom to not just give up and let it take me.

Flashes of those I cared about most popped into my head in various states of emotion. Elissa looking ashamed when we first met in Lothering, Caden while he chastised me about Alistair in my tent, Cailan’s eyes after he’d freed my dress from the door in Redcliffe, and then Alistair. The night we kissed, the night we called everything off, the day we saw each other again in Denerim, and then our first night together. I swiftly felt recharged, remembering what it was that I was fighting for. 

The people I love.

“Your Grace,” Ser Lyle coughed from the doorway. I looked up and waved him into the room. “Is there anything I can do for you before I retire for the evening?” I shook my head.

“No, get some rest,” I said as I looked back down at the map. “Tomorrow is another day.” I glanced back up and he was still standing there. “Is there something wrong?”

“I just…” he hesitated, looking down at his feet then back up at me. “I know it’s not my place but… I worry for you, Your Grace. I worry that you are…” He shook his head, seemingly unsure how to continue. I smiled and made my way across the room to stand in front of him, putting my hands on his shoulders.

“What’s on your mind?” He sighed and I let my arms drop.

“I remember the day you first came here,” he began, “you looked as if you had the weight of the world on your shoulders. That weight seems to only have increased in the days since and I want to help, in any way I can.” He looked me dead in the eye. “No one should have to carry this burden alone.”

I watched as his face went from concern to steadfast devotion in just moments. His faith in me wasn’t in question; it was about what he wanted to do for me. He knew I could handle the days to come, knew I would, but he didn’t want me to have to go it alone. In that moment I made a decision.

“Alright, Ser Lyle,” I said as I stepped back. “I hereby officially make you a Knight of Denerim.” I waited for his response and saw only shock on his face. I stifled a giggle and gave him a nudge. “Do you accept?”

“Yes!” he blurted out. “Um, I mean, yes, Your Grace, I humbly accept this prestigious title. Thank you, thank you so much.” His grin was from ear to ear and I couldn’t help but return it.

“Alright then, I will see to it you receive you new armor tomorrow, please report to Master Wade first thing so he can take your measurements. I will also inform the Knight Captain so you should make him your second stop for the day.” I tapped my chin, looking down at the shabby sword sheathed at his side and the wooden shield on his back. 

“I will also ask Master Wade for new weaponry for you, he may have something lying around that will be suitable.” I walked back to the other side of the war table and gave him a nod. “Get some rest, Ser Knight.” He almost tripped over his own feet trying to leave the room, mumbling his thanks as he went. I couldn’t help but laugh to myself as I watched him leave. May strolled by and popped her head in.

“Want me to send out a courier to Master Wade and inform Knight Captain Reid Your Grace?” I smiled and nodded, admiring the fact that she knew when to eavesdrop and when to pretend she hadn’t. She smiled back and disappeared.

My chair had been pushed over to one of the larger windows to get it out of the way so I sauntered over and sat down, staring out into the starry night. I smiled as I thought about the ring I had given Alistair, wondering if he was opening it right then and remembered the satchel he had thrown to me before he left. Excited, I jumped up and grabbed it from behind the door, bringing it over to the window and sitting back down. Pulling it up onto my lap I slowly untied the drawstrings and pulled it open, gasping in awe.

Inside was the most beautiful silverite helm I had ever seen. It was trimmed in serpentstone and when I pulled it out I noticed the Chantry Sunburst, also in green, emblazoned across the face shield. I stared at it in awe, admiring the beauty and craftsmanship, then realizing the significance.

I remembered the march to Redcliffe when we came across Loghain’s men, how I’d taken the blow to the head and was threatened with rope burns if I wasn’t more careful. Then I thought of Alistair’s face when he pleaded with me not to fight anymore, insisted even, and how I couldn’t bear to tease him about it. I only promised to be more careful and said I should have been wearing a helm.

“You remembered,” I whispered as a tear rolled down my cheek.

I turned it around again in my hands, it was truly remarkable to look at and the silverite made it extremely strong. I put it down on my lap, tied my hair back at the nape of my neck and pulled it on. It fit perfectly, not too tight or too loose, and it was lined with lustrous cotton so it was very comfortable. I played with the face shield for a bit, loosening the hinges, and finally took it off.

Putting the helm back into its satchel I pulled the drawstrings closed and stood, slinging it over my shoulder. Taking one last look at the war table I nodded, feeling confident we were well prepared for the fight to come, and decided to call it a night.

After a glass of bourbon, that is.

*****

The next morning was spent turning the market district into a training ground and healing space. All the booths had either been removed or turned into shooting galleries much to Leliana’s delight as she showed up every archer I had. Herren was set up in front of Wade’s shop to take orders and repairs. Sparring rings stretched as far as the eye could see and some of the soldiers, humans and elves alike, were cleaning out one of the larger abandoned buildings to use it as a hospital.

I’d opted for my battle gear that morning so after breakfast I put on my armor and strapped my sword and shield across my back before tracking down Knight Captain Reid. He seemed pleased with my choice of Lyle and was eager to get him started on training so I left him to it and decided to hit a sparring ring myself. 

I stood by and watched a few younger men battle it out, one with a greatsword and the other with sword and shield. When the shield bearer got knocked on his ass for the third time I put my fingers up to my mouth and whistled. Both men turned to me and crossed their arms over their chests. I pointed to shield-guy and motioned for him to exit the ring. He slowly made his way over to me, head down in embarrassment. 

“Don’t worry,” I laughed, “I just want to give you a few pointers. Are you willing to learn?” He looked up from the ground and nodded, seemingly unsure. I shook my head and grabbed the top of his shield still strapped to his arm. 

“This is a shield,” I said slowly and he narrowed his eyes at me. “Hey, you’re the one who can’t seem to block with it. Hold it UP,” I gave it a yank, “to BLOCK. Like this,” standing side by side with him I demonstrated. 

I worked with him for about half an hour, correcting everything from his stance to his grip. Finally satisfied he was holding it properly I then showed him a few techniques from my templar training to get the enemy off balance as well as a few that work well with a mage. After a while I looked up to see we had drawn a crowd, some even following along with the motions. I laughed and slapped my pupil on the back, motioning to the group.

“Thank you, Your Grace,” he bowed, “It’s easy to forget you were once a templar.” I gave him a confused look and he instantly blushed. “Well, you’re, you know, I…” Lyle came up beside me and nodded to the man.

“She is your Arlessa,” he asserted as he turned to face the crowd, “and a skilled templar. You’d all be wise to heed her advice.” He lowered his voice and leaned toward me. “Your Grace, you are needed in the war room, Bralen is reporting in.” Bralen had been assigned a scouting post just outside of Dragon’s Peak with nine others. I nodded and we hurried back to the estate. 

When we entered my office I saw a battered and bruised Bralen sitting in a chair being tended to by May and Leliana, Morrigan standing off to the side with her arms crossed. Reid was already there along with Cranston and Drake, his lieutenants. They all crossed their chests and bowed. As surprised as I was to see Morrigan so soon I kneeled in front of Bralen, assessing his injuries. His heart rate was strong, but elevated. He was petrified.

“Report,” I said, placing a hand on his knee. He nodded, trying to bring his arm across his chest but hissing in pain. I took his hand, placed it back by his side and nodded.

“They over ran us, You Grace,” he whispered, each breath labored. I tapped May’s arm and pointed to his ribs. She nodded and left the room. “There were these creatures that were ten feet tall and made hideous screeching noises, almost deafening. They were everywhere, popping up out of the ground and appearing out of thin air! I barely made it out much less here, were it not for Lady Morrigan I would be dead on the road.” He stopped to catch his breath, wincing, then continued. “The others, some were out on patrol. Did anyone else make it back?” I shook my head, stood and turned toward Reid.

“Put everyone on alert and have the mage leaders report to me immediately. The horde may very well be here by day break.” He bowed and left, followed by his lieutenants and Lyle. I looked down at Bralen as May returned with bandages to wrap his ribs. “Good work soldier, now let’s get you fixed up. May, can you get him to the room off the main entrance? I think he will be more comfortable there.” She nodded and Leliana gave her a hand getting him to his feet. I looked at Morrigan for an explanation and she shook her head.

“I was on my way here to report the horde’s position,” she explained. “The man had lost a lot of blood so I took on the form of a bear and carried him on my back. Not very dignified, mind you, but I knew he had information you would want to hear.” She sat down on the chair Bralen had vacated and I nodded.

“Thank you Morrigan, it is greatly appreciated,” I said thoughtfully, my mind racing as to what our next step should be. “You should go, your ritual…” 

“Yes,” she said as she stood, “but I know you will have a message for the Wardens as well. I will deliver it.” I took a breath, formulating the plan in my head.

“Please tell Duncan when the horde will be here. I will leave the decision to them as I am sure Redcliffe is already under attack. I believe one of the mages here can take crow form, I will send them to Redcliffe to check then have them report to Duncan as well.” I shook my head, trying to coax my mind into catching up. 

“Your Grace,” Morrigan said softly, brushing her hand against mine, “is there anything you’d like for me to convey to anyone else?” 

I knew I should have responded to her touching me, Maker knew she was completely opposed to ‘the touching’ as she called it. I also knew when she said ‘anyone else’ she was referring to Alistair but in that moment I realized I had become completely numb. 

I found myself in a limbo that I had never experienced before, seemingly detached in a way that allowed me to view everything at once but with much greater detail and clarity. In my mind I could see all of the possibilities and was able to devise strategies for each that would slow the horde and minimize casualties.

All going well we would have a fighting chance in Denerim for a few days at least. Hopefully it would be long enough for the army to get back. If not I had to accept the fact that we may be on the precipice of losing every man and woman here, myself included, but that is a consequence of war. People die.

“No, distractions are not an option. Please speak directly with Duncan and proceed with your plan,” I stated firmly as I strode to the door. “Hurry Morrigan.”

Without waiting for her to leave I walked out and made my way to the entrance to wait for the mages. It wasn’t quite noon so we had time, but everything was happening much faster than I’d anticipated. 

Not only had we picked up the pace with getting things in order but apparently the Archdemon was speeding things up as well. Perhaps this would work to our advantage, I thought, if that thing is feeling forced to move it could be unprepared. I bit my lower lip as four mages entered.

“Thank you for coming,” I said. “I was told at least one of you had been trained in transfiguration.”

“That would be me, Your Grace,” a man stepped forward. Dressed in battlemage armor, he was tall like Caden but built like Garrett with long light brown hair pulled back from his face and striking blue eyes. I nodded and turned to face the rest of the group.

“Everyone else please report to Knight Captain Reid in the market.” I motioned toward the door and they filed out, closing it behind them. I turned to the remaining mage. “Your name?”

“Joshua, Your Grace,” he replied with a bow. I nodded. 

“Joshua, Redcliffe is possibly under attack by darkspawn and I expect we will also be under attack by this time tomorrow. I need you to go to Redcliffe, analyze the situation there, and then report immediately to Warden Commander Duncan who is presently on the King’s Road.” I stared him straight in the eye as he stood there, seemingly hanging on my every word. “Repeat that back to me.”

“Go to Redcliffe, analyze the situation and report to Warden Commander Duncan.” He stood stock still, unwavering. Confident he was capable and willing, I nodded.

“Good luck,” I whispered as he nodded, transformed and flew away.

For the first time in what seemed like forever I was alone. I stood there for a moment, suddenly aware that the limbo I had been experiencing was falling away like a broken shell. Feeling my knees weaken I backed up against the wall for support, taking a ragged breath in then slowly exhaling. The mask I held lay in pieces at my feet but I didn’t care; one sentence continuously playing over and over in my head like a broken record. 

And so it begins.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, it all ends here. I hope everyone enjoyed it and please let me know if there's anything I missed!

The remaining hours of the day flew by; exterior defenses were checked and double checked, the hospital area was reinforced and all troops were sparring or getting their gear straight. I watched over the sparring rings, spoke to Herren to see if they needed anything and received reports on everything periodically. By the time the sun set my eyes were drooping as I stood on the battlements of the city wall, staring out at the expanse of Ferelden before me.

“Where are you, you blighted bastard,” I whispered, my words carried away on the wind. Shaking my head, I took a deep breath and turned to walk back to the estate and almost bumped into Reid. His nose was stuck in the report he was holding.

“Your Grace, so sorry!” He blushed as he handed me the paper. “For you, from the Commander.” My heart did a little flip as I took the paper.

‘Your Grace,

We received your message and heard from your scout. Redcliffe is under siege. We will be sending troops in both directions as he states there is a group of 100 or so in Redcliffe. You should see us on the horizon day after next.

Commander Theirin’

I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face as I let out a sigh of relief. We would only have to hold them off for one day and they would be 100 short of their full strength. Thank the Maker, I thought as I folded up the paper and nodded to Reid. 

“Have everyone join me in the War Room,” I said as he nodded and ran off. My steps felt a bit lighter as I made my way down the ladder and across the market.

I was only in my office a few minutes when the captains and lieutenants all filed in followed by Shianni and two other elves. I smiled at them all in greeting and let them get settled, motioning for May to gather some drinks and food. When she returned I cleared my throat and everyone quieted down.

“I’ve received word from the army,” I began. “They are splitting up. What troops are needed in Redcliffe will be sent however the rest of the force, the bulk of it will return immediately. We should see them the morning after tomorrow.

“That means we have an entire day and night we need to keep these creatures from destroying our city,” I said as I looked down at the map. “With what we have set up I think we can manage but if anyone has any thoughts regarding any holes they’ve discovered or any fortification suggestions please express them now.” Everyone looked at one another shaking their heads except for Shianni. I locked eyes with her and nodded.

“The Alienage is secure but the bridge,” she said quietly. “It’s exposed, a good spot to plant archers or mages around.” I nodded, looking to the group of enchanters.

“We can do that,” an older woman stepped forward and my jaw dropped.

Wynne.

“Joshua can lead the mages,” she continued, “and they can set up glyphs that only something tainted with the blight can set off,” she said with a sly grin. I smiled and nodded.

“Excellent, please see to it Joshua gets his instructions personally Senior Enchanter. Anything else?” I asked as I looked around the room, everyone shaking their heads. “Very well. Shianni, thank you for the suggestion. Let’s do one last sweep tonight of the outer defenses and everyone please get some rest. Dismissed.” Everyone crossed their chests and moved out of the room.

“Your Grace,” Wynne said as she approached me. “A word?” I nodded and May shut the door behind her as she left. I looked at Wynne and waited. “You look well, Kora.” I smiled, pulling the woman into a hug.

“As do you Wynne,” I said as I gave her a squeeze and released her. “I half expected to see you return to Redcliffe with the Wardens after they helped take down Uldred.” Wynne shook her head.

“There was far too much work to be done to get the circle back together,” she said then leaned in to whisper, “and that Elissa was not exactly a charmer.” I laughed.

“She is a wonderful girl,” I assured her, “you just need to break down that wall she has built up around her. A lot of pain there, poor thing.” I thought back to her family and Fergus, her brother. “Some of us feel as if we have already lost everything.”

“Loss can be powerful, even overwhelming, but you cannot let it control you. Sacrifice is not based on what you personally have to gain, after all.” She wagged a finger at me and I laughed.

“Some things never change,” I said as I sat down in my chair by the window. “But I know you didn’t stay behind to discuss Elissa.” Wynne picked up a chair and brought it over.

“No, I didn’t. I wanted to see if there was anything I could do for you.” I looked into those watery blue eyes and smiled, remembering the conversations she and I would have in the tower. 

We would sit for hours and talk about magical theory, the chantry, even gossip about other mages and Templars. Of course everything we discussed we kept between us. I couldn’t help but think that if I had still been around that maybe, just maybe she would have shared her concerns about Uldred with me and I would have been able to do something.

“Kora,” Wynne whispered, touching my hand. “What are you thinking about.” I felt my chest tighten.

“I was thinking that if I had listened to Cullen I would have been there to stop Uldred.” I looked at the floor, taking in a deep shuddering breath. Wynne squeezed my hand.

“You mustn’t blame yourself for the poor choices of others,” she insisted. Her face darkened a bit. “We all have something we’d wished we had done differently.” I remembered in the game about her first apprentice and realized she had never told me about him personally. 

“Wynne, he is alive.” That statement made her gasp.

“What?” 

“Aneirin, he is alive and with the clan in the Brecilian Forest. He may even be marching with the army as we speak since the Wardens invoked their treaties.” I let her absorb that and patted her hand still on mine. “He was not killed by the Templars and he has let go of the past. You should too.” I gave her hand a quick squeeze and stood.

“How did you…”

“I learned quite a bit in my time away,” I said simply as she stood.

“And here I was trying to help you, to lift your burden,” she smiled. “Funny how things can turn around on you.” I laughed.

“Yes, and not always for the worse thankfully.”

*****

The next morning I woke before the sunrise, sharpening my blade and strapping on my armor. Everyone ate breakfast in silence, the early morning light barely breaking the horizon. When the scout came running into the main hall we all abandoned our plates and gathered in the market. I jumped up onto one of the shooting galleries and let out a whistle.

“HEAR ME!” I waited for silence. “I know you worry, I know you all fear defeat. All I can provide you with is the reason we are here. The fact that our families and friends are counting on us, whether they are with the army or at the Peak. Let us seek justice for those we’ve lost, for those we will lose and for all who have suffered to these monsters!

“This is what we have been waiting for. This is why we stayed behind... to fight, to defend our city and to do our part to defeat the blight!” The crowd roared in response.

“First wave archers and mages on the walls! Infantry, first wave with Drake, second with Cranston. Reid, you and your people with me,” I said as I turned toward Fort Drakon to set up a post.

Hours passed as the fighting roared on outside. Reports came in steadily throughout the day, most stating we were holding our own. By mid day the beasts hadn’t broken through our defenses and we were feeling pretty confident. 

And then Joshua flew in the window.

“Your Grace,” he sputtered out between gasps of breath. “More darkspawn headed this way and the Archdemon is with them!” 

“How many?”

“A least a few thousand, maybe more Your Grace.” As he caught his breath everyone in the room started mumbling to each other.

“Enough,” I said loud enough to silence them. “Joshua, get some water and food then, when you feel well enough seek out Wynne. She will give you direction on where you are needed.” He nodded, crossed his arm over his chest and left the room. “The plan remains the same, second wave will go out just before sunset. It will only be deployed earlier if absolutely necessary and only by my direction. Questions?” 

No one spoke, no one moved. All eyes were on me, their wide-eyed stares making the fear in their eyes obvious. I shook my head, knowing what they were thinking. I had been thinking it all along. We will not live to see the blight ended.

“I know what you are all feeling, do not think I do not feel it as well. However there are forces at work that none of us can ever fully understand. 

“The Archdemon must be killed to stop the blight and that can only be done by a Grey Warden. That is the bottom line. We HAVE to keep these things busy long enough for them to get back and we must provide support once they arrive. 

“Many will die,” I lowered my voice, “even men and women in this room. To be honest I resigned myself to death when the plan was conceived. Even went so far as to tell someone I love that I wanted him to move on should I perish.

“But that does NOT mean I intend to simply GIVE UP!” I shouted, fists clenched at my sides. “And the reason YOU all are here is because I believe in you, that you would rather DIE than give up. Was I RIGHT?” Slow nods came from around the room. 

“Then I will ask the question, are you with me?” A few mumbles escaped people’s lips. I shook my head. “I said, are you WITH me?” More forcefully, a few men raised their voices as everyone spoke. “I SAID, ARE YOU WITH ME?” Shouts and hoots came from the group, slapping each other on the back and punching others in the chest. I nodded.

“Good, then let’s show these assholes something to fear! MOVE OUT!” I commanded and the crowd dispersed, leaving Reid and I alone. He looked at me with a proud grin.

“Nice,” he said with a nod as he moved to look over the map again. I laughed, shaking my head as I moved to stand next to him. “You give them hope that their sacrifice will not be in vain.”

“I’ll not lie to them,” I said as I ran a hand over Denerim, “but I will bare my soul for what I believe in.”

“And that is why they follow,” he said, “why I follow. What’s next, Your Grace?” I gave him a smirk.

“We prepare for our guest of honor.” 

*****

The screech that thing let out was deafening as huge purple balls of fire slammed into the ground, engulfing groups of soldiers at a time. Reid and I had taken his people out of the Fort and split them up to defend the two entry points the darkspawn seemed to be using, the market and the Alienage. Lopping off the head of a genlock, I turned to find Reid at my back and I grabbed his chest plate.

“Deploy the second wave!” I shouted and turned, facing the largest Hurlock I had ever seen only 20 feet from me and staring me down. “Shit, a general. LYLE!”

“On it Your Grace!” I heard him shout as he sprinted across the market to my side. I felt magic just behind me and glanced back to see Wynne.

“Go! I’ll keep you alive,” she said. Lyle and I nodded to one another and rushed the general.

Slash, stab, dodge, shield bash, dodge, the fight with this thing never seemed to end. I wondered if the hits I had gotten in were even affecting it as I watched Lyle move to flank it, slicing his blade across its calves. It screamed but it only proved to make it angrier as it brought its greatsword down on me.

I got my shield up in time and used the pause in its attack to scan for openings in its armor. Just below the chest plate where it met its hip I thought I saw cloth and, before it could get its sword around again, I pulled Starfang back and ran it through as hard as I could.

Blood gushed from the wound as a guttural screech left the general’s mouth. I yanked the sword back out and watched as the creature slowly fell to its knees then face planted to the dirt. Trying to catch my breath, I looked around and spotted Lyle, a satisfied smirk on his face just as he let out a war cry and turned to find another foe. 

The battle continued into the night and I watched, distressed, as our numbers lessened. At one point I searched for Reid only to find him lying lifeless in a heap of our dead. I shook my head and sought out another darkspawn to kill, just to make his sacrifice seem worthwhile. 

Hours crept by and I felt my body start to betray me, bones getting heavier and muscles tiring. Every once in a while I would feel rejuvenated and look up to see Wynne casting, knowing she was the reason. Then I would look into the eyes of someone near me and see the determination lingering, however feebly, as they fought for their lives. As I took down yet another shriek I turned to the east and saw it. 

The night sky breaking for the dawn.

“Everyone!” I yelled, “DAWN HAS COME!” Shouts of joy and cheers filled the air as we began to fight anew. The darkspawn I confronted seemed frightened as I charged at it and took off its leg, all the while a huge grin on my face. Another then another, my rage fueling me as I slaughtered my way through darkspawn after darkspawn. 

“YOUR GRACE!” I heard Joshua yell. “The army, it’s here!” I nodded and whooped with joy.

“Tell them to open the gates!” I yelled back. He nodded and transformed, flying toward the city gate. As I turned back to the fight I felt my heart fall to my feet.

Bearing down on Lyle was a massive ogre. 

Tightening my grip on Starfang I took off to intercept the beast, hopefully to change its course and give Lyle a heads up to its location. A war cry shouted, it glanced in my direction but kept thundering toward Lyle, growling viciously.

“Wynne!” I yelled. As she looked in my direction I pointed at the ogre. She caught sight of it, nodded and set up frost glyphs right in its path. The first two slowed it down but the third froze it in its tracks. “Lyle!” He turned to face me and smirked, glaring at the ogre as he raced toward it.

Suddenly it broke free, swinging its arms around and taking out the second floor of a nearby building. I skidded to a stop, locked eyes with Lyle and nodded at Wynne before skirting around behind the gigantic creature. 

Once Lyle had its attention I climbed up its back and thrust my sword into the base of its neck, right down to the hilt with a growl. It yanked its head back, almost throwing me off as it flailed its arms around to try and get me off. I yanked the sword out and tried to gain my balance to strike again but the thing got a hold of me, gripping me in its monstrous hand as it threw me halfway across the market.

My right shoulder slammed into the door of Wade’s shop making a sickening cracking noise and I fell to the ground. The pain was blinding at first but as my vision cleared I saw the ogre making his way through the battle, coming right for me. Sword arm a loss, I hefted my shield up and readied myself for his bombardment, knowing full well if I ran I would leave my back open. As it stopped in front of me and pulled its arms up it let out this roar that thundered through my entire body. 

“Alistair, I love you,” I said as I pulled my shield over my head, waiting for the final blow. The thing growled again, the same way it had when I jabbed my sword into it, and no blow came. I moved my shield aside to see what had happened.

“How many times must I tell you?” a familiar voice called out from the other side of the now dead ogre. Stepping out from behind the corpse Alistair came into full view. “You do not leave my side in battle, My Lady!” I laughed and cringed, my shoulder screaming with every move I made. I removed my helm and shook my head.

“Hey, I’m wearing the damned helm, aren’t I?” I asked as I tried to stand. Alistair rushed to my side, helping me to my feet.

“You’re injured,” he said, looking around and waving to someone. 

“Not sure if it’s dislocated or broken,” I said, searching the ground for my sword. Lyle scooped it up and trotted over to us. 

“Dropped something,” he smirked. I sneered at him playfully as Alistair took it from him. 

“Watch our backs, will you?” he asked. Lyle gave him a nod as Wynne appeared at my side. Without a word her hands began to glow as she placed them gently on my shoulder. I winced, almost biting clean through my lip as she made her way down my arm then back up to be thorough. The numbness gave way to tingling then just stiffness as she stepped back smiling.

“Be cautious, Your Grace,” she warned as she wagged her finger at me and rushed off. I rolled the shoulder a few times, grabbed my sword from Alistair and gave it a toss.

“All good,” I said as I started toward another ogre heading to the Alienage. I felt a strong hand grab my arm and yank me backward.

“Oh no you don’t,” he growled as he grasped my face in both his hands. His lips took mine as he shoved his tongue into my mouth, delving deep. I took everything he gave, grabbing the back of his neck as I devoured his mouth. When he broke the kiss he grinned down at me, panting. I smirked.

“Never leaving your side, dearest,” I said as I slid on my helm and nodded to the Alienage. He nodded and, pulling his helm over his head, we marched into battle.

Fighting our way through the Alienage and toward the estate I noticed the Archdemon was still flying over head. I punched Alistair’s arm and pointed at it.

“Why is that thing still airborne?” I asked. He shook his head and looked around, then pointed at one of the palace towers.

“There!” he said. I looked up and saw Roman and Riordan standing on the roof, waving their weapons in an attempt to get the dragon’s attention. I knew what was coming but it couldn’t have prepared me for what happened next.

The dragon side swiped the tower, an attempt to knock the Wardens off but instead got close enough for the two of them to jump on its back. Riordan jammed his sword into its spine, making the monster shriek and jerk around in mid air. Roman came up behind him and, using Riordan for balance, spun around him to stand on the Archdemon’s head. Hoisting up his greatsword, we saw him slam it into the base of the thing’s neck right up to the hilt.

The flash of light was blinding. Then there was a shockwave that knocked me off my feet, flat on my back. I blinked a few times, trying to process what had happened and sat up slowly to look around. What I saw would be engrained in my memory for the rest of my life. 

The Archdemon was lying lifeless on top of part of Fort Drakon, having taken out one entire wing with its fall. The darkspawn, apparently aware of what had happened, had started retreating out through the Alienage and into the market district to flee out the main gates. I was in shock, trying to figure out if we had, indeed, won and afraid to think that we had in case…

“Hey,” I heard Alistair say. I turned to look at him and he smiled that smile. He was kneeling next to me and had taken off his helm, his sandy blonde hair disheveled. He took off my helm and ran his fingers through my pony tail. “We won, Your Grace.” I looked from him to the Archdemon then back at him.

“Are you sure?” I asked, still afraid to believe. He nodded and motioned toward the palace. I looked to see my brother and Elissa walking toward us. “Caden!” I scrambled to my feet and ran to my brother, slamming into him and holding on as tight as I could. His arms clamped around me like a vice.

“Kora,” he choked out. I looked up at him to see tears streaming from his eyes. Shaking my head I yanked off my gauntlets and wiped them away.

“No time for that,” I insisted, “now is the time for happiness. Look!” I pointed to the dead dragon. “Look what we did, look what we ALL DID!” He laughed and nodded, saying nothing. I turned to Alistair and smiled up at him. “We did it.” He brushed a few stray hairs from my face and smiled back at me.

“Yes we did.”

Most of the Wardens had joined us, including Riordan, when concerns over Roman surfaced. As we made our way over to the Archdemon I thought about the ritual to save the Warden’s life and stopped.

“Where’s Morrigan?” I asked Alistair. He shrugged his shoulders and looked at Caden. He shrugged as well. “Seriously?” I huffed and hurried over to the dragon’s corpse, searching for Roman but finding nothing. “How about this, where is ROMAN?”

“Right here little one,” Roman said as he pulled himself off the ground and smiled. I ran to him and hugged him, secretly grateful to Morrigan for his life. “I honestly thought I would wake up dead.” I laughed and punched his chest plate.

“Very confusing indeed,” I heard Duncan’s voice from behind me. I turned and smiled, giving him a brief hug that he returned. “Any idea how that happened, Your Grace?” I looked up at him with my best pleading eyes.

“Please don’t ask me that,” I begged, “I don’t want to lie to you.” He gave me a stern glare and a thought occurred to me. I took his arm and lead him away from the group. “Are you familiar with the phrase ‘plausible deniability’?” His glare, if at all possible, became MORE stern.

“Kora…” he warned. I shook my head.

“If you don’t know you don’t have to lie,” I insisted. His eyes didn’t let up and I became desperate. “I promised! What would happen if I broke my promises to YOU?” I let that sink in and a few moments later his eyes softened. He gave me a nod.

“Alright, little one, you win,” he said as I sneered at him. He smiled and, as I turned to walk back to the group he gave my pony tail a yank. “There will come a day when I will ask again and I expect an answer.” I nodded.

“Deal.”

“There you are!” Cailan shouted as he jumped down from his horse. I ran to him and he lifted me up, twirling me around in circles as I shrieked. He put me down and I kissed both his cheeks. 

“I can honestly say I have never been happier to see you,” I said as we grinned at each other. 

“Agreed,” he whispered, tweaking my nose. We laughed as Eamon approached us.

“Your Grace, good work! Your mother would be proud,” he said as he smiled down at me. I gave him a nod.

“Thank you, Your Grace,” I replied. “So, what now?” I looked at Cailan and he grinned.

“Now, we celebrate!” 

*****

As the music started Cailan and Leliana went first, walking down the aisle with warm smiles and gently nodding to the crowd. Just as Leliana wore my family colors Cailan was dressed in a well tailored navy blue doublet and matching attire, the Theirin family colors. Caden came up beside me and smiled, offering his arm.

“I would be honored if you would allow me to give you away, Your Grace,” he whispered with a smile. He was dressed in dark green, a suit I could picture our father in to walk me down the aisle. Still fighting off the tears from earlier I smiled and nodded, biting my lip as he gave my hand on his fore arm a gentle squeeze and proceeded to guide me to my future. 

Every step seemed a struggle as I tried to steady my breathing and slow my heart beat. I felt myself begin to shake as Caden tightened his grip on my hand, glancing at me for reassurance. He must have thought I was ready to bolt but it was the exact opposite. I was afraid Alistair would be the one to bolt, so much so that I feared looking at him as we made our way toward the Revered Mother. When I finally did manage to look up at him my heart stopped. 

His face mirrored mine, as if he expected me to turn tail and run at any second. 

The dam finally broke as I felt tears dampen my cheeks, a broad smile crossing my face to try to convey my thoughts to him. No way was I going to run away, no way was I going to hide from my feelings for the man I loved ever again. In that moment I accepted the fact that he was mine and I was his, never would another come between us, never would we walk away so long as we lived. Never.

We took the final step to the podium as Caden removed my hand from his arm and kissed it, offering it to Alistair. Alistair looked at me with a question in his eyes. I responded with a playful glare, toying with the idea of kicking him but deciding Caden may kick ME for doing it so I held back. A small smirk came across his face as he took my hand from Caden’s grasp and turned to face the Revered Mother. I gave his hand a squeeze that he returned, catching sight of a tear breaking free from his eye in my peripheral. 

Everything the Revered Mother said was garbled as my thoughts for the future took me away. I saw Alistair, all sweaty and covered in dirt as he helped with the relief effort after the blight, I saw him holding our first born, tears in his eyes as he looked at me with wonder, then I saw him standing by a fireplace with silver streaking his blonde hair. My heart was swelling as I felt him squeeze my hand.

“As long as we both shall live I pledge my life to you, always,” I said, hoping it was the right time, which it was. He repeated the words and I beamed up at him, the Revered Mother finally saying the phrase that makes every bride and groom jump for joy.

“And now I present the Arl and Arlessa of Denerim, Ser and Sera Alistair Theirin,” she said with authority. “In the site of the Maker, you two shall now be one. You may kiss your bride.”

In that moment I turned to Alistair and it was as if time had stopped. All I could do was look into his eyes and smile and he seemed to be equally stunned. Finally, at Cailan’s gentle urging (and by urging I mean elbowing his brother in the back) Alistair took my head in one hand and my waist in the other as he pulled me in for a long, deep kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I heard the room erupt with applause.

I smiled against his lips and he against mine. I looked up at him, our lips still locked, and he look down at me, giving me a wink, then pulling away. We both looked out at the crowd and waved…

As man and wife.

*****

“SHIT!” Elissa yelled as she stumbled into the dining hall. “I broke a heel!” I laughed.

“Take off your shoes, woman,” I insisted as I yanked up her dress and grabbed for her foot. “I took mine off ages ago!” Leliana laughed and spilled her drink on Cailan’s shirt.

“Your Majesty!” she gasped, “I am so SORRY!” She grabbed a cloth from a nearby servant to try and blot it but Cailan took her hand and laughed.

“Leliana, either start calling me Cailan or I’ll have you beheaded in the morning,” he winked as she started to relax and smile. I saw a look pass between them that made my heart skip a beat and search for my bourbon eyed husband.

My husband. The thought made me breathless. Saying it out loud would have been near impossible without becoming light headed so I simply concentrated on getting through the nobility routine after becoming married. Boring as it was, it helped me to focus.

We made sure to say hello to everyone, human and elf alike, thanking them for coming, making small talk then moving on. I smiled, laughed at horrible jokes and dragged poor Alistair along with me. He played the part well, kissing hideous women’s hands as well as complimenting them on their horrific choices in clothing and hair styles. He would have made my mother very proud. 

As we waved to the last couple leaving the party I looked around and saw only wardens and close friends remained. I grinned mischievously at Alistair and took a glass of champagne from a nearby table, tapping it with a dagger I had strapped to my inner thigh, just in case. My obtaining it received more than a few hoots and hollers from the crowd which elicited a nasty glare from my husband.

“Everyone, please, I would like to propose a toast!” I shouted as everyone settled into silence. I looked to my brother who had his arm around his recently-wedded wife and smiled. “To my brother Caden, the Warden Constable of Ferelden! And my sister Elissa,” I said, getting a giggle out of Elissa, “May they live a long and glorious life together as a married couple, as best friends and as Wardens. To the Kendalls!” Everyone cheered and drank as I took Alistair’s hand.

“To my sister, Kora,” Caden spoke up, raising his half full glass, “and her husband, my best friend Alistair.” A huge smirk took over his face. “May their life be filled with joy and many baby Theirins. SALUD!” Everyone roared with laughter and drank. I looked at Alistair who shook his head even though the blush had started creeping up his neck and we drank.

“Many, huh?” I smirked at him. He laughed, pulling me close to whisper in my ear.

“It won’t be from a lack of trying.”


End file.
